As we began Selichot last night and soon enter the days of the Yamim Noraim, we spend much of our time in prayer. Whether hours in shul on Rosh Hashana or a full day on Yom Kippur, these are days when we work on our כוונה for Tefillah. With the popularity of mindfulness of late in the field of mental health, I consider that we, the Jewish people, were mindful way before it was popular. What can mindfulness do for us as people in general and more specifically as Jews?
Mindfulness is the ability to simply be present in the moment, and aware of your thoughts and your feelings, without judgment. Especially today, in an age of technology, we have lost the ability to just sit and be. I recall the day when I sat in a doctor’s office waiting room simply waiting. Today, if one looks around, everyone is on his/her phone. Mindfulness has been shown to help people manage stress, rumination, anxiety, depression, addiction and various other mental health related issues. It has even been shown to improve physical illness such as hypertension, chronic pain and heart failure. Researchers discuss its beneficial impact on self-control, objectivity, flexibility, concentration, self- insight, morality, mental clarity and the ability to better relate to others.
Mindful parenting can help both us and our children. Mindfulness can help you lower the stress that sometimes comes along with parenting, and can help teach our children the strategies as well, as we model them. As Julian Garey of the Child Mind Institute writes in her article “Mindful Parenting”
“Mindfulness is designed to help you notice your emotions and calm yourself down in stressful situations. It includes breathing exercises, guided meditations and taking a step back from difficult situations. These habits can give you the time and emotional space you need to solve problems at home. Sometimes mindfulness means slowing things down. Being mindful means focusing on right now and not always rushing to get to the next thing. It means letting go of the idea that things need to be perfect. Or that you need to be the perfect parent. Part of being a good parent is learning to dial back your own stress. Studies show that the biggest source of stress for kids is their parents’ stress! So, parents who are less stressed make kids less stressed. In stressful situations, your calm response will help your kids calm down too. They see that you’re not falling apart. You’re in control and that makes them feel safe.”
Mindfulness- taking time to stop, think and breathe is a wonderful strategy to model for our kids. Here are some other basic mindfulness strategies for us to utilize and model:
When you feel agitated, and you stop and think and breathe, say a mantra. On the website “Raising Kids With Purpose” the author writes a list of some great examples:
This is not an emergency.
I can handle this.
I breathe in calm, I breathe out calm. I breathe in love, I breathe out calm. (Dr. Laura Markham)
My child would do well if he or she could (Dr. Ross Greene)
Behavior is an unmet need.
Behavior is communication.
God, I’m safe with you.
I have everything I need right now (Abundant Mama)
Connection before correction (Dr. Daniel Siegel)
Here are two commonly used breathing techniques:
5, 7, 8 breathing – Inhale for five counts, hold for seven and blow out a big exhale for eight counts.
Box breathing – Breathe in for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. You can use your finger to draw a box or square as you count to four.
3. Doing a body scan - bring attention to each of the following body parts one at a time:
Toes → ball of the foot
Calves → quads
Stomach
Mind
Heart
4. One more strategy she notes on “Raising Kids With Purpose” is called savoring.
“Savoring is aiming your attention on positive things in order to create a “bank account” of goodness to draw on in tough times. When you induce the feelings of gratitude, empathy, and pleasure, you are actually changing the neurotransmitters in your brain to give yourself a positive sense of well-being and a strong sense of safety. How to savor: attach positive thoughts to each of your senses.
What you see around you – nature, your kids getting along, your house you are blessed to live in, certain colors you enjoy
What you hear – music, a baby’s laugh, the sizzling of food, birds chirping, the leaves rustling
What you smell – your favorite food, essential oils, your hair, perfume, your baby’s sweet skin
How you felt in the past – reminisce on past experiences that were very joyful. Savor through journaling
What you feel – something soft, your baby’s skin, your clothes, a tree
What you taste – think of the texture, flavor, and temperature”
This concept of savoring, reminded me of a Jewish mindfulness strategy Dr. Jonathan Feiner, in his book Mindfulness: A Jewish Approach presents, noting that mindfulness is a way to connect to Hashem “The next time you walk outside, pay attention to the beauty around you…notice the light reflecting on the tree, the sound of the wind, the complexity of the world around us. Remind yourself of the artist who created these beautiful masterpieces.” He quotes Ramban’s recommendation to enjoy nature as an antidote to melancholy.
I recently heard a pre- Yamim Noraim lecture by Sarah Yocheved Rigler and she spoke about something that was similar to this concept- being mindful about everyday “regular” occurrences. She began by asking, “What if I told you you could connect to Hashem by doing the laundry?” She describes that In Judaism we connect to Hashem in two ways and they are linked to each other. The first way is through doing mitzvot. A mitzvah is like a tractor beam. It is a beam of energy that comes from above to below and when you step into it you are pulled up.
