Alert! Gambling In The Jewish Community

           In March 2016, I felt that we needed to directly speak to our students about gambling and sports  betting in Advisory, and what better time than the “March Madness” time of year? To be honest, I really do not follow sports and had no idea what March Madness was, but I had wanted to target the topic and soon, in my research, discovered that March is the right time to address this concern.  At the time, there was not much talk about it in the Jewish community, but I felt that just as we had already begun discussing addiction in general (substance use) in our Advisory classes for years before that, this was an addiction that needed some attention. 

In the past two weeks, in addition to our 7th grade boys engaging in this lesson in Advisory, (as they have done since 2016), a few other alerts came across my desk shouting out that this gambling issue has gotten worse among teens in our frum community. 

I will rewind first to what I shared in a column a few years ago.  In 2021 an article came out - “Substance Use In Yeshiva High Schools: A Look At The Data”  in the Jewish Link  by Rabbi Tuly Harczstark and Dr. Rivka Press Schwartz.  In the article they described the research study they coordinated, under the auspices of Machon Siach. Their study utilized the Communities That Care Risk and Protective Factor Youth Survey designed to determine the need for “prevention services among youth in the areas of substance abuse, delinquency, antisocial behavior and violence.”   In 2019 they administered this survey to 3500 10th and 12th graders and in 2020 to 2800 different 10th and 12th graders in 19 yeshiva high schools. 

The results of the study when it comes to substance use are worthy of their own article- especially the “drinking problem” that exists in the yeshiva high school world. And, we will continue doing our substance abuse awareness sessions in our 8th grade Advisory tackling, alcohol, drugs, and vaping. 

 However, I want to focus on one surprising result of this survey- which is more timely for this March Madness time of year.   

In areas other than substance use, while our community is doing well with a wide range of protective and risk factors, our kids exceeded the national average in one other category of anti-social behavior, as measured by the survey: gambling in a number of forms, including betting on sports, internet gambling and video poker. Even more than substance use, this behavior is strongly gendered, with boys far more likely to gamble than girls. 

Who would have imagined? 

After reading the results of this survey I modified the Advisory lesson a bit and included the results of this survey in the lesson. I wanted the students to see that the discussion of gambling and teens is not just a fear I have, but has been substantiated by this study.  Often, students say that these issues do not apply to the Jewish community. But, this study, (which I showed them in black and white), showed we are not immune.  Interestingly enough, the students were not as surprised by the results as I was. They shared that kids play online poker, fantasy football for real money and that it of course makes sense that we have higher levels of gambling than the general community as we tend to have better jobs than the general community and make more money so teens have more access to money- their words- not mine! 

We shared with the students that we are not here to talk about the halachic issues of gambling nor whether it is legal for them to bet on March Madness, but rather to help them realize that children who gamble before the age of 12 are four times more likely to have a gambling problem.  We talked about how gambling is an addiction and therefore we do not always realize when we are being sucked in.  4% to 8% of young people have a gambling problem, compared to 1% to 2% of adults. 

Research shows that discussing the dangers of gambling/betting with your children in their tween years before they get to high school is essential.  And, discuss with them  the access to internet gambling which can easily trick them into thinking they “have nothing to lose” as it is free, as these websites are trying to introduce them to gambling. 

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, z”l, wrote a book Compulsive Gambling: More Than Dreidel.  Clearly, we as the Jewish community are not  immune.  Interestingly enough, when this book came out in 2008, Twerski suggested that Jews are more susceptible to compulsive gambling than other ethnic or religious groups. (Although no research study is quoted there). When it comes to teens and gambling he noted, “ You need to keep an eye on it. Gambling is seductive and kids are risk takers. What kind of money are they playing for? If a 16-year-old can walk away with a pot of $85, that’s way too tempting.”  Even in 2008, Twerski noted the Jewish problem of addiction to gambling.  While the Machon Siach study alerted us to the reality, this reality is not new.  

To add to the work of Machon Siach and Rabbi Dr. Twerski, in the past number of months, starting on November 9, 2025, Rabbi Larry Rothwachs, a social worker and rabbi at Congregation Beth Aaron, wrote a few articles on this topic. His first article “The Secret Spread: Sports Betting and the New Addiction No One Is Talking About” unbelievably states (despite Twerski’s 2008 book and the black and white survey results of  2019!!) 

