As we approach Yom Kippur, the culmination of Aseret Yimei Teshuva, we all know what we want to improve and change- but how? In his book Atomic Habits James Clear writes about “an easy and proven way to build good habits and break bad ones” through “tiny changes” or what he calls “atomic habits.” (My thanks to Rabbi Knapp for introducing me to this book a few years ago). While this is not a Jewish book, it most definitely can help us achieve Teshuva this season. (Clear’s book has so many elements in it that we can apply to Teshuva. I will focus on only a few from the first half of the book for this column…this year).
One reason we are often hesitant to make changes in our lives or to do Teshuva is because it feels overwhelming. “There is no way I can go to the gym daily!” “I won’t be able to work on not speaking lashon hara.” As Clear writes, “Whether it is losing weight, building a business, writing a book, winning a championship, or achieving any other goal, we put pressure on ourselves to make some earth- shattering improvement that everyone will talk about.”
But, in essence, it is not about those huge changes, but rather about small improvements. Even if one improves by 1% each year - there is a compound interest of self-improvement which makes a huge impact over months and years- atomic habits. (And, the opposite, if we repeat 1 percent errors, it accumulates into a large problem). Clear uses a vivid “mashal” (parable!). The impact of those 1% atomic changes is like shifting an airplane by a few degrees. That change may not be noticeable at takeoff, but when you end up a hundred of miles away from your destination those changes are quite impactful. So, too with melting ice. Your room is at 26 degrees, then 27, 28, - no change in the ice cube. Then 29, 30, 31- no change. Then suddenly at 32 the ice begins to melt. Many might have given up before the 32 degree mark- as change was not happening quickly enough.
Clear calls that critical threshold when change happens the “plateau of latent potential.” Many of us give up because we are struggling to change, and feel it is happening too slowly. “Your work was not wasted; it is just being stored. All the action happens at 32 degrees.” It is the small beginnings, the practice and those seeds we plant. We therefore have to stick with a behavior or a habit until we reach that plateau of latent potential.
Rabbi Chaim Morgenstern, in his article “Strategies for Successful Teshuva” reiterates James Clear’s focus on atomic habits and not earth-shattering improvements.
BEGIN WITH SOMETHING EASY. Using the example of improving kavana in davening, we should initially focus on small segments, giving preference to the parts of davening where kavana is required…The same method applies for doing chesed or giving tzedaka. Giving large amounts of tzedaka or doing too much chesed may be too overwhelming and stressful. Doing small daily acts of chesed or tzedaka will be more effective in making lasting changes in how we fulfill these mitzvos (cf commentary of the Rambam on Avos 3:15)...Similarly, if you encounter difficulty in setting aside time for learning, you should start small… PROGRESS SLOWLY. Rav Wolbe writes that teshuva is a gradual process (Alei Shur, vol. 2 p. 438). Therefore, it is extremely vital not to progress too quickly. Failure to do so can result in becoming stressed out and giving up the resolution.
And, as I have shared in the past, habits and practice, practice, practice are essential to developing and achieving goals as noted in Rambam Hilchot Deot, 1:7. The Rambam asks how can we ensure that positive character traits become part of who we are- even ones that we do not naturally have and need to work on?
וְכֵיצַד יַרְגִּיל אָדָם עַצְמוֹ בְּדֵעוֹת אֵלּוּ עַד שֶׁיִּקָּבְעוּ בּוֹ. יַעֲשֶׂה וְיִשְׁנֶה וִישַׁלֵּשׁ בַּמַּעֲשִׂים שֶׁעוֹשֶׂה עַל פִּי הַדֵּעוֹת הָאֶמְצָעִיּוֹת וְיַחֲזֹר בָּהֶם תָּמִיד עַד שֶׁיִּהְיוּ מַעֲשֵׂיהֶם קַלִּים עָלָיו וְלֹא יִהְיֶה בָּהֶם טֹרַח עָלָיו וְיִקָּבְעוּ הַדֵּעוֹת בְּנַפְשׁוֹ.
“How can one train himself to follow these temperaments to the extent that they become a permanent fixture of his [personality]? He should perform - repeat - and perform a third time - the acts which conform to the standards of the middle road temperaments. He should do this constantly, until these acts are easy for him and do not present any difficulty. Then, these temperaments will become a fixed part of his person.”
And, it’s those little habits and actions that can change a person in his/her entirety and allow him/her to achieve change. As the Sefer HaChinuch says in Mitzvah 16,
י האדם נפעל כפי פעולותיו, ולבו וכל מחשבותיו תמיד אחר מעשיו שהוא עושה בהם, אם טוב ואם רע, ואפילו רשע גמור בלבבו וכל יצר מחשבות לבו רק רע כל היום, אם יערה רוחו וישים השתדלותו ועסקו בהתמדה בתורה ובמצוות, ואפילו שלא לשם שמים, מיד ינטה אל הטוב, ובכח מעשיו ימית היצר הרע, כי אחרי הפעולות נמשכים הלבבות.
