As we approach Rosh Hashana we all focus on ensuring that we choose the right path this coming year. We ask ourselves, as it says in the Mishna in Avot 2:1,
אֵיזוֹהִי דֶרֶךְ יְשָׁרָה שֶׁיָּבֹר לוֹ הָאָדָם, Which is the straight path that a person should choose for himself?
This is a metaphorical question that our 8th graders asked themselves last week when they navigated the Stony Hill corn maze, seeking the right path. They thought they were just having a fun, bonding experience. (Little did they know!) The following week in Advisory our classes began to discuss the imagery of the maze through the book ( as portrayed in a video), Who Moved My Cheese by Dr. Spencer Johnson. Who Moved My Cheese is about four characters Sniff, Scurry, Hem and Haw who live in a maze, representing life. They are seeking cheese, representing happiness and success. At some point the cheese supply runs out. Sniff and Scurry are prepared for this change, while Hem and Haw are resentful and angry about the path where life has led them.
The imagery we discuss with them is that life is often full of challenges, and dead ends, and paths that we thought would be the right ones which do not turn out the way we had wanted or planned. The goal is to overcome frustration and keep on going.
We believe things should be a certain way, so we are disappointed and even angry when they are not. We need to change our beliefs, and in turn change our behaviors which will change our future, because things are usually not the way we plan! If we do not have the ability to change, then we just fall apart when things don't go our way, we blame, we get depressed and we do not do anything different- so nothing gets better.
This concept connects to my last week’s column about learning how to fall or fail. It reminded me of a piece I once read in my aunt’s home some years ago. It was originally written by Emily Perl Kingsley, a parent of a special needs child:
Welcome To Holland
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
Kingsley’s message is one that applies to all changes of course in life. At times we expect to go to Italy, but the path leads us to Holland. Our ability to deal with unexpected change and disappointment is critical to resilience in life.
The same goes for our personal growth during this season of the Yamim Noraim. |When we look back at this past year, there were times we chose the wrong path- the one leading us away from self- improvement. It is easy to be frustrated and blame ourselves. That is where “recalculating” comes in.
Although those of us who use Waze will not hear the word “recalculating” we all know the feeling of making the wrong turn and the GPS “recalculating.” This concept struck me when I watched a commercial for the Jeep Compass which came out a few months ago. It depicts how often life takes turns we do not expect, and after each unexpected scene of life one hears “recalculating.” The beauty of this time of year and Teshuva in general is that we on our own can “recalculate.”
It is as if G-d is telling us, “We all make mistakes and make wrong turns in life. Take some time, reflect on your choices, and if you need to, recalculate. Be careful of your choices, as each change in direction can lead you to the wrong path.”
As Shmuel Zev HaKohen says in his article, “Recalculating: Don’t Wait Till You’re Really Lost” “Life also has a beginning and an end point. The end points are goals. The road consists of all the obstacles God puts before us, challenges to grow by and strengthen us. The roadblocks are many, some small some large. We all make mistakes. That's what the High Holidays are about. They are how a person does a RECALC over the year. In reality, though, it's not enough. If you are traveling from New York to Washington DC, you would not want to do your first RECALC when you find yourself in Chicago. It can be done, but it's a bit late and the effort to correct yourself is substantial.”
What is the solution, as Rabbi HaKohen, “The solution to this problem is to consider what your end point is and monitor it along the way. Your personal GPS, alternately known as the soul, can RECALC any situation. But you have to press the button and be willing to listen to the message.”
It is not enough to wait until the Yamim Noraim to recalculate and change course. All year we need to make a commitment to working on stopping in the moment and recalculating what we are about to do.
HaKohen gives a few examples:
- You’re at home and about to yell at a spouse or a child, stop and think and recalculate. And, even if you do yell, you can still recalculate right after and apologize.
- Bad habits- whether it is watching less t.v., eating less pizza- recalculate and think.
- Goals for the new year- set them and intermittently visit your list and recalculate if you are not achieving them. He calls this “spiritual accounting.”
Going back to the Mishna in Avot and Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi’s question,
אֵיזוֹהִי דֶרֶךְ יְשָׁרָה שֶׁיָּבֹר לוֹ הָאָדָם, Which is the straight path that a person should choose for himself?
Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi answers:
רַבִּי אוֹמֵר, אֵיזוֹהִי דֶרֶךְ יְשָׁרָה שֶׁיָּבֹר לוֹ הָאָדָם, כֹּל שֶׁהִיא תִפְאֶרֶת לְעוֹשֶׂיהָ וְתִפְאֶרֶת לוֹ מִן הָאָדָם.
Rabbi [Yehuda haNasi] said: Which is the straight path that a person should choose for himself? Whichever [path] that is [itself] praiseworthy for the person adopting [it], And praiseworthy to him from [other] people.
Whatever choices we make in life we need to be cognizant that they will contribute to our own self-development, and will impact positively on those around us. Likewise, Teshuva consists of internal work we must do, but also reaching out to repair the hurt we have imposed on others.
We see the same word תִפְאֶרֶת in Yeshayahu 49:3,
וַיֹּאמֶר לִי עַבְדִּי אָתָּה יִשְׂרָאֵל אֲשֶׁר בְּךָ אֶתְפָּאָר
He said to me, "You are My servant, Israel, in whom I will take pride [or, be glorified]."
When evaluating one’s path in life, one must first and foremost assess whether his/her choice is a source of pride to G-d. Would G-d be happy in the path I have chosen?
One of the parshiot we just read this Shabbat, Parashat Nitzavim always falls out right before Rosh Hashana. It begins in Devarim 29:9,
“אַתֶּם נִצָּבִים הַיּוֹם כֻּלְּכֶם לִפְנֵיה אֱלֹקיכֶם “You are hereby standing, all of you, before Hashem your G-d…” On Rosh Hashana we all stand before G-d in judgment. But, we also need to recall that we are always standing before G-d, and choose a path which allows us to remain before G-d at all times.
As we approach Rosh Hashana, and stand before G-d ready to choose the right path, may we merit to “recalculate” when we approach life’s frustrations and upsets. May we find the right path, and continue to recalculate throughout the year as needed, not waiting until the next Rosh Hashana to arrive.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Sixth graders began getting to know their Advisors, their fellow advisees, and what Advisory will be all about this year.
Seventh Grade: Students focused on the theme of this year’s Advisory “Prepare Yourself To Change The World” and how even teens can make a difference in their own lives and in the lives of those around them.
Eighth Grade: Students began to discuss the metaphor of the maze, (as noted above), and apply it to their lives this year and beyond.
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