The Sound of Music and Raising Jewish Souls

As you know, during this past month our middle schoolers have had their Adolescent Life workshops which covered topics related to physiological, emotional and social issues related to puberty. Our 8^th graders had their sessions this past week which focused the Jewish view of relationships. The boys had one session with Rabbi Knapp and one Q and A session with Rabbi Shalom Baum. The girls had one session with me and a Q and A with Mrs. Shoshana Samuels and Mrs. Shira Schiowitz. The students had the opportunity to gain a sensitivity to Judaism's view of relationships. They also at the same time gained the understanding that as they grow into adulthood there are special people in communal roles to whom they can turn with their questions. As they get older, they need to find Torah role models they can approach with serious questions. The most important message they received was that Judaism has something to say about every aspect of their lives.

In my session with the girls, I began with an exercise. I asked them to think about a recent television show or movie they watched in which there was a male-female relationship. I asked them to describe the two characters in the relationship and describe the relationship itself. This exercise always creates lots of chatter and inevitably the relationships are described as “purely physical,” “temporary,” “love/hate” etc. We then discuss whether the relationships we see on TV are real. I ask the girls to think about the impact of what we grew up watching on our views of what relationships should be. What messages do they send to us about the role of women and men? Then, we discuss what a Jewish relationship is. We don't deny the importance of the physical, but the physical devoid of the emotional and spiritual is worthless, dangerous and even emotionally damaging.

This year, we spoke about the lyrics in the music to which they listen. They brought up the “inappropriateness” of much of the lyrics- even on the “lite” stations, (although they don't actually listen to the radio). It would have been an interesting exercise for them to go home and go through all the songs on their iPods. What messages are the songs relaying to them about what kind of women they are supposed to be to attract men? I spoke about the songs we listened to growing up in the 80's. What contrast!

The impact of the sexual content found in today's music on teens has been a topic of much research of late. As parents we are often unaware of the music our children are listening to as increasingly they can download it and listen to it with headphones without our involvement. The research indicates that lyrics have become more explicit when it comes to references to drinking/drugs, sex and even violence. A 2009 study looked at the "Billboard Hot 100" most popular year-end songs from 1959, '69, '79, '89, '99 and 2009 using 600 songs. Looking only at the lyrics, the researchers coded each song for references to sexual topics. The topics they coded for are too graphic for this column. The researchers also took note of lyrics suggesting that "a person's value comes only from his or her sexual appeal" or that "a person is held to a standard of beauty equating physical attractiveness with being sexy," among other messages. In 2009, three times as many top songs contained sexual references compared to all the decades before it, the researchers reported in the journal Sexuality and Culture.

Exposure to sexual messages and sexual stereotypes affects behaviors and attitudes of young people. Lyrics that are overly sexualized lead teens to judge their own personal worth on a sexual level only, leading to poor body image, depression and dangerous behaviors. “Popular music teaches young men to be sexually aggressive and treat women as objects while often teaching young women that their value to society is to provide sexual pleasure to others.” As parents, it is essential for us to take a stand regarding what lyrics our children can listen to. Lead author of one study, Steven Martino, said that, "Boys learn they should be relentless in pursuit of females, and girls learn to view themselves as sex objects. The study recommends that parents set limits on what music their children can purchase and listen to and be careful not to listen to sexually degrading music when their children are around.” On the most basic level, studies indicate that as parents we need to discuss the lyrics to which our kids are listening with them. We spend so much time worrying about what they are watching on TV and what they are doing on the internet that we forget to check out their playlists.

In 2004, just 18 percent of kids aged 8 to 18 owned MP3 players. By 2009, the number was up to 76 percent, found a 2010 study by the Kaiser Family Foundation. And, we know those statistics are now outdated, and the advent of iPods and smartphones has increased the numbers. Even though parents often set limits on the amount of time their kids can spend watching TV, playing video games and surfing the Internet, just 10 percent of youth in the study reported having restrictions on the amount of music they listened to.

These studies, as I point out indirectly to the girls in my conversations with them, are not done by religious people. It is not only an Orthodox Jewish halachic issue. But, how much more so does this issue relate to us as Orthodox Jews. What does Judaism tell me about what it means to be a woman? A man? Aside from the sexual messages, most relationships in the music have “commitment issues.” Even the most clean music there is bound to be someone cheating on someone else who “done me wrong.” What does that tell our children about the seriousness of a relationship?

Kids may claim, “I don't really pay attention to the words. I am listening for the beat.” Studies indicate the contrary. Even if they do not understand what every word means they get the general message. The research demonstrates that there the messages they are getting are often subconscious. They give them an understanding and expectation of what is normal and expected from them whether they realize it or not. And, many a time in the various settings in which I have worked I have been with teenagers and I hear the students break into a song that does not reflect Jewish values.

The recording industry will not practice censorship. They have created the Parental Advisory Label (PAL) which is placed on a record based on the decision of the individual recording company and artists on a voluntary basis. But, even that label is subjective and not foolproof.

As Jews, we know of the centrality of music. We know that in the Beit HaMikdash, music was an essential component of Avodat Hashem. And, clearly music affects one's mood and mental state, as we know young Dovid played the harp for King Shaul as he was in a state of “melancholy.” Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi stated, “If words are the pen of the heart, then song is the pen of the soul.” The music we listen to connects to our souls. As parents, we want to safeguard the souls of our children by monitoring the music that enters their neshamot.