Outward actions have the power to shape one’s inner character. The mitzvot are those actions which will guarantee the improvement of one’s character. A person is influenced by his actions, and his heart and thoughts follow the acts he does whether they are good or bad. Even one who is a completely wicked person, who constantly thinks of doing bad deeds, if he is inspired for the better and puts time into fulfilling Torah and mitzvot, even if it is not for the sake of Heaven, he will turn to the good and he will overcome his Evil Inclination through the power of these actions, since the heart follows the actions a person does.
The problem is that we set goals without focusing on systems. We might say “We want to win the championship” without establishing the system or the process of how to get there. Inevitably you might often not achieve that goal, which leads to disappointment. And, then once you reach your goal, you might give up the habits- it is truly the habits that are important. (i.e. you win the championship so you stop training and then your ability to win will then diminish). To truly change one must be committed to the process to achieve progress. And to achieve a goal one may have to change one’s system.
And, then one needs to make a plan for change- or what he calls “an implementation intention”- how you intend to implement a specific behavior/habit- a concrete plan of action. “I will read the English in my Artscroll for the Shemoneh Esrei every Tuesday as I am davening.” And, a great way to do this is what Clear calls “habit stacking” - you can pair a new habit with a habit you already do. “After I throw away my garbage at lunch, I will say a beracha acharona.” “Right after I take off my shoes when I come into the house, I will put on my sneakers to exercise.”
This is similar to the last step of the Teshuva process קבלה על העתיד- the commitment not to repeat the sin in the future. Rabbi Efrem Goldberg in his article “Judaism and No Regrets” quotes from the book The Power of No Regrets by Daniel Pink where he notes the three steps of regret, which interestingly enough correlate with Judaism's view. The subtitle of Pink’s book is “How looking backward moves us forward.” Rabbi Goldberg adds, “After regret, the next step in repentance is called in Hebrew kabbalah al ha’atid, extracting a lesson for the future, giving the regret meaning by turning it into positive action. We pivot from those wrong decisions, actions, or feelings and redirect our priorities, focus, and choices.” In this step of Teshuva we need to focus on what actions- what system will we implement in the future and what the plan of action will be in a practical way.
Clear also highlights the importance of focusing on the new identity you want to create. As he provides examples: “The goal is not to read a book. The goal is to become a reader. The goal is not to run a marathon. The goal is to become a runner.” And, to bring this concept to this time of year of Teshuva, “The goal is not to be the chazan. The goal is to be someone who is a ‘pray-er.’” Once a person believes in one’s identity he/she is more likely to behave in a way that is aligned with that belief.
And, the opposite is true. Often people go through life thinking “I am someone who is always late.” “I’m bad with directions.” or “I can’t connect to Tefillah.” “I am not a spiritual person.” We accept these judgments as fact and then we resist actions because “that is not who I am.” The most practical way to change who you are is to change what you do. Slowly engaging in a habit can lead to you changing who you think you are. Decide the type of person you want to be. Then, you change it bit by bit, habit by habit until you see yourself differently. As Clear describes, “Each time you practice the violin, you are a musician.” And, of course, the opposite as well. Each time you engage in a bad habit, it is a vote for that identity.
This reminds me of what the Rambam states in his Hilchot Teshuva 2:4. When a person does Teshuva he changes his name and proclaims:
כְּלוֹמַר אֲנִי אַחֵר וְאֵינִי אוֹתוֹ הָאִישׁ שֶׁעָשָׂה אוֹתָן הַמַּעֲשִׂים
…as if to say "I am a different person and not the same one who sinned;"
An integral part of Teshuva is voting for your new identity.
The best way to build new habits is to first “get a handle” on our current ones as one of the greatest challenges in “changing habits is maintaining awareness of what we are actually doing.” Part of this process is to analyze- what are your habits, and are they good ones? The first step to behavior change is awareness.
This awareness is of course similar to the first step of Teshuva called הכרת החטא- recognizing one’s sin or ידיעת החטא- knowing what your sin is. The first step in self- improvement is being aware of what needs to be changed or improved.
He also speaks about the importance of the environment when it comes to change. If you put the apples on the counter in a basket you will eat them (instead of the chocolate in the cabinet). But, if the apples are in the refrigerator, you will never eat them. We can redesign our environment so it is more conducive to change. And, locations have an association. If your couch is where you watch TV, it’s not a great place to study. That fits in with the concept of מקום קבוע- a set place, for Tefilla. When I daven at home, I try to daven in the same place each time and clear away all distractions (especially my phone). And, definitely not in the room where I watch TV.
