What's In A Name?

This past week I had the privilege of being asked to give a shiur to the students who are learning Shnayim Mikrah as an introduction to Sefer Shemot. (Thank you, Mr. Rossman).  I decided to share some ideas based on a presentation by Rabbi David Fohrman. Rabbi Fohrman wonders why is this book called Shemot “Names” and what does it tell us about the nature of the purpose of the sefer?  And, the question is even greater when you see that in English/Latin it is called “Exodus” - which is a pretty good summary of the main theme of the book. Why don’t we call it “Yetziat Mitzrayim”? 

Yes, we know that the literal answer is that the sefer begins with the words וְאֵ֗לֶּה שְׁמוֹת֙ בְּנֵ֣י יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל הַבָּאִ֖ים מִצְרָ֑יְמָה- “These are the names of the sons of Israel who came to Egypt…” so that is the simplistic reason.  The answer is found by looking at the first Rashi 1:1:

ואלה שמות בני ישראל. אַעַ"פִּ שֶׁמְּנָאָן בְּחַיֵּיהֶם בִּשְׁמוֹתָם, חָזַר וּמְנָאָם בְּמִיתָתָם, לְהוֹדִיעַ חִבָּתָם, שֶׁנִּמְשְׁלוּ לְכוֹכָבִים, שֶׁמּוֹצִיאָם וּמַכְנִיסָם בְּמִסְפַּר וּבִשְׁמוֹתָם (שמות רבה), שֶׁנֶּ' "הַמּוֹצִיא בְמִסְפָּר צְבָאָם לְכֻלָּם בְּשֵׁם יִקְרָא" (ישעיהו מ'):

NOW THESE ARE THE NAMES OF THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL — Although scripture has already enumerated them by name whilst they were living, when they went down into Egypt (Genesis 46:8-27), it again enumerates them when it tells us of their death, thus showing how dear they were to God — that they are compared to the stars which also God brings out and brings in by number and name when they cease to shine, as it is said, (Isaiah 40:26) “He bringeth out their host by number, He calleth them all by name” (Exodus Rabbah 1:3; Tanchuma Yashan 1:1:2).

Rashi  says that the list of their names is repeated, even though it was already mentioned at the end of Sefer Bereishit, to show us how much Hashem loves the Jewish people- how dear they were to Him. He counts them one by one, by name, as He does the stars.  

What does counting have to do with naming?  The Midrash sees that naming and counting (the stars and Bnai Yisrael) is a sign of affection. Rabbi Fohrman uses a parable: The teacher who has a huge class, but remembers each student’s name, knows when somebody is absent, even that shy kid in the back of the classroom – that’s amazing. There’s a teacher who really cares. God cares about the stars. He puts them all out individually at night, and tucks each one back to sleep in the morning. And so he will relate to us…

The book of Shemot is about the slavery, and one might think that it is an indication that Hashem does not care about the Jewish people. But, in essence it is a fulfillment of the promise to Avraham, that they will be many, they will be enslaved, but Hashem will save them and take care of them.  I think calling the book “Names”... Through it all (the enslavement), G-d knows our names. He cares about each and every one of us, in all of our pain, in all of our anguish. For we are, after all, like stars, indeed.” 

What a beautiful introduction to the sefer. But, as an educator, I was of course drawn to Rabbi Fohrman’s comparison to the teacher with a huge class who remembers and calls each student by name.  Every student feels cared for. 

Naming each person is important. But, it is not only about the naming of the person. It is about making every person feel noticed. Ever since I was a child I was trained by my parents to say “Hello” to everyone I meet in the street, in stores, in an elevator, or a “Good Shabbos” in the streets on a Shabbos day. It does not matter if you know the person’s name or not. It feels good to feel noticed. 

And, at Yavneh, we try to encourage the students and teachers to implement this strategy. Those of us who were at the dinner last night noticed in the video the daily cheerful greeting by Rabbi Knapp and other administrators as students enter the school each morning.  Those moments were not staged for the videographer. They truly happen each day. 

I recently read an article by Rachel Cannon “Inclusion Starts In The Hallway.”  Greeting everyone in the hallway is a daily reminder to people that they matter.  She calls it “investing in micro-moments- these small acts of connection, of presence of seeing someone for who they are…  Micro-interactions are those brief moments in passing when you take a second to truly acknowledge someone. These interactions may seem small, but they’re doing important work behind the scenes. Our brains are constantly scanning for signs of safety or danger—what neuroscientist Dr. Stephen Porges refers to as “neuroception.” A smile, eye contact, a warm greeting—all of these send a simple yet powerful message: you’re safe here; you belong here.

