Superbowl Champions- Lessons For Life

As the Patriots won their sixth Superbowl last week, it was clear that hatred of the Patriots had become widespread. (This, despite the fact that the Patriots’ owner, Robert Kraft, has been an outspoken supporter of Israel and a Jewish philanthropist who recently was awarded Israel’s 2019 Genesis Prize).  There are numerous hypotheses suggested for why this dislike of the Patriots has proliferated. One such suggestion has been that they are cheaters.  Perhaps due to the 2015’s Deflategate, where they were accused of having deflated footballs, (illegal as it makes the balls easier to control).  This scandal led to a four-game suspension for Tom Brady.  Then, of course, the rumor that the visitor’s locker room in the Patriot’s home field, Gilette stadium, is bugged so they can spy on the opposing team. Then there is Spygate, where they illegally videotaped the hand signals of the opposing team. With all this in mind, the Patriots have developed a reputation for being cheaters.

 This discussion is definitely a “ Superbowl teachable moment” for our children. (In Advisory we will discuss with the 8th graders, who happen to be in the middle of a unit about cheating, what we can learn from this “Patriot hatred”).  Here are some issues to bring to the fore:

a. “The best indicator of future performance is past behavior.” Because the Patriots have cheated in the past they have lost our trust. Where does the loss of trust come into play here?  We ask our children,   “How does that apply to our lives? In general, how does our behavior (good or bad) reflect on who we are and impact the impression people have of us?  How might our behavior impact the loss of trust with our parents or  friends?” It is important for children to realize that when we choose to act in a certain way it does not only impact that moment. It also impacts our future.

b. It takes time to build one’s reputation and a good reputation can be lost in an instant.  “How does one develop a good and honest reputation? Why is that important?”

c. Success at all costs- “If you win or succeed, but cheated to get there, is it worth it? How will that feel?”

            In David Wagner’s 2015 article, “NFL Cheating Scandal: 4 Lessons For CIOs, he outlines some other takeaways for our children.  Wagner writes, “So if the recent allegations are true, the team doesn't get to go to the Super Bowl, right? They get fired, right? They're never allowed in the NFL again, right? Isn't that how it works in your enterprise? You cheat or you steal and you go home, right?”  In life, cheaters do at times prosper.  I still recall, in a different school, the story of the salutatorian whom everyone knew cheated on tests. Our children will experience situations where cheaters will get ahead.  Discuss with them how frustrating this can be. But,  how about those of us who don't cheat- how does it make us feel? How can we deal with that frustration while sticking to our values and even being proud of the fact that we won’t cheat to get ahead?

            “Beware the ‘everybody does it’ assumption.” This is often a common excuse for cheating.  Does it make it okay? “Exchange the ‘everybody does it’ mindset with the ‘you will get caught and it does matter’ rule.”

 “ Intent matters more than the outcome.” Some might maintain, “No harm, no foul, right?” or “My cheating does not harm anyone else, so what is the difference?”  But, this is not the case.

And, then there is the discussion about whether it matters, as highlighted in the article

“Why is Cheating in Sports Such a Big Deal?”  “If the purpose of sports is to provide you with entertainment for 3 hours on a Saturday afternoon, then does it really matter if players are taking steroids, scuffing baseballs, holding without the ref’s calling it, or lying about who touched the ball last before it went out of bounds?”  We discuss with our students whether we can look up to an athlete (or for that matter, a singer, actor etc.), who has done something immoral.  

            In 2018, Hasbro came out with a new game called Monopoly’s Cheaters Edition.  As Lisa Milibrand writes in her article, “Is Monopoly's New ‘Cheaters Edition’ Giving Kids the Wrong Idea?”If Monopoly is to be believed, cheaters can indeed prosper. That's the MO behind the newest version of the game, the Cheaters Edition, which encourages you to bend and break the rules to come out ahead and win it all. The game pushes players to sneak cash out of another player's stash, underpay their rent, or shortchange an opponent when giving them money back on their rent in order to line their pockets. (Though apparently, if they do get caught, they might end up in jail—which at least lends a bit of a consequence and risk to the proceedings.)

            Milibrand wonders if the wrong message is being sent to our children by this new game- that a little cheating is okay as long as you come out a winner.  As Alyson Schaefer, author of Honey, I Wrecked the Kids, asserts, "Play is supposed to help kids learn. But the difference between fantasy and reality for younger kids is not always clear. Teaching them to win at any cost—they'll translate these strategies into other things, like forging parents' signature, or copying off someone's exam page."

Our yeshiva children are not at all immune. In 2011, an SAT cheating scandal, involving some Jewish high school students broke and was a source of embarrassment for our community. Why do students cheat? The intense pressure for certain grades. And, as noted in the article “Cheating easy as A-B-C- Students say grade pressure, classroom culture pushes them to cut corners” By Jennifer Anderson, this intense pressure is noted. Overall the culture has changed.  “In the 1980s, there was a considerable amount of social condemnation for cheating. Now, there’s little social condemnation for most forms of cheating. As cheating has become more prevalent, he says, the cultural values and norms of society have shifted. And now that cheating is the dominant behavior, it’s become the social norm. Social norms, by their very nature, are not wrong.”

We raise our children to understand that cheating is in fact, “gneivat daat” - “stealing one’s mind”  or misleading or deceiving which is an actual form of theft. As the Rambam in Hilchot Deot 2:6 shares that “What he feels in his heart should be the same as the words on his lips.”  Whether by returning the extra change that the shopkeeper accidentally gave, going back to the store when you realize an item was placed in your bag for which you did not pay, or refusing to fudge the age of a child to get the underage fee at the movies, we are daily role models of living lives free from deceit.  

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students began a unit on Organization skills and learned the P.A.C.K. method for organizing.

Seventh Grade:  Students learned about negative thinking and types of negative self-talk that hold us back in life.

Eighth Grade: Students focused on why students cheat.