Yom Haatzmaut And One Of The Happiest Places On Earth

  As we approach Yom Haatzmaut we celebrate Israel wholeheartedly and continue supporting them in their struggles here in the U.S. 

It brings to mind the results of the World Happiness Report released a few weeks ago, where Israel (yet again!) despite war going on,  ranked 8th in the world annual survey. The United States was 23rd. The United Kingdom 29th. France was 35th. And, unbelievably, those under the age of 25 ranked higher, despite having to be in the army. That same age group in the United States plummeted to 60th. Each year since 2021 Israel’s ranking has gone up. I have written about this phenomenon a number of times in my column. In previous years I discussed the impact of family ties, community, a sense of belonging, living with meaning and purpose, and giving to others as aspects that contribute to these high scores.  This year, I want to focus on a different contributing factor. 

 Anat Fanti, a happiness policy researcher at the Program in Science, Technology and Society at Bar-Ilan University notes that interestingly enough, according to the report, Israel’s ranking for measures of worry, sadness and anger worsened significantly, moving from 119th place pre-October 7 to 39th in the world. So, how is it possible to be happy and have more worry, sadness and anger at the same time?

I believe we can gain some insight from the timing of Yom Haatzmaut in the Jewish calendar.  First, Yom Haatzmaut comes right after Yom Hazikaron, a devastating day where we remember the loss of those who perished for the State of Israel. How is it possible to go from such sadness to happiness in a number of hours? 

And, then we contemplate that we are in a time period of mourning- Sefirah- when we mourn the death of Rabbi Akiva’s students. We limit smachot, weddings etc.  It feels inconsistent to have the celebration of Yom Haatzmaut during this mourning period.  How is it possible to go from such sadness to happiness? 

That is the definition of resilience. Resilience is not being happy when life is going wonderfully.  Resilience is being happy when things are hard, worrisome and even sad. 

This brings to mind the two famous stories of Rabbi Akiva- the model of resilience- from the Gemara. Story #1 is in Makkot 24a-b:

וּכְבָר הָיָה רַבָּן גַּמְלִיאֵל וְרַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר בֶּן עֲזַרְיָה וְרַבִּי יְהוֹשֻׁעַ וְרַבִּי עֲקִיבָא מְהַלְּכִין בַּדֶּרֶךְ, וְשָׁמְעוּ קוֹל הֲמוֹנָהּ שֶׁל רוֹמִי מִפְּלָטָהּ [בְּרָחוֹק] מֵאָה וְעֶשְׂרִים מִיל, וְהִתְחִילוּ בּוֹכִין, וְרַבִּי עֲקִיבָא מְשַׂחֵק. אָמְרוּ לוֹ: מִפְּנֵי מָה אַתָּה מְשַׂחֵק? אָמַר לָהֶם: וְאַתֶּם מִפְּנֵי מָה אַתֶּם בּוֹכִים? אָמְרוּ לוֹ: הַלָּלוּ גּוֹיִם שֶׁמִּשְׁתַּחֲוִים לַעֲצַבִּים וּמְקַטְּרִים לַעֲבוֹדָה זָרָה יוֹשְׁבִין בֶּטַח וְהַשְׁקֵט, וְאָנוּ, בֵּית הֲדוֹם רַגְלֵי אֱלֹהֵינוּ שָׂרוּף בָּאֵשׁ, וְלֹא נִבְכֶּה?! אָמַר לָהֶן: לְכָךְ אֲנִי מְצַחֵק, וּמָה לְעוֹבְרֵי רְצוֹנוֹ כָּךְ, לְעוֹשֵׂי רְצוֹנוֹ עַל אַחַת כַּמָּה וְכַמָּה.

And it once was that Rabban Gamliel, Rabbi Elazar ben Azarya, Rabbi Yehoshua, and Rabbi Akiva were walking along the road in the Roman Empire, and they heard the sound of the multitudes of Rome from Puteoli at a distance of one hundred and twenty mil. The city was so large that they were able to hear its tumult from a great distance. And the other Sages began weeping and Rabbi Akiva was laughing. They said to him: For what reason are you laughing? Rabbi Akiva said to them: And you, for what reason are you weeping? They said to him: These gentiles, who bow to false gods and burn incense to idols, dwell securely and tranquilly in this colossal city, and for us, the House of the footstool of our God, the Temple, is burnt by fire, and shall we not weep? Rabbi Akiva said to them: That is why I am laughing. If for those who violate His will, the wicked, it is so and they are rewarded for the few good deeds they performed, for those who perform His will, all the more so will they be rewarded.

