Twelve Months a Year, Seven Days a Week, Twenty-four Hours a Day- Part of the Yavneh Family

Here at Yavneh we call ourselves “part of the Yavneh family.” As faculty in the school, we take that seriously. Consequently, when students leave the campus- whether at 4:40 each day or on June 20^th, we do not stop thinking about them, and even worrying about them. It would be easy for us to say, “They are not in our building now. They are not our responsibility.” A family relationship does not take time off for two months a year. And, that closeness does not go on hiatus in the evening during the school year. That is why we put so much effort into our social/emotional curriculum and particularly into our weekly Advisory classes. We understand that those are the skills they need to succeed out of the protective bubble of their second home- when we are not with them. We want them to have the skills to navigate camp, Bar Mitzvahs, high school...- all outside of Yavneh and all topics we cover in our Advisory curriculum.

In planning the last few weeks of the 2011-12 school year we focused on what our students will confront outside of Yavneh. Our Sixth Graders spent the year in their Advisory program focusing on their transition to Middle School and adolescence. Organization, time management, etiquette, friendship skills, and body image were some topics they tackled this year.

This past week, the sixth graders had workshops on “Preparing for Camp.” They discussed challenges that they might face in both day and sleepaway camps. Beginning with situations such as, “Jake has been waiting an hour for his turn in the shower after the big hockey game. He finally gets his turn and as he's showering he hears laughing. Suddenly, the curtain to his shower opens and he sees Tom, Louis and Steven standing there hysterically laughing." Our boys discussed: What is wrong with this situation? What would they do? Why is it important to tell someone? Who should they tell? Why do children sometimes not tell? What is our responsibility as bystanders? We focused on the importance of listening to that voice inside of us , and when we are uncomfortable, we must do something. We also need to know our own personal boundaries and when someone crosses those boundaries, we need to make it stop. The boys focused on the importance of protecting oneself from abuse from one's peers and from adults as well- even adults we trust. A scenario such as, "The head counselor of your camp, a really great guy, asks you to go out to the woods with him to collect fire wood for the camp fire later. Everyone else is in the Cafeteria far away on the other side of camp," was discussed, for example. Our students learned that most adults have our best interests at heart, but we need to utilize the safety rules without exception- just in case.

Other issues discussed by the girls were- What are some of the challenges I face if I go to a local day camp with non- Jewish campers? What do I do if I am home for the summer and lonely? What if my counselor is not receptive to my problem, who should I tell? How do body image issues pop up over the summer? How do we deal with homesickness? Fights with bunkmates? The insightful discussions that ensued provided our students with essential and practical skills need for life outside of Yavneh- during those other two months of the year!

Our seventh graders completed their year- long curriculum of “Prepare Yourselves to Change the World.” Their year was highlighted by internalizing the skills of empathy, resiliency building, and strength of character to withstand peer pressure among numerous other skills. Projects such as working with the homeless, decorating and delivering pillowcases to ill children, and writing letters and petitions against a nuclear armed Iran allowed for them to take the skills they learned and translate them into action. During their last lesson they created “7^th Grade Time Capsules” to be opened in 2022. They had the opportunity to record what they are like now and what they predict they will be like in the future- outside of Yavneh!

Our eighth graders culminated their Advisory curriculum “Preparing for Life After Yavneh” with lessons asking them to contemplate what they anticipate the next few months will be like and how they feel about leaving Yavneh. What did they gain in their years here? What are their worries about the years ahead? What excites them about their new beginning? Students were asked to complete surveys about their time here to provide us with feedback to improve or continue various aspects of our Middle School. At their Graduation Brunch the eighth graders read and took to heart the inscriptions written by their peers that they found inside their new Siddurim. Those inscriptions hopefully inspired them to strive higher and farther as they leave Yavneh.

At 11:30 on June 20^th we will wave good-bye to our students for the summer. They rush to the door “כתינוק הבורח מבית הספר" “like a young child who runs from school”- literally. But, I, with the rest of my colleagues, will be thinking of them all summer. Are they able to implement the skills we taught them in the “real world”? Can they face challenges and successes in life with ease and resiliency? Will they make the rest of the Yavneh family proud? What can we change, revamp, redesign or innovate so that they can do even better outside of Yavneh?