“We have a serious problem and, as far as I can tell, nobody is talking about it. (Over the past couple of years, I’ve been hearing from rabbinic colleagues, mental health professionals, educators, and families about a growing pattern that can no longer be ignored.  Gambling and sports betting, most often through phone apps, have quietly become among the fastest-spreading addictions in our community.

Almost always, it occurs in secret. Yet, at the same time, it’s hiding in plain sight. Conversations about “the spread,” casual bets on a fantasy team, constant comments about parlays – they’re happening in shuls, yeshiva dorms, and high school lunchrooms. What may seem like harmless sports talk is, in many cases, something much more serious.In almost three decades of public life in communal leadership, I cannot recall another issue with such a dramatic gap between the scope of the problem and the absence of public conversation…”

And, of course, this has all gotten worse 

“…Since the Supreme Court lifted federal restrictions on sports betting in 2018, gambling has exploded across the country. In 2024, Americans wagered nearly $150 billion, the highest total ever recorded. Thirty-eight states now allow sports betting, and most permit it online. Gambling no longer takes place mainly in casinos; it happens at home, in schools, or anywhere your phone can locate a signal”

Rabbi Rothwachs continues that it is happening everywhere- and people think our children are “immune.” But, it is not only an issue with our youth- adults too. Rabbi Knapp actually recently shared a podcast with me- Shtarktank, “Gambling Almost Ruined My Life” - where a recovered adult gambling addict from our community is interviewed. And, people think it’s harmless- but what starts as playful can become addictive and a dependency. 

And, since we started these lessons in Advisory in 2016, (just adding how proud I am that we were talking about this at Yavneh way before anyone else was!), technology has made it even worse. Gambling apps- where there is constant engagement and  prepaid cards, venmo- makes it easy for a teen to pay.  

This article by Rabbi Rothwachs was followed by another article written by Rabbi Yehuda Avner  (Yavneh alumnus!) on November 20th, 2025 “‘Everyone’s Doing It’: How Gambling Became Normalized For Our Community: A Response to Rabbi Rothwachs”. Rabbi Avner is a high school rebbe and a therapist specializing in addiction. He also helped run a pioneering gambling addiction rehab in South Jersey for post-yeshiva students this past summer.  He adds that 20% of time between sports broadcasting consists of gambling site promotions. So, “The constant barrage of ads and our community’s passion for sports, combined with boredom and access to money, means this issue is rapidly growing.” Some think it is harmless compared to drinking and drugs. Not true, he says. The fact that it’s normalized makes it even more dangerous.  It is an “invisible addiction.” And, often, (not always) loneliness is the cause.  Often kids who feel like they don’t belong, or do not have enough friends engage in constant betting. 

And, then,  Rabbi Rothwachs responded with two more articles in December 2025 and February 2026.  He shared that since he wrote his first article it is more clear how widespread the problem is.  And, of course, the apps are convenient, immediate and can be accessed on the same devices our children use for “socializing, schoolwork, entertainment and communication.” He offers some goals for the community, but one I would like to stress is the importance of monitoring our children’s money.  

Rabbi Rothwachs describes in his February article that since schools have begun speaking about it, a number of students have come forward for help. Some were concerned about whether their brains have been damaged due to the exposure to high dopamine levels, leading to addiction.  They are asking for help and we need to help them. 

And, then I received an urgent email from Ohel last week, stating that, including the following HEALTH ALERT ON GAMBLING from CCSA (Communities Confronting Substance Use & Addiction- they speak to our 8th graders each year), to raise awareness stating that “Gambling is becoming one of the fastest-growing risks facing our youth, fueled by sports betting apps, fantasy sports, and gaming platforms designed to keep users hooked.”  Please read the Health Alert on Gambling handout, but one item, which seems to have gotten worse since the Machon Siach research, and includes middle schoolers: CCSA’s data shows, out of thousands of students surveyed in our Jewish middle and high schools, 18% of middle and 24% of high school students reported gambling over the past year.

Please do take the time to read the attachment, but I will highlight one other paragraph that truly concerned me:

Gambling is an addictive behavior that causes dopamine rushes to the brain in the same way that drugs and alcohol do.  Teens are particularly at risk as their brains are still developing until their mid-20s and they are highly sensitive to these dopamine rushes. The rush of dopamine combined with the underdeveloped ability to assess risk and harm puts our children at risk of developing an addiction. Gambling addiction has one of the highest rates of suicide among all mental health issues. 