Story #2: 

שׁוּב פַּעַם אַחַת הָיוּ עוֹלִין לִירוּשָׁלַיִם, כֵּיוָן שֶׁהִגִּיעוּ לְהַר הַצּוֹפִים קָרְעוּ בִּגְדֵיהֶם, כֵּיוָן שֶׁהִגִּיעוּ לְהַר הַבַּיִת רָאוּ שׁוּעָל שֶׁיָּצָא מִבֵּית קׇדְשֵׁי הַקֳּדָשִׁים, הִתְחִילוּ הֵן בּוֹכִין וְרַבִּי עֲקִיבָא מְצַחֵק. אָמְרוּ לוֹ: מִפְּנֵי מָה אַתָּה מְצַחֵק? אָמַר לָהֶם: מִפְּנֵי מָה אַתֶּם בּוֹכִים? אָמְרוּ לוֹ: מָקוֹם שֶׁכָּתוּב בּוֹ ״וְהַזָּר הַקָּרֵב יוּמָת״, וְעַכְשָׁיו שׁוּעָלִים הִלְּכוּ בּוֹ, וְלֹא נִבְכֶּה   

אָמַר לָהֶן: לְכָךְ אֲנִי מְצַחֵק

 , בְּאוּרִיָּה כְּתִיב ״לָכֵן בִּגְלַלְכֶם צִיּוֹן שָׂדֶה תֵחָרֵשׁ״, בִּזְכַרְיָה כְּתִיב ״עוֹד יֵשְׁבוּ זְקֵנִים וּזְקֵנוֹת בִּרְחֹבוֹת יְרוּשָׁלִָם״. עַד שֶׁלֹּא נִתְקַיְּימָה נְבוּאָתוֹ שֶׁל אוּרִיָּה הָיִיתִי מִתְיָירֵא שֶׁלֹּא תִּתְקַיֵּים נְבוּאָתוֹ שֶׁל זְכַרְיָה, עַכְשָׁיו שֶׁנִּתְקַיְּימָה נְבוּאָתוֹ שֶׁל אוּרִיָּה – בְּיָדוּעַ שֶׁנְּבוּאָתוֹ שֶׁל זְכַרְיָה מִתְקַיֶּימֶת. בַּלָּשׁוֹן הַזֶּה אָמְרוּ לוֹ: עֲקִיבָא נִיחַמְתָּנוּ, עֲקִיבָא נִיחַמְתָּנוּ.

The Gemara relates another incident involving those Sages. On another occasion they were ascending to Jerusalem after the destruction of the Temple. When they arrived at Mount Scopus and saw the site of the Temple, they rent their garments in mourning, in keeping with halakhic practice. When they arrived at the Temple Mount, they saw a fox that emerged from the site of the Holy of Holies. They began weeping, and Rabbi Akiva was laughing. They said to him: For what reason are you laughing? Rabbi Akiva said to them: For what reason are you weeping? They said to him: This is the place concerning which it is written: “And the non-priest who approaches shall die” (Numbers 1:51), and now foxes walk in it; and shall we not weep? 

Rabbi Akiva said to them: That is why I am laughing, as it is written, when God revealed the future to the prophet Isaiah…In the prophecy of Uriah it is written: “Therefore, for your sake Zion shall be plowed as a field, and Jerusalem shall become rubble, and the Temple Mount as the high places of a forest” (Micah 3:12), where foxes are found. There is a rabbinic tradition that this was prophesied by Uriah. In the prophecy of Zechariah it is written: “There shall yet be elderly men and elderly women sitting in the streets of Jerusalem” (Zechariah 8:4). Until the prophecy of Uriah with regard to the destruction of the city was fulfilled I was afraid that the prophecy of Zechariah would not be fulfilled, as the two prophecies are linked. Now that the prophecy of Uriah was fulfilled, it is evident that the prophecy of Zechariah remains valid. The Gemara adds: The Sages said to him, employing this formulation: Akiva, you have comforted us; Akiva, you have comforted us.

In both stories, after the destruction of the Beit Hamikdash, Rabbi Akiva laughed when seeing foreigners in the Holy City sacrificing to idols and seeing a fox wandering in the place with the Beit Hamikdash used to be, while everyone else was sobbing. He was able to see the positive side despite the tragedy. Rabbi Akiva saw the bright side of the situation: If G-d rewards sinners for their few good deeds, how much more so to us.  If the prophecy which predicted the destruction came true, then the prophecy which predicted the redemption will also come true as well!

And, we see Rabbi Akiva’s ability to bounce back and remain positive despite difficulty in the Gemara in Yevamot 62b 

 “When Rabbi Akiva’s students died and the world was desolate, he got up and went to the south of Eretz Yisroel and started over again!”

In the words of Rabbi Yissochor Frand: 

It seems evident that Rabbi Akiva had unbelievable resilience. He was the type of person who, despite experiencing the biggest disaster, could find something positive within that disaster, providing him with the ability to continue onward. He had an incredible ability to be able to evaluate the worst of situations and believe that “all is not lost”.

