Are Tough Teachers Better?

 Who were your most effective teachers? Were they the nurturing teachers or the demanding ones?

This is the topic of Joanne Lipman's article in the Wall Street Journal on September 27, 2013. She called her article, “Why Tough Teachers Get Good Results,” based on her book that she wrote called Strings Attached: One Tough Teacher and the Gift of Great Expectations. Lipman shares the techniques of a music teacher Jerry Kupchynsky as a model of what is missing in education today. She writes, “It's time to revive old-fashioned education. Not just traditional but old-fashioned in the sense that so many of us knew as kids, with strict discipline and unyielding demands. Because here's the thing: It works.”

Ms. Lipman shares how Kupchynsky was unsympathetic, unyielding and “made us rehearse until our fingers almost bled.” What about this uncaring teacher made Ms. Lipman see his instructional methods as ideal? How can she advocate for his techniques when research does indicate that supportive teacher-student relationships improve motivation, learning and achievement? The research furthermore highlights that caring teachers create classroom environments where students are encouraged to take risks and learning is emphasized over performing. Students who feel cared for persist in the face of failure. Mr. Kupchynsky's classroom was clearly not so.

Lipman feels that although she may not agree with the abuse students experienced, she feels that eight principles come from the “tough teacher.” 1. “A little pain is good for you.” - True growth is fostered by constructive and often painful feedback. 2. “Drill, baby, drill” - There is an element of rote learning that is essential for success, (i.e. memorizing one's times tables). 3. “Failure is an option”- when children understand that failure is part of learning, they perform better. 4. “Strict is better than nice”- The number one finding of a team of researchers investigating what makes a teacher successful was that “they were strict.” 5. “Creativity can be learned”- there is no such thing as a born genius, and through hard work one can learn the art of being creative. 6. “Grit trumps talent”- passion and perseverance for long-term goals is the best predictor of success. 7. “Praise makes you weak.” 8. “Stress makes you strong” - the appropriate amount of stress in childhood helps develop resiliency.

Each one of Lipman's points can lead to an entire article on its own. I do wonder, though, whether Mr. Kupchynsky's teaching style truly reflected these beliefs. Do we agree that tough teachers get better results than caring teachers? How about parents? Are tough parents better parents and raise better children than caring parents? Deep down, do some of us feel that “kids nowadays” are spoiled and overpampered and could use some old-fashioned, unyielding teaching?

These differing views on pedagogy remind me of the differences we had always learned between Beit Hillel and Beit Shammai- who often come to mind as we get closer to Chanukah time and lighting candles. Today, when there is a machloket, we generally say the halacha is according to Beit Hillel. The Arizal maintained that in the time of Moshiach, we will “paskin” like Beit Shammai. Why? The Mikdash Melech explains that Beit Hillel represents kindness, (as his halachic rulings are usually more lenient), and Beit Shammai severity. Today, before the arrival of Moshiach, we are not capable of withstanding the severity of Beit Shammai.

I maintain that a caring teacher with high expectations can combine the best of both worlds. In her research, Judith Kleinfeld coined the term “warm demanders.” “Warm demanders exert influence on their students' learning through their relationships. They are not willing to let a child turn in lesser quality work or fail; instead, with compassion, they express their belief that their students can do better and are willing to work with students to improve their work.” They utilize the teaching style called “active demandingness.” This style is the balance of establishing a relationship with the students, while at the same time, holding students accountable. This is the “golden mean” of all middot- neither the extreme of being too demanding nor the extreme of being a “pushover” makes an effective teacher. As it says in Sanhedrin 107b, there should be a combination of compassion and justice, “pushing away with the left hand while bringing closer with the right hand.”

As parents, we are the ultimate teachers of our children and can utilize the “warm demander” model. It is not an easy balance, but hopefully gets “good results.”

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Advisory Updates:

Sixth Grade- Sixth graders worked on organizational skills as they organized their lockers and backpacks utilizing the P.A.C.K. method.  

Seventh Graders- Seventh graders culminated their unit on preparing for teamwork at Frost Valley as they learned the importance of Active Communication skills.