The Power of Praise

Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” The power of a good compliment or praise is undeniable. We know that in the workplace, employees are more productive when they receive regular praise. Not only does it lead the receiver to recognize how much he is appreciated, but it also leads him to further accomplishment to live up to and prove the validity of the compliments he receives.

We keep this impact of the compliment in mind as we meet with our 8^th graders in the last few weeks of school. One essential piece of their Graduation Brunch is their receiving of a sefer with a “compliments” inscription. We ask all the 8^th graders to write a compliment for each one of their classmates. “What do you admire about him/her that you never tell him/her?” We train them as to what is considered a true compliment- to focus on what makes the person unique and a special talent she might have. All the positive comments about each person were compiled into a description about the person which will be presented to him/her in that sefer.



We begin this activity by telling them the story of Sister Helen Morsla who conducted a similar activity with her elementary school class. Years later, she shares, that the list of compliments was so precious to each one of her students that they kept it with them. One of her students, Mark, was killed in Vietnam and the list was found on him when he died. One can never underestimate the power of compliment.


Dr. Erica Brown, in her article, “A Good Word” quotes Rabbi Simcha Cohen who states that in Mishlei 15:31 it states, “ A good word puts fat on the bones.” “When someone says something nice about you, you feel somehow more significant; they've put fat on your bones, an existential weight gain, so to speak. Compliments fill the heart and mind with a basic need; they are the emotional oxygen of the soul. When a person is starved for compliments, the effects can be perceived both in the short and long term. Aside from an inner agony that the person suffers, he also begins displaying signs of emotional hunger and negative behavior that result from his hunger for compliments.”




It was fascinating to see our students sitting at their computers working on their compliments. Some students struggled to write anything more than, “She is nice.” Others were able to pinpoint the exact qualities that made their classmates extraordinary. It was a wonderful exercise in appreciating our friends, and in thinking about how our words can make an impact.


Compliments are obviously beneficial for the receivers, but they also benefit the givers. By focusing on noticing the good that others do, it can boost our moods and strengthen our positive attitudes. The actual atmosphere around us becomes more positive. The Hebrew phrase of Hakarat Ha Tov stresses the power praise has for the giver. When we are grateful for the special quality of another, we are forced to recognize the good in him- a great skill for life. It forces us to forget for a moment the compliments we are seeking for ourselves and to focus on the other. Dr. Brown so aptly states, “We flatter people so that we can get places in life. We compliment people so that they can get places in life.”


As parents, we know the power our praise and compliments can have as well. But, how should we be complimenting our children? Dr. Carol Dweck did much research on the power of praise. Interestingly enough, praise can be effective- but only certain types of praise. Praise needs to be specific, sincere, and needs to praise effort. To quote a previous Parenting Pointers column, “ It teaches us a lesson when it comes to trying to promote the self-esteem of our children. We think that the more compliments we pile on- the more it will improve their self-esteem. So we tell them, 'I love that picture you made!' 'You are the best athlete on the team!' 'What a great student you are!' But, rather than these general compliments, says Rabbi Orlowek, use more specific ones to truly boost their self-concept. Like, 'That building you drew truly looks like the one we saw yesterday. The color you used was so vivid.' or 'That curveball was unbelievable!' And, we as parents need to become more like coaches who instead of saying to a player 'Great shot!' They will say, “You kept your arm at the exact angle needed.” Be specific so that children can tell you took some time to truly watch what they did.

Psychologists call that type of praise 'action or judgment praise.' For example, 'I can see you put a lot of attention and effort into that drawing.'(action) Or 'I love the colors your use to make that sunset” (judgment). When complimenting your child, compliment an action they did or a judgment they made. Notice the details of what they accomplished and then compliment them on those details. If we tell them they are the best artist we have ever seen, that leads to self-doubt, 'Can that really be possible? What if I make a mistake on my next drawing?...'”


