To Thine Own Self Be True

Honesty- such a lonely word… and the focus of this unit in 8^th Grade Advisory. Stemming from current events- “Deflate-gate” and A-rod finally, officially pleading guilty to using steroids- we discussed the topics of cheating and honesty in sports, in school and in interactions with others. 

Aside from considering why it is wrong to be dishonest, we wanted the students to think about the following issues:

1.     How does behavior affect the impression others have of us even if it is in the past? (Past deceit- does that make us “untrustworthy”?) How does one develop a good reputation?

2.     Loss of trust- how essential is trust in our relationships? If we lose it, is it easy to get back? How about in parent- child relationships? Friendships? Teacher-student relationships?

3.     Why is “success at all costs” antithetical to our moral beliefs?

4.     Why do people cheat?  Do we ever feel like we are in that position?

5.     How does it feel for those of us who do not cheat? Is it frustrating?

6.     “Everybody does it”- does that excuse behavior?

7.     “No harm done”- is that true that no one is impacted by our deceit?

One issue we discussed with the students is whether in the age of technology people are more dishonest or less.  Some data from 13-17 year olds from 2009 indicated:

·        More than 35% admitted to using their cell phones to cheat.

·        52% admitted to some form of cheating involving the Internet.

·        38% said they copied text from Web sites and turned it in as their own work.

·        65% of students with cell phones say they use them at school, but only 23% of parents think their children use cell phones during school hours.

·        69% of schools have policies that don’t permit cell phone use, but more than half of all kids ignore them.

Jeffrey Hancock, on CNN, wrote in his article “The Internet Might Help Keep You Honest” that technology has made possible three new forms of deception.  The first he calls the “butler lies” “Little lies we tell one another to avoid social interaction.”  For example, claiming one is in a tunnel and is losing reception, or saying you just received a text when you read it hours go, and did not want to respond. In this way we use technology as a “social buffer.”

The second form of deception he calls “sock puppets.”  “Individuals who provide reviews or commentary about their own work, usually highly positive, of course.” On the internet one can choose any identity one wishes.   This second form leads to the “Chinese water army” where thousands of people are paid to get together to write the same reviews. 

On the other hand, Hancock quotes research which indicates that technology actually makes us less likely to be dishonest to each other.  In these studies, people were less prone to lie via e-mail that in person.  Why? This is similar to why we often find that people write e-mails that are more caustic than they would say in person.  There is no risk of having to see the person’s reaction. (This is the same reason why children find it easier to bully via the internet). 

We asked our students this week to consider “Are you a truthful person? Do you intentionally mislead others?”  We asked them to be honest with themselves.

As parents and educators, we model the importance of honesty.   Whether it is honesty at work, in our relationships or even with them.   The way we interact with our teens in an honest, but caring way, fosters trust between us.

In this week’s parasha the description of the Aron (ark) is found.  In Shemot 25:11 it states that the Aron is to be made of wood and to be covered in gold on the inside and the outside.  Why use gold on the inside where no one will see it.  The ark exemplified the midda of being “tocho k’baro”- one’s external behavior should reflect one’s inner essence.

In fact, this character trait is so important that the Gemara in Berachot 28a states that Rabban Gamliel denied entry to the Beit Midrash to anyone who was “ein tocho k’baro”- his outside was not like his inside.  Why was this kind of honesty so important to Rabban Gamliel? It is the same type of honesty we want in our students.

We particularly want to encourage this type of honesty during the teenage years when our children are developing a sense of self.  We want them to be true to their “insides” “tocho”.  During this age making choices by “honoring their true selves”  rather than basing decisions on their peers’ behaviors takes a significant amount of courage. We proclaim “let your bar be like your toch.” The first step, which they are learning to do during this time of adolescence, is to help them find their true selves, and be proud of who they are.    We encourage our children to be individuals and to have the courage to be so.  “To thine own self be true.”  

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Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade- Students focused on what are the activites that distract us from maintaining good time management and what are some solutions to avoiding those distractions?

Seventh Grade- Students understood the sensitive situation in Gaza and the world view.  

Eighth Grade-  A unit on honesty ended with a lesson on lying and its impact.