When someone feels seen and valued, their brain releases oxytocin, a hormone connected to trust and bonding. That feeling of connection opens people up—to learning, to relationships, to fully engaging in a community. But when someone is ignored, excluded, or overlooked—even unintentionally—it activates the same part of the brain that processes physical pain. It hurts.” It is in those “in-between” moments that we create connection.

 In a study by Dr. Gillian Sandstrom she noted that people who had more conversations with “weak ties” (casual “hellos” with people they don’t know in the street, for example) were happier than those who had less of those interactions. And, on the days they had more of those interactions they were happier than on the days they had less of those.  She did another study where some of the subjects were asked to chat with the barista (whom they did not know) at a coffee shop while waiting for coffee, and some were told not to interact.  Those who did interact reported being in a better mood and had a greater sense of belonging.  So, not only does the person who is greeted feel happier, but the “greeter” does as well.  She quotes another research study that people who greeted others on public transportation felt happier about their ride. So, making everyone feel noticed is good for the noticer and for the noticed! 

Kelly Owens, in her article, “Kids Learn More When We Invite Them In”  tells a story that she used to greet all the children in the hallway in her school- most of whom she did not know by name. After two years of doing so, one day a student she did not know stopped by her classroom to say she was moving and switching schools and handed her a note. The note said, “Thank you for the comments you gave to me each day.”

And, so as parents, let us model for and teach our children to say “Good Shabbos” in the streets to even those we do not know, and “Hello” to the custodian, and “Have a good day” to the receptionist at the doctor’s office. And, as Hashem modelled for us,  we, at Yavneh Academy, will continue greeting our students, by name, showing them how much we care for them.  

(I am going to add a piece here, which I know that Mrs. Rubin, in her humility, will not want me to discuss at length. But, those of us who were at the dinner last night, and have been privileged to work with Mrs. Rubin for the past 19 years, know that Mrs. Rubin is truly an expert in making every child feel noticed. She treats each child with the respect due to an adult, hears them, and listens to them, making each one feel important. Our students have been so blessed to have Mrs. Rubin as their number one cheerleader who connects with and notices each student on a daily basis). 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade:  Students had their mock bar/bat mitzvah event where they were able to implement what they learned about bar/bat mitzvah etiquette in Advisory. They began discussing what behaviors in class are beneficial for them. 

Seventh Grade:  Students began a new unit “When Life Gives You Lemons- Coping With Adversity In Life” and heard a presentation by Rabbi Yitzy Haber who discussed the coping strategies he utilized when facing illness as a middle school student. 

Eighth Grade: Students began discussing their changing (positive!) relationship with parents in this stage of life. 

 

Stop The Gossip

 

In the thirty years I have worked with teens I can tell you that gossip is truly THE issue that tears apart friendships, hurts self-esteem and makes children feel as if they have no friends or do not want to come to school. And, in those years it has gotten worse and worse.  And, each day I wake up in the morning with the gratitude that at least we are Jewish and we can teach our students about not speaking lashon hara- it is ingrained in them. I can only imagine how much worse it would be if they did not at least have that sensitivity. 

We all know the impact of spreading rumors and gossip (even when it is true!). And, it is not acceptable to say it’s a normal part of teenage life. Sherri Gordon, in her article “Understanding The Impact of Spreading Rumors and Gossip” reminds us that “gossip and rumors can destroy a person’s self-confidence and self-esteem. It also can lead to depression, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, anxiety, and a host of other issues.” It can alienate friends, ruin reputations, and lead to relational aggression. Studies have shown that those who gossip have less empathy. And, of course, gossiping leads to cyberbullying.

Gordon discusses: Why do children spread gossip? 

1. To feel better about themselves. When they target others it makes them feel better about themselves.

2. To feel accepted- If everyone is doing it they want to feel a part of things. 

3. To get attention- The person who shares a piece of information that others don’t know becomes the center of attention. 

4. To gain power- When someone is envious of another, spreading rumors about that person lowers their status and raises the gossiper’s.

5. To take revenge- To hurt someone who has hurt him, a child will gossip about him.

6. To relieve boredom- Life is boring without drama! 

I came across an article about rumors written by some teenagers in Leesville Road High School. I couldn’t have said it better myself: “A study conducted by Word Effect found that gossip and rumors can have detrimental effects on individuals. “48% of people who hear gossip about someone form a new, negative opinion about that person,” even if that received information is not true…Rumors manipulate people into taking sides, casting improper views on others and bringing negative energy to future situations. Relationships can be ruined before they begin.”

