Pesach and Treating Our Children "Uniqually"

            A Morah was discussing the Aseret HaDibrot with her students. After explaining the commandment to honor one's father and  mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" One boy  reponded, "Thou shall not kill." 

            This joke typifies the at time stressful relationships our children have with each other, and we had/have with our own siblings.  At last week's Parsha and Parenting shiur we discussed the importance of sibling relationships  in leading to exile and facilitating redemption of Pesach. In thinking about Chag HaPesach one theme that in my mind weaves through the story is that of sibling relationships.  After all, the actual Slavery began due to the relationship between Yoseph and his brothers. That is how they got there in the first place.

            Pesach most specifically typifies the importance of the family unit. We know the the Korban Pesach had to be eaten according to one's house, along with one's family. Pesach is the holiday that no matter how different our children are- whether one's a chacham, rasha,  tam or a sheaino yodea l'shol- they all sit together at the seder table.  Somehow, this chag is a unifying one. 

            Beginning with Kayin and Hevel, Yitzchak and Yishmael, Yaakov and Eisav and Yoseph and his brothers, Sefer Bereishit is replete with examples of sibling rivalry.  The story of Yoseph is one full of many questions.  We know that Yaakov gave Yoseph the coat of many colors which sparked jealousy among the brothers.  From here the Gemara in Shabbat states, “A person should never show a difference to a son amongst the sons for it was for a weight of two selaim that Yaakov gave to Yoseph more than his other sons that they were jealous of him and the situation continued to develop and our forefathers ended up in Egypt.” 

            What role do we as parents play in perpetuating sibling rivalry? To focus on two points we made at the shiur:  One area of focus is that as parents we will often see jealousy amongst our children. We are then tempted to treat all of them equally, i.e. If I get him new shoes, I need to get her shoes as well.   We should not treat them equally. We should treat them “uniqually” (That is a new word that I inadvertantly coined by a slip of the tongue during my shiur when trying to say uniquely! But, the group liked it and we voted it into our lexicon).  “When I was a little girl, I was taught that being jealous is like eyeing someone else’s gorgeous piece of luggage. You lug it home excitedly, open it up, and realize too late that nothing fits. Besides, half the stuff inside isn’t even your taste.”  What Jack needs is not what Sarah needs. And, by giving all of our children the same, we are in essence cheating them.  So, we answer, “I know you would like new shoes. But, Jack needs new shoes. You don't need new shoes. When you need new shoes, you will get as well.”Likewise, one of our children may need us to sit with him hours each night doing homework, while our daughter is thirsting for that time together, but does not need it. It would be a crime to sit and do homework with your daughter if she can do it independently. Spend time with her a different way.

                  Another point, for those of us who are panicked that our children fight too often, is that Dr. Laurie Kramer of the University of Illinois found that even if siblings fought  as children, if the pleasant times together outweighed the times of altercations, then they would tend to have positive relationships as adults.  It is our job as parents to help them create those positive memories and bonding experiences with each  other.

                  The relationship of Yoseph and his brothers ended positively.  They were now ready to begin the healing.  The “tikkun” of this Sinaat Achim continued in the relationship of Moshe and Aharon- the redeemers of the Jewish people.  We find that when Moshe was chosen to be the leader of the Jewish people, he is concerned about Aharon being slighted and Hashem states, (Shemot 4:14), “Behold Aharon your brother is coming out to meet you, and when he sees you, he will rejoice in his heart.” Only happy for him and without any envy, Aharon serves as his “right hand man.”  And, when Aharon is appointed Kohen Gadol, Moshe has that same happiness for him without any jealousy. 

                  Lack of brotherhood is what brought the Jewish people to Egypt and is often the underpinnings of most exiles.  Ahavat Achim of Moshe and Aharon led to the redemption. Only with true brotherhood could the Jewish people reach Matan Torah. As we know, at Har Sinai they were “like one man with one heart.” Brotherhood is the key to redemption.  May we merit to celebrate our Sedarim next year in Yerushalayim, the city of Brotherhood.

Facebook Parenting

“Goodnight remotes

And Netflix streams,

Androids, apps,

And glowing screens.

Goodnight plugs...

Goodnight beeps

Goodnight everyone who should be asleep

Goodnight popstars

Goodnight Macbook Air

Goodnight gadgets everywhere.”

