Do Not Stand Idly By

  This past week I was privileged to go to the March for Israel in Washington, D.C. with our 8th graders.  It was a day that the students and the adults will never forget.  In conversation with some adults this evening about the rally someone mentioned to me that their children who are in their 20s never experienced this advocacy role as middle schoolers. And, I responded (her children didn’t go to Yavneh), that actually all of our students at Yavneh for the past at least 17 or so years have had a unit in Advisory we call “Do Not Stand Idly By” in which they practice Israel advocacy.

The goal of the unit is to focus on the concept of when there is injustice- whether in the world, in your community, or in your personal lives- you have the obligation to stand up and do something about it. You must be an upstander, and never a bystander.  We begin with an Israel advocacy project and end with a focus on how to be an upstander in your own school or peer group when you see something wrong happening-particularly the mistreatment of others or others engaged in behaviors that are inappropriate or even against the rules. In this unit we tackle the social/emotional themes of  1.we are responsible for one another, 2.when injustice is happening I cannot stand idly by- I need to do something, 3. and when there is injustice- how do I express how I feel in a cogent, and calm manner and make a difference. The involvement in a political action project hopefully will translate to the way they try to stop injustice in their lives.

 

Over the years we have tackled topics like a united Jerusalem, Gilat Shalit, the BDS movement- just to name a few. (Sadly, I recently came across our 2015 unit where we tackled the topic of Hamas and Gaza. And, I quote from the goal stated in the lesson plans, “to brief them about the situation in Gaza, the threat of Hamas and how the Operation Protective Edge was necessary and was still ongoing- in  light of  a rocket attack on Dec. 19.  Allow the children to understand why Israel must have the right to protect herself from Hamas, and they are not the aggressors”- Truly sad to say we are still dealing with this).  

We have met with congressmen, senators and communal leaders and our students were prepared to ask questions and stand up for what they believe in.   We were the first middle school to build a relationship with Stand With Us who comes to speak to our 7th graders every year. When we do the BDS movement we culminate the unit in a Buy Israeli Goods (B.I.G.) campaign in the community and in school.  

And, so why is this an important unit each year- even when Israel is not at war? And, how does it fit into a “social emotional” Advisory curriculum? And, why should we as parents encourage our children to become Israel advocates? 

Being an Israel advocate is good for one’s social- emotional growth.  We begin the year in Advisory focusing on the fact that “kids can make a difference.”  The theme of the year is “Prepare yourself to change the world.” There is nothing that can boost a child’s self-esteem more than feeling as if he/she is making an impact. 

By expanding our children’s “circle of concern” we show them how their decisions impact their world. In fact, Harvard Graduate School of Education’s “Making Care Common Project” notes that we should “cultivate children’s concern for others because it’s fundamentally the right thing to do, and also because when children can empathize with and take responsibility for others, they’re likely to be happier and more successful.”

In fact, an October 2023 research study indicated that often those who report anxiety and depression also report a “lack of meaning and purpose”  as one element driving their difficulties.  They also point to “a perception that the world is unraveling” and “social and political issues”  like gun violence, climate change and action of politicians as impacting their mental health.  One quote from a participant in the Harvard study says it all, “I would really like to have some sort of meaning from working towards a goal or cause that betters humanity as a whole. I see the world falling apart and no direction for humanity, and I’d like to something about it.”  

One primary prevention strategy noted in the study is “cultivating meaning and purpose in young people, including by engaging them in caring for others and service.” 

But here at Yavneh this effort to cultivate meaning in our students by encouraging them to “not stand idly by”  includes not only a rally in Washington or a meeting with a politician or even writing letters to Congressman, it also includes tefilla and various projects to support Israel that make a difference. In fact, one of the women involved in my conversation today said she still recalls the feeling of hearing that Gilad Shalit was let free- as a middle schooler- and thinking she made a difference with her tefillot. 

We know the midrash in Sotah 11a which describes that Pharoah had three advisors- Yitro, Iyov and Bilaam.  We know Yitro who became the father in law of Moshe, said to save the Jews. Bilaam said to kill them and in the future would be killed by the Jewish people,  and  Iyov said nothing. Iyov experienced a life of pain and suffering. Clearly one should never  “stand idly by” and remain silent. As we discuss in Advisory, as Martin Luther King Jr. said, “We will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

And, so, as we marched on Washington this week, I considered how important this march was for Israel and how impactful it would be on the students self-esteem and it even would strengthen their mood and positive outlook on life.  As I mentioned to many this week, I hope we will never have to march again, and I hope that we can change our yearly  political action unit in our 7th grade Advisory curriculum so it no longer involves a crisis in Israel. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Sixth graders had their "middle school adjustment" lesson- an opportunity to view real-life scenarios acted out by Yavneh teachers about issues they might be facing as they transition to middle school and discuss practical solutions.

Seventh Grade: Students filmed an impactful presentation including speaking and song for the Hackensack homeless shelter with encouraging words about hope and never fulfilling one's dreams.

Eighth Grade: After discussing how they share with high schools all the activities they are involved in, students discussed "why do good?" (and the answer is not "for their high school application!")

Take a Hike- Lessons for Life!