So, what should we be doing as parents? Aside from being proactive, speaking to our children when they are young, and monitoring them  carefully, clearly there are signs that a child is engaged in this dangerous behavior.  We need to look out for signs such as money missing (monitoring bank accounts, debit cards, credit cards), their seeming disengaged, anxious or nervous, excessive time spent on the internet, being overly interested in the outcome of sports events, and of course finding betting sheets etc.  We need to continue monitoring their devices and apps. 

We also need to be good role models for them, and most definitely not engage in sports betting ourselves. 

Rabbi Dr. Twerski believed that all addiction treatment needs to have the development of spirituality as part of the process, (hence the success of the 12 step programs).

This coming Thursday we begin the month of Nissan and Pesach is upon us.   As Twerski noted in his article “Passover, Freedom and Shabbat HaGadol” everyone knows that a sheep does not have power as a god. But, “People who are driven by powerful cravings may rationalize, and rather than resist the compulsion, they may try to justify their behavior. Idolatry is nothing but a self-deceiving rationalization.”

 He then continues to discuss that when someone is an addict he can truly relate to the slavery in Egypt and to the freedom the Jews achieved. He quotes an addict, “When I was in my addiction, I had no freedom at all. I was under the tyranny of drugs. I did many things that I never thought myself capable of doing. I did them because I had no choice. I was a slave to drugs and they were my master. Today I can make choices. Today I am free.”  These addictions relate to gambling as well. 

When the Jews sacrificed the sheep, It was our Declaration of Independence, not only of our freedom from the rule of Pharaoh, but also from the ruthless tyranny of our internal drives. We would now be free to choose what is right and proper, even if it is in defiance of a bodily urge. 

He continues to note that that is the meaning of the word “גדול “- the ability to overcome one’s urges. That is another meaning of Shabbat HaGadol- the Shabbat before Pesach. It was when the Jewish people could control their impulses. 

When the Jews were about to leave Egypt they were on the 49th level of the 50 levels of tumah (spiritual decadence).  Pesach is when they “leaped into spirituality.”  “The days of Passover are propitious for repetition of the unique phenomenon of achieving spirituality when one is in a state that would make this impossible at other times.”

It is no coincidence that March Madness coincides with Nissan- זמן חרותינו and is near  שבת הגדול .  May we raise our “tweens” to be גדולים- to overcome their internal impulses,  through our frank discussions, monitoring and modeling.  

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students focused on their organization of their in-school spaces or discussed some classroom etiquette.  

Seventh Grade:  Boys discussed March Madness and gambling and our girls discussed stress- management strategies. 

             Eighth Grade:  Students had a “How Are You Doing” check-in lesson.

Celebrating Purim While Our Family Is At War?

       מִשֶּׁנִּכְנַס אֲדָר מַרְבִּין בְּשִׂמְחָה  “When the month of Adar begins, one increases rejoicing”  (Gemara Taanit 29a).  I personally am having a hard time accessing that simcha, with my brothers and sisters in Israel running to bomb shelters as we speak.  How can we still engage in “happiness” when there is a war going on? 

I think the key to being able to access “happiness” in tough times speaks to what happiness truly is.   עִבְד֣וּ אֶת־ה' בְּשִׂמְחָ֑ה  Serve the Hashem with happiness, as it says in Tehillim 100:2.  This happiness is not a surface, selfish happiness. 

To truly understand what Jewish happiness is, let us first look at the Sefer HaChinuch who explains in mitzvah 488 that just like it is essential for a person to eat and sleep, a person must be happy. So, then why are there times of year, like Purim, or the Shalosh Regalim, when it is a specific mitzvah to be happy? Hashem commands us certain times of year to especially work on our happiness which hopefully will last throughout the year.  Happiness takes work. One does not  just win the lottery and become happy.  Doing something fun does not make one happy.  Happiness is more than that and takes effort, and the psychological research substantiates that truth. As Malika Chopra writes in the article “Does Being Happy Make You Healthy?”

In the last few years, social scientists Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ed Diener, and Martin Seligman, among others, have explored ways to quantify happiness and chart its components. Based on his research, Seligman has even developed a “happiness formula”—Happiness = Set Point + Conditions in Life + Voluntary Action—which indicates that happiness is partly genetic, partly a result of circumstance, and partly an outcome of conscious decision-making. Indeed, by Seligman’s reckoning, the external conditions of one’s life, like having more money or a larger house, only account for 7–10 percent of actual happiness, while genetics (40 percent) and voluntary actions (50 percent) matter far more.  