And, interestingly enough. Clear quotes research that better “disciplined people are better at structuring their lives in a way that does not require heroic willpower and self-control. In other words, they spend less time in tempting situations.” If you can’t stop watching TV before bed, take the TV out of your bedroom, for example.
Rabbi Dovid Gottleib in his article for Ohr Sameach “Strategic Teshuva” points to how environment can often be a trigger for sin:
Our first responsibility is for our actions. When the "triggers" of the bad habits and midot occur, it is extremely difficult to stop the habits and midot from acting. One solution is to try to avoid the triggers. Change the environment. Move your residence if you can. If you can't, spend as much time in another environment which will provide respite from the temptation. Certain activities cause tension which triggers anger. If you cannot avoid those activities, alternate with relaxing activities.
A second solution is to add something to the environment which will make it easier to do the right thing. If you have trouble getting up for davening in shul, make a study partner for ten minutes before davening. Then, when the alarm rings and you reach over to push the snooze button, you will think: "But what if my study partner comes and I'm not there?! How embarrassing!" - and you will get up
The key is to control the environment by avoiding some things and creatively adding others so that it will be easier to do the right thing…Therefore, avoiding the triggers and adding payoffs may be the only way to gain control. Yes, the ultimate goal is to become immune to the temptations. But this may require two stages: First avoiding the triggers and adding payoffs; and then developing the psychological strength to resist. Trying to do without the first stage may make the second stage impossible.
One other element of environment is the friends with whom you associate. I often discuss with students the importance of choosing friends who help you grow. As it says in Avot 2:9-
ט) אָמַר לָהֶם, צְאוּ וּרְאוּ אֵיזוֹהִי דֶרֶךְ יְשָׁרָה שֶׁיִּדְבַּק בָּהּ הָאָדָם.…רַבִּי יְהוֹשֻׁעַ אוֹמֵר, חָבֵר טוֹב
He [Rabban Yohanan] said unto them: go forth and observe which is the right way to which a man should cleave? … Rabbi Yehoshua said, a good friend
Notice the language of “שֶׁיִּדְבַּק”- cleave or stick to The friend should be part of your environment. Rabbi Jonathan Sacks in his article Faith and Friendshp speaks about how Hashem told Moshe in Bamidbar 11 to gather 70 elders to be with him.
“It is as if God were saying to Moses, “Remember what your father-in-law Jethro told you. Do not try to lead alone. Do not try to live alone.[3] Even you, the greatest of the prophets, are still human, and humans are social animals. Enlist others. Choose associates. End your isolation. Have friends.”
Rabbi Sacks says that this was to create a “chevra” for Moshe. As the Rambam says in Hilchot Deot 6:1:
It is natural to be influenced in character and conduct by your friends and associates, and to follow the fashions of your fellow citizens. Therefore one ought to ensure that your friends are virtuous and that you frequent the company of the wise so that you learn from the way they live, and that you keep a distance from bad company.
Continues Rabbi Sacks, “Hence the life changing idea: we tend to become what our friends are. So choose as friends people who are what you aspire to be.”
One last item, (from the 2nd half of the book, which I really think is key), Clear calls “habit tracking.” The easiest way to keep track of whether you are doing a habit you have chosen is to keep track on a calendar and literally check off when you have done it. Research indicates that those who track their habits are more likely to improve. It is also incredibly motivating and satisfying, providing immediate gratification.
Rabbi Yitzchak Berkovitz highlights this “tracking” as a step of Teshuva as well. “Then keep a record of your progress (either on paper or mentally). As long as the block is still present, and is a bit of a struggle, do not go further. Keep at it until the obstacle is removed and the strength can come out. Once it’s easy, move on to the next obstacle to actualize the next strength.”
In the book Atomic Habits James Clear provides the psychological research studies supporting his suggestions and much of the steps of Teshuva that we practice as Jews. How lucky we are that we have this opportunity to build good habits and stop bad ones with slow incremental changes, assisted by Hashem who is always eagerly awaiting our return and ready to accept our Teshuva.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Students got to know each other through a puzzle making activity and focused on how to have a discussion in Advisory.
Seventh Grade: Students spoke about their year theme - “Prepare Yourself To Change The World”- by starting with self-change, perfectly timed for this time of year. This week they focused on the impact of their words on others.
Eighth Grade: Students learned how to set S.M.A.R.T. goals for themselves this year and will receive an email at the end of the year seeing how they did at achieving those goals.
