Real Strength For Men- Super Bowl Style?

 For those of you who have been loyal readers for some years now you know that I typically write a Super Bowl column after the game. Now, you might be thinking that since I mentioned the Super Bowl in the column right before the game I fulfilled my obligation. Right?

Not quite. I know that in last week's column I mentioned some of the commercials during the game for their negative impact. I wanted to mention another commercial presented by Dove they call “What is real strength- for men.” You can view this commercial at http://www.dovemencare.com/Videos/?utm_source=DIemail&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=2015DMC_Superbowl

I use the Dove campaign for real beauty in lessons with my female students as they have developed these wonderful videos regarding body image and true beauty. “Based on the findings of a major global study, The Real Truth About Beauty: A Global Report, Dove® launched the Campaign for Real Beauty in 2004. The campaign started a global conversation about the need for a wider definition of beauty after the study proved the hypothesis that the definition of beauty had become limiting and unattainable. Among the study’s findings was the statistic that only 2% of women around the world would describe themselves as beautiful. Since 2004, Dove® has employed various communications vehicles to challenge beauty stereotypes and invite women to join a discussion about beauty.  In 2010, Dove® evolved the campaign and launched an unprecedented effort to make beauty a source of confidence, not anxiety, with the Dove® Movement for Self-Esteem.” They have also created a curriculum for students to help young girls improve their body images.

Now, Dove is seeking to bring their campaign to males. As you can see in the commercial, caring is true strength. Why did they launch their campaign during the Super Bowl? Jennifer Newsom contributtor to the documentary 'The Mask you Live In – exploring American masculinity, answers this question in her article “What are boys learning from the Super Bowl?” “It is difficult to imagine a more hypermasculine public ritual than the Super Bowl. Muscular men shoving and slamming against each other, seeking dominance over one another, and being revered and rewarded for violence while scantily dressed women dance on the sidelines.” She shares that “hypermasculine norms” lead to dangerous consequences for boys, like the fact that half of boys and men who experience depression or anxiety will not get help. She notes increased drinking in boys under 17 and other at-risk behaviors. Newsom attributes much of these behaviors to the fact that we raise boys by telling them that “real men don't cry” or express their feelings.

In a new study in 2014 “Care Makes a Man Stronger,” Dove partnered with masculinity expert Dr. Michael Kimmel which revealed:

• 86% of men say that the idea of masculinity has changed versus their father's generation
• 9 out of 10 men today see their caring side as a sign of strength.
• Only 7% of men around the world can relate to the way the media depicts masculinity
  Dove's goal is to express to men that is is okay to care and to show emotion. It is our job as parents of boys to raise boys who realize that demonstrating and expressing emotion is not a weakness, but rather a strength.

As I commemorated the 12^th yahrzeit of my father, Rabbi Steven Dworken a”h, last week this message came to life. My father was truly emotional and never afraid to shed a tear in public. As a pulpit rabbi, he often cried during a stirring Dvar Torah, or even at a simcha. In fact, on my wedding video, if one listens closely, one can hear me saying to him under my breath, as he recited the berachot as m'sader Kiddushin, “Daddy, don't cry!” as I was afraid he would set me off. My father was known for his incredible “heart,” (which he would pronounce “haht” with his Boston accent), and his wonderful ability for empathy and connecting with others. I grew up understanding that “real men do cry.” It has allowed me to grow as a more sensitive human being myself, and reminds me daily of the importance of raising my own sons with the strength to care.