You Are A Wonder

 There is a book making its way into the hands of middle schoolers all across the country called Wonder by R.J.Palacio. I first heard of the book last year at a teen conference on Tolerance, but I thank Rabbi Knapp for handing me the book to read. (It is a wonderful book to read with your middle schooler). The book tells the story of Auggie, a boy with facial deformities. It speaks of his first year in school after being home schooled and his journey to acceptance. The book challenges the reader to consider whether we are truly accepting of those who are different, and how difficult it is to stand up to peer pressure and do what is right. Wonder ends with Auggie receiving an award at the end of the year for strength of courage and character. He receives a standing ovation as he accepts the award. The book is called “Wonder” as in the last sentences of the book Auggie's mother says to him, “'Thank you, Auggie,' she answered softly. 'For what?' 'For everything you've given us,' she said. 'For coming into our lives for being you.' She bent down and whispered in my ear. 'You really are a wonder, Auggie. You are a wonder.'” In the appendix of the book, Auggie states, “Everyone in the world should get a standing ovation at least once in their life ...”

The uniqueness of each person is celebrated in Wonder. Augggie's parents had a difficult job convincing a child who felt like an outcast that he was a “wonder.” In reality, as growing teens, all of our children have times in their lives when they feel down about themselves. Whether it is not making the team, or comparing his/her low grade on a test to others, he/she can feel anything but wonderful. As parents, we have the challenge to convince each of our children that they are special in their own ways. We do this by helping our children identify their true talents and encouraging them to develop those talents. “You are not just one of the crowd. You stand out. You are unique.” We provide them with standing ovations as often as we can. BUT... there is a downside...

This concept came to my mind this week as the world mourned the passing of HaRav Ovadiah Yosef, ztl. At Yavneh we attempted to help the children feel the gravity of this loss. I heard someone mention an incredible opportunity that came about at Chacham Ovadiah's funeral, attended by approximately 800,000 people. The Gemara in Berachot 58b mentions that upon seeing 600,000 Jews one says the beracha, “Baruch Ata...Chacham HaRazim” - Blessed are You G-d...who knows all secrets.” The Gemara continues to explain the meaning of this beracha. “For their thoughts are not similar to one another, nor are their appearances similar.” Only G-d has the ability to create and see the individuality in each person- even when in a large crowd. We thereby thank Hashem for creating us with that which makes each of us special- for the wonder he created in each one of us.

As teachers, this is one challenge we face each day- to see each one of our students as an individual. This is particularly challenging when it comes to the more quiet students, as they can easily blend into the background if we do not make the effort to get to know their uniqueness and their wonder. And, of course, through differentiating our instruction we support the individual learning styles and personalities of every child.

This beracha also demonstrates the downside to which I referred above. While we stress the unique aspects of all children, there is something incredible about being part of that large group of people. We say a beracha on seeing that wonder as well. (Interestingly enough, research indicates that being part of a community greater than oneself contributes to positive self-image as well). Going overboard in providing our children with a healthy dose of self-esteem can often lead to a dangerous self-centeredness. There is value in reminding our children that they are “one of the crowd” and part of the community. There is great good to be achieved when we reach out to work together, help each other and ignore our differences. Rabbi Zalman Lent, rabbi in Dublin, Ireland shares, “But there is also something powerful in belonging to a mass of humanity – a group, a nation, a people. So on the one hand we cherish the differences of the individual – we even praise G-d for that, but on the other hand we can see the great good that can be achieved when we work together as a group, masking over our differences. We need to be counted as individuals, serving G-d on our own individual levels and in ways that are meaningful to us; but equally we need to recognize that we are part of a whole — small cogs linked together in an incredible human network – the largest social network in history.”

Likewise, with our children we at times need to remind them that, “You are special, but don't let that go to your head.” We look out for each other. We help others and do not simply help ourselves. At times, we need to challenge them to stop and think not of how special they are, but rather how they can reach out to others.

Another downside can be that our children begin to believe that they must be special. It is not okay to just be “average” or “normal.” The tremendous pressure they put on themselves to maintain uniqueness can lead to competition and feelings of inadequacy- exactly the opposite of what we as parents had intended when we reinforced how special they were.

The beracha “Chacham HaRazim” reminds of the importance balance of seeing the wonder of the individual while reinforcing the wonder of the klal. The wonder that Auggie was could not be accomplished without his individual strength of character and the community that supported him.

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade- Our sixth graders learned some of the skills necessary for effective discussions in Advisory.

Seventh Grade- In preparation for teamwork at Frost Valley, students learned the skills of Assertive Communication and how to disagree utilizing “I statements” instead of accusatory “You statements.”

Eighth Grade- Our eighth graders continued with practical guidance in the application process and began learning interviewing skills.