We all remember reading Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown to our children as we tried to ease them to sleep at night. Those days of simply reading them a good story to get them to sleep are long gone. The above is not from that book (didn't sound familiar?!), but rather from a parody called Goodnight iPad written by Ann Droyd (a pseudonym for David Milgrim). In Goodnight iPad that same bunny cannot fall asleep due to all the electronic devices buzzing all around her.

Milgrim (the author) says, “I love my iPhone and my electronic drums and other music gear, and I love having so much recorded music available so easily. And streaming Netflix. All of it. It’s great.” But, he wanted to remind his audience that sometimes it is important to shut down all the technology to enjoy an old-fashioned book. “I fear that some of the simple and quieter things may get lost, in the same way the night sky gets lost to the lights,” Milgrim says. “Those simple activities like being with friends, reading aloud, and especially time spent outside in nature are critical to building a full life and establishing a sense of balance. The quiet beauty portrayed so poetically in Goodnight Moon is a perfect example. The modern world is just way too intense, even for the most sophisticated amongst us.”

In October 2011, the New York Times in an article called, “A Silicon Valley school that doesn't compute,” speaks of the Waldorf School of the Peninsula. There is not even one computer in the school. 75% of the parents have high-tech backgrounds and work in technology, and yet send their children to such a school. The Waldorf Schools' teaching philosophy focuses on “physical activity and learning through creative, hands-on tasks. Those who endorse this approach say computers inhibit creative thinking, movement, human interaction and attention spans.”A controversial and debatable topic. Yet, the message is similar- let us put the technology to “sleep” for even some time each day so that we can focus on the “human experience” of learning.

In a recent workshop, the 8^th graders were abuzz about Tommy Jordan of North Carolina who discovered that his 15 year old daughter Hannah was complaining on Facebook about her parents treating her like a slave. Jordan was embarrassed by Hannah's lack of respect and took her laptop out and shot it nine times, posting it on youtube “for all those kids who thought it was cool how rebellious you were.” Whether or not you agree with what he called, “Facebook Parenting” the clear message was that he felt that she was abusing her Facebook page and her “technological rights.” Hannah was also hiding that she had a Facebook page and her father, an IT expert, discovered it on his own.

Meghan Daum from the Los Angeles Times views this story as demonstrating that we are raising a generation that “has no shame.” Her father cringed as their private relationship was made public. Hannah, on the other hand, felt no qualms about airing her dirty laundry in public. The difference between what should be kept private and what should be made public may have been intuitive before the Facebook generation. Today's children need to be expressly taught the difference. One thing this story does demonstrate, in my mind, is that this father and daughter were not comfortable communicating with each other face to face, and were doing so instead via Facebook and youtube. If only they had put the technology to sleep, (no shooting necessary), so that they could talk to each other.

We all know the glorious successes our children can and do achieve with the technology in their worlds. And, like Ann Droyd, we are not advocating going cold turkey. We are advocating breaks and another type of “Facebook parenting.” In my mind, “Facebook parenting” does not mean retaliating against your daughter via Facebook. It means, if your child is a Facebook user, you should open an account and become familiar with the system. She needs to “friend” you, and can even show you how to use it. This is the only way you can monitor what she is doing. (Although, don't dare post on her page!) If you are on Facebook this is a way for you to talk about it with her. Communication face to face, not Facebook to Facebook, is the goal.

One- Way Mirrors for Looking at Others

 “I have a dream about building a giant, magic one-way mirror. Anyone who is upset about something small — their kid didn’t say please, or their house isn’t perfect — would look in the mirror and see a person like themselves whose life has been turned upside down due to illness or an accident. To make them see and appreciate how much they really have, and how things can change in an instant. If I had a dream, that would be it.” These are the words of Mr. Yitzy Haber,  the speaker who began our most recent unit in 7th Grade Advisory some five weeks ago.  Mr. Haber, Teaneck bred and familiar to the studets as a "Ruach maker" at Bar Mitzvahs, shared his insights on facing challenges. ( A link to an article about him is found the e-mail I sent you). According to Haber, mirrors are not for looking at oneself- they are for looking at others.  This reminds me of a tale I had heard as a child that explained that the difference between a mirror and a window is that a mirror is coated with "silver."  Oftentimes, it is the material aspects of life or unimportant aspects of life that prevent us from seeing the world around us, and force us to focus only on ourselves. The message of appreciating what one has by realizing that so many others have less than we,  is clearly one our students have gleaned these past weeks. 

