As we approach Yom HaShoah, especially this year, I consider the impact that this day has on our children. My grandparents, a”h, were Holocaust survivors. Despite the fact that they may not have spoken about their experiences at length, I grew up with a deep understanding of the tragedy and the courage and emunah it took to rebuild and start anew. While there are still some survivors who can share their stories, programs like the Holocaust play, Yavneh Connects and the virtual reality our students engage in hopefully keep their stories alive.
I recently came across a song called From the Ashes written by Abie Rotenberg in Journeys V that made an impact on me. Here is a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vPovvTHYoM. Unlike other songs about the Holocaust, it does not describe the Holocaust itself, but rather the life after the war. The lyrics describe how despite their suffering they “rose from the ashes” and rebuilt their lives. Actually not only rebuilding their lives, but “bursting with life.”
The chorus:
They rose from the ashes – and relit their matches,
To kindle a fire that somehow grew stronger.
They suffered in silence – yet lived in defiance,
Never forgetting their mothers and fathers.
How did they lift themselves from the dust,
And build this world they created for us?
With all that was theirs – vanished and gone,
Where did they find – the will to go on.
I wonder, how did they find the will to go on? Not just them, but my great uncles, and aunts. And, when I would visit my grandparents in their bungalow colony, full of their friends with their Hungarian accents, I would look at them in awe, “Where did they find the will to go on?” And, as the song says later on “And, build this world they created for us.”
And, since October 7th, I often ask myself that question regarding the survivors of Nova, the freed captives, the family members of those in captivity, or those who have lost soldiers “Where will they find the will to go on?”
I consider a lesson that our 7th graders will be doing in Advisory in the coming week. They began a unit we call “When Life Gives You Lemons- Coping With Adversity in Life.” Students are in the process of learning skills needed to face and cope with difficulties- whether a poor grade on a test, a fight with a friend or , G-d forbid, an illness or tragedy. We focus on resilience and the ability to bounce back, as the survivors did, after difficulty.
In this unit, we speak about lessons students can glean from two Holocaust survivors. The first is Dr. Viktor Frankl. Dr. Frankl was an Austrian Holocaust survivor of Auschwitz, and a psychiatrist famous for his theory of logotherapy- a belief that the search for meaning in a person’s life is one’s source of strength. I share a quote of his with the students:
“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread...they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms- to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances…When we are no longer able to change a situation- just think of an incurable disease such as inoperable cancer- we are challenged to change ourselves.” Or as they see in their handout:
We teach the students that this is called “reframing.” As I have explained in the past, reframing is a technique used to help create a different way of looking at a situation, person, or relationship by changing its meaning. Also referred to as cognitive reframing, it's a strategy used to help people look at situations from a slightly different perspective. The essential idea behind reframing is that a person's point-of-view depends on the frame it is viewed in. When the frame is shifted, the meaning changes and thinking and behavior often change along with it.
Another way to understand the concept of reframing is to imagine looking through the frame of a camera lens. The picture seen through the lens can be changed to a view that is closer or further away. By slightly changing what is seen in the camera, the picture is both viewed and experienced differently. But, we have the choice and can choose the frame with which we view the world and our life circumstances. (For those who have been reading my column for some time, you know that this is where we do the pink glasses versus dark glasses activity with the students).
Some years ago, I attended a Tisha B’av shiur by Rabbi Moshe Tzvi Weinberg and he quoted the book called The Choice by Dr. Edith Eva Eger. I took it out of the library the next day. Dr. Eger, a psychologist who is also a Holocaust survivor (and, with her Hungarian accent, brings back so many memories of my grandmother), told her life story as she too was sent to Auschwitz. She shares how she was able to free herself from the trauma of her experiences through making THE CHOICE to heal.
Since that summer I have incorporated Dr. Eger’s lessons into our Advisory class along with Dr. Frankl’s. She shares in an interview, “The mind is so strong… the biggest prison is in our own mind and the key is in our pocket… finding hope in hopelessness…the choice to know that you have other options, to be able … to look at the same thing but from a different perspective.” And, as Dr. Eger shared with an army unit returning from Afghanistan, as quoted in her book, “I can’t heal you- or anyone- but I can celebrate your choice to dismantle the prison in your mind, brick by brick. You can’t change what happened, you can’t change what you did or what was done to you. But you can choose how you live now. My precious, you can choose to be free.” All the survivors that Dr. Eger met that were able to move on and restart their lives all had one thing in common, “We had no control over the most consuming facts of our lives, but we had the power to determine how we experienced life after trauma… We can choose to be our own jailers or we can choose to be free.”
