Hallel on Thanksgiving?

        This year Thanksgiving is also Rosh Chodesh.  (Those who need not wake up earlier for the longer Rosh Chodesh davening due to the day off have an additional  reason to be thankful  this Thursday!) 

The co-occurrence of Rosh Chodesh and Thanksgiving led me to consider what those two holidays have in common,  and what we can learn from their falling out on the same day this year.  (Not as exciting as a Thanksgivukkah, I know, but still something to note). 

 Rosh Chodesh is a day of reciting Hallel. If one looks through Hallel one can see that it is replete with the giving of thanks to Hashem.  Here is just a small sampling (Note:  Hallel is a mix of praise and thanks, and praise is clearly a form of thanks even when it does not include the word “thanks”). 

פִּתְחוּ לִי שַׁעֲרֵי צֶדֶק. אָבֹא בָם אוֹדֶה קהּ

. Open up for me the gates of righteousness; I will enter them, thank the Lord

אוֹדְךָ כִּי עֲנִיתָנִי. וַתְּהִי לִי לִישׁוּעָה

I will thank You, since You answered me and You have become my salvation

הוֹדוּ לַה' כִּי טוֹב. כִּי לְעוֹלָם חַסְדּוֹ

Thank the Lord, since He is good, since His kindness is forever

כִּי לְךָ טוֹב לְהוֹדוֹת. וּלְשִׁמְךָ נָּאֶה לְזַמֵּר

Since, You it is good to thank, and to Your name it is pleasant to sing

So, in essence Rosh Chodesh- a day of Hallel, and Thanksgiving have similar themes- that of thanks. 

 I recently came across an article which states that Congregation Shearith Israel in New York does say Hallel on Thanksgiving- even when it is not Rosh Chodesh. (I am not paskening halacha here, but sharing their shul’s practice).    Shearith Israel was established in 1654, also known as the Spanish Portuguese Synagogue, in what was then New Amsterdam by a group escaping the Portuguese inquisition, and was the first shul established in North America.  

In 2013, when Thanksgiving fell out during Chanukah, Rabbi Meir Soloveichik, the rabbi of  Shearith Israel, wrote an article in the Wall Street Journal  “God Delivered the Pilgrims- and My People.”  In this article Rabbi Soloveichik notes that in 1789 the first national Thanksgiving was proclaimed by the President. At that time,  the leader of the shul, Gershom Mendes Seixas, proclaimed that in gratitude to the freedom they were granted in America, their shul will be reciting Hallel every Thanksgiving. 

 These were his words:

 "As Jews, we are even more than others called upon to return thanks to God for placing us in such a country—where we are free to act according to the dictates of conscience, and where no exception is taken from following the principles of our religion.”

In Mendes- Seixas’ words he states that  the thanks expressed on Thanksgiving should be turned to God.  

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, ztl,  in his article “The Power of Gratitude” notes that a significant component of having true gratitude/ thankfulness is that recognition of God in our lives. “Part of the essence of gratitude is that it recognizes that we are not the sole authors of what is good in our lives… Though you don’t have to be religious to be grateful, there is something about belief in God as creator of the universe, shaper of history and author of the laws of life that directs and facilitates our gratitude. It is hard to feel grateful to a universe that came into existence for no reason and is blind to us and our fate. It is precisely our faith in a personal God that gives force and focus to our thanks.”

And, that is why, says Rabbi Sacks, that it is no coincidence that Thanksgiving was established as a day  “recognizing the presence of God in American history.”  He then goes on to quote the words of Abraham Lincoln on Thanksgiving of 1863:

No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy … I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States … to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens.

So, in its early years, Thanksgiving was established as a day of gratitude to Hashem! 

I have mentioned many times in this column the research-based data on the positive impact of gratitude on both psychological and physical health.  Being thankful leads to more resilience in face of stress, happiness, hope, less depression and even longer and healthier lives.  So, we clearly want to all practice that gratitude- we all want those benefits!  

Combining gratitude of Thanksgiving with the gratitude to Hashem, of the Hallel is one way to make that happen. 