This is the same Rabbi Akiva who was known to have said as it states in Berachot 60b,  ״כׇּל דְּעָבֵיד רַחֲמָנָא לְטָב עָבֵיד״ Everything that God does, He does for the best.  (The Gemara continues to describe how Rabbi Akiva tried to go to a “hotel” and they told him they had no room- and instead of getting frustrated he proclaimed “All that Hashem does is for the best. And he slept in a field with his rooster, donkey and candle. Wind extinguished the candle,  a cat ate the rooster and a lion ate the donkey and he still proclaimed “All Hashem does is for the best.” That night an army came and took the city into captivity, but since he was alone with no light, and no noisy animals to give away his location, he was saved). 

Rabbi Akiva modeled for us the constant gratitude and positive attitude- even in tough times. He had the ability to see the cup half full and not half empty. Saul Singer and Dan Senor write in their book The Genius of Israel: The Surprising Resilience Of A Divided Nation In A Turbulent World  that “Israelis have a Thanksgiving dinner every Friday night and show their gratitude.”  The ability to count your blessings, even when things are hard can contribute to happiness despite tough times. ( A reminder about my reference to this a few weeks ago: Dr. Ben Shahar also speaks about an assignment he gave his graduate students- keeping a gratitude journal.  In research conducted by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough writing down at least five things for which one is grateful each day will increase happiness levels. Gratitude is one key to happiness.  In Hebrew gratitude is הכרת הטוב which in essence means “recognizing the good.”  The first step to achieving happiness is recognizing the good that we have. We focus on the cup half full, which logically leads to unhappiness.  We often don’t even notice all the good in our lives).  

But, somehow, going through tough times, ironically, helps a person be happier. Lori Gottleib in her article, How to Land Your Kid in Therapy Why the obsession with our kids’ happiness may be dooming them to unhappy adulthoods. A therapist and mother reports, notes: 

 I began to wonder: Could it be that by protecting our kids from unhappiness as children, we’re depriving them of happiness as adults?  

I have quoted numerous times psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Dr. Viktor Frankl’s Man Search For Meaning.  In her article “There’s More To Life Than Being Happy” Emily Esfahani Smith points out the difference between Frankl’s generation and Americans today.  Our culture is more focused on the search for individual happiness. Todd Kashdan, in his article “The Problem With Happiness” adds, But there is a not-so-hidden problem. The United States is obsessed with happiness (same goes for a number of other countries in the world). There are cultural pressures to be happy.  Ironically, what they found is that as people place more importance on being happy, they become more unhappy and depressed. The pressure to be happy makes people less happy. Organizing your life around trying to become happier, making happiness the primary objective of life, gets in the way of actually becoming happy.

And, so perhaps the secret to the happiness they experience in Israel (along with the family ties, community, a sense of belonging, living with meaning and purpose, and giving to others referenced above) is the ability to survive being unhappy. As Dr. Douglas Newton says in his article “Parents, Your Children Shouldn’t Be Happy All The Time” However, it is important for our children to not be happy. Yes, you read that right! Children need to feel a wide range of emotions as they grow up that are quite far from happiness. Feelings like sadness, fear and disappointment. In fact, a recent study looked at the emotional range of 37,000 people and found that those who experience “emodiversity,” an abundant range of emotions, have better mental health, decreased depression, better physical health and know how to handle a wide range of behavioral situations.

As parents, we are tempted to jump in, solve their problems and do whatever it takes so our children are happy and never face disappointment.  Why do we do this? Adina Soclof notes, in her article “Raising Happy Kids By Letting Them Be Sad”  

So why do parents do this? Because deep down we think it is our job to keep our kids happy all the time and protect them from the vicissitudes of life. We also tend to equate our child’s happiness with being a good parent. When we work from this baseline we become enmeshed in our kids’ angry moods. We cannot stand to see our children distressed or disheartened.

We are missing the point. Our job as parents is not to make our kids happy all the time, but it is to teach them ways to manage the inevitable ups and downs of life. When we let them experience upset in small things in life, they will gain the tools to handle the big issues in life.  We thereby prevent fragility by not rushing it to fix everything. They then develop coping skills.  We allow them to be upset, be frustrated and let them experience the discomfort of failing or losing. 

Children need to find their own ways to deal with life’s bumps, and to pursue happiness and satisfaction in life. Not allowing them to be sad robs them of that opportunity. Giving them the space to feel and manage the rough spots they are experiencing provides your children valuable lessons in conquering life’s challenges with grit.

So, that is the lesson of Yom Hazikaron leading into Yom Haatzmaut. That is the lesson of Yom Haatzmaut celebrated during Sefirah. The ability to be sad, but still find happiness. It is the lesson of Rabbi Akiva that modern-day Israelis have incorporated into their lives. Life can be tough, there will be struggles, but I can be an optimist with resilience and grit. The only way to truly achieve happiness is by being able to remain positive during tough times. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students are finishing up their materials management unit.