Eighth Graders-  Eighth graders discussed,  through some self-analysis,  that which makes them unique and the skills that they "bring to the table" as part of assessing who they will become as they embark on the next four years of high school. 

You Are A Wonder

 There is a book making its way into the hands of middle schoolers all across the country called Wonder by R.J.Palacio. I first heard of the book last year at a teen conference on Tolerance, but I thank Rabbi Knapp for handing me the book to read. (It is a wonderful book to read with your middle schooler). The book tells the story of Auggie, a boy with facial deformities. It speaks of his first year in school after being home schooled and his journey to acceptance. The book challenges the reader to consider whether we are truly accepting of those who are different, and how difficult it is to stand up to peer pressure and do what is right. Wonder ends with Auggie receiving an award at the end of the year for strength of courage and character. He receives a standing ovation as he accepts the award. The book is called “Wonder” as in the last sentences of the book Auggie's mother says to him, “'Thank you, Auggie,' she answered softly. 'For what?' 'For everything you've given us,' she said. 'For coming into our lives for being you.' She bent down and whispered in my ear. 'You really are a wonder, Auggie. You are a wonder.'” In the appendix of the book, Auggie states, “Everyone in the world should get a standing ovation at least once in their life ...”

The uniqueness of each person is celebrated in Wonder. Augggie's parents had a difficult job convincing a child who felt like an outcast that he was a “wonder.” In reality, as growing teens, all of our children have times in their lives when they feel down about themselves. Whether it is not making the team, or comparing his/her low grade on a test to others, he/she can feel anything but wonderful. As parents, we have the challenge to convince each of our children that they are special in their own ways. We do this by helping our children identify their true talents and encouraging them to develop those talents. “You are not just one of the crowd. You stand out. You are unique.” We provide them with standing ovations as often as we can. BUT... there is a downside...

This concept came to my mind this week as the world mourned the passing of HaRav Ovadiah Yosef, ztl. At Yavneh we attempted to help the children feel the gravity of this loss. I heard someone mention an incredible opportunity that came about at Chacham Ovadiah's funeral, attended by approximately 800,000 people. The Gemara in Berachot 58b mentions that upon seeing 600,000 Jews one says the beracha, “Baruch Ata...Chacham HaRazim” - Blessed are You G-d...who knows all secrets.” The Gemara continues to explain the meaning of this beracha. “For their thoughts are not similar to one another, nor are their appearances similar.” Only G-d has the ability to create and see the individuality in each person- even when in a large crowd. We thereby thank Hashem for creating us with that which makes each of us special- for the wonder he created in each one of us.

As teachers, this is one challenge we face each day- to see each one of our students as an individual. This is particularly challenging when it comes to the more quiet students, as they can easily blend into the background if we do not make the effort to get to know their uniqueness and their wonder. And, of course, through differentiating our instruction we support the individual learning styles and personalities of every child.

This beracha also demonstrates the downside to which I referred above. While we stress the unique aspects of all children, there is something incredible about being part of that large group of people. We say a beracha on seeing that wonder as well. (Interestingly enough, research indicates that being part of a community greater than oneself contributes to positive self-image as well). Going overboard in providing our children with a healthy dose of self-esteem can often lead to a dangerous self-centeredness. There is value in reminding our children that they are “one of the crowd” and part of the community. There is great good to be achieved when we reach out to work together, help each other and ignore our differences. Rabbi Zalman Lent, rabbi in Dublin, Ireland shares, “But there is also something powerful in belonging to a mass of humanity – a group, a nation, a people. So on the one hand we cherish the differences of the individual – we even praise G-d for that, but on the other hand we can see the great good that can be achieved when we work together as a group, masking over our differences. We need to be counted as individuals, serving G-d on our own individual levels and in ways that are meaningful to us; but equally we need to recognize that we are part of a whole — small cogs linked together in an incredible human network – the largest social network in history.”

Likewise, with our children we at times need to remind them that, “You are special, but don't let that go to your head.” We look out for each other. We help others and do not simply help ourselves. At times, we need to challenge them to stop and think not of how special they are, but rather how they can reach out to others.

