Color Your Life- Color War 2017!

As you all know by now, Color War is here!!!  The anticipation (by the faculty) and the surprise (by the students) was palpable. The run to Party City last night to get the team colors is a yearly tradition loved or dreaded by parents.  Our middle schoolers arrived here this morning donning the color they were assigned.  

But, color can impact our overall lives, aside from this three day battle.  We draw with color. Coloring used to be just for kids.  In 2013, a Scottish illustrator, Johanna Brasford, came out with her first adult coloring book.  They initially printed 13,000 copies.  Today their worldwide sales is 13 million.  U.S. sales of coloring books in the United States, says Sarah Begley in Time Magazine, have jumped from 1 million in 2014 to 12 million in 2015.  Why are adults suddenly coloring?

Anecdotally, it has been seen to reduce anxiety and increase mindfulness. Dr. Nikki Martinez says that even the psychologist Dr. Carl Jung, founder of the school of analytical psychology, used to recommend  coloring to his patients as a way to access their subconscious and new “self- knowledge.” Some see it as an alternative to meditation and a relaxation technique used to achieve calm. “It can help the individual focus on the act of coloring intricate pictures for hours on end, vs. focusing on intrusive and troubling thoughts.”

Martinez also notes that coloring helps with anxiety and stress as it calms down our amygdalas- the part of the brain that controls our fight or flight response, keeping us in a “heightened state of worry, panic and hyper-vigilance when it is active.”  Coloring actually turns that response down and allows the brain go rest and relax.   Coloring also brings us back to simpler times of our childhood when we did not have so many responsibilities and we “could do something because we wanted to, for the pure joy of it.” She also notes the intellectual benefits of coloring as it utilizes the areas of the brain responsible for focus, concentration, problem solving and organizational skills.

Begley describes her own experience coloring as she got lost in the act. “In a world that’s constantly interrupted by the beeping and buzzing of notifications, I found myself getting pleasantly lost in the intricacy of the ornate pages.”  

Color also affects our state of mind in another way. Color has been found to impact one’s mood.  Chromology is the study of the psychology of color and is used in advertising, decoration and in fashion. Different emotions and even physical reactions have been found to be triggered by colors.  Red, for example, has been found to increase pulse, heart rate,and appetite and raises blood pressure. It is active and aggressive.  (I once mentioned in a shiur I gave that it is interesting to note that Eisav was “red”and ate a red soup. What was the color trying to convey?) If one recalls the movie Inside Out, Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust and Sadness were each different colors.

Lindsey Gurson, in her article, “Color Has A Powerful Effect On Behavior, Researchers Assert,” shares that  “When children under detention at the San Bernardino County Probation Department in California become violent, they are put in an 8-foot by 4-foot cell with one distinctive feature - it is bubble gum pink. The children tend to relax, stop yelling and banging and often fall asleep within 10 minutes, said Paul E. Boccumini, director of clinical services for the department.”  In a study in Edmonton, Alberta, of interest to us as educators, “the walls of the schoolroom were changed from orange and white to royal and light blue. A gray carpet was installed in place of an orange rug. Finally, the fluorescent lights and diffuser panels were replaced with full-spectrum lighting. As a result, Professor Wohlfarth reported, the children's mean systolic blood pressure dropped from 120 to 100, or nearly 17 percent, The children were also better behaved and more attentive and less fidgety and aggressive, according to the teachers and independent observers. When the room was returned to its original design, however, the readings gradually increased and the children once again became rowdy, he said.”

We apparently parent by color as well. I actually came across a website called Family Colorworks where each member of the family discovers his/her “natural color” and what it represents about their interaction style and  their “needs, values, motives, stressors, and stress behaviors.”  (I know nothing about this website and am in no way recommending it). Then you choose what color your parent with- blue, green, orange or gold. For example, blue parents “value relationships, communication and understanding and their biggest stressor is conflict. They are intuitive, communicative and sensitive. I focus on others’ needs. I seek for balance. I enjoy nature, spiritual things, friends and family. I say, ‘I feel’ a lot and tend to use touch to communicate…”  

In Judaism we know that color also has meaning. In Sotah 17a, Rabbi Meir asks regarding the color techelet , "Why was the color blue chosen from all the other colors? Because the blue resembles the sea, the sea resembles the sky, and the sky resembles the Throne of Glory.”  There is something about color that inspires us.

So, as we engage in color war, we are trying to relay many lessons to our children, as we hope they learn something from the experience.  One color lesson we relay to them is “Sometimes you have to see people as a crayon.  They may not be your favorite color, but you need them to complete the picture.”  Color war is a lesson in working with others and making it work, even when the other may not be your particular friend.  

As parents, let us remember to pay attention to the spectrum of colors in our lives and to take some time to just color.

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade  -Students discussed placing themselves in the role of teacher. If you were teacher, how would you expect students to act?

