Parenting for a New Generation

 As a child, the parshiot found in Sefer Bereishit were the highlight of the year. What could be better than floods, rainbows, tents with four doors, angels going visiting or going up and down ladders? But, as we relearn Sefer Bereishit as teens we realize, “ Hey, there are some other stories that our teachers conveniently left out when we learned these parshiot for the first time.” One such story is found in this week's parasha, Parashat Noach. After the flood, in Bereishit 9:20-21 it states, "Noach debased himself and planted a vineyard. He drank of the wine and became drunk." Aside from the apparent incest that follows, it is clear why our Morot skipped this story. How could Noach the Tzaddik stoop to such a level?

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, a psychologist known for his work in the area of addiction, says that this story comes to teach us something about parenting. “The commentaries say that Noach knew how much he could drink safely without the wine affecting him, but that was before the flood. What Noach did not consider is that the world had undergone a radical change, and it was not the same world he had known. In a new world, old rules may not apply. What was tolerable in the old world may not be tolerable in the new world.”

Dr. Twerski continues that the world has radically changed from the time we were children. The world has become more “polluted” and therefore the old rules are not adequate. The freedoms that our parents gave us to come and go unsupervised cannot be granted to today's teens. “Parenting by instinct is not acceptable,” he adds. In today's world, parenting is like “trying to go up a down escalator.” The lesson of Noach is that when the world has changed, we cannot afford to continue "business as usual."

Behaviors, interactions and even clothing that were considered inappropriate and vulgar 30 years ago are now celebrated and sensationalized. Realities and life experiences to which we weren't exposed until we were in our college years, our “tweens” can have easy access to today. And, as today's parents, we have less control over boundaries that are set for our children. The world has changed and we need to adapt our parenting accordingly. First, we need to educate ourselves about the challenges that our children are facing, as we may not even be aware of all the dangers they confront.

As parents, we additionally need to work harder at parenting, by attending parenting lectures/shiurim, (coming to Yavneh parenting programs!), reading parenting books, and consciously planning our parenting strategies. Most parenting is done by modeling. We must work diligently on refinement of our own personalities in order to resist the noxious effects of today's “hedonistic world.” We need to be more obvious and frank about our values with our children. Ethics and morals we may have absorbed as children by osmosis, our children of today need to be directly taught. (On the school-end, this is just what programs such as our Advisory program at Yavneh are all about).

(In addition, on a most basic level, this story of Noach and his drunkenness reminds us as parents of emerging teens of the dangers of substance use, (including alcohol!), and the models we are to our children by how we utilize alcohol in our lives.)

One might feel dejected about the current demands of parenting that have been placed upon us. Dr. Twerski reminds us that, “ we are assured that 'ha'bo litaheir misayein oto - one who tries to purify himself will receive [Divine] help.' Hashem helps us overcome all challenges, and thus no challenge is insurmountable.”

Advisory Update:

6^th Grade- Our sixth graders started Advisory this past week. Advisors and students have been learning about each other and developing a relationship.

7^th Grade- Our seventh graders have begun their preparation for their Frost Valley Leadership Conference. This week, they discussed qualities that are essential for teamwork and leadership and how one attains those character traits.

8^th Grade- Our 8^th graders began their unit on Applying to High School. This past week, they discussed how one chooses a high school? What qualities are they looking for? What determines their decision? What kind of person do they each want to become in the next four years? How do parents and children share this decision? They also began to look at the actual applications and what is needed to practically fill them out.