Seventh Grade: Students have been educated about how to stand up for Israel and how to be “Upstanders.” 

Eighth Grade: Students discussed their recent Holocaust play, Yom Hashoah and the lessons they can learn from the Holocaust in terms of how they treat others. 

Pesach- The Holiday of Inclusion

 “כל דכפין ייתי ויכול. כל דצריך ייתי ויפסח.” “All who are hungry let them come and eat; all who are in need, let them come and celebrate Pesach,” as it says in the Haggadah.  At the start of the seder, why are we focused on this invitation? Pesach is the chag of inclusion- making sure to include others. We know there is a Mitzvah to count others into a single Korban Pesach - a Chabura. Even though one may bring and eat the Korban Pesach alone - one should do so with a group.

The Pesach story at its inception focuses on inclusion as well.  What makes someone a leader? It is clear that in Judaism, a leader is chosen based on how he ensures that everyone is included and cared for. Moshe, the leader of the Pesach story, begins his path to greatness when Hashem witnessed how he cared for a lonely stray goat. The Midrash in Shemot Rabba 2:2 describes how when Moshe was a shepherd one sheep ran away.

 וְאַף משֶׁה לֹא בְחָנוֹ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אֶלָּא בַּצֹּאן, אָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ, כְּשֶׁהָיָה משֶׁה רַבֵּינוּ עָלָיו הַשָּׁלוֹם רוֹעֶה צֹאנוֹ שֶׁל יִתְרוֹ בַּמִּדְבָּר, בָּרַח מִמֶּנּוּ גְּדִי, וְרָץ אַחֲרָיו עַד שֶׁהִגִּיעַ לַחֲסִית, כֵּיוָן שֶׁהִגִּיעַ לַחֲסִית, נִזְדַּמְּנָה לוֹ בְּרֵכָה שֶׁל מַיִם, וְעָמַד הַגְּדִי לִשְׁתּוֹת, כֵּיוָן שֶׁהִגִּיעַ משֶׁה אֶצְלוֹ, אָמַר אֲנִי לֹא הָיִיתִי יוֹדֵעַ שֶׁרָץ הָיִיתָ מִפְּנֵי צָמָא, עָיֵף אַתָּה, הִרְכִּיבוֹ עַל כְּתֵפוֹ וְהָיָה מְהַלֵּךְ. אָמַר הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, יֵשׁ לְךָ רַחֲמִים לִנְהֹג צֹאנוֹ שֶׁל בָּשָׂר וָדָם כָּךְ חַיֶּיךָ אַתָּה תִרְעֶה צֹאנִי יִשְׂרָאֵל, הֱוֵי: וּמשֶׁה הָיָה רוֹעֶה.

Moshe, too, the Holy One blessed be He tested him only with flocks. Our Rabbis say: When Moshe, may he rest in peace, was herding Yitro’s flock in the wilderness, a kid fled from him. He pursued it until it reached cover. Once it reached cover, it happened upon a pool of water, and the kid stopped to drink. When Moshe reached it, he said: ‘I didn’t know that you were running due to thirst. You are tired.’ He carried it on his shoulder and was walking. The Holy One blessed be He said: ‘You have the compassion to behave with the flocks belonging to flesh and blood in this manner; by your life, you will herd My flock, Israel.’ That is: “Moshe was herding.”

Since he cared for the lone goat with “רַחֲמִים,” making sure it was not alone,  he will merit to lead the Jewish people.

And, we know that the שעבוד experience itself was that of feeling “unincluded” as it says in Shemot 22:20.

וְגֵר לֹא-תוֹנֶה, וְלֹא תִלְחָצֶנּוּ:  כִּי-גֵרִים הֱיִיתֶם, בְּאֶרֶץ מִצְרָיִם.

And a stranger shall you not wrong, neither shall you oppress him; for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.

This concept is mentioned 36 times in the Torah- to treat the stranger well, and remember that we were strangers in Egypt.  This pasuk lets us in on the secret- empathy. Imagine what it feels like to be a stranger- excluded and rejected. Some years ago I had heard this explained that in Egypt there was a clear caste system. There were the Egyptian elite and then the rejected Jews who were the slaves.  There was no hope for the Jews to be included and respected.  Every Jew has the obligation to recall that feeling of rejection before rejecting a person whom no one wants to accept. 

And, at the seder, the ארבעה בנים is another example that we include everyone.   כְּנֶגֶד אַרְבָּעָה בָנִים דִּבְּרָה תוֹרָה: אֶחָד חָכָם, וְאֶחָד רָשָׁע, וְאֶחָד תָּם, וְאֶחָד שֶׁאֵינוֹ יוֹדֵעַ לִשְׁאוֹל.

