After each MGBL or Yavneh Youth
League game, my kids know that I am going to whisper in their ears, “Go say, ‘Thank
you,’ to the Coach.” They then walk over
sheepishly and say, “Thank you.” And,
when I pick up carpool and bump into my child’s teacher I say to my son, “Say, ‘Thank
you’ to the Morah.” And, each Shabbat
morning, when we cross the street at the crossing guard, I again say to my
children under my breath, “Say, ‘Thank you’.”
And, of course, I am still one of
those old-fashioned moms who makes her children write hand-written thank you
notes.
We know that being thankful or having gratitude is “menschlach,” but
research from Dr. Jeffery Froh and Dr. Giacomo Bono indicates that children who
are taught to have gratitude have improved mood, mental health, life
satisfaction- all especially during adolescence when their identity is taking
shape. Teens who have high levels of
gratitude have less negative emotions and
depression, and more positive emotions and happiness four years later. Feeling grateful also motivates teens to help
others.
There are ways that educators and
parents can teach gratitude. Gratitude is a skill that can be fostered and
strengthened. One primary way is through
Gratitude Journals. In one study, by Dr.
Froh and Dr. Bono, middle school students were asked to list five things for
which they were grateful. The other
group were writing about things that were bothering them or basic daily
events. The ones with the gratitude
journals felt more optimistic and even felt healthier physically. They also reported being happier with their
school experience.
Another technique is what Froh and
Bono call a “gratitude visit” where students write a letter to someone to whom
they are grateful whom they never properly thanked. This letter is read in
person to the benefactor.
Froh and Bono also taught the
following skills to their students:
a.
Notice intentions- Don’t only
notice what they did for you, but the thoughts behind the act, i.e. the times
when someone noticed what you needed, remembered something you liked…
b.
Appreciate costs- Realize the time
and effort that was needed to do something for you. What did the person sacrifice to help you?
c.
Recognize the value of benefits-
When others help us, it is a “gift.”
Aside from the above benefits to
the children, gratitude in schools particularly, spreads to the teachers, staff
and brings people together. It creates
connections between teachers and students.
That is why a “thank you” to “Morah” is always wonderful. Children being grateful to their teachers is
good for everyone all around- the children, the teachers and the school at
large.
After yesterday’s parent-teacher
conferences and with the holiday of Thanksgiving approaching, I gave some
thought to the gratitude that we as parents owe the teachers’ of our children. As
a parent, I make sure to thank my children’s teachers for all they have done
for my children, and all the hours they put into preparing for class. I may not
always see eye to eye with each one of them, but I know the hours upon hours
they put into their work, and the thought they put into my child’s progress. If
my child comes home with a wonderful Dvar
Torah or an incredible piece of knowledge, I try to send a quick e-mail to the
teacher thanking him/her. When I think
about it, I know that my parents used to do the same. I still recall a letter
that my parents wrote to my high school after one Pesach, thanking them for all
the knowledge we shared at the seder. That letter was hung at the school Open
House for many years. I definitely make
it a point to have my children- even middle school ones who are “departmentalized”-
write a personal thank you note to each
teacher at the end of the year.
How about gratitude that teachers owe
parents? As a teacher, I thank the parents of my students for partnering with
me, and for assisting the students at home when needed. I thank them for communicating with me about
issues or concerns they might have, or simply giving me a “heads up” that their
child is having a bad day, and letting me know how I can help. I
thank them for not rushing to panic when their child comes home upset about
something that happened in class, and rather reach out to me to see what can be
done. I also thank them for reinforcing
a love for learning, and a serious attitude about respect and Kavod for fellow students
and their teachers.
And, then there’s the gratitude that
we as parents and teachers owe our children.
We need to be grateful for the days that they aren’t too challenging and
make our jobs easy. But, we also have to thank them for the way they do
challenge us to be better at our jobs- as parents or teachers. And, of course, we thank them for the Nachat
they give us, and the pride we feel when they internalize that which we taught
them- even if they, as teenagers, will never give us the satisfaction of
saying, “Thank you.”
Advisory Update:
6th Grade- Finished their organization
unit by focusing on organizing backpacks, lockers and the workspace at home.
7th
Grade- Students focused on the concept of Resiliency and what skills
are needed to achieve resiliency.
8th Grade- Eighth graders discussed some
test taking tips.
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