Free At Last!

As we approach Pesach, זמן חרותנו,  the season of our freedom, I recently finished reading a book that provided me with a meaningful view of freedom. (Plus a dvar Torah at the Seder table!)

The book, Unbroken Spirit- A Heroic Story of Faith, Courage, and Survival, is the autobiography of Rabbi Yosef Mendelevich.  Rabbi Mendelevich was the famous refusenik who spend twelve years in the  Soviet gulag imprisoned. Released in 1981, he now lives in Israel.

What can more clearly depict a modern slavery to freedom story than that of Mendelevich and his oppression and then freedom? His story begins with a plot he hatched with some fellow Zionists to hijack a plane to fly to Israel.  They clearly knew that there was a chance their scheme would fail.  Mendelevich writes (p. 335), “Before our fateful arrest at the airport, I told my friends, ‘There is no meaning in the life of a slave who cannot be true to himself.”   In essence, he shared that even though they were “free” they were truly slaves if they could not practice their Judaism and yearn for Israel under Russian rule.  

   

The irony of Mendelevich’s story is that it is when he was in prison, he felt more free.  “I must confess that my eleven years in prison were not at all grey and wearying.  Each day brought a new discovery, a new joy.  Appearances were to the contrary: an onlooker who saw me would have pronounced me miserable. Indeed, what joy could be left to a starving slave laborer in the freezing expanses of Siberia?  And yet, I experienced it differently...Even in prison, I knew how not to be a slave.  I knew that a slave is not one who is physically hemmed in by bars, but one who is controlled by external forces that consume him and rob him of his life and from which he cannot escape...I consciously aimed not to indulge in self-pity, not to falter, but to carry on normally: prayer, exercise...One day I was in solitary confinement, doing nothing. I no longer felt like I had to do anything in order to sense His closeness...That is the secret of inner fortitude.”  As it notes in the introduction to the book, “The refuseniks were determined to live life as free men even in a totalitarian country.”

As long as Mendelevich was able to be true to himself and connect with God, he was free. He then continues that, ironically again, “Thirty years later, I am living the life a free man in Israel. As everyone knows, the life of a free man possesses at least as many difficult challenges as the life of a prisoner or a slave.”  Why is that?  How can one say that a free man lives a life more difficult than that of a slave?

In order to answer this question, we need to better understand what freedom is.  In his article, “What Is Freedom?” Rabbi Tauber explains that typically we define freedom as the absence of slavery.  So, too, we define “rest” - that we are to do on Shabbat, as the absence of work. But, in reality these definitions are not correct. There is a positive, active definition of freedom.

Let’s start with “rest.” God created rest on the 7th day.  What is rest? “ ‘Rest’ is the endeavor to focus inward, to withdraw to the quintessential core of one's being...So Shabbat is not a day of inactivity, but a day devoted to the activity of rest.” That is why Shabbat is a day of increased spirituality and connection to God.  

So, too, Pesach’s freedom is not just the absence of slavery, but the presence of an active freedom. Moshe did not simply say, “Let My people go.”  Rather, he said, “Let My people go so that they can serve me.”  How does a human achieve freedom?  “That to attain true freedom he must therefore transcend his humanity - his emotional, intellectual, even spiritual self - and access the ‘spark of G‑dliness’ that is his infinite, supra-human self.”

Yosef Mendelevich accessed the spark of Godliness within him. He was therefore free.  On Pesach, our challenge to access that inner spark as well.

Dr. Alex Pattakos, author of Prisoners of Our Thoughts, wrote in his article, “Escaping Your Inner Mental Prison” of the conversations and interviews he has had with prison inmates.  Dr. Pattakos quotes Dr. Viktor Frankl’s  “Will to Meaning.” “This principle asks you to “commit authentically to meaningful values and goals that only you can actualize and fulfill.” With physical freedom being taken away from them, these prisoners have time for self-reflection and self- discovery on the path to finding meaning in their lives.  

Thus, Dr. Pattakos asks us, “Now let me ask you: if inmates in a real prison are able and willing to search for meaning in their lives, as well as exploring ways to change and grow, are you? Remember, we don’t really create meaning; we find it. And we can’t find it unless we look for it.”  He then quotes a country music song, by Rodney Crowell, “It’s time to go inward, take a look at myself. Time to make the most of the time that I’ve got left. Prison bars imagined are no less solid steel.”