Why is the רשעֳ even included? And, if you notice, the רשעֳ comes right after the חכם, not at the end where you might imagine he would go. Rabbi Jonathan Sacks notes:

Yet there is a message of hope in this family portrait. Though they disagree, they sit around the same table, telling the same story. Though they differ, they stay together. They are part of a single family. Even the rebel is there, although part of him does not want to be. This, too, is who we are.

The Jewish people is an extended family. We argue, we differ, there are times when we are deeply divided. Yet we are part of the same story. We share the same memories. At difficult times we can count on one another. We feel one another’s pain. Out of this multiplicity of voices comes something none of us could achieve alone. Sitting next to the wise child, the rebel is not fated to remain a rebel. Sitting next to the rebel, the wise child may share his wisdom rather than keep it to himself. The one who cannot ask will, in time, learn how. The simple child will learn complexity. The wise child will learn simplicity. Each draws strength from the others, as we all draw strength from belonging to a people.

Rabbi David Fohrman describes that the lack of community/brotherhood is what lead to Yoseph and then the brothers and Yaakov going down to Egypt, leading to the  שעבוד מצרים. He first shows a number of parallels in the language of Korban Pesach the Yoseph story.  (Rabbi Fohrman also discusses a fascinating connection between Korban Pesach, the Korban of the Metzora (who needs to leave the camp and be alone), and the Yoseph story. I will leave that piece out- but definitely look for it on his website!) 

1) In Shemot 12:21 it describes the Korban Pesach:

 מִֽשְׁכ֗וּ וּקְח֨וּ לָכֶ֥ם צֹ֛אן לְמִשְׁפְּחֹתֵיכֶ֖ם וְשַׁחֲט֥וּ הַפָּֽסַח׃

"Draw forth or buy for yourselves sheep for your families and slaughter the Passover sacrifice.”

And, in Shemot 37:28

וַיִּמְשְׁכוּ֙ וַיַּֽעֲל֤וּ אֶת־יוֹסֵף֙ מִן־הַבּ֔וֹר 

And they pulled and lifted Joseph from the pit

2)In Shemot 12:8 it says:

וּמַצּ֔וֹת עַל־מְרֹרִ֖ים יֹאכְלֻֽהוּ:

, and unleavened cakes; with bitter herbs they shall eat it.

And, the only other time it says מְרֹרִ֖ים with similar spelling in the Tanach is Bereishit 49:23, when Yaakov gives a “beracha” to Yoseph, speaking about the terrible way the brothers treated him: 

וַיְמָֽרֲרֻ֖הוּ וָרֹ֑בּוּ וַיִּשְׂטְמֻ֖הוּ בַּֽעֲלֵ֥י חִצִּֽים

They heaped bitterness upon him and became quarrelsome; yea, archers despised him.

3) And, when it says about the Korban Pesach in Shemot 12:22 to dip the hyssop branch in blood:

לְקַחְתֶּ֞ם אֲגֻדַּ֣ת אֵז֗וֹב וּטְבַלְתֶּם֘ בַּדָּ֣ם 

And you shall take a bunch of hyssop and immerse [it] in the blood 

So too, the brothers dipped Yoseph’s coat in blood: (Bereishit 37:31): 

וַיִּקְח֖וּ אֶת־כְּתֹ֣נֶת יוֹסֵ֑ף וַיִּשְׁחֲטוּ֙ שְׂעִ֣יר עִזִּ֔ים וַיִּטְבְּל֥וּ אֶת־הַכֻּתֹּ֖נֶת בַּדָּֽם

And they took Joseph's coat, and they slaughtered a goat, and they dipped the coat in the blood.

What is the message that this connection between the Yoseph story and Korban Pesach is meant to relay? 

The answer can be found in the fact that the איש (angel) who bumps into Yoseph  asks him what he is looking for and he says in Shemot 37:16: 

 אֶת־אַחַ֖י אָֽנֹכִ֣י מְבַקֵּ֑שׁ- I am looking for my brothers. The angel answers him “נָֽסְע֣וּ מִזֶּ֔ה” “They have travelled away from here.”

Rashi there says: נָֽסְעוּ מִזֶּה.  הִסִּיעוּ עַצְמָן מִן הָאַחְוָה -    They have traveled away from here. They removed themselves from brotherhood.