And, let’s not forget with the advent of social media it is now never ending, and anonymous! As Kay Snowden points out in her article “Group Chats and Gossip Loops:What Parents Don’t Know About Teen Friend Drama,” before children had devices, “friend conflict had natural pauses: you’d go home, eat dinner, sleep and go hours without talking.” Now it is all immediate and at warp speed. Digital communication “amplifies peer experiences” - for good and for bad, according to the CDC. 

And, online misunderstandings are common. Something meant as a joke is taken as an insult. Someone posts something private to one friend, and then it is spread among the group. “Because everything is documented, replayed, forwarded and interpreted by multiple people at once, the ‘story’ grows bigger than the original issue.” And, because everything happens on-line, the parents don’t notice it until the teen is terribly upset. The pain teens feel online “their brains process it similarly to physical pain.” 

Aharon Hersh Fried and Chaim E. Fried, in their article, “The Impact of Technology on the Religious Personality” speak about how as Jews we all know about not speaking or spreading lashon hara. But somehow with technology we accept lashon hara as appropriate. Even in the time of the Chofetz Chaim he noted that there were anonymous posters defaming individuals. The anonymous quality of technology makes it worse today. 

What is the best way to stop gossip? To not spread it yourself. It is our job as the adults in their lives to remind our children over and over.  Of course, first by modeling and showing them that we don’t gossip and talk about others. Remind them that, as Hillel said in Shabbat 31a אָמַר לוֹ: דַּעֲלָךְ סְנֵי לְחַבְרָךְ לָא תַּעֲבֵיד — זוֹ הִיא כׇּל הַתּוֹרָה כּוּלָּהּ-Hillel… said to him: That which is hateful to you do not do to another; that is the entire Torah” - Treat others the way you would want to be treated. If you don’t want to be gossiped about, then don’t gossip about others. 

Let us work at removing gossip from our dinner table routine. Let them see us avoid using the names of people when we tell stories. And, let us raise them to be part of the solution. If someone tries to gossip with them about another, they can break the cycle and tell the friend to stop, and most definitely not pass it on. And, if he/she is targeted, rise above and do not continue the cycle.  Trust me- it is for their own benefit. There is so much suffering that they can avoid by avoiding gossip. 

In the past few weeks we have been reading of the story of Yoseph and his brothers  In Bereishit 37:2, at the start of the story, it says: וַיָּבֵ֥א יוֹסֵ֛ף אֶת־דִּבָּתָ֥ם רָעָ֖ה אֶל־אֲבִיהֶֽם׃- “And Joseph brought bad reports of them to their father.” In some ways lashon hara, gossip, was at the root of the terrible tragedy that would face this family in the years to come.  Gossip is NEVER good. It is up to us, the adults, to help our children end the gossip. 

Advisory Update: (Due to early dismissals and days off, very few Advisory classes met last week). 

Sixth Grade: Students are still working on their proper manners unit.

Seventh Grade: Students wrapped up their Empathy unit with discussing what they would do in real life in certain situations.

Eighth Grade-  Students discussed what they can do to stand up to anti-Semitism today. 

Parents As Mirrors

  “Mirror, mirror on the wall…” are words famously familiar from the fairy tale of Snow White.  However, a mirror is also an allusion to an essential parenting insight that I came across in my Shabbat reading. 

I read an article over Shabbat from TLC Talks, based on a podcast called The Learning Curve which discusses different educational and parenting issues. The question submitted was, “How can I help my daughter have a stronger sense of self-esteem? She struggles academically, and she doesn’t seem to have any special talents.  We love her dearly, but she sees herself so negatively- and in her eyes, the ‘facts’ back her up.” 

Rabbi Ari Schonfeld responds, “Not everyone will be an A-plus student. Not everyone will be the leader in the school play or the one picked to be head of GO…It is our job as the adults in their lives to get them to appreciate themselves and what they have to offer the world.  Every child, every person, has to believe that he matters." And, so he continues that more important than how she sees herself is, “When she looks at you, what does she see? Does she see a father and a mother who adore her and think the world of her?” 

He then went on to quote something from last week’s parasha, said by Rabbi Elya Svei. When Yoseph was tempted by the wife of Potiphar, Rashi quotes a Gemara in Sotah 36b. (There are so many layers regarding parenting from this Gemara that I have quoted before in this column), 

״וַתִּתְפְּשֵׂהוּ בְּבִגְדוֹ לֵאמֹר וְגוֹ׳״, בְּאוֹתָהּ שָׁעָה בָּאתָה דְּיוֹקְנוֹ שֶׁל אָבִיו וְנִרְאֲתָה לוֹ בַּחַלּוֹן

The verse states: “And she caught him by his garment, saying… (Genesis 39:12). At that moment his father’s image came and appeared to him in the window.

