The New York Time’s revelation that Bill O’Reilly paid five women $13 million in response to sexual harassment charges against him has been in the news all week. This following Roger Ailes’ being let go last year due to his own sexual harassment. Regardless of one’s political leanings, this follows the 2005 Access Hollywood tape in which President Trump admitted his own sexual harassment. A 2015 survey shared that 71% of women who are harassed at work do not come forward, fearing retribution.
Each year we focus on sexual harassment with both our 7th grade boys and girls in their Adolescent Life classes. Additionally, right before the summer, we cover potential harassment/abuse issues that can happen at camp. The goal of these classes is to educate both our boys and girls as to what sexual harassment is, and how to react when they feel they are victims of it. Additionally, it may be difficult for teens to differentiate between flirting and harassment- and we want them to understand the importance of not perpetrating “unwanted flirting,” and not tolerating being the receiver of it, as it is considered sexual harassment. The students are shown the New Jersey law regarding sexual harassment. Perpetrators are often peers, but we also highlight the potential for teachers, coaches, counselors, who are in positions of power, to harass. We discuss why is it that teens often don’t come forward, and the fear of retaliation. Whether the harasser is a peer- and they are afraid of the social repercussions. Or, if the perpetrator is an adult, there is the fear of the impact on their grades, their status on the team, being threatened, and even that no one will believe them since the teacher/coach etc. is so beloved.
Students learn that sexual harassment can be physical or verbal. In the age of smartphones, texting and social media, the potential for harassment via technology is even stronger. It becomes a form of cyberbullying. This includes unwanted sexual comments directly towards the person, inappropriate photos or even a sexually suggestive joke passed on. Sending sexual messages or images is called “sexting,” and teens need to understand why their sending these inappropriate messages, even while in what they think is a relationship with another, can be forever damaging. Things you meant to be private, can find their way into the wrong hands. As with all of our messages regarding cyber safety, no matter how many times we relay this message to our children, there are those who still take those risks. That is why, the message needs to come often, from both school and home.
The key is - anything that makes your child uncomfortable should lead him/her to talk to a trusted adult. And, no one ever deserves being a harassed. We also stress the important role that the bystander plays. If a child is worried about a friend, he/she needs to come forward to an adult.
We invite you, as parents, to take this O’Reilly current event and use it as a “teachable moment” to review with your children and to reinforce the above messages. It is hard for us to bring up sensitive topics such as these “out of the blue.” Having a current event as a springboard for discussion makes the discussion much more natural.
As we discuss the issues with our students, we also stress the Torah’s view when it comes to sexual harassment and abuse. Our middle schoolers all learn the story of Amnon and Tamar in their Navi classes. When we learn that story we explain, (Avodah Zarah, 36b), that as a result of Amnon’s rape of Tamar, Dovid Hamelech instituted the laws of Yichud for an unmarried woman (expanding the biblical law, which did not include single women). I ask my students why they think Dovid felt the need to do so- to protect women from being abused, and to protect us from being overcome by our evil inclinations which often lead to sexual misconduct. The Torah clearly feels that no one should ever be forced into any behavior which makes him/her feel uncomfortable. This is a Torah value, and in some ways centuries ahead of the rest of society. (Interestingly enough, all of today's curricula on the topic of harassment and abuse stress not being alone in an isolated location with even someone you know well).
Margaret Sullivan, in her article, “O’Reilly’s Downfall Teaches A Wonderful Lesson To Working Women” states another issue important to discuss with our girls, as noted by Micheline Maynard. “As Women, we are taught not to speak out, not to ruffle feathers, to just be good and work harder.” In a lesson we did in seventh grade girls’ Advisory we discussed gender stereotypes- and what are the gender roles that are assigned to us by society? From where do we learn these gender roles? Is there pressure to not act a certain way due to these stereotypes? By age 6 gender stereotypes affect girls. How did gender stereotypes affect the presidential election this year? When sharing those “teachable” moments with our daughters, we need to constantly reinforce that there is nothing wrong with women speaking out- especially when experiencing harassment.
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