One’s actions and “work” on happiness actually determines how happy one is more than life’s circumstances. 

So,  what can we actively do to be happier? My go to book regarding happiness is often Dr. Tal Ben Shahar’s book, Happier.  Dr. Ben Shahar was a professor at Harvard famous for his course on Happiness based on scientific research and practical strategies to achieve happiness.  Dr. Ben Shahar states, “Happy people live secure in the knowledge that the activities that bring them enjoyment in the present will also lead to a fulfilling future.” Happiness= Pleasure (Present Benefit) + Meaning (Future Benefit).  It is not enough to have fun, but there also has to be meaning. 

This naturally leads to the research that indicates that religious people tend to be happier than non-religious people.  Why? One aspect is the belief in G-d. That no matter what happens to them there is always hope. “Religion serves as a resource for coping with negative life experiences and existential fear, ”   states Dr. Clay Routledge.  And, there is a plethora of research indicating that those who believe in G-d may actually heal quicker when ill.  Religion also provides a sense of community and ability to connect with others, essential for happiness. Connecting with others and not self-isolating is one way to increase happiness. 

One way to achieve happiness is through sharing our worries with a friend- simply venting even if he/she cannot help. Prayer achieves a similar goal.  The Chazon Ish in his letters writes of the wondrous ability that a person has to share his worries with Hashem,  כאשר הוא משיח לרעהו- like he converses with a friend.   This is either through structured tefillah or just sharing our worries with Hashem when you need a friend.  The Chazon Ish says this actually משמחת לב- gladdens the heart. 

Likewise, religion also provides that “meaning” noted by Dr. Ben Shahar- working towards a goal and purpose.  One way we achieve that meaning and happiness is through helping others.  As it states in The Week, “A Genetic guide to true happiness”  “Human beings appear to be genetically engineered to be happiest and healthiest when we spend a lot of time selflessly helping others—and unhealthy when we’re mostly devoted to self-gratification.” And, in fact, they found that in drawing blood from subjects who helped others versus buying themselves something they found that those whose lives had “lots of pleasure but little meaning, were priming cells to express high levels of inflammation, which is linked to cancer, diabetes etc.”  Helping others is another strategy to achieve happiness. In some ways this seems counterintuitive. One might think that when one helps another, it is the other who becomes happier. But, the giver does as well! (Now it makes sense why the school psychologist coordinates the Chesed Team!)

Giving to others actually activates the pleasure centers in the brain and even increases endorphins, feel- good chemicals.   It therefore makes sense that two mitzvot of Purim involve giving to others- Mishloach Manot and Matanot L’evyonim.  Mishloach Manot is not about the receiving in return- it is about giving. 

Dr. Ben Shahar also speaks about an assignment he gave his graduate students- keeping a gratitude journal.  In research conducted by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough writing down at least five things for which one is grateful each day will increase happiness levels. Gratitude is one key to happiness.  In Hebrew gratitude is הכרת הטוב which in essence means “recognizing the good.”  The first step to achieving happiness is recognizing the good that we have. We focus on the cup half full, which logically leads to unhappiness.  We often don’t even notice all the good in our lives.  

One reason we don’t notice the good we have is that we are so busy comparing ourselves to others.  Jealousy is often a reason we are unhappy.  And, we are always seeking more honor for ourselves.  We need to work more on being שמח בחלקו   - happy with our lot in life and combat that jealousy.  And, the research indicates that the happier we are for those around us when they are successful (i.e. not jealous) the happier we are.  In essence, one might note, as Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz in Sichot Mussar does, that Haman’s downfall was his need to constantly have more honor, that he couldn’t tolerate that one man wouldn’t bow to him, which eventually led to his death. 

And, so, yes, engaging in pleasure-seeking happiness would feel inappropriate while our brothers and sisters are at war. But, purpose-driven, happiness full of meaning would be absolutely appropriate and would even help the war effort- giving to others, connecting to Hashem, working on our middot and engaging in activities that have meaning, all while dedicating those actions to a  speedy רֶוַח וְהַצָּלָה "Relief and deliverance" (Esther 4:14). 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade;  Students set some goals for this coming semester and had a “check-in” on how they felt things were going in school. 

Seventh Grade:  Students discussed psychological and spiritual strategies to managing disappointment in life. 

Eighth Grade:  Students began a unit on cheating. 

