Pesach and Helping Our Children Reach Their "Potentials"

The hero of the Pesach story is clearly Moshe. Interestingly enough, the beginning of Moshe's life is surrounded by anonymity. In describing the marriage of Moshe's parents, the Torah does not record their names. Rather, it says, "A man from the house of Levi went and took a daughter of Levi" (Shemot, 2:1).  Why doesn't the Torah identify who these two people are?  Perhaps the Torah specifically did not want to mention Moshe's lineage in order to show that in Judaism one does not have to come from a special lineage to be a leader. Rav Zalman Sorotzkin in his Oznayim Le Torah similarly says that every Jewish child that is born has the possibility of becoming a leader of his people. Every child has “potential.”

When are Amram and Yocheved identified as being the parents of Moshe? Only once he was an adult and he accomplished great feats. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein explained that when parents have a talented and/or gifted child they often assume that he will excel due to his inborn “potential.” As parents, we know that that is not true. A child could use his G-d given talents for the wrong. We need to raise a child to go on the correct path. Even Moshe, who we know according to the Gemara in Sotah 12a, was at birth worthy of prophesy, born circumcised and when he was born the room filled with light- even Moshe's future was not guaranteed.

This message is reflected in the Haggadah with the Four Sons. All children are born with “potential,” and depending on how they are raised in combination with their temperaments, they choose different paths. Metaphorically, Chametz and Matzah are the same ingredients. One is allowed to rise, and one does not. In potential, they are the same. It is the path that is chosen for them that makes all the difference.

The message for us and our children is that of positive self-esteem. We are all born with the ability to achieve. We can all be Moshe. Everyone has the ability.

However, some teens may find this dishonest. They know it is our job as parents to tell them they can do anything. (Yeah, Mom. You have to say I'm smart! You're my mom!) But, the reality is that there as some things they cannot do, (i.e. the chances of a petite woman as myself being a championship basketball player are slim!). The answer is in another piece of literature that involves Moshe Rabbeinu. I can still recall being told the story of Reb Zusha as a seventh grader. It made such an impact. The chasidic tale tells of Reb Zusha. “He was known for the simplicity of his lifestyle and his inspiring humility. He once told his disciples, 'When I die and face my judgment I do not fear the angels will ask me whey I was not as spiritual as Moshe. I will simply tell them Moshe was a soul so much greater than my own. Nor do I fear they will ask me why I was not as kind as Avraham. If they do, I will tell them that Avraham was unique in his capacity to do chesed. How can you expect so much of me? Nor do I fear they will ask me why I did not compose songs to G-d as David. If they do, I will say, ' How can you compare me to the 'sweet singer of Israel''? But, what I do fear if that they will ask me, “Zusha, why were you not Zusha?” and for this I will have no answer.”

All that Hashem asks of us is that we utilize the gifts, talents and life circumstances He has given us to do our best in being the best we can be. This is another encouraging message to relay to our children when faced with struggle. Did you try your best? It is also an important value to share. Never settle for mediocrity. When you work on a project, or attempt any sort of endeavor, are you just “trying to get by”? Most importantly, when it comes to being a better Jew- are you just trying to get by or are you trying the best you can?

You may know that when our students in the Middle School celebrate their Bar/Bat Mitzvahs in school I meet with them and ask them to identify a Mitzvah or Midda they would like to improve now that they are accepting the yoke of Mitzvot upon themselves. We want our students to think seriously about the fact that in Judaism we constantly work at achieving our “potentials” and at becoming the “Me” we were meant to be.

Peer Pressure and the Exodus

The Jews were redeemed from Egypt because they stood up to “peer pressure”! It says in Vayikra Rabba 32:5 that they were redeemed due to the fact that they did not change their names, their clothing and their language. Despite the corrupt influences all around them, they maintained their Jewish identities and did what was right.

We know that most decisions of our teens are influenced by their peers. In fact, research at Temple University attempted to ascertain why teens who are generally good make bad decisions when they are with their friends. Participants, (young teens, college students and adults), in the study were asked to play a video game that simulated driving and asked them to make decisions about slowing down at yellow lights or speeding up while in a a brain scanner. Half of the time they were told that friends were watching them play in the other room. Young teens ran about 40% more yellow lights and had 60% more crashes when they knew friends were watching. “The regions of the brain associated with reward showed greater activity when they were playing in view of their friends. It was as if the presence of friends, even in the next room, prompted the brain's reward system to drown out any warning signals about the risk , tipping the balance toward the reward. The presence of peers activated the reward circuitry in the brain of adolescents that it didn't do in the case of adults,” said Laurence Steinberg the author of the study. This effect of peer pressure was even felt when friends were in the other room- without any coercion!