We normally interpret this as Yoseph seeing the image of his father gave him the strength to resist temptation- as if his father was speaking to him. Rav Elya says that in the mishna the word חלון often means a mirror and the Gemara can be read differently.  Yoseph HaTzaddik looked in the mirror and he didn’t see his father. He saw  דְּיוֹקְנוֹ,שֶׁל אָבִיו (note the comma he puts in, in red). He saw דְּיוֹקְנוֹ- himself (his own image), but not the way he perceived himself. “It was שֶׁל אָבִיו- he saw himself the way his father Yaakov viewed him. He was able to see the high esteem  in which Yaakov saw his son. It was a whole new vista into Yosef’s own self-worth that he never felt or appreciated. And, that allowed him to remain Yosef HaTzaddik.” 

And, so the question is when your child comes home from school and perhaps didn’t succeed the way he/she would have wanted, and she looks at you, i.e. sees herself in your mirror, what does she see? 

As Rabbi Yerachmiel Garfield adds similarly in his response to this question of the parent, “... a parent serves as the mirror through which a child sees who she is and what her greatness is. A child cannot identify that greatness on her own, she simply lacks the perspective.  And if parents do not actively, see, articulate, and celebrate a child’s strengths, the child will naturally assume those strengths do not exist.” 

Especially for children who struggle in school it is imperative that we as parents help them discover and celebrate their other strengths. “As the narrow measure of school does not define her worth.” A parent needs to reflect a child’s strengths back to her over and over until the child begins to believe it. 

I came across a short video by ”Dr. Becky” Kennedy that says it all: “We can’t expect our child to change if we, the parents, are reinforcing the very behaviors we are trying to help a child move away from. So ask yourself, ‘When my child is in a difficult stage, do I reflect back to them the part of them that is engaging in those behaviors? Or do I reflect back a different version? Here’s an example: Your child is in a stage where they’re having a really hard time sharing with their siblings.  Do you go in and say, ‘Hey, your sister and brother always share with you! What is wrong with you? You can be so selfish!” Or, ‘You have as much generosity in you as anyone else in the family, I want you to know that.’ We are our child’s mirror, we have to reflect back to them the good inside them, so they can bring that good out.” 

There are so many ways in which our children “mirror” us as their parents. Dr. Lisa Firestone, in her article “Your Child’s Self-esteem Start With You” notes how our children are extremely “attuned” to us. And, “Every reaction we express (consciously and unconsciously) is absorbed by them, helping them shape their view of the world and themselves.”  She then continues to discuss a theory by her father, Dr. Robert Firestone called the “Self-system.”  This self-system is the unique make-up of each individual, some of which is inherent and some is “informed by a harmonious identification with and incorporation of a parent’s positive attitudes and traits.” So, if parents feel good about themselves, they are more likely able to pass this positive sense of self over to their children to have as well. And, the opposite is true as well. 

When parents feel negatively towards themselves, they can pass that on to their children leading to negative self- esteem. As an example, she notes that you might never call your child “stupid,” but if he is constantly hearing you call yourself “stupid,” we need not wonder from where they got that idea. And thus what she calls the “Anti-self system” or the “critical inner voice” develops. The critical inner voice is like an “internalized parent” that “reminds them of their flaws…instructing them about how to perceive the world.” 

This concept of parents being the mirror for their children reminds me of the famous poem by Dr. Dorothy Law Nolte, “Children Learn What They Live”

Dr. Eli Leibowitz, in the article “The Parent As A Mirror- Our Reactions And Childhood Anxiety” by Dr. Aliza Pressman, notes that parents are like a mirror when it  comes particularly to anxiety, 

“Parents are a mirror that children look into, and they see who they are. All of your reactions to them are the reflection that they are seeing. That is who they know that they are. If your child believes that you see them as a helpless, weak, vulnerable child who can't handle stress, who falls apart, who can't deal with difficulty - that is what they start to believe about themselves. But, if they see that you see a child who actually has strength, who has resilience, who can cope with things, that also will affect how they feel about themselves.” 