Rabbi Fohrman eloquently, connects Mitzrayim and Yoseph:

 As a result of that story of the lack of brotherhood that led a real brother to be sold as a slave, we were all slaves for many, many years. And when we were going to go out, Joseph says, I have one last plea for you. I know that eventually you will go out of here. וְהַֽעֲלִתֶ֥ם אֶת־עַצְמֹתַ֖י מִזֶּֽה: Take my bones out of that with you (Genesis 50:25). Mizeh, out of that. It's the same language as the angel said to him many years before. How did we get in here? We got in here through lack of brotherhood. Take my bones out of that with you. When you take my bones with you, claim me as your brother. When we leave slavery, let's leave as brothers. How do we leave as brothers? With the Pesach offering when symbolically we replay it and we say, Joseph, you're coming with us. We're taking you out of the pit. We actually take your bones. We claim you as ours. And symbolically, on this night, we bring you along. We bring you back into the family … The first person who was an individual but cut off from the family unit, cut off from the community. We'll bring you back.

At the seder we pray “לְשָׁנָה הַבָּאָה בִּירוּשָלָיִם.” What will bring the redemption? We know that even the actual destruction of the Beit HaMikdash was the result of a story of exclusion; אַקַּמְצָא וּבַר קַמְצָא חֲרוּב יְרוּשָׁלַיִם  

“Yerushalayim was destroyed on account of Kamtza and bar Kamtza.”

The Gemara in Gittin 55b describes how a man made a party and accidentally invited Bar Kamtza- his enemy,  instead of his friend Kamtza. When he saw Bar Kamtza he asked him to leave. And,  even when Bar Kamtza begged to pay for his own food so he would not be embarrassed, he made him leave. The pain of being excluded led Bar Kamtza to go to the Romans and report on the Jews,  which led to the destruction of the Beit HaMikdash and the exile. Only true inclusion will bring the גאולה.  

Studies indicate that one in six children reports feeling as if he/she is not included.  These children are “hungry” and they are waiting to be invited to come and eat- literally and metaphorically.  We need to make sure that all who are hungry can come and eat. Many children share that they have nowhere to sit during lunch or no one to play with at recess. This is not the Jewish way. As we sit at the seder it is a perfect time to discuss with our children and think about whether we are working at including others in school, on weekends and Shabbatot. Are we thinking about whom we can invite who often doesn’t have a place to go?  Let us teach our children how to feel empathy for others, and point out the times that they felt alone and were unincluded. And, as parents, we model this behavior for them by inviting adults in our community who do not often get invitations, or greeting people in shul who seem to be alone.  Children learn the midda of inclusion from their parents. 

This year, as we call out “כל דכפין ייתי ויכול. כל דצריך ייתי ויפסח” let us remember those who are hungry for companionship and inclusion.  As we do so, we will truly merit לְשָׁנָה הַבָּאָה בִּירוּשָלָיִם!

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students worked on organizing their lockers using the P.A.C.K. method

Seventh Grade:  Students began a new unit in Advisory-  Do Not Stand Idly By- focusing on the importance of being an upstander and not a bystander. This unit begins with an Israel Advocacy unit, this year focusing on the war in Iran and anti-Semitism. 

Eighth Grade: As a follow-up to their Holocaust play, students debriefed the experience and began a discussion based on the video The Wave, discussing how just like during the Holocaust the non-Jews mostly did nothing or even became perpetrators, so too we experience that in our day to day.

Alert! Gambling In The Jewish Community

           In March 2016, I felt that we needed to directly speak to our students about gambling and sports  betting in Advisory, and what better time than the “March Madness” time of year? To be honest, I really do not follow sports and had no idea what March Madness was, but I had wanted to target the topic and soon, in my research, discovered that March is the right time to address this concern.  At the time, there was not much talk about it in the Jewish community, but I felt that just as we had already begun discussing addiction in general (substance use) in our Advisory classes for years before that, this was an addiction that needed some attention. 

In the past two weeks, in addition to our 7th grade boys engaging in this lesson in Advisory, (as they have done since 2016), a few other alerts came across my desk shouting out that this gambling issue has gotten worse among teens in our frum community. 

I will rewind first to what I shared in a column a few years ago.  In 2021 an article came out - “Substance Use In Yeshiva High Schools: A Look At The Data”  in the Jewish Link  by Rabbi Tuly Harczstark and Dr. Rivka Press Schwartz.  In the article they described the research study they coordinated, under the auspices of Machon Siach. Their study utilized the Communities That Care Risk and Protective Factor Youth Survey designed to determine the need for “prevention services among youth in the areas of substance abuse, delinquency, antisocial behavior and violence.”   In 2019 they administered this survey to 3500 10th and 12th graders and in 2020 to 2800 different 10th and 12th graders in 19 yeshiva high schools. 

The results of the study when it comes to substance use are worthy of their own article- especially the “drinking problem” that exists in the yeshiva high school world. And, we will continue doing our substance abuse awareness sessions in our 8th grade Advisory tackling, alcohol, drugs, and vaping. 

 However, I want to focus on one surprising result of this survey- which is more timely for this March Madness time of year.   

