Happy Mother’s Day to all. Although, as we said in my house growing up, “Every day is mother’s day,” today is a day we focus on all that our mothers do for us. And, for those of us who are mothers, it is our opportunity to focus on all the nachat and the life-long impact we have as mothers.
However, as we celebrate Mother’s Day this year, and Yom HaZikaron is a few hours away, I cannot help but think about the mothers in Eretz Yisrael as they send their children away to battle. As I send my children off to their years in Israel and to college, my close friends in Israel are sending their children off to war. And, as I call my friends to check in on them, while it is difficult, their strength is incredible. And, while there is no official Mother’s Day in Israel, especially this year, every day should be one.
Lieutenant General Aviv Kochavi, Chief of Staff of the IDF, spoke at last year’s official Yom HaZikaron ceremony at the Kotel. He called his speech “Three Mothers.” He shared that the story of the journey of the Jewish people to its land is a miracle. But, it is also the story of individuals and particularly “three mothers.”
The first mother, Rachel Imeinu, did not even have the chance to live in the land of Israel, dying shortly after arriving in the land. When her children generations later went out to exile, as it says in Yirmiyahu 31:14, קוֹל בְּרָמָה נִשְׁמָע נְהִי בְּכִי תַמְרוּרִים רָחֵל מְבַכָּה עַל בָּנֶיהָ, “A voice on high a bitter and mournful cry, Rachel, crying for her children.” Hashem responds to her in consolation with a promise, “מִנְעִי קוֹלֵךְ מִבֶּכִי וְעֵינַיִךְ מִדִּמְעָה… וְשָׁבוּ בָנִים לִגְבוּלָם”“Stop your voice from crying, and your eyes from tears… for your sons will return to their land.”
Kochavi continues that for much of Jewish history a majority of us lived outside our Land and we have returned. “We are the banim sheshavu ligvulam, the sons of Rachel who have returned to their land. We have returned, to remain here forever.“ It was because of that promise to the first mother Rachel, and her love for the Land and her children that we returned.
“But the journey home has come with an unbearable price, which brings us to the second mother.” Kochavi then tells the story of Nechama who is from Ukraine who came with her husband, Yosef, a Holocaust survivor, to Israel. They raised their children in Israel and two of their sons, Effi and Dedi, were both sent to fight in the Yom Kippur war. He shared how both sons were killed in battle.
“Two mothers, Rachel and Nechama, cried over the fate of their children. One of the mothers, Rachel, was unable to live in the land, but is told her sons will return to live in it. The other mother, Nechama, lived in the land, but for that right paid the unbearable price of her two sons. I would not dare to say to Nechama מִנְעִי קוֹלֵךְ מִבֶּכִי וְעֵינַיִךְ מִדִּמְעָה, “stop your voice from crying, and your eyes from tears.” But I will rely on the words of the Prophet when I say יֵשׁ שָׂכָר לִפְעֻלָּתֵךְ, “there is reward for your actions.” There is a reward, and it is the third mother who benefits from that reward.”
And, then there is the third mother. He does not know her name, but she represents “countless mothers who fill this land. These mothers have built families, and they and their children have built Medinat Yisrael. They are religious and secular mothers, from cities and villages, who have children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and who are able to live securely in their land because of the sacrifices of the first two mothers.”
So, on Yom HaZikaron we salute all the bereaved families and particularly the mothers. They are to be honored as examples of “strength and resolve and serve as an ongoing testament to the power of our nation when we work together for that which matters most.” And, I add, as I watch all the mothers sending their children away, I salute all those who are raising their children with loyalty and courage for Am Yisrael.
What is their secret? As Shira Atik wrote in her article “As A Lone Soldier’s Mother, I Choose The Road of Faith” She articulates what we know all the mothers are feeling: “If I had known this war would break out, would I have tried to talk her into taking a safer, non-combat job? Or delaying her enlistment by a year? I wish I could say that I pondered this question, but honestly, there was nothing to ponder. The answer is yes, of course. I would have begged her to choose a different unit, would have played every card in my hand – including the guilt card – to convince her to change her mind. Having a child in a combat unit during wartime is every mother’s nightmare. Knowing that your child is carrying a gun is disturbing enough in peacetime, but knowing that your child may have to use that gun to save her own life is chilling.”