As parents how can we relay this message of true freedom to our children- the ability to look inward and access that spark? Mrs. Slovie Jungreis Wolf writes in her book, Raising A Child With Soul,  that when it comes to raising our children, “We worry that they receive the proper nutrition, cultural experiences and an excellent education.  What is most painful to me is the fact that rarely have I heard parents discussing their plan to develop their child’s soul… We have become so consumed with thoughts of our child being in the right place, with the right crowd, in the right clothing, but what have we done to to help this child become a spiritual being? The problem becomes more acute as our world becomes more obsessed with materialism.”

          This would explain why Mendelevich felt that the life of a free man has as many challenges as a life of a slave/prisoner.  A free man is surrounded by a world of materialism and temptations which are antithetical to a life of introspection.  I often think about all the time I used to spend in doctors’ waiting rooms just thinking.  Now, I am constantly on my phone (answering work e-mails!)  In this age of constant connection we are never really free from distraction to truly connect with God and develop our souls.  The world we live in is not set up for introspective thought or spiritual reflection. We are never free.

As parents, just as we carefully plan their paths to the Ivy Leagues, or to the right high school, so too we need to carefully plan our children’s soul development, or their freedom.  Do we want them to be enslaved or free?  This inability to achieve introspection and self- analysis is not only harming their spiritual development, but also impacts on their overall contentment in life and their ability to achieve fulfillment (connected to spirituality).  

Dr. Lisa Miller, director of Columbia University’s Clinical Psychology program, wrote a book called The Spiritual Child: The New Science On Parenting For Health And Lifelong Thriving. Children, for example, who have positive and active relationships to spirituality are 40% less likely to abuse substances and 60% less likely to suffer from depression. She writes, similar to Mrs. Jungreis- Wolf, describing the various conversations we have as parents regarding teams, studying for tests, camp etc., “And, yet all of those conversations, elaborate schedules of extracurricular activities, and high aspirations often miss the single most crucial ingredient of all, the only thing that science has show to reliably predict fulfillment, success and thriving:a child’s spiritual development.”  The child needs to feel part of something larger and an experience an “interactive two-way relationship with a guiding, and ultimately loving being.” Children are born with this capacity and yearning. We are biologically hardwired for spirituality, as research of functional MRIs has shown. Interestingly enough, Mendelevich shares that when his atheist father was imprisoned, he, with his atheist upbringing, still prayed to God- as if it was inborn. But, Dr.  Miller points out, that this ability for spirituality is a use it or lose it type of thing- it needs to be developed.

So, back to our question, how do we help our children develop this spirituality? Some of you might be wondering, we are Orthodox Jews. We send our children to Yeshiva. We go to shul every Shabbat and even every day- of course our children are spiritual!  Not so.  Spirituality may not exist despite religious practice, we must shamefully say.

Dr. Miller points out that a child’s spirituality is developed by encouragement and show of support from us. Every time they have conversations with us about big life issues or life’s little events, we should model for them a spiritual lifestyle.  We show them that we need not fill a quiet moment with diversions.  We talk to them about how and when we see hashgacha pratit- the involvement of Hashem in our individual and daily lives.  Adolescence is the time of life where there is a “developmental surge period for spiritual development.”  Ask them to reflect on where they have seen the hand of Hashem in their lives.  It can be simply something like, “I couldn’t find my math homework, but at the last minute the teacher gave the class  more time”- that was God intervening!  

At the Pesach seder we discuss how we see the hand of God through the various miracles He performed. As parents, let us point out that we too need to see ourselves as if we have left Mitzrayim. We too experience miracles.  We too connect to Hashem.  As parents, we can help our children see that same hand of God in our daily lives. This leads to a more free life- free from the pressures and distractions of the world around us, and free to connect with God, leading to more content and successful lives as well.

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students focused on common difficulties one might have with a friend and how to problem solve.

Seventh Grade:  Seventh graders had an wonderful presentation by Mrs. Shifra Srolovitz, a child life specialist, who spoke about how she goes about encouraging ill children with whom she works. Students then decorated stuffed dogs with encouraging messages to be given to ill children.  Girls also focused on a lesson on gender roles and how that impacts girls.

Eighth Grade: Students debriefed their Holocaust play experience to discuss what it meant to them and what they gained.  They also experienced a lesson on bigotry and racism- does it exist in the U.S. today? What would they do if they witnessed it? Does it exist without our knowing among us as well?