Christopher Kaczor in his Washington Post article “Does belief in God enhance gratitude? Here’s what psychology suggests” quotes Dr. Robert Emmons from his book Thanks! How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier.   Dr. Emmons notes that gratitude that leads to happiness must have three components that are recognized by the one who is thankful:

 “ 1. That one has been the beneficiary of someone’s kindness 2. That the benefactor has intentionally provided a benefit 3. That the benefit has value in the eyes of the beneficiary.” 

It consequently makes sense that  the research indicates that those who believe in God and realize that their lives are not mere chance (intentional) , but are a result of God’s care (beneficiary of His kindness) and see that all that happens to them as a gift of God (benefit has value), would be happier.   It, therefore, does make sense that belief in God is one predictor of happiness.

In being thankful this Thanksgiving the opportunity to say Hallel reminds us that being thankful to Hashem is an important component of achieving true gratitude. But, we need not wait until a random year where Thanksgiving and Hallel coincide. We are reminded of this daily, as Rabbi Sacks says, “Jewish prayer is an ongoing seminar in gratitude.” He notes starting from Modeh Ani in the morning, our daily prayers- whether birchot hashachar, pesukei d’zimrah or even the Shemoneh Esrei “form a litany of thanksgiving for life itself.” We need not wait for that Hallel on Rosh Chodesh. 

Dr. Tal Ben Shahar (whom I have quoted many times before!) was a professor at Harvard famous for his course on  Happiness based on scientific research and practical strategies to achieve happiness. In his book Happier Dr. Ben Shahar promotes keeping a gratitude journal and writing down five things each day before you go to bed to lead to happiness. (This is actually an assignment he gave to his students in Harvard as part of their classwork).  We cannot wait for Thanksgiving to work on our gratitude.  If we put this into practice with our own children at home, perhaps we would add, what are we thankful to Hashem for in our daily lives? 

On this Thanksgiving as Rosh Chodesh Hallel is recited, let us focus with our children on all they have to be thankful for, and remember to point out to them Hashem’s role in bringing all those positives to our lives. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade:  Students had an opportunity to “switch places” with their teachers in imagining what it is like to be a teacher in order to understand the teacher-student relationship better.

Seventh Grade: Students focused either on a lesson on anger management or began the next unit in Advisory - Operation Respect, on empathy.  

Eighth Grade: Students did a unit on Test-taking strategies. 

Hosting An Open House In Your Home

  We at Yavneh Academy recently hosted our Open House for prospective parents where we proudly showcased all that we deem to be dear to us at Yavneh. For those of us who have 8th graders, we have spent much of the past weeks attending open houses where the local high schools were able to showcase their accomplishments as well.  

Putting together an open house is quite a lot of work, and is most definitely an event a host school does not want to do more than once a year.  But, there are two components of the open house that I believe are necessary and integral for every school’s success and the open house forces us to engage in those two endeavors.

1. The open house forces us to assess- what are our values? What does our school stand for?  What is important to us? What do we want to ensure our children leave these walls knowing and inculcating into their lives? 

2.  The open house forces us to evaluate our progress. We uncover  areas in which we have improved (which we clearly showcase!). A by-product of that evaluation  is our ability to uncover areas in which we still need some improvement.  We thereby have the opportunity to rejoice in our achievements, which is so essential for school morale and for continuing that growth. But, we also have time to introspect and think about what we want to improve on so that by next year’s open house we can report that at Yavneh this is an area of pride.   On one hand we need to recognize our growth, while on the other hand, humbly working on self-improvement. 

Another by-product of the open house is creating an “open house”- stressing that EVERYONE has a place here at Yavneh. We teach so many different types of students and families and welcome all in. 

Open house season fits in perfectly with Parshat Vayeira as we know that Avraham had a tent with four doors- open to all. Everyone was invited into Avraham’s home- all types of visitors.  And, what type of open house did Avraham showcase? One of chesed. 

So, we at our schools showcase our values at our open houses, as did Avraham. And, also brings to us a yearly “self-evaluation” where we consider where we want to improve. 

