Where Are Our Teens Getting Their Information?

The Talmud (Berachot 62) tells about Rav Kahana, who wanted to learn the proper way of conducting marital relations, so he went and hid under the bed of his teacher, Rav. When Rav discovered him, as one might imagine, he said to him, “Depart from here – it is improper to do as you have done hiding under the bed!” Rav Kahana answered, “It is a part of the Torah, and I need to learn.” What is the meaning of this surprising and confusing story? Rav Kahana was a scholar and quite wise, and most definitely realized that it is inappropriate to hide under his teacher's bed! Yet, the message of the Gemara is that there is a Jewish and halachic way to do every act in life. More importantly, when Rav Kahana sought knowledge- he only sought advice from a Torah source- not from his friends, or “the internet.”

Do you know that 68% of all TV shows, other than the news, sports and children’s shows, contain sexual content? 75% of network prime-time shows contain either sexual dialogue or sexual behavior. And, teens- ages 13 to 15, rank TV, magazines , movies and music as the top source of information about sexuality for them.


Many of our students can be counted among those statistics. They learn about their physical and emotional development from the media- television, internet and their friends. Often, the information they gain regarding their sexuality is incorrect, glamorized or even scary. This is why I developed the Adolescent Life Workshops for our Middle School students. They have an opportunity to learn and discuss the physiological, emotional and sexual changes they go through during this time with a competent and halachically appropriate source.

This past week, our 8^th graders had two sessions. While, Rabbi Knapp began the series with the boys and I did so with the girls, we did something new this year. We felt that in addition to implementing the curriculum I designed, we wanted the 8^th graders to have the opportunity to ask any questions they wished. We felt that they would benefit from a Question and Answer session with a Torah scholar in the area of relationships and sexuality. We asked the students to anonymously submit any questions on their mind. Rabbi Knapp and I went through the questions and invited Rabbi Shalom Baum, rabbi of Congregation Keter Torah, to address the boys and Mrs. Shoshana Samuels, Yoetzet Halacha at Congregation Rinat Yisrael, to address the girls. The students were engaged and interested and comfortably asked questions. They clearly understood that the Torah sees sexuality as a normal and natural part of life which is even kadosh. Therefore, the Torah puts safeguards in place to ensure that sexuality within the context of a relationship remains special. In addition, they got the message that Torah personalities in our community can understand them and in a non-patronizing, shame-free way are always available to answer their questions. This is a lesson that will remain with them well beyond their school years, as they realize the importance of developing a relationship Torah leaders.

This message is one that they receive from us at home as well. First, when it specifically comes to issues surrounding puberty and sexuality we relay the message to them that no question is shameful or wrong to ask. If we do not know the answer, we will tell them and will get them the answer. (In addition to turning to Torah scholars, in our workshops we encourage them to turn to their parents- a major theme in our sixth grade workshops). We may need to begin the conversation with them, but they need to know they should never hesitate to approach us with anything. Second, if we do notice them watching a TV show or reading a book that contains themes about relationships antithetical to Judaism's view, we need to relay that message loud and clear. “What do you think about the fact that those two characters moved in together before marriage?” “Is it okay for those teenagers to be kissing?” These are all “teachable moments” as we make our values clear to our children.