My column last
week sang the praises of “Positive self- talk” and avoiding “stinkin’ thinking”
all leading to Resiliency. Clearly, the
Wall Street Journal agreed. (Thank you
to Rabbi Penn for alerting me to the article).
Laura Landro’s February 15th article “Why Resilience Is Good
For Your Health And Career” focuses on “employers that offer coaching in how to
be positive in spite of stress say the benefits go beyond work.” People who are more resilient are “more
productive, less likely to have high health-care costs and less often absent
from work.” Consequently, employers are
offering workshops and “resilience training.”
Mrs. Shifra Srolovitz, a Child Life Specialist at the The Stephen D.
Hassenfeld Childrens Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders at NYU, led a
training with our seventh graders this past week on the type of thinking that benefits
their patients. We, in turn, decorated stuffed animals with messages that encouraged
upbeat thinking. (Students eagerly
signed up to deliver the “doggies” in coming weeks!)
Mrs. Srolovitz
shared with us a program they implement in the hospital, that I have discussed
in my column before, called Beads of Courage. As the Beads of Courage website describes, “Children who
participate in the program receive colored beads that represent milestones,
procedures, and acts of bravery. For instance, they get a yellow bead for an
overnight hospital stay, a white one for chemotherapy, and a glow-in-the-dark
bead for radiation treatment. It's not uncommon for children to amass 10, 20 --
even 35 -- feet of beads. It helps young patients track and celebrate their
progress, but it also gives them a way to get through upcoming procedures, says
Gwendolyn Possinger, the coordinator of Children's Memorial Hospital's Beads of
Courage program in Chicago. ‘A child facing another needle can look
at his beads and realize that he made it through before so he can do it again.’”
By the act of created a chain of beads, the
young patients are reminded of that upbeat thinking.
Resiliency seems
to be inescapable this week. The
article, “Metacognition: How Thinking About Thinking Can Help Kids: A Powerful
Skill For Building Resilience” by Rae Jacobson, recently arrived in my
inbox. Yet, the author champions a path
to resiliency that is different from the one of which I spoke last week. Ms. Jacobson stresses the importance of
helping our children switch from “I can’t do it” to a proactive, “How can I do
it?” To do so, they need to think about their own thinking= metcognition. Why am I stuck? What is frustrating me? What do I need to do to get unstuck? Many of us employ this strategy when we
reflect on our own thoughts without even thinking about it, (no pun intended). “It’s the running conversation we have in our
heads, mentally sounding ourselves out and making plans. Studies indicate that when children are
taught metacognitive strategies early in life, they are more resilient and more
successful in and out of school.”
Jacobson quotes
some examples. Instead of saying “Math tests make me anxious,” one should ask
oneself, “What is it about math tests that make me feel anxious and what can I
do to change that?” Tamara Rosier says that often negative self-talk, (that stinkin’ thinkin’), takes the place of
metacognitive thinking. So, not only should
one replace negative thinking with upbeat thinking, but metacognitive thinking
is essential for resiliency. Metacognition can be used to change behavior. When they begin to think about their behavior, they are more able to correct it.
What can we do
as parents to promote this metacognitive thinking? We can ask metacognitive questions
like:
·
What do you think is making it hard for you to
work on this task right now?
·
What are some strategies that have helped you
do well on similar tasks in the past?
·
Can you use those insights to help you with the
work you're doing now?
Metacognitive
questions, says Rosier, will help your child begin thinking in a more
reflective way. Questions should be:
·
Open-ended. Give your child some space to reflect on his thinking: Can
you tell me more about why you think that?
·
Non-blaming. It can be hard to stay open when kids are acting out,
but asking them to think about their behavior can help them learn to manage
difficult situations in a better way: Why do you think you got so upset when
Dad changed the channel?
·
Solution-focused. Encourage him to think about how he can use his
understanding to change things in the future: How could you handle that
differently next time?
Process-oriented. Ask questions that help your child get a better idea
of how his thought process works: How will you know when this drawing is
finished?
So, that upbeat
thinking is not sufficient. We need to
challenge our children to become metacognitive thinkers as well. What is the best way to do so? To model it ourselves. Out loud.
In the open- so they can actually hear the metacognition going on in our
heads.
This is our
first Adar of a double Adar year. We all
know “Mishenichnas Adar marbin b’simcha”- “When the month of Adar arrives we endeavor to
increase our sense of joy.” There is a discussion as to whether this
happiness only applies to Adar II- which contains Purim, or applies to Adar I
as well. It is an easy task in Adar II
as we prepare for Purim. The festive atmosphere is tangible. But, how about Adar I? It is more difficult and therefore we truly
need to “endeavor” and work at achieving happiness and optimism. What better
way than to focus on increased positive self-talk and metacognitive
thinking?
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Through the character of Dear Dr. Friendship, students began
to brainstorm about practical solutions when one has an argument with a friend.
Seventh Grade: Seventh graders began discussing the “bystander effect” and
why people tend to do nothing when they see injustice. (In turn, this helps us understanding what we
need to overcome to do something).
Eighth Grade: Students focused on the
importance of resiliency when it comes to facing difficulties in life through
our Super bowl heroes.
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