Each year, I gift the Advisory teachers (Advisors) with a special book at the end of the year in gratitude for all they have done for our students in implementing the Advisory curriculum each week. They faithfully connect with our students, sharing important life skills, and give them an opportunity to discuss issues that they are facing.
(At this point, I want to take a bit of a detour as I am mentioning our beloved Advisors. As Mrs. Rubin retires from Yavneh Academy in a few weeks, I can share an endless list of reasons why she will be missed. But, I know she, in her humility, will not be happy if I share all of those in my column. However, there is one area that I must share. Mrs. Rubin, for the past 19 years, has been teaching 8th grade Advisory. Year after year, our 8th graders share that the relationship that they form with her during that class, the care that she shows them each week, and her ability to open their eyes to important issues, has changed their lives. Just one more area in which we will miss you, Mrs. Rubin!)
So, each year, I think about a book that will be of interest in the social/emotional or Judaic world that will impact their lives for the better or will help them understand their students more. This year, I decided to purchase for them the book The Choice- Embrace the Possible by Dr. Edith Eger, which they will receive before school ends. I primarily chose that book (no pun intended) because Dr. Eger passed away at the end of April at the age of 99. I have mentioned her in my columns before and I have incorporated some of her philosophy into our 7th grade Advisory curriculum in the unit “When life gives you lemons- coping with adversity in life.”
Dr. Eger was a psychologist and a Holocaust survivor. She wrote in her book regarding suffering in life, “...victimhood comes from the inside. No one can make you a victim but you. We become victims not because of what happens to us but when we choose to hold on to our victimization….We cannot choose to have a life free of hurt. But we can choose to be free, to escape the past, no matter what befalls us, and to embrace the possible. I invite you to make the choice to be free.”
Dr. Eger wrote that one of her mentors was Dr. Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and also a Holocaust survivor and author of the book Man’s Search for Meaning. In our seventh grade Advisory class we do speak of Dr. Frankl and his philosophy as we discuss how to cope with difficulties in life. He notes, “Everything can be taken from a man or woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms- to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Dr. Eger called her form of therapy “Choice Therapy.” As she wrote, “as freedom is about CHOICE- about choosing compassion, humor, optimism, intuition, curiosity, and self- expression.”
Related to this topic is that of the choice/ability to see the cup half full instead of half empty- an important skill in facing adversity. We also call this seeing a situation with rose colored glasses versus dark colored glasses. In Advisory, we do an activity where we give the students a scenario, and ask them to physically put on glasses with pink colored lenses and then share how they would see the scenario that way. And, then put on dark colored glasses and how they would see it that way.
For example, for someone who lost power in a hurricane:
Rose colored glasses perspective:
“It was so much fun when the power went off in my house during the hurricane. We all got to sleep in the same room and my father didn’t have to go to work. We stayed up late telling ghost stories- it was like one big camp fire! We stayed up all night playing games and having fun by flashlight. I will never forget that night!”
Dark colored glasses perspective:
“It was the worst night of my life. There was no power so we all had to squish into one room. And, all I really wanted to do was to go to sleep in my own room, but my siblings were playing and making so much noise! It’s so boring with no TV to watch, and I knew my teacher would be angry at me for not doing my homework. I wish we had a generator!”
Rose colored glasses is the “cup half full” perspective. Dark colored glasses is the “cup half empty” perspective.
This past Shabbat I read an article by Rabbi Ozer Alport called “Do You See The Cup Half Full?” He begins by sharing that parashat Shelach tells of the sin of the spies who returned with a negative report of the Land of Israel on Tisha B’av, which lead, according to the Gemara in Taanit 29a, to the destruction and mourning on that day in the future. He shares that the first four perakim in Eicha (which we read on Tisha B’av about the destruction), is written as an acrostic- each pasuk starting with the letters of the aleph bet in order. Interestingly enough, in perakim 2-4, the letter pei comes before ayin. Why? The Gemara Sanhedrin 104b shares that :
אָמַר רָבָא אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן: בִּשְׁבִיל מָה הִקְדִּים פֵּא לְעַיִן? בִּשְׁבִיל מְרַגְּלִים שֶׁאָמְרוּ בְּפִיהֶם מַה שֶּׁלֹּא רָאוּ בְּעֵינֵיהֶם .
Rava says that Rabbi Yoḥanan says: For what reason did the prophet precede the verse beginning with the letter peh to the verse beginning with the letter ayin in several chapters of Lamentations? Since peh means mouth and ayin means eye, it is for the spies who said with their mouths [befihem] what they did not see with their eyes [be’eineihem].
Rabbi Alport explains “They placed their mouths (pei- like the word “peh”- mouth) before their eyes (ayin, which also means eye). Rav Moshe Shapira “In this case the Meraglim had already decided that they did not want to live in Eretz Yisrael, so they interpreted everything they saw through a negative lens and returned with a report distorted by their biases.”
They were unable to see the cup half full. They only saw the cup half empty.
This is an important lesson for our students as the grow and mature. Life will not always go the way you plan. But, if they are able to make the choice to see the cup half full- to have a positive attitude, they will be able to cope with disappointment and adversity.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Students focused on preparation for finals and how to manage.
Seventh Grade: Students discussed the power we have to treat others with respect.
Eighth Grade: Students had a workshop on mental health and how they can get help for themselves or friends when they are concerned.
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