Last year, I referred to the importance of the metaphor of looking in  a mirror for one's mental health. I had discussed how a significant aspect of this most recent unit "When Life Gives You Lemons" was to train our students to talk to themsleves. They learned about “self-talk” and “affirmations.” All of our inner dialogue, or messages we tell ourselves-whether while looking in the mirror or not, affect how we experience life. Some of our beliefs are dysfunctional and can sabotage us from success and happiness. Much of this self-talk is subconscious. Through positive affirmation exercises we utilize positive statements that challenge  and undermine negative beliefs and replace them with positive beliefs. What we tell ourselves affects how we feel about ourselves. Our students learned that it is good to remind ourselves each day about all the things that our good about ourselves. It is so easy to focus on what we are not good at. We need to focus on what makes us great. And, especially when faced with challenges, it is easy to allow the “negative affirmations” voice to win in our self-talk dialogue. As Henry Ford was quoted as saying, “Whether you think you can, or think you can't you are right.” What better way is there to talk to yourself than looking yourself straight in the eye in a mirror?

This past week, our 7^th graders utilized these skills as we closed our Unit in Advisory “When Life Gives You Lemons” stressing skills for resiliency and bouncing back from challenges in life. This week they decorated special pillowcases for cancer patients to use and to “snuggle up with.” But, first, they needed some training as to what to write on those pillows- all based on what they have learned these past five weeks in Advisory.

Mrs. Shifra Srolovitz, a Child Life Specialist from Hassenfeld Children's Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders at NYU Medical Center, addressed the students. Her job is to help the patients cope with the challenges they face in treatment and retain positive attitudes. She spoke to our students about how her patients face the “lemons” life has dealt them and the types of messages that would be encouraging for them as they decorate the pillows. The students then heard from our own 8^th grader Dena Winchester about a place called the Inn at NIH in Maryland which houses children who are there for treatment. Dena highlighted how the patients focus on why they are lucky and not about the negative aspects of treatment. They also look forward to receiving little trinkets from the “Thoughtful Treasures” project. Dena will be spearheading an effort for our own students to collect trinkets to deliver to these children. (To learn more about this wonderful project see: http://www.childrensinn.org/atf/cf/%7BFC217B38-92A0-42EF-A404-C40162F8FE8F%7D/2011Thoughtful%20treasures%20flyer.pdf.) The students then began decorating the pillows with pictures, jokes and “Affirmations” - positive coping statements. I was inspired as I watched the children consult with Mrs. Srolovitz and their Advisors to find the right words to send encouraging messages to the patients.  Our children learned that you do not even need Mr. Haber's magical one-way mirror to see others. Perhaps you only need to look out the window once in a while to notice those around you.

As the Holiday of Purim is around the corner, we think about the power of a positive attitude in saving the Jews. Esther pessimistically felt that she could not save the Jews. Mordechai challenged her and stated that if she did not go to Achashveirosh, salvation will come from another. And, so, Esther overcame the negative self- talk within her that was sending her messages that she would fail, and did save her people. That is the nature of the chag of Purim “V'nahafoch hu”- reverse it! When all seems negative, reverse your negative thinking and see the positive.

BFFs and Cliques- Necessary Evils?

This week, our 7^th graders engaged in internet safety training workshops conducted by Mr. Mark DeBenedictis, an Adaptive Computer Specialist who specializes in internet safety workshops for all ages. His engaging manner succeeded in creating a dialogue in class where students felt comfortable asking questions and discussing the dangers they have already confronted on the internet. (Our sixth and eighth graders will have their workshops next week, so stay tuned for more details in next week's column).

One “warning” he discussed with the students was the dangers of giving one's password to another. He couched this warning in humor as he turned to the girls and said, “And, girls, I know how it goes. I have a teenage girl at home. One week you're someone's BFF and the next week you are not even talking to each other. You give your password to someone who's you're friend one day, but the next day, when she is angry, she can use that password for revenge.” The girls laughed knowingly and said, “That's so true!”

