Living in "Slomo" And Resisting "FOMO"

This weekend we begin our 2nd week at home.  While many of us are still working remotely, and managing a full-time at home family, in some ways we are definitely living life more slowly. No more rushing to catch the bus, throwing all the lunches into the backpacks or running on the many errands we do in the evenings.  No weekend basketball games, no rushing off to minyan, and no endless carpools. While we enjoy and value all those “away from home” activities, we have no choice now but to slow down.  

I recently read a story which depicts the fallacy of the fast-paced life we generally lead. 

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.  Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna.  The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. 

The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos.  I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”

“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part.  When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”

“Millions – then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire.  Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

At times we are so busy and running at such a fast pace that we do not take the time to consider what we are doing? Why? What is enough?  What is the end game? 

Sometimes we simply need to pause and reflect- what is that we are after?  

We need to be mindful.  Mindfulness is the practice of attending and focusing one’s awareness on the present moment experience- including one’s thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations etc.  There has been considerable research on the benefits of mindfulness when it comes to dealing with depression, anxiety and overall improvement of relationships, and physical and emotional well-being. 

This time of self- quarantine has actually allowed us to slow down, take some time to think and consider and be more mindful.  We can actually be present with and focus on the here and now.  What is important to me? What are my goals? 

 As Dr. Jonathan Feiner wrote in his book Mindfulness: A Jewish Approach, “By giving ourselves time to be, we can discover what we need to be….Slowing down the autopilot mode enables us to pause and ask what is important.” (Dr. Feiner also quotes the Fisherman story above). 

Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzato (mentioned by Dr. Feiner) in chapter 2 of Mesillat Yesharim speaks about the quality trait of זהירות- Watchfulness  “to be deliberate and watch over his actions and his accustomed ways to determine whether or not they are good...and not to walk according to the promptings of habit as a blind man in the pitch darkness...Jeremiah complains about the evil of the men of his generation, about their failure to analyze (their actions)   in order to determine whether they should be engaged in or abandoned...He alludes to their running on the impetus of their habits and their ways without leaving themselves time to evaluate their actions and ways, and as a result fall into evil without even noticing it.” 

The Ramchal continues that this was the evil strategy of Pharaoh in Shemot 5:9 as he intensified the Jews’ work.  He did this to “deprive them of all leisure so… he strove to strip their hearts of all thought.”   And, this is where the evil inclination jumps in- not allowing them time to think and do teshuva.  

In today’s fast- paced time we live in, where we can immediately google any answer to any question, and quickly shoot off an e-mail without thinking,  we often make decisions impulsively.  When we are rushing we are unable to consider the consequences of our actions and we make poor decisions. We are constantly multi-tasking and unable to be in the “now.”  We are often fearful of slowing down. 

We need to stop and think in order to choose the best path.  This time at home has forced us to be more mindful and work in a bit of “Slomo.” 

Our time at home has also forced us to manage our “FOMO.”  FOMO- “fear of missing out” prevents us from relishing what we are doing in the moment as we are constantly worried what is happening elsewhere.  Social media has clearly magnified this FOMO. Dr. Feiner points out that “those with higher scores on the Fear of Missing Out scale have greater use of social media and lower levels of life satisfaction.  FOMO leads to missing out on the present.”  

Do we find that our minds are constantly moving to the next activity and we are “overly focused on what’s next at the expense of the now?.... FOMO is based on a faulty- yet powerful- premise. It is based on the idea that there is something more exciting than the present, that there is an external experience we are missing out on...Moreover the yearning for the next experience will prevent us from experiencing the greatest experience of all: the experience of meaningfully living in the present.” 

We are “presently” (pun intended), living our lives in “slomo” and hopefully resisting “FOMO” as we are asked to stay present in our homes. Hopefully this is allowing for us to be more mindful and more present in the moment as well.