For those of us who have ever worked with high school juniors, the meaning of the SAT exam cannot be understated. With college looming ahead, the SATs become the focus of their year. When the SAT cheating scandal in Long Island was revealed it hit home. The more obvious realization is that it is a prime “teachable moment” to speak with our children about cheating. More importantly, it is a time to stress that we don't do whatever it takes to get good grades. Being a good person is more valuable than getting good grades. We will love them no matter what they get on their SATs. As we do in Advisory, we speak with them about the impact their cheating has on others and on the moral fabric of their classroom/society.
But, there is a less obvious discussion we can have as well. When reading about the scandal, I came across a blog from a Rabbi Jeremy Kalmanofsky (whom I do not know), who humorously stated, “It is time to do what Jews do in such scandals: examine the last names.” It is so true! We read the names, hoping that none sound Jewish. We dread the Chillul Hashem (desecration of G-d's name) it will create. As the days progressed, we realized that many of the perpetrators were Jewish, and three were students/graduates of a modern Orthodox high school. Clearly, we are not immune. The Chillul Hashem is palpable.
The message of Chillul Hashem and Kiddush Hashem carry numerous lessons for our teens. They are used to hearing our “schmooze” before a trip, “Remember, we are representing our school and our community...” To them, that is all that Kiddush Hashem means.
The concept of Chillul/Kiddush Hashem can relay an essential mental health message as well. The way we behave makes a difference and it has consequences. Every action we do affects our reputation and how we are viewed by others. As Rabbi Mark Dratch wrote in his article, “The Shame of it All,” “And it matters not only to the people around us and not only to our own reputations, but it matters to God and His reputation as well. Our duty as Jews, as a 'kingdom of priests and a holy nation,' is to bring the world closer to a recognition and appreciation of God. We are God's representatives to the world, and all that we do impacts upon how others view Him.”
But, there is a less obvious discussion we can have as well. When reading about the scandal, I came across a blog from a Rabbi Jeremy Kalmanofsky (whom I do not know), who humorously stated, “It is time to do what Jews do in such scandals: examine the last names.” It is so true! We read the names, hoping that none sound Jewish. We dread the Chillul Hashem (desecration of G-d's name) it will create. As the days progressed, we realized that many of the perpetrators were Jewish, and three were students/graduates of a modern Orthodox high school. Clearly, we are not immune. The Chillul Hashem is palpable.
The message of Chillul Hashem and Kiddush Hashem carry numerous lessons for our teens. They are used to hearing our “schmooze” before a trip, “Remember, we are representing our school and our community...” To them, that is all that Kiddush Hashem means.
The concept of Chillul/Kiddush Hashem can relay an essential mental health message as well. The way we behave makes a difference and it has consequences. Every action we do affects our reputation and how we are viewed by others. As Rabbi Mark Dratch wrote in his article, “The Shame of it All,” “And it matters not only to the people around us and not only to our own reputations, but it matters to God and His reputation as well. Our duty as Jews, as a 'kingdom of priests and a holy nation,' is to bring the world closer to a recognition and appreciation of God. We are God's representatives to the world, and all that we do impacts upon how others view Him.”
As the Gemara in Yoma 86a highlights, “But if someone studies Scripture and Mishnah, attends on the disciples of the wise, but is dishonest in business, and discourteous in his relations with people, what do people say about him? ‘Woe unto him who studied the Torah, woe unto his father who taught him Torah; woe unto his teacher who taught him Torah!’ This man studied the Torah: Look, how corrupt are his deeds, how ugly his ways; of him Scripture says: In that men said of them,: These are the people of the Lord, and are gone forth out of His land”
What responsibility! What an honor! What greater statement of self-esteem is there as we want to raise teens who feel that they matter in this world? We do not deliver this message to our children in shame, or as a mussar schmooze, but rather with pride.
Interestingly, the concept of Chillul Hashem is worsened when it is committed by an adam chashuv- an important, well- respected person. Rabbi Dratch continues to highlight that,.
“While the sources seem to restrict the imposition of higher ethical standards to an adam hashuv, one can easily argue that, in our day, each observant Jew is considered an adam hashuv, to one degree or another, vis-à-vis the non-observant community, and that all Jews have such a status vis-à-vis the non-Jewish world.”
The Gemara list numerous examples of Chillul Hashem. Rabbi Dratch stresses that Chillul Hashem is at times subjective, as it depends on how the population of that time period, or the culture around you view the act. “Conduct that may appear to the actor to be appropriate, may in fact be a hillul Hashem if it is so deemed by the larger population. Rambam writes that a person should refrain from those activities which are unseemly in the eyes of others, even if in his own eyes they are not unseemly.”
Chillul Hashem reflects that when we behave, we cannot just consider how it makes us feel. It is not all about me. It is about how our behaviors affect others. I even need to be concerned that my behavior not hurt the sensibilities of others, albeit unintentionally. Much of misbehavior can be prevented if we can learn to stop and think about the consequences before we act. That is another important message of Chillul Hashem.
At the Shabbat table this Shabbat, as we discuss the scandal and the values about cheating we want to relay, let us also remind our children of the messages of Chillul Hashem as they relate to valuable role they play.
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