The drama of middle school friendships among girls varies with each child, and is not as stressful for all our girls. But, for many of our young ladies it is. As our sixth grade parents will recall, last week's Advisory topic for girls was about “when friends fight” and how to manage those instances of girl fighting. Some of those fights are really “relational bullying” where friendship is actually used as a weapon. The way girls gain power, says Rachel Simmons, (author of Odd Girl Out- The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls), is by forming close friendships. By gossiping, sharing secrets, and even just shooting a “look” at another girl they can become aggressive. The silent treatment and body language are two other common weapons girls use.

And, then there are the cliques. Girls form these groups to feel included, but inadvertantly may cause others to feel excluded. It is also essential to have a “best friend.” Simmons highlights that girls send the message “I have power over you , because I could take my friendship away.” It is difficult to call a friend out on bullying behavior because she is a friend. Worse still, girls are afraid to tell a friend who hurt them how they feel as they are worried they will lose the friendship.

Lest we feel totally dejected, relationships are positive as well. Simmons points out that “Relationships are one of girls’ most important classrooms. Relationships are where girls learn the skills to express their needs, accommodate others, and take healthy risks, among other lessons.” These relationships are rehearsals for adult relationships and loyalty. Girls also need and benefit from their friends as they turn to them for support and comfort.

What can we do as parents when we see our daughter caught in the relational web?

1. As always, empathize and listen (even when the soap opera to which you are listening sounds ridiculous!) Ask guiding questions “Why do you think she said that?” “What would you do differently if you could do it again?” Help guide her to find solutions.
2. We relay to her that although one must treat everyone with respect, it is okay not be friends with everyone, especially someone who does not treat you well or does not treat others well. Perhaps one should question whether this friendship is positive if she leaves with hurt feelings too often.
3. Let her know that it is also okay to be angry. No one deserved to be treated like she was.
4. Don't over-react. The more calm we are, the less the drama takes hold.
5. Talk to the school. If your daughter interacts with this girl in school, and the problem is not a passing one, enlist our help.
6. Dr. Irene Levine, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup WithYour Best Friend, recommends that you strike the phrase “best friend” from your vocabulary. Girls have a dream of a lifelong friend, which is unrealistic, rare and sets them up for disappointment.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
   I do find that most definitely when girls are in the sixth grade they are still willing to share all their friendship woes with their parents. As parents we should take advantage of that willingness.  I tend to see a change in 7^th and 8^th grade as the girls are in general more inclined to try to solve their problems independently. That is normal, but does necessitate our antennaes being up more often. We may not know why our daughter is suddenly unhappy, and not getting the calls from that BFF anymore. But, that is our chance to tread lightly, but ask. We cannot help unless we ask. We also cannot detect whether a friendship has actually become toxic or even dangerous for our daugther unless we ask. 

Judaism's Girl Power!

Today's girls face significant pressure. They are at higher risk for depression, eating disorders and even suicide. Dr. Stephen Hinshaw, in his book The Triple Bind- *Be Pretty, Sweet and Nice * Be Athletic, Competitive and Get Straight A's,* Be Impossibly Perfect sums it all up in his title. Dr. Hinshaw informally refers to the above triple bind as having three elements.

1. “Be good at all of the traditional girl stuff.”
2. “Be good at most of the traditional guy stuff.”
3. “Conform to a narrow, unrealistic set of standards that allows for no alternative.”

1. Be good at all of the traditional girl stuff.  Listed amongst these skills are being pretty, nice, having empathy, being cooperative, having relationships and making sure to please everyone- parents, peer and teachers. All of this at the risk of subduing what she really wants or needs. A mainstay of this expectation is body image. Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair. co-author of Full of Ourselves -- A Wellness Program to Advance Girl Power, Health, and Leadership, asserts "You can't talk about a girl's sense of herself without talking about her body image. By middle school, for the vast majority of girls, who they are and what they look like is inextricably intertwined.” The increasing sexualization of girls in society, which our community most definitely feels as well, compounds the pressure.
2. Be good at most of the traditional guy stuff.  Girls are now expected to get straight A's, be super-athletes, be assertive or even aggressive to win at all costs.
3. Conform to a narrow, unrealistic set of standards that allows for no alternative. “At first glance, you might think that a girl was free to become anything she chooses. Look a little closer, though, and you’ll see that whatever else she may decide, she must also always be sexy, thin, pretty; have either a great boyfriend or a husband and kids; and be wildly successful at her career.”