  This past Thursday we had a wonderful bonding day with our sixth grade featuring a hike.  While there have only been a few months of school, and I am still getting to know the sixth graders, I find that I learn so much more about them from these informal experiences. I get to schmooze with them about their lives, what they enjoy doing, learn which songs they like to sing on the bus and see their “out of school” personalities.  I also have the opportunity to see which children might be struggling socially, which children are inclusive and make sure no one feels left out, which students might be quiet in school whose personalities shine outside of the classroom, and of course the “friend groups” in action.  

Some of the students find the hike easy to do and are used to physical activity. Other children find the hike a challenge at certain points, and it is wonderful to see how their peers stick by them to help them through it with encouragement and teamwork.  Often there is a child who wants to give up at the beginning and asks to turn around.  I was assigned to be the adult at the end of the hike- let’s assume that’s because I am the one who as part of my role takes care of the kids who need the extra encouragement- not because I am really slow! (Full disclosure: I am in no way a “hiker” by nature…I am more of a “museum”-type).  I am the מאסף -like the tribe of Dan whose job was to gather anyone who falls behind. 

My compassionate side wants to tell the child, “It’s okay. Let’s just turn around and you’ll wait for everyone to come back.” But, I know the other side of me, which wants to help foster resilience and the ability to face challenge needs to tell the child, “Let’s figure out a way that this can work for you!” 

This past week in our Faculty Meeting each of our teachers signed up for PLC- professional learning communities. In the PLC that the guidance department is running we are discussing a mental health toolbox for teachers to use in the classroom. In my session last week I discussed the important conflict that we often have as teachers and parents of when do I know if what I am doing is supporting the child- providing him/her with necessary support to grow due to his/her mental health needs,  versus when it is coddling- and in actuality preventing the child from growing and becoming emotionally stronger. If a child says to me, “I am too afraid to give a presentation in class”- how do I know if I should just say, “Okay, just have a seat,” knowing that this is too much for the child right now?  Or should I say,  “Let’s figure out a way that this can work for you!” 

One way we can determine which way to respond is by consulting with the parents and the private therapist of the child. Sometimes it is therapeutically more beneficial for a child to try to give that presentation, while at other times, giving that presentation can be extremely harmful to the child. Base on Lev Vygotsky’s learning and development theory, (as I apply it to skills outside of the classroom as well), our primary goal is to assess the child’s “zone of proximal development”- the difference between what the child can do without help and what he/she can do with guidance and encouragement from a helper. “Proximal” means an ability that the child is close to being able to do, but cannot do it yet. It must be something that is not too easy, but still challenging so that if he/she gets a bit of help he/she can master the skill and even improve. When a child is in the “zone” all he/she needs is a little boost to make it further. 

One strategy used to help a child when in that zone is through scaffolding. Once you assess a child’s zone of proximal development, then you set up support for the child, which is tapered off as it becomes unnecessary, just like a scaffold is taken off a building during construction. A good example is teaching our children to ride a bike. First they have training wheels, and then we hold their bike ourselves until they can do it on their own. 

And, so, instead of telling the child he can turn around, I attempted to assess his “zone of proximal development” taking into consideration any anxious feelings or worries, and began a plan of emotional scaffolding (and maybe even some physical, with a friend reaching out with his hand). 

In thinking about it, hiking is truly a metaphor for much of what we face in life. (Yes, while most people hike to enjoy, I am thinking about fodder for my next column!)   Most often it is a new trail we have never walked and we may not know what lies ahead around the bend.  For some the same path might seem easy. For others of us it takes every effort we have. We may set a goal, but there are often unpredictable obstacles in our way.  But, we find the strength to stick to it, and we may have to try to get through the path a different way than we had planned. If we fall, we get up and keep on going. And, we may end the hike tired, but most often elated that we made it. 

Author Rolayne Sellers highlighted in her article how there are life lessons we can learn from hiking:

1. Pick your path-Using a map choose the path in advance. 

2. Make sure the hike (i.e. goals) you choose is something you can attain, but will cause you to stretch.

3. Don’t hike alone.

4. Take water and snacks- make sure to focus on your personal needs. 

5. If you get a rock in your shoe, stop and get it out. Take care of little issues in your life before they become big. 

6. Don’t get so busy watching the path that you don’t remember to look up and see the scenery and view.  Sometimes we get so busy with our lives we forget to stop and enjoy and remember where we are headed. 

7. Even when the climb is tough- keep on going!

Interestingly enough, a number of monumental events for the Jewish people happened on mountains like Har Sinai and Har HaMoriah. Why did they not happen on flat ground? It was as if the message was being relayed that to achieve greatness, one must hike. As Rabbi Berel Wein notes, “So the Torah bids us all to be mountain climbers. … and realize that according to the effort will be the reward. There is no easy way or smooth path to a concentrated Jewish life. The example of Moshe climbing Mount Sinai remains the metaphor for all of us and for all Jewish life till eternity.” But, Har Sinai, while a mountain, was a small one and “climbable”- to reassure us that with some effort we can all hike to the top. 

As I watch our sixth graders begin their journey, or hike through middle school, I can already envision them in 8th grade, having reached their destinations with persistence and pride. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade:  Students discussed organizing their at-home work space and had a chance to share how middle school is doing.

Seventh Grade: Students discussed how the issues of the homeless they have learned about affect the Jewish community and the role they can play.

Eighth Grade:  Students contemplated what they are “good at” and how filling out applications and interviewing is an impetus to consider their strengths.