A Parent's Forgiveness

          There was much coverage in the news these past weeks of President Biden pardoning his son Hunter.  Leaving politics and the legalities aside (I am not an expert in either),  I look at this current event through the eyes of the parents' role or how this will fit into this week’s column…like I do most things!  

I recently came across an article by Sarah Yocheved Rigler “Why I Applaud Biden’s Pardon Of His Son.”  Rigler says she applauds the pardon because of “Avshalom’s pillar.”  Avshsalom’s pillar is a burial monument in the Kidron valley right outside of the Old City of Yerushalayim. It has been passed down in tradition that that is the burial place of Avshalom, the son who attempted to overthrow his father King David’s kingdom.  The rebellion of Avshalom is described in Shmuel II and he even tried to kill his father. The general Yoav took it into his own hands and killed Avshalom.

 King Dovid was devastated, as it says in Shmuel II 19:1

אוַיִּרְגַּ֣ז הַמֶּ֗לֶךְ וַיַּ֛עַל עַל־עֲלִיַּ֥ת הַשַּׁ֖עַר וַיֵּ֑בְךְּ וְכֹ֣ה | אָמַ֣ר בְּלֶכְתּ֗וֹ בְּנִ֚י אַבְשָׁלוֹם֙ בְּנִ֣י בְנִ֣י אַבְשָׁל֔וֹם מִֽי־יִתֵּ֚ן מוּתִי֙ אֲנִ֣י תַחְתֶּ֔יךָ אַבְשָׁל֖וֹם בְּנִ֥י בְנִֽי:

And the king trembled, and he went up to the upper chamber of the gate, and wept; and thus he said, as he went, "O' my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I have died in your stead, O' Absalom my son, my son!"

In fact, in my 8th grade Navi class on Sefer Melachim I, we learned that after King Dovid’s passing,  Yoav is finally put to death by King Shlomo as a punishment for killing Avshalom. King Dovid never truly recovered from the death of his son Avshalom

In pasuk 5 King Dovid continues: 

הוְהַמֶּ֙לֶךְ֙ לָאַ֣ט אֶת־פָּנָ֔יו וַיִּזְעַ֥ק הַמֶּ֖לֶךְ ק֣וֹל גָּד֑וֹל בְּנִי֙ אַבְשָׁל֔וֹם אַבְשָׁל֖וֹם בְּנִ֥י בְנִֽי:

And the king covered his face, and the king cried with loud voice: 'O' my son Absalom, O' Absalom, my son, my son!"

In the two pesukim of crying about his son’s death, King Dovid says the word בני eight times. 

Rigler then refers to a Gemara:

According to the Talmudic sages, the first seven repetitions of “B’ni” lifted Absalom’s soul out of the seven levels of hell, while the eighth “B’ni, my son” brought Absalom’s soul into Paradise. King David thus granted his murderous son a royal pardon.

She then notes that Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz, the head of the Mir Yeshiva, used to pray the day before Yom Kippur at Avshalom’s pillar. Not at the kotel or any one of the numerous holy places in Yerushalayim. When Rabbi Shmuelevitz was asked why he chose to daven there. He responded that if King Dovid, who was only human, could forgive his “rebellious and murderous son, how much more should G-d forgive the Jewish people…He would say, ‘You, G-d, are greater than King David.  And, we, the Jewish people, are not as bad as Avshalom.’”

Rigler then ends her article by adding that in 2024, we the Jewish people are still engaged in infighting, and when she turns to G-d to ask for the return of the hostages and peace she is “almost embarrassed” as we are violating what Hashem wants from us- unity. And, then she paraphrases Rabbi Shmuelevitz

 “God, Your mercy and compassion are greater than President Biden’s. If Biden can pardon his child just because he is his child, so please pardon Your children because we are Your children, and return the hostages alive to their families and protect our soldiers.”

This pardon of the Bidens struck me as a parenting message. Similar to what I wrote some years ago around Pesach Sheini: 

As parents, no matter how our children behaved one day, no matter what grade they got on their tests, or no matter how rude they were at the dinner table, we relay to them the message, “No matter what you do, you will ALWAYS get a second chance.”  I will never write you off as impossible or incorrigible.  The secure feeling that a child gets from that message ensures that he will share his worries and trouble with you before things get out of hand. Children who are worried that their parents have given up on them give up on their relationship with their parents.  “You may have skipped your homework five times in a row.  While I need to possibly implement some consequences, and sit with you every night to make sure you are doing your work, you can always redeem yourself.  I believe in you.”  

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade:  Students began their lesson on Bar/Bat Mitzvah etiquette.

Seventh Grade: Students continued with the skills of empathy and not jumping to conclusions about others. 

Eighth Grade: “Why Be Good?” was the question our eighth graders tackled this week.