“The second way to connect toHashem is through consciousness, what we call today “Mindfulness.” It really tickles me that mindfulness has become so popular these days. Being mindful and conscious of Hashem. The Rambam wrote that the power of thought that Hashem granted us is what connects us to Him. Rav Shimshon Pinchas said based on these words that are life changing “When we think about Hashem we are actually with Hashem and when we stop thinking about Hashem we simply disconnect from Hashem. “ It is a matter of consciousness and mindfulness. “
And, that mindfulness is the כוונה with which we began. כוונה does not only apply to prayer. And, she gives an example: What does it look like to do a mitzvah with the intention of doing the mitzvah, and thereby I am connected to the infinite G-d of the universe? Drinking water is good for your bodies. When you drink water you could be, if you have the kavanah, fulfilling the mitzvah דאורייתא of “וְנִשְׁמַרְתֶּ֥ם מְאֹ֖ד לְנַפְשֹׁתֵיכֶ֑ם”- (to take care of your health). When you drink the water and Iyou pause and think I am drinking this water as He has commanded, at that moment you are connecting with the infinite G-d of the universe and have stepped into that tractor beam. The name of my book soon to be published is: “Drink A glass of water and 117 ways to connect to your creator.’” Some mitzvot are hard. This is easy. It can transform your entire life. How many times a day do you drink water?...For example this same mitzvah can be fulfilled when you brush your teeth, take vitamins, eat a healthy snack, put on a seatbelt, drive carefully, go to a crosswalk to cross, wait for green signal, stop at stop sign, dress warmly in cold weather, get to sleep on time at night. “I am doing the mitzvah of taking good care of yourself-” you are doing a mitzvah the whole time you are sleeping. Only if you have the kavanah then it becomes a mitzvah… When we do the mitzvah with mindfulness we are bonding with Hashem and there is nothing better than bonding with Hashem.”
This mindfulness is a Jewish goal and a way to connect to G-d, as Rabbi Dr. Benjamin Epstein in his book Living in the Presence: A Jewish Mindfulness Guide for Everyday Life calls יישוב הדעת- peace of mind (literally-having a settled mind). He describes a meditation technique: “Stand still! Habituate yourself to step back and simply observe your thoughts . . . When you view your thoughts and feelings as an outside observer, there is no longer any self-involvement that demands their removal. . . First you have to let God in…”
Dr. Feiner also quotes the mishna in Avot 1:17:
שִׁמְעוֹן בְּנוֹ אוֹמֵר, כָּל יָמַי גָּדַלְתִּי בֵין הַחֲכָמִים, וְלֹא מָצָאתִי לַגּוּף טוֹב אֶלָּא שְׁתִיקָה
Shimon, his son, says: All my days I have grown up among the wise, and I have found nothing better for (my) body than silence
Mindfulness focuses on the importance of simply being without speaking and listening. He demonstrates the importance of this silence to Judaism: “The midrash teaches that when God gave the Torah and there was total silence, the sound came forth, ‘I am Hashem, your God’” (Shemot Rabbah 29:9) and that “most of the earlier tzaddikim . . . were shepherds because of the benefits of solitude” (Rabbeinu Bachya ibn Pakuda on Shemot 3:1).
And, while כוונה and mindfulness clearly relate to other mitzvot, as I started, tefilla is one activity where we have been “focusing” (pun intended) on mindfulness for years. We take the concept of clearing one’s mind and focusing, something we do multiple times daily, for granted. I can share that I know myself that when I daven (including Modeh Ani in the morning, Shema at night, saying berachot before I eat etc.) those are the only times that day that I feel a sense of “peace of mind.”
As we approach Rosh Hashana, Pinny Arnon in his article “Rosh Hashana: A Day of Mindfulness at the ‘Head’ of the Year” highlights how this coming Rosh Hashana can be life-changing.
Rosh Hashana is not to be a day of guilt, but rather a day of intense MINDFULNESS. If we have been distracted and preoccupied throughout the past year – as many of us tend to be on account of all of the responsibilities, worries, and desires that divert us on a daily basis – Rosh Hashana is the day for us to put all of our concerns aside and to focus intently on our existence. Why are we here, who is responsible for our being, and what are we doing with the precious gift of every moment?
Rosh Hashana literally means the “Head of the year.” It is not the “beginning of the year” or the “new year,” but specifically the “head” of the year. This is because it is the day for us to use our head to practice the mindfulness for which we were ultimately created.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Students had the opportunity to do a “How Are We Doing” lesson where advisors got to see how they are doing in school and how they are feeling about their experiences
Seventh Grade: Students began the next unit in Advisory on Teamwork, Communication and Compromising skills as preparation for Frost Valley.
Eighth Grade: Students learned about effective ways to set goals and assess their grit in achieving those goals.
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