As we lead our graduates through their last week as Yavneh students we, the faculty, truly recognize the special qualities of each and every child. We try to relay these specific compliments daily, but as we say, “Good-bye” we remember all those compliments we have not yet said. We will try to verbalize them in the coming days.

The Celebrate Israel Parade, Facebook and Engergizing Our Teens to "Do Something"

My children love the Celebrate Israel Parade. Each year, they excitedly dress in their blue and white and we make our way into the city. I actually must thank my parents for this 2^nd generation enthusiasm for the parade, as this excitement was palpable from the moment I can recall the first march in the parade. (Although I do not believe that my elementary or high schools marched at the time). I also recall the disappointment when the parade started enforcing the “no strollers rule” and I therefore could not march along with my students. I also have noticed the less than enthusiastic marching of some of the high school students and I wondered, “When does that excitement turn into apathy?” Granted, some students do not have full understanding of the importance of the Celebrate Israel Parade. And, true- it is the Sunday before finals and they could use the day for studying. However, this apathy concerns me since teenagers can be passionate when a cause strikes their fancy. If only we could harness this passion and help them direct it towards more meaningful causes.

Last week Mr. David Bratslavsky, Associate for Policy and Planning at the Conference of Presidents, met with our 7^th graders as part of their Advisory program. This year, as you recall, our focus with the seventh graders has been “Prepare Yourself to Change the World” as we reinforced their responsibility to “do something” when they see injustice in the world. “Do Not Stand Idly By” was the theme of this most recent unit, as the students came to understand why they cannot be apathetic bystanders when those around them-whether in another country or in their own classroom- are suffering. Mr. Bratslavsky came to do address them regarding the important role that they can play in preventing a nuclear armed Iran, as our last unit culminated in a political action project on that topic.

Mr. Bratslavsky took a different angle as he quizzed them to see how much they knew about the issues. He than asked them how many students were on Facebook. Most raised their hands. He asked them how many “friends” they had. He then challenged them with a responsibility. He asked that they each post an article or a link to a website that speaks to the issues around Iran. This can be one way that they can make a difference in an almost instantaneous way. I am going to send an e-mail to all the 7^th graders with a link they can use as I remind them of their pledge to Mr. Bratslavsky.

Interestingly enough, a research study recently came out at Harvard which explained the attraction of Facebook and Twitter. Researchers had scanned the brains of subjects when they talked about their lives and opinions and noted that the same area of the brain that lit up when they eat or earn money lit up. The more people with whom they shared their personal thoughts, the greater the activity was in that part of the brain. This explains why people feel pulled towards the social media sites as 80% of postings are people writing about themselves and/or their own opinions. In essence, Mr. Bratslavksy was asking of our young people to utilize generally “self-centered” or “narcissistic” (words the study uses) media to accomplish a “self-less” feat.

When creating the curriculum for the seventh grade Advisory program this year, I came across an organization called “DoSomething.org.” This organization is devoted to helping teens make a difference in the world. “DoSomething.org believes you have the power to make a difference. It is our aim to inspire, support and celebrate a generation of doers: people who see the need to do something, believe in their ability to get it done, and then take actions. At DoSomething.org we provide the tools and resources for you to convert your ideas and energy into positive action.” The website itself is a great tool for teens. They can have an issue of interest and they are given possible ideas of projects they upon which they can embark. The website even has a list of topics and issues from which they can choose. This organization offers two $500 grants a month for community service ideas/projects. And, the website provides a way for teens to share inspiring stories of those who attempt to change the world around them.

How can we harness some of that excitement towards our Yeshiva students? Aria Finger, the COO of DoSomething.org speaks of the importance of letting the teens know they truly can have an impact and believing in them. She then stresses that their passions may not be exactly what you would have chosen, (i.e. more pudding in the lunch program!), but go with it. Finger praises the power of peer pressure. That positive pressure to do what's right sometimes is just what they need to do what they really feel is right in their hearts. There is no greater peer pressure than arriving at the parade and seeing thousands of Jews marching right alongside you. It is worth schlepping into the City each year for our students to feel that positive “peer pressure” of telling the world that we are proud of and stand by Israel.