In areas other than substance use, while our community is doing well with a wide range of protective and risk factors, our kids exceeded the national average in one other category of anti-social behavior, as measured by the survey: gambling in a number of forms, including betting on sports, internet gambling and video poker. Even more than substance use, this behavior is strongly gendered, with boys far more likely to gamble than girls. 

Who would have imagined? 

After reading the results of this survey I modified the Advisory lesson a bit and included the results of this survey in the lesson. I wanted the students to see that the discussion of gambling and teens is not just a fear I have, but has been substantiated by this study.  Often, students say that these issues do not apply to the Jewish community. But, this study, (which I showed them in black and white), showed we are not immune.  Interestingly enough, the students were not as surprised by the results as I was. They shared that kids play online poker, fantasy football for real money and that it of course makes sense that we have higher levels of gambling than the general community as we tend to have better jobs than the general community and make more money so teens have more access to money- their words- not mine! 

We shared with the students that we are not here to talk about the halachic issues of gambling nor whether it is legal for them to bet on March Madness, but rather to help them realize that children who gamble before the age of 12 are four times more likely to have a gambling problem.  We talked about how gambling is an addiction and therefore we do not always realize when we are being sucked in.  4% to 8% of young people have a gambling problem, compared to 1% to 2% of adults. 

Research shows that discussing the dangers of gambling/betting with your children in their tween years before they get to high school is essential.  And, discuss with them  the access to internet gambling which can easily trick them into thinking they “have nothing to lose” as it is free, as these websites are trying to introduce them to gambling. 

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, z”l, wrote a book Compulsive Gambling: More Than Dreidel.  Clearly, we as the Jewish community are not  immune.  Interestingly enough, when this book came out in 2008, Twerski suggested that Jews are more susceptible to compulsive gambling than other ethnic or religious groups. (Although no research study is quoted there). When it comes to teens and gambling he noted, “ You need to keep an eye on it. Gambling is seductive and kids are risk takers. What kind of money are they playing for? If a 16-year-old can walk away with a pot of $85, that’s way too tempting.”  Even in 2008, Twerski noted the Jewish problem of addiction to gambling.  While the Machon Siach study alerted us to the reality, this reality is not new.  

To add to the work of Machon Siach and Rabbi Dr. Twerski, in the past number of months, starting on November 9, 2025, Rabbi Larry Rothwachs, a social worker and rabbi at Congregation Beth Aaron, wrote a few articles on this topic. His first article “The Secret Spread: Sports Betting and the New Addiction No One Is Talking About” unbelievably states (despite Twerski’s 2008 book and the black and white survey results of  2019!!) 

“We have a serious problem and, as far as I can tell, nobody is talking about it. (Over the past couple of years, I’ve been hearing from rabbinic colleagues, mental health professionals, educators, and families about a growing pattern that can no longer be ignored.  Gambling and sports betting, most often through phone apps, have quietly become among the fastest-spreading addictions in our community.

Almost always, it occurs in secret. Yet, at the same time, it’s hiding in plain sight. Conversations about “the spread,” casual bets on a fantasy team, constant comments about parlays – they’re happening in shuls, yeshiva dorms, and high school lunchrooms. What may seem like harmless sports talk is, in many cases, something much more serious.In almost three decades of public life in communal leadership, I cannot recall another issue with such a dramatic gap between the scope of the problem and the absence of public conversation…”

And, of course, this has all gotten worse 

“…Since the Supreme Court lifted federal restrictions on sports betting in 2018, gambling has exploded across the country. In 2024, Americans wagered nearly $150 billion, the highest total ever recorded. Thirty-eight states now allow sports betting, and most permit it online. Gambling no longer takes place mainly in casinos; it happens at home, in schools, or anywhere your phone can locate a signal”

Rabbi Rothwachs continues that it is happening everywhere- and people think our children are “immune.” But, it is not only an issue with our youth- adults too. Rabbi Knapp actually recently shared a podcast with me- Shtarktank, “Gambling Almost Ruined My Life” - where a recovered adult gambling addict from our community is interviewed. And, people think it’s harmless- but what starts as playful can become addictive and a dependency. 

And, since we started these lessons in Advisory in 2016, (just adding how proud I am that we were talking about this at Yavneh way before anyone else was!), technology has made it even worse. Gambling apps- where there is constant engagement and  prepaid cards, venmo- makes it easy for a teen to pay.  

This article by Rabbi Rothwachs was followed by another article written by Rabbi Yehuda Avner  (Yavneh alumnus!) on November 20th, 2025 “‘Everyone’s Doing It’: How Gambling Became Normalized For Our Community: A Response to Rabbi Rothwachs”. Rabbi Avner is a high school rebbe and a therapist specializing in addiction. He also helped run a pioneering gambling addiction rehab in South Jersey for post-yeshiva students this past summer.  He adds that 20% of time between sports broadcasting consists of gambling site promotions. So, “The constant barrage of ads and our community’s passion for sports, combined with boredom and access to money, means this issue is rapidly growing.” Some think it is harmless compared to drinking and drugs. Not true, he says. The fact that it’s normalized makes it even more dangerous.  It is an “invisible addiction.” And, often, (not always) loneliness is the cause.  Often kids who feel like they don’t belong, or do not have enough friends engage in constant betting. 

