My daughter turned to me while doing a project on the election and asked, “What does it mean, ‘Is the candidate fit for the presidency?’” Well, that’s a loaded question. The purpose of this column is not to advocate for either candidate, but to rather share an issue that came up in my conversation with her. Our discussion led to the “locker room talk” of Trump and associated headlines coming out of the woodwork, and the history of President Clinton and his indiscretions. Both were issues she’d read about in her research, but did not quite “get” what they were about. Here was a teachable moment, which I think should be utilized for all our teenage girls and boys.
Each year, in our Adolescent Life Classes we discuss the physiological and social/ emotional changes our students go through during puberty and these adolescent years. We focus in our seventh grade year on the topic of sexual harassment and how the boys and girls treat each other. We begin with a powerful short video created by Netsmartz called “You Can’t Take It Back” about a groups of boys who create a list of which girls are “hot” and which ones are “not.” We focus with the boys about- how do they think the girls want to be treated? Is it insulting to be judged based on only your body? How does that make them feel? We actually discuss with the boys what sexual harassment is and that it is actually against the law. We even go through the New Jersey State Sexual Harassment Law with them. Included in this definition is “gender-based remarks or comments….Verbal or written obscene comments…” etc. Whether verbal, physical, or a rumor- all hurtful. We discuss sexual harassment on-line, and why it is easier to say inappropriate things when we remain anonymous. And, we stress the potential emotional impact of what they think is “just a joke” on the young women.
The girls experience a similar curriculum. We focus on helping them realize that they should never accept any behavior that makes them uncomfortable- whether in school, camp, the workplace etc. Often behavior on the bus comes up in this discussion, and we make it clear that despite there not being an adult chaperone, nothing that makes them uncomfortable should ever be tolerated. They also learn about the legal expectations. The link between body image and sexual harassment is discussed, (as it is with the boys as well), and the girls are asked to consider the unrealistic and unfair expectations placed upon girls by society, at times. We also highlight the reasons why girls may feel uncomfortable coming forward and how to overcome those hesitations. We also stress to the girls that although we assume sexual harassment is often perpetrated by males against females, the opposite may be the case and we all need to be vigilant.
Despite this election’s bringing focus to the way women are treated by men, we also spend much time in Advisory discussing how teens should protect themselves from abusive situations in general. As you know, there has been a shift in the educational world from only warning about “stranger danger” and now helping children realize that even someone they know can hurt them. One way we uncover these potential issues in our Middle School curriculum is through scenarios that happen in camp, when parents are not nearby to assist. Whether it’s the “practical joke” of opening the shower curtain, or the adult head counselor who asks you to go the woods alone to help get ready for the campfire, we help them become aware.
As parents, we too should take the opportunity to catch these “teachable moments” and speak to our children about our values when it comes to the way men and women treat each other. We model it for them on a daily basis, but it is important to verbalize our values in response to what they are hearing in the media.
It is all about mutual respect. As we learned this past week’s parasha, we are all created “b’tzelem elokim”- in the image of God. “Zachar u’nekaiva bara otam”- both male and female He created them. Each one of us is worthy of, deserves, and must demand that respect which is due to a creation of God. We each have a piece of God within us. It is that “nishmat chayim”- the living soul within us- that makes us different from mere animal. And, so it is up to us to act better and treat others better. More importantly, we must never hesitate to demand better for ourselves!
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Students had the opportunity to have an informal “How are you doing?” session with their Advisors to talk about how school is going overall for them.
Seventh Grade: Seventh graders learned about the important communication skills needed to interact with others, which can also be utilized on Frost Valley.
Eighth Grade: Students began discussing and even role-playing important interview skills.
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