We, therefore, in our Advisory program have had three programs this past week that focused on the negative and positive influences of peer pressure.

Reflections

Our 6^th graders experienced the Reflections program. Reflections is a Teen Improvisational Theater program run out of the Bergen County Division of Family Guidance. Actors from local high schools are trained to do “improv” on social/emotional topics to present to younger students by Mrs. Staci Block, their director. Together with Mrs. Block we planned this year’s program to cover the topic of Peer Pressure, as the students are in the middle of a unit in Advisory on Friendship and Relationships. Students were able to volunteer to act, and interact with the actors as they acted out two scenarios- a child feeling peer pressure to misbehave in class and a child feeling peer pressure at his own house to go against his parents’ house rules. Our own Elie Fried, Max Krantz, Eliana Suldan and Adam Varnai played the roles of teachers, parents and students in the improvisational scenarios- without any practice! Our sixth graders were able to relate to the scenarios and were able to identify with pressures they often feel to do the wrong thing. We discussed the strength it takes to stand up to peer pressure and how to effectively do so. Reflections allows students are able to get the message in a humorous and creative way.

Rockets into Roses

Our 7^th graders are in the middle of a unit in their Advisory program called, “Do Not Stand Idly By”- the importance of acting when one sees injustice – whether in one’s school or even at the world at large. We have discussed how to do what what is right in spite of peer pressure to do the wrong thing. Students have learned that Political Action is one way they can act when they see injustice. As part of this unit, the students learned about the rocket attacks from Gaza into cities in Israel, as presented by Mr. Avinoam Segal, the Shaliach from the Federation. Since that program students have been learning the skills of what it takes to be an “upstander” instead of a bystander when one sees wrong happening. This unit is culminating in the students taking what they learned and putting it into practice. They will partner with an organization called United for Israel that sponsors the Rockets into Roses program, as presented by Mrs. Nomi Haberman. Yaron Bob, an Israeli artist, creates metal art sculptures and jewelry out of Kassam rockets that have landed in Israel. He crafts beautiful roses with the message perseverance and transforms objects of war into objects of peace. Please see the following links for a taste of their project:

 http://www.rocketsintoroses.com/slideshow.html ;

 http://www.rocketsintoroses.com/videos/cbn_video.html

All proceeds from the sales go to building shelters and supporting those who have suffered attacks. The seventh graders will be raising money to purchase a rose to present to a local politician along with letters they have written about the need for America to understand the daily fear Israelis feel regarding potential attacks and to request their standing by Israel. Stay tuned as we update you about the project in the coming weeks.

JCC – Teen Leadership Conference- Middle School

Fourteen of our 7^th and 8^th graders were privileged to attend the JCC Teen Leadership Conference for Middle School students on Friday March 1^st. The topic of the conference, coordinated by the JCC and the Bergen Family Center, was Tolerance and Standing Up to Bullying. The entire conference was planned and implemented by a committee of middle schools students from eight schools. Two of our own 8^th graders, Dina Jawetz and Jessica Orski, played a significant role in planning the conference. The topics addressed at the conference through hands-on interactive workshops were cyberbullying, the emotional effects of bullying and bullying intervention. The effect of peer pressure on bullying and the importance of being “upstanders” were also highlighted. Students also had the opportunity to question a panel of adults who were once bullied. It was a unique opportunity to interact with students from other schools and put our heads together to target this problem. The slogan of the conference was “Be the change.” Students came away knowing that they have a responsibility to go back to their schools and represent all that they learned by “being the change they wish to see in the world.”

It says in the Haggadah, “B'chol dor v'dor, chayav adam lirot, et atzmo kilu hu yatza mimitzrayim” “In every generation a person is obligated to see himself as if he himself left Egypt.” Through focusing on peer pressure and its challenges our students are emulating the yotzei Mitzrayim who stood up to the “peer pressure” that surrounded them.