As we approach Pesach and are focused on the cleaning, shopping and the various other preparations I wonder if all that hard work exists so that when we finally can enjoy Pesach we are fulfilling the words in Pesachim 116B that state
,בְּכׇל דּוֹר וָדוֹר חַיָּיב אָדָם לִרְאוֹת אֶת עַצְמוֹ כְּאִילּוּ הוּא יָצָא מִמִּצְרַיִם.
In every generation a person is required to view himself as if he personally experienced leaving Egypt.
Okay…perhaps not.
The Rambam adds in Hilchot Chametz UMatzah 7:6:
בְּכָל דּוֹר וָדוֹר חַיָּב אָדָם לְהַרְאוֹת אֶת עַצְמוֹ כְּאִלּוּ הוּא בְּעַצְמוֹ יָצָא עַתָּה מִשִּׁעְבּוּד מִצְרַיִם
In each and every generation, a person must present himself as if he, himself, has now left the slavery of Egypt. Not to view himself only, but to act or reenact the Exodus.
Hence the custom, especially among Sephardic Jews, to actually dramatize the Exodus at the seder. The National Jewish Outreach Program website describes what that might look like:
Generally this takes place immediately following Yachatz, the breaking of the middle matzah, or after Ha Lachma Anya, the first paragraph of the Maggid section.
The basic script for this dramatization is as follows:
Person holding the afikomen (larger half of the broken matzah) says: “Their remaining possessions tied up in their bags on their shoulders and the children of Israel did as Moses commanded.”
Other Seder Participants: “From where are you coming?”
Afikomen holder: “From Egypt.”
Participants: “Where are you going?”
Afikomen holder: “To Jerusalem.”
Participants: “What are your supplies?”
Afikomen holder: “Matzah and Maror.”
The afikomen is wrapped in a bag and thrown over the shoulder. In the Yemenite community, the leader of the seder stands, throws the afikomen bag over his shoulder and circles the table while leaning on a cane as he shares the miracles he witnessed leaving Egypt.
The seder stresses the importance of being able to actually feel what it is like to be inמִצְרַיִם which means in dire, narrow straits. Even when we are in our comfortable home we have the ability to use the skills of empathy and to not only imagine, but to actively feel what it is like to be slaves in Egypt and then freed. Feel כְּאִילּוּ - as if you yourself are going through such difficulties and salvation.
As I envisioned the family with their sacks thrown over their shoulders, reenacting the Exodus, it conjured up an expression in Yiddish that says that everyone has their own “peckel”- their own heavy package/bundle to carry. Everyone has his or her own bundle of troubles to carry and overcome. So, while we may not visibly see everyone’s package- they all have one. Even those who appear to have “perfect” lives have burdens to carry that we know nothing about.
The Pesach seder reminds us of the troubles and the “peckels” of others.
As Mrs. Shira Smiles quotes in her article “Compassion and Connection” the Malbim nots that what we recite at the seder is called “הגדה” and not “סיפור.” The term הגדה implies telling of a personal experience and סיפור implies telling a story that happened to someone else.
And, we know that Moshe, the “star” of the Pesach story was known for his empathy as it states when he went out and saw the Jews enslaved, in Shemot 2:11:
וַיְהִ֣י ׀ בַּיָּמִ֣ים הָהֵ֗ם וַיִּגְדַּ֤ל מֹשֶׁה֙ וַיֵּצֵ֣א אֶל־אֶחָ֔יו וַיַּ֖רְא בְּסִבְלֹתָ֑ם
Some time after that, when Moses had grown up, he went out to his kinsfolk and witnessed their burdens.
Rashi says,
וירא בסבלתם: נתן עיניו ולבו להיות מיצר עליהם
And looked at their burdens: He directed his eyes and his heart to be distressed over them.
That was true empathy- the ability to feel their pain despite living the high life in the palace.
We see this quality again with Moshe later in the battle with Amalek as it says in Taanit 11a:
אֶלָּא, יְצַעֵר אָדָם עִם הַצִּבּוּר, שֶׁכֵּן מָצִינוּ בְּמֹשֶׁה רַבֵּינוּ שֶׁצִּיעֵר עַצְמוֹ עִם הַצִּבּוּר, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״וִידֵי מֹשֶׁה כְּבֵדִים וַיִּקְחוּ אֶבֶן וַיָּשִׂימוּ תַחְתָּיו וַיֵּשֶׁב עָלֶיהָ״, וְכִי לֹא הָיָה לוֹ לְמֹשֶׁה כַּר אֶחָד אוֹ כֶּסֶת אַחַת לֵישֵׁב עָלֶיהָ? אֶלָּא כָּךְ אָמַר מֹשֶׁה: הוֹאִיל וְיִשְׂרָאֵל שְׁרוּיִין בְּצַעַר — אַף אֲנִי אֶהְיֶה עִמָּהֶם בְּצַעַר. וְכׇל הַמְצַעֵר עַצְמוֹ עִם הַצִּבּוּר — זוֹכֶה וְרוֹאֶה בְּנֶחָמַת צִבּוּר
The baraita continues: Rather, a person should be distressed together with the community. As we found with Moses our teacher that he was distressed together with the community, as it is stated during the war with Amalek: “But Moses’ hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat upon it” (Exodus 17:12). But didn’t Moses have one pillow or one cushion to sit upon; why was he forced to sit on a rock? Rather, Moses said as follows: Since the Jewish people are immersed in suffering, I too will be with them in suffering, as much as I am able, although I am not participating in the fighting. The baraita adds: And anyone who is distressed together with the community will merit seeing the consolation of the community.
