Super Bowl 50 And Lessons Of Resiliency For Our Teens

 Those of you who have been reading my blog for years know that when the Super bowl is on in my house, I am usually also doing work on my computer, and keeping an ear open for a “writable moment” for my next column.

The first writable moment came in the form of Michael Oher. Although his team did not win the Super bowl, he had a winning life story, as portrayed in the 2009 movie The Blind Side. Oher was one of 12 children being raised by a drug addicted mother and was struggling in school. He was in and out of foster homes, and his father was murdered while he was in high school. Oher was adopted by Sean and Leigh Anne Tuohy when he was 16. He improved his academics and become a star football player, later to be drafted by the Baltimore Ravens, and most recently by the Carolina Panthers who made it to the Super bowl.

The life story of Michael Oher served as an inspiration to many. His mother shared, the lesson to be gleaned form Oher's life is, “Don’t count people out.” But, she stressed that this lesson is not just one from his early life, but from as recently as last season. “Last season the NFL pro wasn’t in a good place. After a toe injury caused him to miss a few games for the Tennessee Titans, he was released from the team last February. The following month he got a break when the Panthers signed him to a two-year contract.”  Tuohy reflected, “...so many people counted Michael out last year and here is a life lesson for everyone: Don’t count people out. When people are determined and they work hard, you don’t know what can happen. Here’s a kid who didn’t listen to what people said about him. He kept working. He kept focused, and he kept doing the right thing.” 

Oher did not listen to what others said about him. He didn't listen to the voices around him. Instead he listened to the voices inside himself. What voices? Those of the voices that lead to resiliency, as we discuss with our seventh graders in Advisory, otherwise known as “positive self-talk.” When facing difficulties in life, we conjure up “upbeat thinking.” Positive self-talk. We tell the students that it is exactly what it sounds like - talking to yourself. It is telling yourself you can do it, it will be okay, you have succeeded before and you will succeed again. It is what you would tell a friend when he/she is faced with trouble, but instead, you tell the same thing to yourself. As Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right.”

But, often, we fall into the trap of negative thinking. Some common types of negative thinking are:

• Catastrophizing: Everything bad is a horrible disaster. (Is it really that bad?)
• Expecting the Worst: This makes you more anxious. What if people don’t like me? What if I fail my test? What if I forget everything I studied? (What are the chances of that really happening?)
• “Should”s Always saying to yourself, “It should be this way.” “It must be this way.” “I should have done it that way.” (Who says things have to be a certain way?)
• Thinking in Absolutes: Saying things like, “I’ll never get it right.” You exaggerate reality.
• Blaming- Trying to blame yourself and even sometimes others. (Stop blaming and look for solutions!)
• Yes...but- When you get advice or hear a possible solution you don’t really give it a chance.
• Focusing only on the problems: You dwell on the problems without thinking about how to solve it.
• Negative labels: You label either others or yourself. For example, “She’s stupid.”

Students learn that when faced with difficulty or any type of stress in life they can modify that “self-talk” which helps them succeed. They can make positive coping statements before, during and after a stressful situation. For example, the student is doing an oral report on the Revolutionary War and is very nervous.

- Positive self-talk/coping statements before the situation:

I’ve researched a lot about the Revolutionary War and I can share that knowledge

- Positive self-talk/coping statements during the situation:

I’m doing my best- that’s all anyone can ask.

-Positive self-talk/coping statements after the situation:

I handled that situation pretty well.

Michael Oher had the ability to counteract the negative thinking that permeated his neighborhood and family, and modified his self-talk to reach success.

Scott Abel, in his article The Lessons of Peyton Manning, highlights a similar idea. Manning, another Super bowl player coming to the end of his career, taught us, “Don't practice stinkin' thinkin'” “Manning had setbacks. Like his mistakes, some were minor and some were major. Manning missed all of the 2011 season. He had not one, not two, not three, but four separate neck surgeries that took him out of the game. There were questions about whether he could ever play at that level again.

When you suffer a setback in diet or training, do you just give up and say 'This isn't for me,' or 'I'm never going through this again.' That's a defeatist, stinkin' thinkin' attitude. Four neck surgeries couldn't keep Peyton from coming back better than ever.”

On the other hand, Cam Newton of the Panthers stormed out of the post-game interview dejected by the loss. “Before abruptly standing up and walking away from the podium, Newton dodged reporters’ questions, saying nothing was memorable about the game. He offered only short answers to questions, repeating that Carolina was simply outplayed.  'They just played better than us. I don’t know what you want me to say. They made better plays than us, and that’s what it came down to. We had our opportunities, it wasn’t anything special that we did.'” I suppose we'd all be upset in the same situation, but hopefully he returned to his hotel and began practicing some upbeat thinking and positive self-talk. As we say in Advisory, “After a setback you can be either bitter or better. The only difference between those two words is the “I”- I have the choice to grow or sink under hardship.”

This past week, as we participated in Sharsheret Pink Day, our students became a link in the chain, (Sharsheret meaning chain), of hope. We chose to have our students participate to support this wonderful cause, but to also pay tribute to all the strong women and their families who remain hopeful in the face in life's difficulties.

As we tell our students, we hope they will never have to face that level of difficulty. But, when it comes to everyday stress, setbacks and disappointments, they know the secret to a Super bowl level of resiliency.

Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade:  Students engaged in a lesson on how to work in pairs and cooperative groups when things get challenging, as they are involved in Science Fair preparation. 
Seventh Grade:  Students focused on positive self-talk and affirmations.
Eighth Grade:  Students discussed the effect of the media using the Super bowl commercials as a springboard for discussion.