And, then,  Rabbi Rothwachs responded with two more articles in December 2025 and February 2026.  He shared that since he wrote his first article it is more clear how widespread the problem is.  And, of course, the apps are convenient, immediate and can be accessed on the same devices our children use for “socializing, schoolwork, entertainment and communication.” He offers some goals for the community, but one I would like to stress is the importance of monitoring our children’s money.  

Rabbi Rothwachs describes in his February article that since schools have begun speaking about it, a number of students have come forward for help. Some were concerned about whether their brains have been damaged due to the exposure to high dopamine levels, leading to addiction.  They are asking for help and we need to help them. 

And, then I received an urgent email from Ohel last week, stating that, including the following HEALTH ALERT ON GAMBLING from CCSA (Communities Confronting Substance Use & Addiction- they speak to our 8th graders each year), to raise awareness stating that “Gambling is becoming one of the fastest-growing risks facing our youth, fueled by sports betting apps, fantasy sports, and gaming platforms designed to keep users hooked.”  Please read the Health Alert on Gambling handout, but one item, which seems to have gotten worse since the Machon Siach research, and includes middle schoolers: CCSA’s data shows, out of thousands of students surveyed in our Jewish middle and high schools, 18% of middle and 24% of high school students reported gambling over the past year.

Please do take the time to read the attachment, but I will highlight one other paragraph that truly concerned me:

Gambling is an addictive behavior that causes dopamine rushes to the brain in the same way that drugs and alcohol do.  Teens are particularly at risk as their brains are still developing until their mid-20s and they are highly sensitive to these dopamine rushes. The rush of dopamine combined with the underdeveloped ability to assess risk and harm puts our children at risk of developing an addiction. Gambling addiction has one of the highest rates of suicide among all mental health issues. 

So, what should we be doing as parents? Aside from being proactive, speaking to our children when they are young, and monitoring them  carefully, clearly there are signs that a child is engaged in this dangerous behavior.  We need to look out for signs such as money missing (monitoring bank accounts, debit cards, credit cards), their seeming disengaged, anxious or nervous, excessive time spent on the internet, being overly interested in the outcome of sports events, and of course finding betting sheets etc.  We need to continue monitoring their devices and apps. 

We also need to be good role models for them, and most definitely not engage in sports betting ourselves. 

Rabbi Dr. Twerski believed that all addiction treatment needs to have the development of spirituality as part of the process, (hence the success of the 12 step programs).

This coming Thursday we begin the month of Nissan and Pesach is upon us.   As Twerski noted in his article “Passover, Freedom and Shabbat HaGadol” everyone knows that a sheep does not have power as a god. But, “People who are driven by powerful cravings may rationalize, and rather than resist the compulsion, they may try to justify their behavior. Idolatry is nothing but a self-deceiving rationalization.”

 He then continues to discuss that when someone is an addict he can truly relate to the slavery in Egypt and to the freedom the Jews achieved. He quotes an addict, “When I was in my addiction, I had no freedom at all. I was under the tyranny of drugs. I did many things that I never thought myself capable of doing. I did them because I had no choice. I was a slave to drugs and they were my master. Today I can make choices. Today I am free.”  These addictions relate to gambling as well. 

When the Jews sacrificed the sheep, It was our Declaration of Independence, not only of our freedom from the rule of Pharaoh, but also from the ruthless tyranny of our internal drives. We would now be free to choose what is right and proper, even if it is in defiance of a bodily urge. 

He continues to note that that is the meaning of the word “גדול “- the ability to overcome one’s urges. That is another meaning of Shabbat HaGadol- the Shabbat before Pesach. It was when the Jewish people could control their impulses. 

When the Jews were about to leave Egypt they were on the 49th level of the 50 levels of tumah (spiritual decadence).  Pesach is when they “leaped into spirituality.”  “The days of Passover are propitious for repetition of the unique phenomenon of achieving spirituality when one is in a state that would make this impossible at other times.”

It is no coincidence that March Madness coincides with Nissan- זמן חרותינו and is near  שבת הגדול .  May we raise our “tweens” to be גדולים- to overcome their internal impulses,  through our frank discussions, monitoring and modeling.  

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students focused on their organization of their in-school spaces or discussed some classroom etiquette.  

Seventh Grade:  Boys discussed March Madness and gambling and our girls discussed stress- management strategies. 

             Eighth Grade:  Students had a “How Are You Doing” check-in lesson.