Countercultural Collective Action And Being A Parent In The Digital Age

       “Judaism constantly asks us to exercise our freedom. To be a Jew is not to go with the flow, to be like everyone else, to follow the path of least resistance, to worship the conventional wisdom of the age. To the contrary, to be a Jew is to have the courage to live in a way that is not the way of everyone. Each time we eat, drink, pray or go to work, we are conscious of the demands our faith makes on us, to live God’s will and be one of His ambassadors to the world. Judaism always has been, perhaps always will be countercultural.” 

This quote by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks was referenced by our speaker, Mr. Richard Simon, (author of the book Unplug- How To Break Up With Your Phone And Reclaim Your Life)  who spoke to both parents and our middle school students. He  began his presentation with the assertion that the Jewish people are “countercultural” and are willing to challenge norms.  It is therefore, he feels, easier for the Jewish people to make statements regarding our children not having smartphones, and even disconnecting and shutting down our phones more ourselves.  We are used to being different. 

This statement reminded me of what  Dr. Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation - sharing the dangers of the constant device usage of our children- said at two presentations that I heard him give in person- one for Tikvah and one at Yeshiva University.  He presented the importance of what he calls “collective action”- where the parents of a “chevra” or a school or a community  need to get together and all agree to community- wide norms, like no smartphones, so that “everyone is doing it”- combating negative peer pressure to have phones and constant tech use.  The Orthodox community which has a sense of community, says Haidt, is better positioned to restrict cell phone use, as they can establish shared, community- wide norms- in their schools, shuls and communities. Social pressure makes individual action almost impossible. Collective action is the key.  Students then do not suffer from “FOMO”- thinking that all their friends have smartphones and they are missing out.  It breaks the power of social contagion. 

This ability to be different is the Jewish way. In Avot 2:5 it we are reminded:

בְמָקוֹם שֶׁאֵין אֲנָשִׁים, הִשְׁתַּדֵּל לִהְיוֹת אִישׁ:

In a place where there are no men, strive to be a man

When everyone else is doing the wrong thing, you stand up and do the right thing. We learn this lesson from Mosh Rabbeinu in Shemot 2:11. When he saw the Jewish man being beaten by an Egyptian: 

וַיִּ֤פֶן כֹּה֙ וָכֹ֔ה וַיַּ֖רְא כִּ֣י אֵ֣ין אִ֑ישׁ וַיַּךְ֙ אֶת־הַמִּצְרִ֔י וַֽיִּטְמְנֵ֖הוּ בַּחֽוֹל׃

He turned this way and that and, seeing there was no man, he struck down the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.

When Moshe saw that no one was doing the right thing, he was able to resist peer pressure and do the right thing. 

Interestingly enough, one would imagine that this would be a message geared towards our students (which we discuss often in Advisory). But, in reality, so many of us, the parents, need the help of “collective action” to resist peer pressure and keep our children safe from the harms of smartphone usage. How many times have our children said to us, “But, Mommy. Everyone has one!  Everyone is doing it!”  It takes every ounce of courage to say, “I know, but you aren’t.” (And, shhh, between us. Usually when our children say so, it is not the case!) 

We are grateful to our Parent Tech Committee, which has created a “collective action” at Yavneh Academy where it is okay to not give your child a smartphone, or create limits on their phone use. 

While Mr. Simon’s talk to parents was focused on how to limit our own phone usage as adults, he over and over stressed the impact of those behaviors on our children. I will focus on only a few (of his 11 pieces of advice). 

1. Just like with cigarette smoking, alcohol use, gambling etc.,  if you tell your child “You can’t have a phone” or “Get off your phone,” but you are on it all the time, they will be more prone to be on their phones all the time as well. 

2. If we follow his advice and place our phones in areas where they are not easily available, our children will see that we are serious about being more present.

3. By deciding on a landline, old-fashioned camera, cd players etc. we are demonstrating for our children that we are serious about this. 

4. When our children see us constantly checking our devices- we are again modeling for them that we are not serious. Make specific times to check your messages. 

5. Let  your children see you choosing “conversation” and not “connection.” Have real phone conversations and not texting ones! 

6. Children years ago were used to seeing their parents being “present” or “absent.” We are now present and absent at the same time.  Waiting for the doctor, on line, watching a movie with your children- no devices. Be totally present. 

