מִשֶּׁנִּכְנַס אֲדָר מַרְבִּין בְּשִׂמְחָה “When the month of Adar begins, one increases rejoicing” (Gemara Taanit 29a). I personally am having a hard time accessing that simcha, with my brothers and sisters in Israel running to bomb shelters as we speak. How can we still engage in “happiness” when there is a war going on?
I think the key to being able to access “happiness” in tough times speaks to what happiness truly is. עִבְד֣וּ אֶת־ה' בְּשִׂמְחָ֑ה Serve the Hashem with happiness, as it says in Tehillim 100:2. This happiness is not a surface, selfish happiness.
To truly understand what Jewish happiness is, let us first look at the Sefer HaChinuch who explains in mitzvah 488 that just like it is essential for a person to eat and sleep, a person must be happy. So, then why are there times of year, like Purim, or the Shalosh Regalim, when it is a specific mitzvah to be happy? Hashem commands us certain times of year to especially work on our happiness which hopefully will last throughout the year. Happiness takes work. One does not just win the lottery and become happy. Doing something fun does not make one happy. Happiness is more than that and takes effort, and the psychological research substantiates that truth. As Malika Chopra writes in the article “Does Being Happy Make You Healthy?”
In the last few years, social scientists Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ed Diener, and Martin Seligman, among others, have explored ways to quantify happiness and chart its components. Based on his research, Seligman has even developed a “happiness formula”—Happiness = Set Point + Conditions in Life + Voluntary Action—which indicates that happiness is partly genetic, partly a result of circumstance, and partly an outcome of conscious decision-making. Indeed, by Seligman’s reckoning, the external conditions of one’s life, like having more money or a larger house, only account for 7–10 percent of actual happiness, while genetics (40 percent) and voluntary actions (50 percent) matter far more.
One’s actions and “work” on happiness actually determines how happy one is more than life’s circumstances.
So, what can we actively do to be happier? My go to book regarding happiness is often Dr. Tal Ben Shahar’s book, Happier. Dr. Ben Shahar was a professor at Harvard famous for his course on Happiness based on scientific research and practical strategies to achieve happiness. Dr. Ben Shahar states, “Happy people live secure in the knowledge that the activities that bring them enjoyment in the present will also lead to a fulfilling future.” Happiness= Pleasure (Present Benefit) + Meaning (Future Benefit). It is not enough to have fun, but there also has to be meaning.
This naturally leads to the research that indicates that religious people tend to be happier than non-religious people. Why? One aspect is the belief in G-d. That no matter what happens to them there is always hope. “Religion serves as a resource for coping with negative life experiences and existential fear, ” states Dr. Clay Routledge. And, there is a plethora of research indicating that those who believe in G-d may actually heal quicker when ill. Religion also provides a sense of community and ability to connect with others, essential for happiness. Connecting with others and not self-isolating is one way to increase happiness.
One way to achieve happiness is through sharing our worries with a friend- simply venting even if he/she cannot help. Prayer achieves a similar goal. The Chazon Ish in his letters writes of the wondrous ability that a person has to share his worries with Hashem, כאשר הוא משיח לרעהו- like he converses with a friend. This is either through structured tefillah or just sharing our worries with Hashem when you need a friend. The Chazon Ish says this actually משמחת לב- gladdens the heart.
Likewise, religion also provides that “meaning” noted by Dr. Ben Shahar- working towards a goal and purpose. One way we achieve that meaning and happiness is through helping others. As it states in The Week, “A Genetic guide to true happiness” “Human beings appear to be genetically engineered to be happiest and healthiest when we spend a lot of time selflessly helping others—and unhealthy when we’re mostly devoted to self-gratification.” And, in fact, they found that in drawing blood from subjects who helped others versus buying themselves something they found that those whose lives had “lots of pleasure but little meaning, were priming cells to express high levels of inflammation, which is linked to cancer, diabetes etc.” Helping others is another strategy to achieve happiness. In some ways this seems counterintuitive. One might think that when one helps another, it is the other who becomes happier. But, the giver does as well! (Now it makes sense why the school psychologist coordinates the Chesed Team!)
Giving to others actually activates the pleasure centers in the brain and even increases endorphins, feel- good chemicals. It therefore makes sense that two mitzvot of Purim involve giving to others- Mishloach Manot and Matanot L’evyonim. Mishloach Manot is not about the receiving in return- it is about giving.
Dr. Ben Shahar also speaks about an assignment he gave his graduate students- keeping a gratitude journal. In research conducted by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough writing down at least five things for which one is grateful each day will increase happiness levels. Gratitude is one key to happiness. In Hebrew gratitude is הכרת הטוב which in essence means “recognizing the good.” The first step to achieving happiness is recognizing the good that we have. We focus on the cup half full, which logically leads to unhappiness. We often don’t even notice all the good in our lives.
One reason we don’t notice the good we have is that we are so busy comparing ourselves to others. Jealousy is often a reason we are unhappy. And, we are always seeking more honor for ourselves. We need to work more on being שמח בחלקו - happy with our lot in life and combat that jealousy. And, the research indicates that the happier we are for those around us when they are successful (i.e. not jealous) the happier we are. In essence, one might note, as Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz in Sichot Mussar does, that Haman’s downfall was his need to constantly have more honor, that he couldn’t tolerate that one man wouldn’t bow to him, which eventually led to his death.
And, so, yes, engaging in pleasure-seeking happiness would feel inappropriate while our brothers and sisters are at war. But, purpose-driven, happiness full of meaning would be absolutely appropriate and would even help the war effort- giving to others, connecting to Hashem, working on our middot and engaging in activities that have meaning, all while dedicating those actions to a speedy רֶוַח וְהַצָּלָה "Relief and deliverance" (Esther 4:14).
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade; Students set some goals for this coming semester and had a “check-in” on how they felt things were going in school.
Seventh Grade: Students discussed psychological and spiritual strategies to managing disappointment in life.
Eighth Grade: Students began a unit on cheating.