What is the secret to combating these pressures? Dr. Hinshaw speaks of the importance of helping them learn to listen to their “internalized” voice- the “self-talk” that we teach our students in Advisory. What messages are you sending yourself? Which ones are realistic? Are you telling yourself that it is okay to make mistakes? We also help them think critically about the images bombarding them in the media and the culture around them. Aside from the computer-enhanced imaging they learn about in Advisory, we also speak to them about “What is true beauty? Are the people they see in the media truly happy?”

Most importantly, we focus on strengthening their self-image. All the research indicates that the way to strengthen our girls against eating disorders is not education about the disorders, nor is it a class about healthy eating. Rather, it is consistent discussion (which we proudly do in Advisory for boys and girls) and sending the message of how to strengthen that self-image.

For girls, there often is an additional element of the focus upon what it means to be a girl or a woman in today's world. Otherwise known as “girl-power!” We do this by at times having separate- gendered Advisory. As Jewish women, our girls need to have the additional understanding of what it means to be a Jewish woman in today's world. That was the goal of our new “Girls-Only Torah Learning Chug (club)” that I started last week. I opened the Chug to 7^th and 8^th grade girls and had an overwhelming response. Once a week the girls signed up will daven together followed by our group. The topics that we came up with were (not necessarily in this order): 1.Girls and bris? 2. Women and torah learning 3. Women and tefillah. 4. Mechitza 5. Mitzvot special for women. 6. Woman prophetesses. 7. Famous Jewish women who changed Jewish history. 8.Relationships 9. Women in the Talmud- example: Bruriah, 10. Kol Isha 11. Creation of woman

12. שלא עשני אשה
13. חכמת נשים בנתה ביתה
14. בזכות נשים צדקניות נגאלו אבותינו ממצרים.

It is no wonder I am so excited about the time I will spend with the girls hearing their insights and helping them gain the perspective to be proud of who they are as Jewish women. As a psychologist and as a Judaic Studies teacher I revel in the idea that through the Torah our girls will develop stronger self- images and become more resilient to the pressure of the triple -bind.

Super Bowl Halftime Lessons

A number have people have asked me if I am writing another Super Bowl column this year highlighting some lessons for life that we can learn from the Super Bowl. This year, I have chosen to write a Super Bowl halftime column. This began when I first heard that a Yeshiva in Sderot was offering an alternative to the halftime show. They were asking that when people host their Super Bowl parties, they should ask their guests to bring some tzedakah money. They created a DVD to show at halftime about the Yeshiva to encourage donations. I then heard that Yeshiva University was offering a “Torah alternative” to watch during halftime. The YU Torah Halftime Show was a series of three 8 minute presentations on "Torah and Sports". Clearly there were enough people who felt that the halftime show was not “appropriate.”

That led me to thinking about the commercials during the Super Bowl. An organization called “Common Sense Media” writes about this issue. Common Sense Media is an organization which informs parents about the media they consume. (It's a great resource to check out the appropriateness of a movie!) “There's only one thing that can upstage Tom Brady throwing a 50-yard touchdown pass: a supermodel getting her naked body painted by Jillian Michaels. That's what Internet domain registrar GoDaddy.com will be treating audiences to in its Super Bowl ads this year,”- one example. The author continues on to quote a memorable commercial from a past Super Bowl. “As adults, we may be evaluating an ad's humor or creativity, but the impact on kids can be quite different. Remember the Budweiser frogs? So do kids. A study by the Center on Alcohol Advertising showed that 9- to 11-year-old kids had higher recall (73%) of the Budweiser frogs' slogan than the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers (39%). And kids knew what the frogs were selling: 81% identified beer as the product promoted by the frogs. " Whether glamorizing alcohol, featuring supermodels, advertising "junkfood," or promoting new television shows or movies that may not be appropriate, our children are exposed to commercials that may not relay the values of our families.

Common Sense Media recommends that if you are viewing the commercials with your children, use them as teachable moments. Ask them, what are they trying to sell? How are they manipulating us? What isn't the ad telling us? (i.e. Alcohol is illegal under the age of 21, or the item they are selling is very expensive). Help them distinguish fantasy from reality. Hit the mute button or change the channel when you feel a commercial does not reflect your values and you would rather present the concepts to your child before he sees the ad.