Stay tuned to future weeks when I discuss more of what Mr. Simon had to share that could  be life-changing for us and our children. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade:  Students had a “How are we doing?” lesson. An opportunity to check in with them and see how things are going for them in school.

Seventh Grade: Students discussed how they feel when they are stressed and some techniques to manage that stress. 

Eighth Grade: Students created an “Instruction Manual” for their parents to read about themselves. Ask your child to see his/hers! 

Adar- From Despair To Joy

  A few days ago,  those of us who have been learning Nach Yomi with the OU Women’s Initiative finished learning nach after two years, culminating in a local Bergen County siyum yesterday and a Tri-state area siyum today in Long Island. Congratulations to all those who have participated. Learning the entire nach gives the learner a sense of all the ups and downs of the Jewish people. I often relate the stories we learn in nach to what we are living through today as Jews in 2026.  

In fact, at the siyum on Shabbat, a different person spoke about each sefer of nach.  I was able to share some thoughts about Sefer Melachim, which I am privileged to teach daily in my 8th grade Navi class. Right now, in my class, we are on the precipice of the building of the Beit HaMikdash by Shlomo HaMelech- clearly a high!  The excitement is palpable! (Ask my students in a few weeks about our Binyan Beit HaMikdash party in class). Unfortunately, we know all too well that before Melachim is over, the Jews will suffer and that time of peace during Shlomo’s reign will disappear, leading to destruction and exile. And, if we look throughout the rest of nach we see over and over the ups and downs for the Jewish people. 

And, yet, here we are today, even post October 7th, and we are resilient and hopeful. How is it possible? I recently read an article in the Mizrachi Magazine from May 2025  of an interview of Mr. Yechiel Leiter- Israel’s ambassador to the United States, whose son was tragically killed in battle in 2023.  He says, “Our soldiers and people as a whole are showing tremendous courage. It takes enormous resilience to maintain a war for a year-and-a-half.

Over 1,200 people were killed on October 7th and close to 900 soldiers since then – that’s over 2,000 people. In the United States, proportionally that would be 65,000–70,000 people. Could you imagine the United States with 65,000 people killed in a year? Yet we are so resilient…We’ve had over 5,000 soldiers severely wounded. That’s tens of thousands of people directly affected by this war, plus hundreds of thousands more affected by having to leave their homes in both the North and South for long periods of time. This has affected businesses and entire communities. The entire nation has been affected by ballistic missiles from Iran, Iraq, and Yemen.

Despite being under siege, our economy is still showing growth in a year of war – over 1% growth. Most countries would have a dramatic contraction, but we’re showing growth even under this stress. That’s significant.” 

What’s the secret? (A question I have asked in previous columns).  He shares that Moshe Rabbeinu was a model for this resilience. Mr. Leiter shares that he has a son with Down syndrome and because of him he sees Moshe differently.  At the burning bush Moshe says,“You can’t send me because I have a disability. (As we know he was  כבד פה וכבד לשון).  I’m a victim, I have a handicap.” And G-d answers, “I made you too. I’ll determine what you can do.” And, then how does the Torah end? "אֵ֣לֶּה הַדְּבָרִ֗ים אֲשֶׁ֨ר דִּבֶּ֤ר מֹשֶׁה֙ אֶל־כׇּל־יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל  “These are the words which Moshe spoke” (Devarim 1:1) – Moshe becomes a speaker! His very handicap becomes his strength at the beginning of Sefer Devarim, which is him speaking, in contradistinction to the other four books of the Torah. 

“Moshe needed to show the Jewish people that throughout history, they would face many challenges – persecution and exile from country to country. His lesson was crucial: if you define yourself as a victim, you cannot move forward. But when you refuse to be trapped in victimhood and instead choose life, you find the strength to overcome and continue.”

And, that is the source of resilience, he explains. We don’t bury ourselves in self-pity or victimhood. We use tragedy and persecution to move forward and create a better future. That is what we did after the Holocaust and that is what we do after October 7th. 

We are about to start the month of Adar. Purim typifies this ability- to suffer challenges, but to remain resilient. What’s the secret? 

The Shabbat I attended a shiur by Rabbi Moshe Tzvi Weinberg who shared an interesting interpretation by Rav Nachman of Breslov  of the phrase, מִשֶּׁנִּכְנַס אֲדָר מַרְבִּים בְּשִׂמְחָה “When the month of Adar enters we increase in joy.” (Coincidentally, Mrs. Michal Horowitz quoted it in the Nach Yomi siyum today as well).  He asks, why do we say when Adar enters? Why not “When Adar begins?”  