 This brought me to thinking. What if we had to have an “open house” at our homes. Not the kind that a real estate agent runs to sell our homes- not that kind of open house- but what if we had to showcase our values, what we are proud of and what our family stands for, just like a school does?  What would the Frohlich Family open house look like? What are our values? 

For whom is this open house being held? For our own children, of course. We aren’t trying to recruit new people into our family, but we are trying to recruit our children into living our family values.  

How? The Center for Parenting Education highlights some techniques on their website:.  1. Moralizing.  This is more often used when kids  are younger and we very directly tell them what our values are through teaching. Long preachy lectures are not helpful. It is better to do direct teaching in small spurts.  “I expect you to tell the truth.”  “When I go out of my way to study with you each day, I expect you to say thank you.”  It is important not to overdo moralizing, as as children get older they will tune out if we go on and on.  But, moralizing is still important. 

2. Modeling- the parent acts with that value in front of the child. When you leave a supermarket and you realize that there is an item you neglected to pay for and you turn around to go back in to pay and you say to your child “It would be stealing if I took it without paying” you are thereby modeling a value.  Children are influenced by the values they see their parents acting upon. 

I do believe it is key to discuss the value after you have modeled it so they get the point. 

And, of course, if we tell them to live by a certain value, but we ourselves do not act that way, “do as I say not as I do” that value will never be inculcated. 

3. Teachable moments- this is a third technique that I often stress.  Find those opportunities- whether after watching a movie, hearing a story with a peer or even witnessing something firsthand to clarify why that is or is not our values, and what our values are.  “Why do you think what that person did was wrong or right?” “What would you have done?”  When we see our children behaving in a way that represents a value, then label it. “I see you were willing to share your time on the computer with your brother and you were generous.” 

By telling our children what we value, modeling it, finding those teachable moments to discuss we relay our values.   But, of course, just like Yavneh did in our open house, first you have to identify what your values are and what you want to relay to your children- along with your spouse. 

  For those who have been reading my column for some time, you will recognize that this is my opportunity to bring up my favorite Gemara regarding Yoseph, Yaakov and parenting. When Yoseph was in the house of Potiphar, far from home and his family, he faced the difficult situation of the wife of Potiphar. The Gemara in Sotah 36b describes, “It was taught in the School of R. Ishmael: That day was their feast-day, and they had all gone to their idolatrous temple; but she had pretended to be ill because she thought, I shall not have an opportunity like to-day for Joseph to associate with me. And she caught him by his garment, saying etc. At that moment his father's image came and appeared to him through the window and said: 'Joseph, your brothers will have their names inscribed upon the stones of the ephod and yours amongst theirs; is it your wish to have your name expunged from amongst theirs and be called an associate of harlots?' Immediately his bow abode in strength.”

Clearly Yoseph's father was far away in Canaan- how could he have seen the image of his father Yaakov in the window? That image of Yaakov that he saw was the voice in his head. Over and over he had heard his father say, “Good boys don't act that way. In our family, our values are...” And, of course, like any teenager, (Yoseph was just 17 when he went to Egypt), he said to his dad, “I know, I know- why do you keep on telling me the same thing?!” And, yet, Yaakov continued sending those messages. That is why, when faced with a challenge to his morality, he heard that voice in his head.

So, some of you might have been reading this article and saying to yourself that when we have our frequent “talks” with our children they say to us, “I know, I know- enough already!” And, yet when they are faced with challenges, whether peer pressure to do the wrong thing or the temptation to engage in any at-risk behavior, or even the temptation to skip their homework, they will hear our voices in their head, and practically see our images before them reminding them of what they should do. At the end of the day, if we do a good job at relaying our values, they will remember them and act upon them. 

As we are all planning our family open houses- considering what values we want to relay and what our family stands for, we cannot forget that  during the planning stages of this open house we also have to do just what we at Yavneh do each year- in what areas has our family improved? In what areas do we still need to grow?  Good luck planning your open house…and don’t forget the swag! 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade:  Students discussed appropriate behavior and manners as students in a classroom. 

Seventh Grade: Students debriefed their Frost Valley trip and considered what they gained.  They also had the opportunity to practice their listening skills

Eighth Grade: Students discussed the importance of “goodness.”