Shavuot- "That's What Makes You Beautiful"

            “If you can get through middle school without hurting someone else’s feelings, that’s really cool beans,” asserts Summer Dawson in the book.  This book was number one on the New York Times Best Seller List.  Now, all your middle schoolers have read it.  Some of you might remember when I wrote about the book Wonder after I had read it.   For some months now, the Administration and English department have been speaking about having the entire middle school read the book Wonder, culminating last week in a middle school- wide Wonder Day.  Throughout each nook and cranny in the middle school, wherever one would go in the past month, one could see the light blue book being read. Even our students who struggle the most with reading were devouring the book.   (That, in of itself was a wonder!)  The sense of unity created by virtue of all reading the same novel was palpable.   Students were asked to focus on the themes of social exclusion, bullying, and the power of the bystander.  They discussed the difficult position that most of us who are not the "bullies" are in, and how we have the obligation to do something when we see someone else being hurt.  They were then each asked to write a piece in their English classes- either a story, a blog or a behavior they would do differently based on the book.

            Auggie, the main character in the book, had a physical, facial deformity, (a craniofacial difference, as Palacio states), which made him the victim of hurtful behaviors.  The story is not only about Auggie, but also about those who were courageous enough to support him. The author, R.J. Palacio ends the book with a series of quotes.  One such quote is, "When given the choice between being right or being kind choose kind." "Choose kind" has become the slogan of the book.  It was there that Wonder Day was born.

            "Choose Kind" was to be our theme.  They were bracelets that stated, "At Yavneh We Choose Kind "  and a banner with those words welcomed them to school in the morning.  Students were challenged to think about how they plan to "choose kind."  A committee of dedicated students created an original video, where they highlighted the themes of Wonder and how it applied to real life. (It was incredible! See it at http://vimeo.com/96229391).  A Wonder hallway was designed where the pieces written by every middle schooler were hung. Most students focused on the everyday things we can do to ensure that everyone is treated with respect.

            Very few highlighted the physical component that was the cause of Auggie's isolation.  I have been thinking about this aspect for some time- although I do believe that the author's intention was for us to generalize the story beyond those with physical abnormalities. I have been contemplating about the impact of the way we look "on the outside"  mostly because I have been spending the past weeks teaching the Adolescent Life Workshops (Health) to our middle schoolers.  Middle schoolers are known to be notoriously self- conscious about the way they look- even more than high schoolers.  Research indicates in the most logical fashion that this is the case because their bodies are changing so rapidly, they are gaining weight, voices are changing, acne may be sprouting, and they are not feeling comfortable in their "new skin." And, therefore, the way they look "on the outside" becomes the focus of their lives- more than how they are "on the inside."'

            This is exactly the opposite message of what we want our children to get. They are more than their bodies.  Beauty is more than skin deep.  Those students in Wonder who grew to adore Auggie and support him got that message.  We can very easily judge a person by the way he/she looks.  We discussed in class how shallow and unfair that can be.  One focus of the 7th grade workshops was the importance of the message we send to others by the way we dress and act.  Do we exude self-respect?  Do we make it clear that we want to be admired for our intelligence, character and character traits and not for the way we look?  What messages do we get from the media and culture that surrounds us about which is more important?   These are ideas that both boys and girls need to consider. 

            It goes without saying that the above themes are not only discussed in psychological research, but are rooted in Judaism's view of true beauty.   As it says in Avot 4:20, 

אַל תּסְתּכּל בּקּנְקַן, אֶלּא בַמּה שׁיּשׁ בּוֹ. יֵשׁ קַנְקַן חָדָשׁ מָלֵא יָשׁן, וְיָשׁן שׁאֲפִלּוּ חָדָשׁ אֵין בּוֹ       

"Do not look at the jug, but rather what is in it. For there are new jugs full of old, and old which does not have new within it."   The Jewish version of, "Don't judge a book by its cover."  We want our young women and young men to know the meaning of true internal beauty and integrity. 

            The company Dove some years ago began what they call their “Campaign for Real Beauty.”  This video they created that I showed the students truly made an impact on their view of true beauty. You can view it at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGDMXvdwN5c.

            I ended the girls' workshop by showing a video that Mrs. Ronit Orlanski sent to me some months ago.  The musical parody video "Virtue makes you beautiful" was created by a Mormon choir, but I thought spoke most directly about the importance of true beauty.  Interestingly enough, it speaks very directly about the rationale behind the laws of tzniut (they call "modesty").  (I since noticed that Aish.com posted it on their website as well).  "You light up the world like nobody else, by the way that you speak and respect yourself" is the message it provides our teens regarding true beauty.  You can see the video at http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oartIE7rKuM.

            On Shavuot we know that the Torah was given on the mountain deemed the least physically beautiful of all the mountains, as it was the smallest (Sotah 5a) and was desert-like without blooms until the giving of the Torah.   Yet, we know that famous Midrash from when we were children that rather than choosing the most majestic looking mountains, Hashem chose Har Sinai to give the Torah.  Har Sinai was known for its humility- that was the "inner beauty" that was chosen for Kabbalat HaTorah, rather than the outer, surface, beauty.   Only through that understanding could the "wonders" of Hashem and Kabbalat HaTorah occur.  As R.J. Palacio states in Wonder, "What is beautiful is good, and who is good will soon be beautiful." - That's what makes you beautiful.