“An Israeli man requested a restraining order against God, saying that he’s fed up with the Almighty interfering in his life. David Shoshan told a court in Chaifa that God, ‘started to treat me harshly and not nicely’ three years ago, and calls to the police had not put an end to the harassment. Judge Ahsan Canaan denied the request for a restraining order, saying Shosha needed the kind of help the court could not provide. God did not present Himself at the hearing.” (As reported by the Times of Israel, May, 2016).
Yes, I too did laugh when I read such an absurd article, as reported in the Times of Israel. During this time of year, leading up to the Yamim Noraim, we actually want more of Hashem in our lives, rather than issuing a restraining order. When the Heavenly court judges us at this time, we would not dare ask for any restraining order. We yearn for His presence and a connection to Him. As we know, אלול stands for “ אני לדודי ודודי לי” “I am to my beloved as my beloved is to me.” This phrase is from Shir HaShirim 6:3 and describes the loving relationship between Hashem and the Jewish people. (No restraining order here!)
The Rambam in Hilchot Teshuva 10:3 describes how imperative this love relationship is with Hashem when it comes to Teshuva:
“What is the proper [degree] of love? That a person should love God with a very great and exceeding love until his soul is bound up in the love of God. Thus, he will always be obsessed with this love as if he is lovesick.
[A lovesick person's] thoughts are never diverted from the love of that woman. He is always obsessed with her; when he sits down, when he gets up, when he eats and drinks. With an even greater [love], the love for God should be [implanted] in the hearts of those who love Him and are obsessed with Him at all times as we are commanded [Deuteronomy 6:5: "Love God...] with all your heart and with all soul."
This concept was implied by Solomon [Song of Songs 2:5] when he stated, as a metaphor: "I am lovesick." [Indeed,] the totality of the Song of Songs is a parable describing [this love].”
Why during Elul is this relationship even stronger? Doesn’t that love exist all year long? As is says in Yeshayahu 55:6, “דִּרְשׁוּ ה' בְּהִמָּצְאוֹ קְרָאֻהוּ בִּהְיוֹתוֹ קָרוֹב” “Seek the Lord when He is found, call Him when He is near.” During the month of Elul, He is close by and actively seeking us out. As it is vividly depicted in Shir HaShirim 4:2, “קוֹל | דּוֹדִי דוֹפֵק פִּתְחִי לִי אֲחֹתִי רַעְיָתִי יוֹנָתִי תַמָּתִי” “Hark! My beloved is knocking: Open for me, my sister, my beloved, my dove, my perfect one” The voice of our Beloved- Hashem, is knocking and calling us to Teshuva. As the Midrash in Shir HaShirim Rabbah 5:3 states, Hashem encourages us,
פתחו לי פתח כפתחו של מחט ואני אפתח לכם פתחים שיהיו עגלות וקרונות עוברים בהם.
“Open for Me an opening in your hearts no wider than the eye of a needle, and I shall open for you an opening wide enough for wagons and carts to drive through”
He is only waiting for us to open the door to Him. Just a crack open is enough for Him to enter our lives.
Unfortunately, in the Shir HaShirim parable, we do not open the door to our Beloved. How do we respond to our Beloved? (4:3) פָּשַׁטְתִּי אֶת כֻּתָּנְתִּי אֵיכָכָה אֶלְבָּשֶׁנָּה רָחַצְתִּי אֶת רַגְלַי אֵיכָכָה אֲטַנְּפֵם: "I have taken off my tunic; how can I put it on? I have bathed my feet; how can I soil them?" We were simply too tired to answer the door. Oh, how we missed out!
During this time of Elul, G-d is knocking. It is up to us to answer the door. That is what it means that G-d is “closer” during this time period. I once read that if G-d and the Jewish people are like husband and wife, and have this true love, (ala Shir HaShirim), then Elul and the Yamim Noraim are the (l’havdil) “date night.” A couple needs to take time every once in awhile to rekindle their relationship, and to talk to one another without any interruptions of homework, bedtime or carpools. That is the purpose of this time of year. Time to rekindle our relationship with Hashem.
But, we know that the relationship between G-d and the Jewish people is often also compared to that of Father and son. As we know G-d is called, “Avinu” “Our father” or as we sing in unison "Ki anu banecha v’ata avinu.” “Because we are Your sons and You are our Father.” Imagine some of the above relationship describe in Shir HaShirim, but this time within a parent- child relationship.
As parents of teens, we can relate to the sometimes rocky relationship between the Jewish people and Hashem. There are most definite times when our teens want a “restraining order” against our prying or nagging in their lives. They are “fed up with our interfering in their lives.” We knock on their doors, (which are always closed!), and they don’t always want to open them. They are too tired- as teens always are!- and can’t be bothered opening the door to us, and letting us into their lives. And, no matter what we do for them they claim we are “treating them harshly.” We know that when we have to implement negative consequences it is for their own good. But, they don’t quite see it that way.
That is when we need to embark upon our own Elul with our teens. We need our own “date night” where every once in while we spend some time with them without asking them about homework or why their rooms aren’t clean. A study in the Journal of Marriage and Family in 2015 suggested that “the only stage at which the quantity of time parents spend with their offspring really matters is during adolescence.” Another study of 1600 adolescents by the University of Toronto asserted, “having parents who are there physically and emotionally for teenagers is a factor associated with better behavior during the hormonally turbulent years.” Such research has become the impetus for some taking “teen maternity leave,” thereby creating an “Elul” when our children become teens.
Teens are so busy trying to push their parents away, (which is their job at their stage of life), that they find it hard to ask to spend time with us- but they really do want t do so. They do not want to end their relationship with us. They simply want that relationship to change. We, therefore, as parents of teens need to make spending time with them a priority. 15 or 20 minutes a day where we give them our undivided attention is wonderful. Routines such as saying goodnight at the end of the day forge that needed connection. That is usually when you are exhausted, but they are ready to talk. And, of course, the all important family dinner which has been demonstrated by the research as being a determining factor in raising successful and resilient children, is important for teens as well.
This year, we rededicate ourselves to make a connection with HaKadosh Baruch Hu, and answer His call. But, we also commit to make as many “date nights” as possible and to spend some quality time with our teens, as the parenting expert, our Father in Heaven, has modelled for us during the month of Elul.
Advisory Update:
6th Grade: Sixth graders presented to their Advisory group about themselves by created a groupwide Advisory puzzle representing them as a unit.
7th Grade: Seventh graders focused on the importance of self-reflection and the impact they can make this year.
8th Grade: Eighth graders began making S.M.A.R.T goals for the year and learned how the power of mindset and grit.
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