Seventh Grade-  The boys focused on a unit on foul language and the importance of watching what one says. The girls discussed social exclusion and gossip- forms of bullying.

Eighth Grade-  Student reflected on the “post holiday blues” that often stem from the materialism of the “holiday season.”  How does materialism affect us?

"Mi Lashem Eilai"- Parents Unite!

“Mi lashem eilai” “Whoever is for Hashem come with me,” was the rallying call of Matityahu to unite the Jewish people. The best way to stand up to the Syrian- Greeks- physically and spiritually- was to unite.  No matter what influences were surrounding the Jews, when they united they were able to triumph.

As parents, we are battling many negative influences that permeate the lives of our children each day. Whether from the media or from the overall culture in which we live, we often feel that as they enter the teenage years we are in battle. The problem is that we as parents do not unite enough.   

A few weeks ago, as you know,  we were privileged to host a parent workshop on the topic of setting boundaries and limits on our children’s technology use.  I know that I need not spend any more time on this topic, but there was an important realization that all of us parents who attended left with that night.  During one piece of the workshop, we broke into groups according to the ages of our children  to discuss rules that we think we should put into place in our homes when it comes to technology use.  We had the opportunity to hear some innovative ideas that others are already implementing. More importantly, we got the chance to see that we are all in the same boat and struggling with the same things.  We talked about the ages we had decided to give our kids phones.  We spoke about how much easier it would be if we were all implementing the same rules, (with some variation), across the board so that we need not be the only “mean parents.”  Wouldn’t it be amazing if before we gave our children phones we parents would have a meeting to discuss some across the board regulations that we can all implement?  How about for other rules like curfew?  Supervision at parties? There is strength in unity.  Just swapping ideas was supportive and helpful.  We had the chance to unite.  

The conversation should sound familiar.  

Your child: “Everyone else is going. Why can’t I?”

You: “I don’t care what ‘everyone else’ is doing. You can’t go.”

Your child: “Why are you so mean? You’re the only parent who isn’t letting!”

You can fill in the blank, but this is a common interchange between a child and parent in the middle school years and beyond.  Let me let you in on a little secret. Everyone is not going.  Not everyone’s parent is letting. And, you are not the only mean one.  The problem is we never unite so we do not know what the other parents are doing.

Over 20 years ago when I worked in a high school, a woman named Connie Greene, the Vice President for the Barnabas Health Behavioral Network Institute for Prevention, came to give a series of workshops in my school regarding parenting and substance abuse.  She would laugh if she knew that I remembered a comment she made.  She said (not exact words), “Parents, you need to band together and ‘plot.’ The kids are smarter than we are. They are banding together and ‘plotting’ already. You need to unite too.”  

We need to talk to other parents and not isolate ourselves. We need to investigate what others are doing, and band together.  There is strength in numbers.  At the time, when I was working in that school, we spoke of parents getting together to meet about rules for parties. Any parent that was part of that group or “pact” would be considered a safe place to send your child to for a party.  

On Thursday, we had a our Go Dark While The Candles Go Light challenge. We asked all middle schoolers and their parents to disconnect from their devices for dinner and one hour while the candles are lit.  How much easier it would be to set limits and disconnect if parents united and all agreed on doing so at certain times!

On Friday, if you have not heard already, our sixth graders had a mock bar/bat mitzvah where I got to play the role of the bat mitzvah girl and Mr. Steiner was the bar mitzvah boy. We had speeches, a montage, a buffet and dancing- all chances to implement the proper behavior they had learned about in Advisory during bar/bat mitzvah celebrations.  Let us not minimize how difficult the bar/bat mitzvah year is for our children.  Balancing schoolwork, social life, extracurriculars and a simcha every weekend (if not two).  And, on top of all that, when it is your own bar/bat mitzvah- all the preparation that needs to go into the big day which includes added pressure.  One topic that often comes up among parents of the bnei mitzvah is the above pressure.  Is the solution less parties? Shorter parties? Less demands on the child celebrating the simcha?  Parents often shmooze over lunch about solutions. How about if we parents united and come up with some solutions?  

“Whoever is for Hashem come with me,” was Matityahu’s rallying cry. “Whoever is for strengthening our teens and implementing good values come with me!” is the parent’s rallying cry.  Let us unite and support each other, and thereby strengthen our children.

Chag Sameach!

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade- You read about our bar/bat mitzvah celebration above. Sixth graders were told that we were hosting  Aliza and Azi to celebrate their big days. Little did they know what the event truly was.  Before each event a rhyming introduction reminded them of the etiquette rules we learned in Advisory for proper behavior and decorum.  I even followed up with a thank you note- always proper!

Seventh Grade-  Students finished their unit Operation Respect with focusing on economic struggles can be found in the Jewish community as well.  As you know, their visit to the homeless shelter in Hackensack, where they sang, conversed with the residents and gave out hats and gloves, was inspirational!

Eighth Grade-   Students discussed the addictive nature of technology and the social and emotional impact it has.