And, the beginning of the salvation, when Moshe sees the burning bush, shows that The Savior- G-d Himeself also typifies this quality. Rashi notes, why did Hashem appear to him in a bush and not in another type of tree?
מתוך הסנה: ולא אילן אחר, משום עמו אנכי בצרה (תהילים צא טו):
from within the thorn bush: But not from any other tree, because of “I am with him in distress” (Ps. 91:15). — [from Tanchuma, Shemoth 14].
G-d Himself was with the Jews in their pain- He felt their pain with them in empathy.
And, after the Jewish people leave Egypt and receive the mitzvot they are reminded of this empathy. In Shemot 22:20 they are told of how to treat the “stranger”
, וְגֵ֥ר לֹֽא־תוֹנֶ֖ה וְלֹ֣א תִלְחָצֶ֑נּוּ כִּֽי־גֵרִ֥ים הֱיִיתֶ֖ם בְּאֶ֥רֶץ מִצְרָֽיִם:
And you shall not mistreat a stranger, nor shall you oppress him, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.
They are encouraged to imagine what it felt like to be strangers themselves.
And, in pasuk 24:
אִם־כֶּ֣סֶף | תַּלְוֶ֣ה אֶת־עַמִּ֗י אֶת־הֶֽעָנִי֙ עִמָּ֔ךְ לֹא־תִֽהְיֶ֥ה ל֖וֹ כְּנשֶׁ֑ה לֹֽא־תְשִׂימ֥וּן עָלָ֖יו נֶֽשֶׁךְ
When you lend money to My people, to the poor person [who is] with you, you shall not behave toward him as a lender; you shall not impose interest upon him.
Rashi comments on the words “with you”
את העני עמך: הוי מסתכל בעצמך כאלו אתה העני
to the poor person [who is] with you: Look at yourself as if you were a poor person. -[From Tanchuma 15]
And, so the Jewish people, in their formation as a nation, were reminded that everyone has their own “peckel” and to feel their pain.
It is easy to feel sorry for someone when their “peckel” is obvious and visible.I have written about empathy in this column numerous times and about how we incorporate it in Advisory. But, it struck me again as I read an article this past Shabbat, that we need to do a better job in teaching empathy for those who have “invisible peckels” - when their suffering is not obvious. In the magazine Family First in the article “Hidden in Plain Sight”, Rivki Silver, presents scenarios where people have invisible disabilities or difficulties and they are consequently judged easily. For example:
Beneath the Surface
What you see:
It’s Shabbos afternoon, and a group of mothers get together with their little ones. After one little boy pushes a little girl one too many times, her mom turns to this boy’s mother, and says, point-blank, “You need to parent your child.”
“Sorry,” mutters his mortified mother.
What you don’t see:
This boy’s mother was in middle of having him evaluated. He was ultimately diagnosed with an extreme case of ADHD as well as anxiety. “The head of neurology saw my kid and said ‘Wow!’ ” the mom recalls.
Beneath the Surface
What you see:
A grandmother takes her granddaughter out for a manicure, hoping for some quality bonding time. But instead of smiling and chitchatting while picking out colors she wants, the girl is asking nonstop questions like, “I don’t know, should I have come? Should I not have come? Should I have stayed home? Should I have done this?” Her grandmother is at a loss — this was supposed to be such a nice outing. Can’t they just enjoy themselves?
What you don’t see:
This girl has a diagnosis of Asperger’s and anxiety. While all these conditions make life challenging, right now it’s her anxiety that’s preventing her from enjoying herself.
It is easy for us to have empathy when someone is in a wheelchair or we know someone has an obvious disability. Dr. Benjamin Miller notes instead of judging the poor parenting of the parent or the terrible behavior of the child consider,
React with empathy
“Understand that there are always things going on behind the scenes that you don’t know about. And if you think you know what’s going on — you don’t, by the way — but if you think you do, do your best to help out. Approach with empathy, from a perspective of ‘How do I support him and maybe give him a little chizuk?’
Maybe that child or parent has a “peckel” I know nothing about. How would it feel if I had to carry such a burden? Maybe there is something I can do to help him/her carry that peckel so it is not so heavy and unbearable rather than judging.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Students discussed exclusion through the video Sneetches
Seventh Grade: What are the everyday stressors that we face and how can we manage them?
Eighth Grade: Students discussed the inappropriate use of bigoted language used in society.