Dr. Eger called her form of therapy “Choice Therapy.” As she writes, “as freedom is about CHOICE- about choosing compassion, humor, optimism, intuition, curiosity, and self- expression.”
My grandfather, a”h, died on Tisha B’Av. In looking back at his eulogy that we co-wrote as his grandchildren from our family, it says in Yirmiyahu 9:21:
וְנָֽפְלָה֙ נִבְלַ֣ת הָֽאָדָ֔ם כְּדֹ֖מֶן עַל־פְּנֵ֣י הַשָּׂדֶ֑ה וּכְעָמִ֛יר מֵאַֽחֲרֵ֥י הַקּוֹצֵ֖ר וְאֵ֥ין מְאַסֵּֽף
Indeed, the carcasses of men shall fall like dung on the open field, and like sheaves after the reaper, with none to gather them!
What a horrific description of the Churban. These words perfectly depict the Holocaust as well.
But, a few pesukim later it states:
הַשְׂכֵּל֘ וְיָדֹ֣עַ אוֹתִי֒ כִּי אֲנִ֣י ה' עֹ֥שֶׂה חֶ֛סֶד מִשְׁפָּ֥ט וּצְדָקָ֖ה בָּאָ֑רֶץ כִּֽי־בְאֵ֥לֶּה חָפַ֖צְתִּי נְאֻם־ה':
…that he understands and knows me, for I am the Lord Who practices kindness, justice and righteousness on the earth; for in these things I delight, says the Lord
How does one resolve these two pieces of Yirmiyahu- seeing destruction and yet believing that Hashem is kind and just? This is true emunah- as our grandfather and grandmother chose to live each day. Our Zeidi put tefillin on daily in the labor camp. When thinking about our Zeidi, we think of his smiling face, with his fist in the air saying, “Be strong.” While he would often say those words as an encouragement, those words remind me of the words that Moshe said to Yehoshua in Devarim 31:7 חֲזַ֖ק וֶֽאֱמָ֑ץ- Be strong and have courage. The Kli Yakar there explains that Moshe was telling Yehoshua to be strong because there are those in Bnei Yisrael who were not strong in their faith in G-d. Therefore, Yehoshua needed to be strong in Emunah. ע"כ צריך אתה לעשות לעיניהם דברי חיזוק ואימוץ באמונה “Therefore you need to act before their eyes words of strength and have courage in faith.”
When my grandfather said, “Be strong” he was communicating to us the mantra of his life. Telling us that with Hashem’s help, just like him, we can face and overcome challenges, rise to the occasion, and succeed even in the darkest of hours.
The choice he made was to believe that G-d has a plan that is always best for us, even if it is painful. Dr. Daniel Feldman, in his article “Why Religion is Good For Us” adds how religion is a helpful tool for reframing. “Positive religious coping consists of strategies that reflect a trusting relationship with God and a sense of spiritual connectedness to others, including reframing stressful events as reflecting the work of a benevolent God and seeing oneself as collaborating with God to solve problems, among others.”
And, so, in our Advisory unit, we discuss how belief in Hashem is one way to see the world with “rose-colored glasses,” and to make a choice to see the positive future in our lives. I do believe that only with that emunah could my grandparents build the life they did for their daughters, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great grandchildren today.
As Abie Rotenberg ends his song, seemingly in unconnected manner:
We stood by a mountain as our nation was founded,
Faith etched in our hearts by a voice from on high.
It was witnessed by millions –
forever instilled in our narrative –
to last for all time.
And this torch was passed from father to son,
And through the ages has always lived on.
In the face of despair – confusion and doubt,
The flame that defines us – has never gone out.
It is that bond with G-d that we solidified at Har Sinai that keeps us as individuals and as a Jewish people going, despite difficulty. And, as our family in Israel is facing daily adversity and loss, they too hold on to that emunah and make the choice to see the positive just around the bend and to rebuild. As the song that is often on the videos we see, sung by soldiers in Israel, states (written by Yishai Lapidot and Yaakov Shwekey)
עם ישראל
לא לפחד
השם אלקיך הולך איתך
Nation of Israel, do not be afraid. Hashem your G-d walks with you.
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