The Torah reading for the first day of
Rosh Hashana comes from Bereishit 21:1-34. There are numerous
discussions as to why this section is read at this time. Primarily,
one can see the Rosh Hashana themes of Tefilla – prayer and
Teshuva- repentance as underlying these pesukim. The second section
of this portion is the story of Yishmael and Hagar being sent out
from Avraham's home. This story highlights the ultimate compassion
of G-d as He saves Yishmael. 21:17, “G-d heard the cry of the
youth, and an angel of G- d called to Hagar from heaven and said to
her, 'What troubles you, Hagar? Fear not, for G-d has heeded the cry
of the youth in his present state'.” “באשר
הוא שם"
– in his present state, are the words upon
which I would like to focus. What are their significance?
Rashi quotes the Midrash
that states that when the angels saw Yishmael dying of thirst they
turned to G-d and said, “For one whose descendants will eventually
force Your children to die of thirst, You will perform a miracle and
reveal water?!” (For interest's sake, this is referring to the
time when Nevuchadnezzar exiled the Jews to Bavel and the
descendants of Yishmael greeted the thirsty Jews with salty food and
bread instead of water, and gave them empty jugs filled with just
air. When they tried to drink from these jugs, hot air entered their
throats aggravating the situation). Hashem responds, “What you say
is true, but at this point in time, is Yishmael righteous or wicked?”
The angels replied, “Righteous.” Hashem then said, “If so, it
is proper to save him, for man is not judged on his future actions.
Rather, he is judged in his 'present state' באשר
הוא שם–
according to the level he is now.”
(The parshanim describe that Yishmael must have done Teshuva and
therefore was considered righteous).
This story teaches us one
of the foundations of Teshuva- that of באשר
הוא שם.
Even if one's deeds are not of a high level all
year long, one should attempt during Chodesh Elul and Aseret Yimei
Teshuva to elevate one's deeds – as a person is only judged based
on “his present state”- not on his future and not on his past.
What a gift!
As a parent, upon
thinking about the relationship we have with Hashem during this
Teshuva season, I cannot help but contemplate the relationship I have
with my children. The Selichot and High Holiday liturgy is replete
with the image of G-d being our Father and we are His children “As
a father is compassionate with his sons, so too Hashem should have
compassion on us.” How can I apply this
באשר
הוא שם philosophy to my
relationship with my children?
It is inevitable that at
some point with teenagers we will find some cause to argue or rebuke.
(In fact research indicates that children who do not back down so
easily and engage their parents in “spirited discussion” -a.k.a
arguments, in an effective manner may actually be able to better
withstand peer pressure as they can better calmly, persuasively and
persistently argue their standpoints). In having these arguments it
is a essential to not bring up the past- focus on the present. If we
begin throwing things out that happened months ago and dredge up the
past we cannot move forward. And, it goes without saying that we
cannot hold a grudge. When the argument is resolved, it is over. If
we do not do so, we are saying, “We forgive, but we never forget.”
It relays the message to our teens that no matter how hard they try
to change, we will never give them a fresh start. We will never see
them in the same way again.
Our goal as parents is to
let our children know that no matter what they do we will always love
them. We will always help them get out of a rut and improve. And,
once they improve, we will have faith in them. How many times have I
heard students say to me, “No matter what I do, my parents won't
ever trust me again.” The message of באשר
הוא שם is the gift we can give
our children of not holding over them mistakes they have made in the
past (as long as they are no longer commiting the same mistakes).
There
is another message in the importance of dwelling on the present. This
past week, our 7th
graders began their Advisory classes. The theme of their Advisory
curriculum is “Prepare Yourself to Change the World,” as they
involve themselves in lessons and service learning projects. The
first unit focuses on the power that teenagers can have to change the
world. We discuss the story of Austin Gutwein, who when he was 9
years old in 2004 decided to raise money for those suffering in
Africa by shooting hoops and getting sponsors. Now, in his teens,
his program has spread and has raised over $2 million. We do not
want our children looking to the future and saying, “When I get
older, I'll make a difference and do something important.” We want
them to realize that in the present
they can be more and do more. This message is crystallized in the
words of John Larson, a news correspondent, “I
spent a day with Austin and his family and found them inspiring.
His story, I believe, challenges us all. The first thing I thought as
I drove to the airport was: 'What was I doing when I was 12?' And
then, of course, the next thought: 'What, exactly, am I doing now?'”
We are empowering our teenages to achieve something special for
others now.
This
message also reminds me of what I sometimes hear from our teenagers,
“I'll be more religious and be more serious when I go to Israel for
the year.” It is as if they are excusing their present behaviors by
looking to the future- when it's the present that counts. As
parents we need to again empower our teens to realize that “If not
now...then when?” (Avot 1:14). And, as the Mishna in Avot 2:5 also
states,
"V'Al Tomar K'SheEfneh Eshneh Shema
Lo Tipaneh",
“I will learn when I have time, because maybe you will never have
time.”
I recently received an e-mail from a childhood friend whose son is a
high school senior in a “Modern Orthodox Yeshiva.” Her son
recently celebrated the Siyum Hashas as he has actually completed all
of Shas for the first time. Wow! That is a teenager who realized the
power he has in the present.
As
the we begin the new year of 5773 may we find the inspiration in the
present to not dwell on past disappointments and challenges, and to
not wait for the future. In that merit, may Hashem judge us similarly
for a happy and healthy year.
No comments:
Post a Comment