Another downside can be that our children begin to believe that they must be special. It is not okay to just be “average” or “normal.” The tremendous pressure they put on themselves to maintain uniqueness can lead to competition and feelings of inadequacy- exactly the opposite of what we as parents had intended when we reinforced how special they were.

The beracha “Chacham HaRazim” reminds of the importance balance of seeing the wonder of the individual while reinforcing the wonder of the klal. The wonder that Auggie was could not be accomplished without his individual strength of character and the community that supported him.

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade- Our sixth graders learned some of the skills necessary for effective discussions in Advisory.

Seventh Grade- In preparation for teamwork at Frost Valley, students learned the skills of Assertive Communication and how to disagree utilizing “I statements” instead of accusatory “You statements.”

Eighth Grade- Our eighth graders continued with practical guidance in the application process and began learning interviewing skills.

Parenting for a New Generation

 As a child, the parshiot found in Sefer Bereishit were the highlight of the year. What could be better than floods, rainbows, tents with four doors, angels going visiting or going up and down ladders? But, as we relearn Sefer Bereishit as teens we realize, “ Hey, there are some other stories that our teachers conveniently left out when we learned these parshiot for the first time.” One such story is found in this week's parasha, Parashat Noach. After the flood, in Bereishit 9:20-21 it states, "Noach debased himself and planted a vineyard. He drank of the wine and became drunk." Aside from the apparent incest that follows, it is clear why our Morot skipped this story. How could Noach the Tzaddik stoop to such a level?

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, a psychologist known for his work in the area of addiction, says that this story comes to teach us something about parenting. “The commentaries say that Noach knew how much he could drink safely without the wine affecting him, but that was before the flood. What Noach did not consider is that the world had undergone a radical change, and it was not the same world he had known. In a new world, old rules may not apply. What was tolerable in the old world may not be tolerable in the new world.”

Dr. Twerski continues that the world has radically changed from the time we were children. The world has become more “polluted” and therefore the old rules are not adequate. The freedoms that our parents gave us to come and go unsupervised cannot be granted to today's teens. “Parenting by instinct is not acceptable,” he adds. In today's world, parenting is like “trying to go up a down escalator.” The lesson of Noach is that when the world has changed, we cannot afford to continue "business as usual."

Behaviors, interactions and even clothing that were considered inappropriate and vulgar 30 years ago are now celebrated and sensationalized. Realities and life experiences to which we weren't exposed until we were in our college years, our “tweens” can have easy access to today. And, as today's parents, we have less control over boundaries that are set for our children. The world has changed and we need to adapt our parenting accordingly. First, we need to educate ourselves about the challenges that our children are facing, as we may not even be aware of all the dangers they confront.

As parents, we additionally need to work harder at parenting, by attending parenting lectures/shiurim, (coming to Yavneh parenting programs!), reading parenting books, and consciously planning our parenting strategies. Most parenting is done by modeling. We must work diligently on refinement of our own personalities in order to resist the noxious effects of today's “hedonistic world.” We need to be more obvious and frank about our values with our children. Ethics and morals we may have absorbed as children by osmosis, our children of today need to be directly taught. (On the school-end, this is just what programs such as our Advisory program at Yavneh are all about).

(In addition, on a most basic level, this story of Noach and his drunkenness reminds us as parents of emerging teens of the dangers of substance use, (including alcohol!), and the models we are to our children by how we utilize alcohol in our lives.)

One might feel dejected about the current demands of parenting that have been placed upon us. Dr. Twerski reminds us that, “ we are assured that 'ha'bo litaheir misayein oto - one who tries to purify himself will receive [Divine] help.' Hashem helps us overcome all challenges, and thus no challenge is insurmountable.”

Advisory Update:

6^th Grade- Our sixth graders started Advisory this past week. Advisors and students have been learning about each other and developing a relationship.

7^th Grade- Our seventh graders have begun their preparation for their Frost Valley Leadership Conference. This week, they discussed qualities that are essential for teamwork and leadership and how one attains those character traits.

8^th Grade- Our 8^th graders began their unit on Applying to High School. This past week, they discussed how one chooses a high school? What qualities are they looking for? What determines their decision? What kind of person do they each want to become in the next four years? How do parents and children share this decision? They also began to look at the actual applications and what is needed to practically fill them out.