After many sleepless nights, she relays, and conversations with mothers of other lone soldiers she says, “I’ve realized that when we look to the future, two roads stretch out before us. We can go down the road of fear, of worst-case scenarios, of haunting images that freeze us in our tracks, or we can go down the road of faith – in our children, in Israel, and in God…The Torah teaches us to choose life: “U’vacharta ba-chayim… I am choosing the road of hope, and I’m trying my hardest – for myself, my husband, my children, and all the Jewish soldiers on the frontlines – not to veer off-course. I am digging deep inside myself and finding courage I never knew I had. I am choosing life.”
When I read these words I automatically thought of the Advisory unit that I referenced last week in my column on Yom HaShoah. “When Life Gives You Lemons- how to cope with adversity in life.” We discussed the importance of choice- to choose to have hope. And, more importantly, to choose to have emunah- faith in G-d. In the same unit I added an additional piece this year.
When we talk about resilience I share with the students that since October 7th we at Yavneh, and even in our last Advisory unit Do Not Stand Idly By ( including being upstanders and standing up for Israel), have been feeling all that is going on in Israel and even advocating for Israel. It is constantly on our minds. One can imagine what it is like for those who live in Israel, who are either displaced, have lost relatives or have relatives in battle. One would think that they would literally fall apart.
As we approach Yom Haatzmaut, I noted, yes, it has been hard, but interestingly enough a research study that is done each year was just released called the “World Happiness Report”- which shares which countries in the world are considered the happiest. And, Israel was rated the FIFTH HAPPIEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!! Note, that the United States is #23. How can it be that despite the war and the hard times they are so happy?
To explain the answer to that question. I show them a video of Rachel Fraenkel, another mother, whose son was kidnapped and killed in 2014. It is an inspirational video of her speaking about her reaction to her son’s death. As we learned in Advisory, one can be “bitter” or “better” and she chose to be “better.” “Those days were filled with the darkest hours, but also the most amazing hours. We discovered our family, our friends, our community, our country, our people.” She described the campaigns and initiatives for her son in countries all over the world. She continued to share an allegory- it is like walking in the dark and suddenly seeing lightning that lights your way. “We had days and days of lightning…it was said, ‘We went out searching for the boys and we discovered ourselves.”
So, how can Israel be the 5th happiest country during a war? Herb Keinon writes in his article, Are Israelis really as happy as the world reports? , quoting Zakai Or, that the following seem to keep Israelis happy despite all the suffering: (as the research indicates)
Connecting to meaning “And in Israel, there are many opportunities to connect to something that is greater than yourself. There is a lot of ideology around here. We are here for a reason.”
Religion (emunah) “...is also a factor in life satisfaction. He said that Israel’s Central Bureau of Statistics’ studies consistently show that the more people are religious, the more they say they are happy. ‘This is rock solid and has been going on for many, many years,’ he said.
A sense of being a part of a community, of not being alone, of having someone to lean on, and of being connected to family and friends. This sense of community is found in one’s own family, and also is due to the fact that the army becomes a family.
And, all in all, she summarizes, “Israel’s abundant challenges, she added, do not necessarily diminish happiness, but instead could enhance it. When you have no challenges, then something inside you doesn’t grow,’ she said. ‘Here we are challenged all the time, and we have succeeded. We grow, and this is also a part of being happy.’”
It is interesting that Yom Haatzmaut follows the day after Yom HaZikaron. One would think the sadness of the memorial day would impede the happiness of independence day. Why were they put back to back? And, in fact, while Yom Haatzmaut will be a bit muted this year in Israel due to the war, there will still be celebrations. This is a testament to what the Jewish people and the people of Israel are all about. Despite the hardships, with resilience they celebrate as they are “better” and not “bitter.”
Today we celebrate the mothers here in the United States- for their constant love and hard work. And, even more so the mothers of the Land of Israel-(including mothers of lone soldiers abroad)- for their dedication, their sacrifice and their loyalty to the people of Israel. We commemorate Yom HaZikaron tonight and tomorrow, when we remember those who have fallen, and the mothers of those who have fallen. And, the next day, we celebrate Yom Haatzmaut, celebrating how we have succeeded. We have grown and that is part of being happy.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Students began a unit on social exclusion and bullying and discussed the L.E.A.D.E.R.S. strategies of ensuring that all feel safe and included.
Seventh Grade: Students focused on resilience and the key to “bouncing back.”
Eighth Grade: In connection to Yom HaShoah, students discussed the movie The Wave regarding peer pressure and mob psychology.