We actually had a discussion about this issue with our 7^th grade boys in Advisory this past week. They recognized the inappropriateness of the ads for their "younger siblings," but thought they were old enough to handle it. It was interesting to see how passionate the students felt about the issue. What is appropriate? Who decides? Do we ever change the channel when faced by inappropriate images?

Last week, a decade long battle between the TV Networks and the Federal Communications Commission reached the Supreme Court. The Networks argue that the FCC regulations which ensure that children don't see obscenity and explicit sexual images during prime time is a violation of free speech. It is intuitive as parents to champion the FCC and and assert that it is the only way to shelter our children. Jacob Sullum in the New York Post states that young people are already exposed to all of that inappropriateness as the FCC guidelines date back to 1978 and today 90% of homes have cable television (not bound by the FCC regulations).

It is clear from the research that media influences our children's attitudes towards sexual intimacy, alcohol, violence, language, and family and peer interactions. They often pattern themselves after role models on television. That is the meaning of what we say each day in Shema from Bamidbar 15:39

"ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם " "And you shall not stray after your heart and eyes." We can help screen the media experiences of our children so that their hearts and eyes are exposed to the right visions, language and role models.

Better Versus Bitter

“After a setback you can be either bitter or better. The only difference between those two words is the 'I'- I have the choice to grow or to sink under hardship.” These are words that we present to our seventh graders as part of our Resiliency Unit in Advisory. Our students know this unit as “When life gives you lemons...” In this unit, we speak with the students about what they need to cope when they confront “tough times.” Tough times may be a poor grade on a test, a fight with a friend or an illness of a loved one. Students learn that resiliency or the lack thereof is the reason why some people crumble under adversity while others bounce back. But, no matter what the adversity, students learn the cognitive skills needed to bounce back.
This week's parasha reminded me of the “bitter” versus “better” quote above. As we read in Parashat Beshalach, after the splitting of the Red Sea the Jews “could not drink the waters of Marah because they were bitter” (15:23). Hashem instructs them to cast at tree into the water which sweetened the water. The Midrash in Shemot Rabba 50:3 states that the words “they were bitter” refer to Bnai Yisrael, not the waters. The waters themselves were actually fine, but the attitude of the people was bitter and pessimistic. If they had approached the water with a “sweeter” more optimistic attitude, perhaps the waters would have tasted sweet. In fact, the Torah Sheleima explains this Midrash saying, “For one who keeps something bitter like wormwood in his mouth- all sweet things he puts in his mouth seem bitter.” In life, we often confront “bitter” situations. If we approach them with an upbeat attitude and optimism we can prevail.
In Advisory the students learn about the importance of upbeat and optimistic thinking. They learn the skills of positive self-talk. The words we use with the student are “self-talk is talking to yourself and telling yourself you can do it, it will be okay, you have succeeded before and you will succeed again. It is sort of what you would tell a friend when he/she is faced with trouble, but instead, you tell the same thing to yourself.” These are skills that we can reinforce with our children as we ask of them “what messages are you telling yourself?” If the Jews had utilized some of this self-talk they would have optimistically said, “Hashem has taken care of us in the past. He will take care of us now and ensure that we have water.”
Interestingly enough, the Midrash adds that the bark of the tree that Moshe used was itself extremely bitter. The message to Bnai Yisrael was that often from bitter sweet can emerge. Situations that may appear bitter to us may eventually lead to something good in our future. At the time, it is often impossible for us to keep that in mind and hope that it was all for the best.
On Shabbat it was the 9^th Yahrzeit of my father, Rabbi Steven Dworken, a”h. One quality that my father had was to be realistic while at the same time optimistic. He challenged us to be less dramatic and more pragmatic. His children, wife, congregants and the many rabbis he mentored recall how that when one had a problem, after speaking with Rabbi Dworken, one knew it would be okay. And, it most often was.
This past Thursday we spent the day of the petirah of Beth Isaacs, a”h, thinking about the bitterness with which life often presents us. As the administrative and mental health team, we planned for her class and her colleagues and how to help them cope. We attended the funeral ourselves, and as the sadness overwhelmed us, we thought of her precious children and family and how they will cope. It is our prayer that they will find within themselves the strength to “bounce back.”