The word אדר can be split into א- aleph- representing  Hashem as אלוף - master. And,      דר- dwells.      Because Hashem נִּכְנַס and is "dwelling" ( דר) here, it is a time of maximum joy ("Marbim B'Simcha").  The month of Adar leads to Purim, where the "dwelling" of Hashem is revealed, even though He is not explicitly mentioned in the Megillah- Hashem’s “dwelling” is “hidden.”  The month of Adar is seen as the time when A (Hashem) Dar (Dwells) among us- even during the tough times. That realization leads to joy.

Even when things are tough and we go through challenges, if we keep in mind that Hashem is always with us, and there is a plan that we may not understand, we can remain joyful and resilient. 

Last week, I spoke about resilience in my column, as seen in the Superbowl and sports. In Advisory we speak to the students about how to face disappointment, difficulties or rejections in life. And, while Advisory is officially an SEL class- social, emotional, learning, we know that the research shows that another type of SEL class- Spiritual Emunah Learning is essential for happiness as well.   We share with the students a segment from Rabbi David Ashear’s Living Emunah For Teens, of a metaphor that helps when facing difficulty:  

Imagine G-d wrote to you every day. This is what He might write to you...

 “Good night, Leah. Listen, I know you feel bad about the C you got on your test, and the D you got in your other class, and all your other grades.  But don’t worry.  Pretty soon someone is going to suggest a change for you. You are going to be successful and also meet your best friend for life.  Forget about the grades and go to sleep. Remember, Leah, I love you.”  

“Good morning, Reuven. I just want you to know that today, your friend Yaakov is going to say something that will seem thoughtless and insulting.  But don’t worry. All will be well. And, that toothache- it will become a little cavity instead of a root canal.  Remember, whatever happens, it’s coming from Me.  I’m looking out for you.” 

 Imagine if, throughout the day, you found messages from Hashem.  When you faced a challenge, He would let you know that He sees what you’re going through and has the whole situation in hand.  When something good happened, it came with a note attached that said,’This is something special, just for you.’ There would be no greater source of courage, comfort, and joy in our lives.  We would have no worries. We would feel pampered and protected at all times, even in the midst of something that would otherwise be unpleasant.  If you can imagine living like this, then you can imagine what life is like for someone who lives with rock-solid emunah. 

Other than in Advisory, I was thinking about another time where I quoted this segment from Rabbi Ashear. It popped up in my google drive on March 29th 2020, when I spoke to the students on zoom during covid. It is painful just to think about it. And, after sharing the above segments from Rabbi Ashear I gave the following introduction and afterwards the  exercise below.. 

Good morning Yavneh students.  I miss seeing you each morning and hope you are all doing well.  

In thinking about the past days and the time we have spent at home- we might have had some moments that are upsetting, confusing or disappointing.  I always find that a way I deal with things that are confusing, or disappointing is by looking out for letters... from Hashem.

What, you might ask? What does Dr. Frohlich think she’s saying? Hashem doesn’t write letters?! And, what supernatural mail service might deliver those?   

Yes, I know that Hashem doesn’t really write letters to us, but imagining that He does helps me feel like He is sending me messages of encouragement.  Imagining these letters helps me.  Remember that Hashem is taking care of me and He is behind the scenes pulling the strings and making what is best for me to happen- even if we can’t see it now.

Today, I would like all of us to begin a new exercise:

1. When you are going through a tough time and something upsets you, I want you to stop and imagine what Hashem is saying to you at that moment that can help you overcome your upset?  What is He saying that will tell you it will be alright?  

2. Then, I want you to do something else.  If you have time, write a letter to Hashem. Yes, we know we can’t mail them, but sometimes just writing down what’s on my mind for Hashem to hear helps me through a tough time. 

So, as we begin another day of distance learning, and we are distant from our school, may we remember that Hashem is never distant from us and he is constantly “writing to us”  even when we don’t have internet connection.  Wherever we are, Hashem is with us and holding our hands. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade:  Students discussed what it would be like to “switch places” with their teachers and how that might impact their behavior. 

Seventh Grade: Students learned about how to see life through “rose colored” glasses and the skills of upbeat thinking. 

Eighth Grade: Students were introduced to the second half of the year in Advisory “Preparing for life after Yavneh” - tackling topics that are needed for high school.