I/2 Shabbat?

“Half-Shabbos”!!! What in the world is that? I recently had the privilege of hearing a presentation by Dr. David Pelcovitz, a renowned psychologist in the Orthodox Jewish world today. The goal of his presentation was to discuss how to keep your child safe in today's world. Topics like sexual abuse, or even substance abuse would be topics one would imagine would be top on his list to discuss. These are topics about which we are concerned. We have incorporated them into our Advisory programming. Most Yeshivot and parents today are worried about “at-risk” teens, and considering what we can do to minimize those risks. But, instead, most of the comments/questions at the end of the lecture were about a new and disturbing phenomenon called “half-Shabbos.” I actually heard about the existence of this behavior some time ago. The first time I heard about it I could not imagine what it meant. Is it sort of like keeping 1 and ½ days of Yom Tov in Eretz Yisrael if you are American? Not quite.

It is when someone in public appears to keep all the laws of Shabbat, goes to shul etc., except that he texts his other friends who are “half-Shabbos” observers on Shabbat. This phenomenon exists in every stream of Orthodox Judaism from the east to the west coast. It appears that a network of these teens has developed. Why does this happen? How could this happen? How could it be that children growing up in Shomer Shabbat homes and going to Yeshivot all their lives could lose the meaning of Shabbat? What are we doing wrong? I, personally, am devastated.

Some of the hypotheses we discussed were:

1. Texting is like breathing to children today. In fact, in a recent study that Dr. Pelcovitz conducted, most teens said that they preferred to text their friends than to speak to them in person. I once shared in one of my columns that one of our 7^th graders told me that she never actually uses the phone to call her friends. Those around her concurred. They are therefore not comfortable communicating face to face as they should be. This fact reminds us that we need to encourage our teens to put down the phone and talk to their friends, and invite them over. People in the business field can even substantiate the fact that the young employees, who spend most of their day texting, are missing some essential social skills important for business success. So, just like one cannot live one day without breathing, one cannot live one day without texting.
2. There is an addictive quality to texting. Today there are addiction centers that treat people for addictions to the internet and digital media. Although, one might say, that even those who are addicted to smoking refrain for the 25 hours of Shabbat. Again, the need to limit texting and digital media is essential to prevent addiction.
3. Those of us who are parents of teens, think about where we are Shabbat afternoon when this texting is happening. We are mostly upstairs taking our Shabbat naps. We have waited years for our children to be independent enough so we can leave them to their own activities and take a well-deserved “shluff.” This phenomenon reminds us that our teens still need us on Shabbat. It's never too late to start spending quality time Shabbat afternoon- play some Monopoly, study for a test, talk. Is is better to start this practice when they are younger. It is okay to have a Shabbat here and there where no one has play dates and we just spend time as a family. And, if your teen is resistant to that bonding time, and must be with friends, invite them over and spend some time in their vicinity. Many “half-Shabbos” teens have indicated that if their parents were around, they would not text on Shabbat.
4. Are we successful with inculcating the true joy of Shabbat to our children? Do they observe that joy on our faces when Shabbat arrives? Do we talk to them about what Shabbat means to us as a spiritual day?

I left that lecture with some realizations. First, we need to have a frank discussion with our teens about our knowledge of this “half-Shabbos” practice and how much it would disappoint us if our children would participate in this. We should not feel hesitant to make our values clear.

Second, we are so busy making sure our children stay safe by not doing drugs, having positive self esteem and learning good life skills that we have forgotten to make sure that our children appreciate what Judaism, (and Shabbat), is all about. We need to do a better job at “turning our children on” to Shabbat so that they will not keep it halfheartedly, but in full.