The good news is that I am a morning
person. The bad news is that our teenagers are not! (Although, I
guess it could be worse. At least I was gifted with being a morning
person. Without my waking the house, no one would ever be on time!)
I think I speak for most parents of teens when I say that I often
leave the house exhausted and frustrated after the daily morning
wake-up battle. Another piece of good news is- this is happening in
many households. (That's one plus of being a school psychologist- I
get to hear about how other parents are equally frustrated and I am
not alone!) My children are otherwise wonderful and pleasant, but
mornings are not their best time of day.
It is helpful to keep in mind that
their resistance is not entirely with malicious intent. Teens need
an average of nine hours of sleep, but biological patterns make it
difficult for them to fall asleep before 11:00. Some teens actually
get their second wind at around 10:00. Thus, the morning battle.
In a Frontline documentary “Inside
the Teenage Brain,” (highly recommended!), they focused on research
on teens and sleep. Researches found an internal biological clock
that actually acts against the sleep-wake cycle which keeps teens
awake when they should be feeling tired. After 12 hours of being
awake, subjects ages 10-12 were actually less sleepy than they had
been earlier in the same day. After 10:00, after more than fourteen
hours of wakefulness had elapsed, they were even less sleepy. The
teen's internal clock helps them stay alert at night when they should
have been falling asleep, creating a “forbidden zone” for sleep
around 9:00 or 10:00 pm. And, this same biological clock for us
parents makes it hard for us to stay awake just when our teens are
most alert.
By studying alertness, they also
determined that “teens, far from needing less sleep, actually
needed as much or more sleep than they had gotten as children -- nine
and a quarter hours. Most teenagers weren't getting nearly enough --
an hour and a half less sleep than they needed to be alert. And the
drowsiness wasn't only in the early morning. Teens had a kind of
sleep trough in the mid-afternoon and then perked up at night, even
though they hadn't had a nap.”
However, this is the reality with
which are faced. Dr. James Lehman tells parents that step number one
to alleviating this morning stress is for parents to “stop working
so hard.” We take responsibility for getting them up in the
morning. We are working so hard, so why should they? Why should
they wake up if you are willing to do it for them? “You are
substituting your extra energy and effort for your child's.” The
key is giving them the responsibility for waking up.
New ground rules need to be
established. Have a discussion with your child one evening about
making a different plan. It is important to remember that a
half-asleep adolescent is not capable of having a conversation with
you in the morning. Keep the talk in the morning to a minimum, and
the real conversation should happen when you are not rushing and when
he is alert. For example, “From now on I will wake you twice.
Then, after that, you are responsible. If you miss the bus, I will
not drive you. You will miss school that day and will need to explain
why you were out.” I've had parents tell children that they will
have to take a car service to school and pay for it with their own
money. This might sound harsh, and may not work for all families,
but after a few days, they will realize you are not going to wake up
for them. Likewise, if there are consequences in school, you will
not bail them out.
Teens might need your help in figuring
out how to get out of bed in the morning. Help them come up with some
ideas. If you have a conversation with them about what is standing in
their way and you help them problem solve, they will view you as
trying to help them. For example, placing the alarm clock at the
other end of the room so they need to get out of bed. Or making sure
they pack themselves up the night before. Or, all phones charge in
mom and dad's room after 9:00 pm.
You can also attempt to “wake up
his brain” in the morning by loud music, nourishment or even a cute
youtube video. Fuel his brain, but don't fuel the drama. We need to
remind ourselves not to take the behavior personally, and stay calm.
Additionally, the natural consequences
of not waking up in the morning on time, is an earlier bedtime. They
can earn back their later bedtime once they can prove that they can
be on time. The annoyance of having to go to bed earlier might be
the incentive needed to wake up in the morning.
I have been trying some of the above
advice, and it is working slowly. Until we have entirely eliminated
the battles, my kids know not to talk to Mommy after 10:00 pm, as I
am not a night person. And, I know not to talk to them in the
morning. More good news- there are only ten more days until winter
break, when we can let them sleep a little later and there's no rush
to make the bus!
Advisory Update
Sixth Grade-
Students set goals for the
next trimester for each class based on last trimester's performance.
Seventh Grade-
Students focused on resiliency and the the components which make one
resilient.
Eighth Grade-
Cheating in school is a topic that creates additional pressure for
our teens. Students began discussing how cheating plays into a
Yeshiva setting- or does it?
