It’s
that time of year again- my post-Super Bowl column. Each year I consider
lessons that we can learn from the big game. I learned much from the game this
year.
The
first thing I learned is that our kids are amazing! Well, I didn’t
exactly learn that from the game itself, but rather from attending a Super Bowl
party- does that count as learning something from the Super Bowl? I had
the privilege of attending the Yachad Super Bowl Bash with almost 20 of our
students. Kayla Blumenfeld, who
coordinated the party and is a Yavneh graduate!, shared with me that so many of
the Yachad members’ siblings were invited to parties and they never were
themselves. They ran their first Super Bowl party last year. Yachad
members said that for the first time they felt like everyone else on Super Bowl
Sunday. They felt like they belonged.
Weeks ago we had been discussing the idea of a way to
make sure all at Yavneh students feel like they belong on Super Bowl Sunday.
And, then it hit me! What if we reach out to Yachad to do a Super Bowl
party with them? It is a great opportunity for those who don’t yet have plans
and even those who do, to do something fun and fulfilling on that Sunday.
When I called Kayla she told me about the party they started last year and that
she would love to have Yavneh students.
I
proudly watched how our students (and alumni) interacted with the Yachad
members, playing limbo, musical chairs, freeze dance and simply watching the
game. Some of the students had plans that night but were delaying going
to friends until after halftime, when the Yachad event would be over. Others
made this event their plans for the evening, stating that chesed is a priority
in their lives.
While
seeing the smiles on their faces I saw evidence of that good feeling one
often feels after doing chesed called the “helper’s high.” Our brain
actually releases endorphins- the feel-good chemicals in our brains, when we do
something for someone else. Interestingly enough, Jessica Cotney, from the
University of Sussex, presented research that even just reflecting on having
been kind in the most month improves a teenager’s mood! So, the next time
your teen is in a grumpy mood, get her off the couch to do something good for
someone.
The
second lesson I learned from the Super Bowl was, as Sally Jenkins from the Washington
Post noted, “The lasting lesson of this Super Bowl- failure is necessary.”
“There were failures all over the Super Bowl field. They were everywhere you
looked, the losers, drifters and discards. There were the guys who went
undrafted, the guys who had been cut or traded or lowballed. There were the coaches who knew how it felt
to be fired. What that should tell you
is to never underestimate the virtues of failing.” Coach Andy Reid had finished
every single postseason as a head coach with a loss, but he always came back
for more, “willing to experience the radiological exposure of failure.”
This is Reid’s first championship after 21 years of trying. His team was down by 10 early in the fourth
quarter, but he did not give up. Jenkins points out that more than a quarter of
the players were considered unworthy at one point in their careers as there
were 28 undrafted free agents in the game. We learn from the Chiefs not to give
up, even when failure may be approaching, or one has confronted failure in the
past. As Winston Churchill said, “Success is the ability to go from one
failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.”
In order to be able to win, you have to be able to lose. More importantly, one needs to lose without
losing heart, as Jenkins says.
We know
that negative experiences of failure are more common in life for most.
Sports has much to teach us when it comes to failure. “You can’t improve
something until you’ve stressed it.” First one needs to find one’s
weaknesses. Only then can you improve them.
But, the experience of finding one’s weakness can be quite
devastating. The same is true in engineering and science. Often one must
break things or fail in order to uncover a breakthrough. Thomas Edison was
known for this truth. In our Advisory class, our 7th graders learn the secret
to resiliency and bouncing back from failure. Thomas Edison is used an
example as he is known for his grit. He is famous for his quotes such as, “I
didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.” Or,
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 100,000 ways that won’t work.” Or “I can never find the thing that does the
job best until I find the ones that don’t.” It is all in the perspective.
The
secret is “the ability to patiently diagnose and learn” after failure. It is
not just about the ability to keep trying that determines success, but to keep
trying in an organized, structured, thought out way. One needs to decide which
changes will make a difference and have the courage to try them. That is what
the Chiefs had. Last year they were so close. Reid told them they were just
“four inches off..and we decided we could all do four inches better.”
In the
past, I have quoted the famous acronym that F.A.I.L. means "First Attempt
In Learning.” I recently heard that the end is not the end, in fact, E.N.D.
means "Effort Never Dies"; If you get No as an answer, remember N.O.
means "Next Opportunity."
Shlomo HaMelech states
in Mishlei 24:16,
“A righteous person
falls seven times and gets up.” These failures apply to all areas of
life, including spiritual growth. Rav Hutner said on these words, “The fool thinks the righteous
person gets up despite his falls; the wise person understands that he
can only ‘get up’ and grow because he falls. You have fallen
numerous times, and you will fall again numerous times. That is not, G-d
forbid, a negative prediction, but a fact of life. But there is a concept of
‘losing a battle yet winning the war’. You can fall to your evil inclination
time and time again. But as long as you are resilient and dust yourself off and
continue to fight, you have not been defeated, and you’ll ultimately prevail
and win the war.”
In the
case of what we just learned, we might add to Rav Hutner’s words the importance
of when you do dust yourself off, first analyzing why you fell, then making a
game plan for avoiding that fall again.
When
our children come to us devastated about a grade, after we’ve listened, hugged
them and tried to cheer them up, our next step is to help them analyze what
went wrong and how to do it better next time- just like their coach might do at
a game. In our sixth grade classes last week, we did just that. Students
went through their report cards and considered where they would like to do
better and set practical goals for doing so.
This
Super Bowl contained lessons for coping with failure. As Michael Jordan said,
(Yes, even I know he played basketball and not football!) “I've missed more
than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times,
I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over
and over and over again in my life. And, that is why I succeed.” Failure is not the opposite of success. It is
part of success.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Students analyzed their report cards and
focused on directed goals for improvement for next semester. They also wrapped
up the unit “Hey Dude Don’t Be Rude” with a lesson on mutual respect between
teachers and students.
Seventh Grade: Students began a unit on “When Life Gives You
Lemons- Coping With Adversity in Life” with focusing on resiliency.
Eighth Grade: Students talked about the admissions news they will be getting this coming week.
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