Our reactions to a child’s anxiety can affect his/her ability to cope. If as parents we react with alarm, helplessness or that she cannot cope, the child will internalize those messages. As Dr. Pressman notes that ironically: 

If we respond like there is an emergency, we signal that there actually is one. When we treat our children like they lack the skills they need by taking over, fixing, or accommodating, they may come to believe that they are indeed weak, vulnerable, and unable to manage stress. Research shows that this can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading to increased anxiety and avoidance. The very nature we use to protect can turn against us! Even as we do more and more to bend backwards and support our kids, we find ourselves facing down more and more anxiety.

Rather, as Dr. Leibowitz adds, we should communicate with our children that we get what they are going through, and that they can handle the feeling and get through it.  As parents we need to relay a “mix of validation, sensitivity, empathy and a confidence in their ability to cope…This positive reflection fosters a sense of self-efficacy empowering the child to face their anxiety with greater courage.” If we relay the message that their anxiety is an illness or a disease that they have to fear– that it’s a crisis and we will do anything we can to calm them, it may make the anxiety worse and express to them that it is not okay to be anxious. We need to make an effort to reflect back images of strength, resilience and capability, so that our children have the confidence to face life’s challenges. And, the more we try to solve their problems for them, the less capable they believe they are.

Dr. Pressman shares the following steps:

1. Make the feelings ok, instead of making the situation ok. -Normalize their emotions instead of making it an emergency

2. Offer support without taking over. Remind them that they are not alone, and that you are there to support them. “I will be right here while you do it,” or “I will be here to talk about it tonight and hear what happened.” 

3. Express confidence in their abilities. The mirror concept, “projecting confidence allows your child to “borrow” some of your faith in them to build their own. You may need to pretend to have confidence (especially if you’re anxious too), but that is OK. “I know you can do this,” or “You’ve done hard things before and you always get through it,” can be a great place to start. Reminding your children about times when they have successfully overcome challenges can help them be willing to take risks again” 

4. Model healthy coping mechanisms.”Show them how you manage your own stress and anxiety, and project that same confidence in their abilities. Model that living with and overcoming anxiety is possible, takes practice, and builds resilience.”

As parents, let us spend our days being the mirror to our children of strength and ability, and hopefully, even when they are far away from us, as Yoseph was from his father, they will take with them that strength and confidence. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students began discussing “student etiquette”- student- appropriate behaviors for success in school. 

Seventh Grade:  Students debriefed their experience at the homeless shelter and how they can apply the way they treat the homeless to their day to day lives.

Eighth Grade:  No Advisory this week due to days off and programming.

L'Hodot U'Lhallel Every Single Day Of The Year

This past Shabbat, Rosh Chodesh, Chanukah was, what we affectionately call, “Mrs. Cooperman’s Shabbat.”  What does that mean?  It is based on an article by Rabbi Emanuel Feldman “G-d and Mrs.Cooperman”  which first appeared in the Rabbinical Council of America Torah Journal, Tradition in 1995.  Tradition was always a mainstay in our home, as my father, a”h, was the executive director of the RCA, and I still recall reading that article. (It has since appeared in Mishpacha Magazine a few times. My quotes from the article below are from both Tradition and Mishpacha).  The article is based on the davening that we daven on the  Shabbat that we just experienced yesterday- which is also Rosh Chodesh and Chanukah. That Shabbat has the longest Shemoneh Esrei- where we say all the additions for Shabbat, and Rosh Chodesh and Chanukah. (Same with bentching!)  (I have since heard that Rabbi Neuburger also spoke about Mrs. Cooperman’s Shabbat this week in shul). 

According to Rabbi Dovid Heber, author of The Intriguing World of Jewish Time: Fascinating Zmanim and Calendar Calculations- a calendar guru- in his presentation on Torah Anytime, this is the sixth time in eleven years that we have had Shabbat, Rosh Chodesh and Chanukah together. But, we are about to have a dry spell. The next time this will happen again will be in 2039- the longest time we will go without the triple. The last time we had a fourteen year break was from 1805-1819. (And, the next time will be from 2052- 2066).  So, I thought it was a good time to stop and appreciate this phenomenon. 

Who was Mrs. Cooperman? She was an elderly woman who attended Rabbi Feldman’s father’s shul in Baltimore. She was “every rabbi’s ideal congregant; she never spoke during services, she davened meticulously, caressing every word, she listened avidly to the rabbi’s sermons, gave charity generously… There was only one problem. Other than her ability to read Hebrew, she was completely unlettered and unlearned. That is why, in fact, she never skipped a word of davening: she was unable to distinguish between prayers that are recited on a regular Shabbat and those which are recited only when Shabbat coincides with Rosh Chodesh, or Yom Tov or Chanukah.  The net result was that on every single Shabbat of the year she recited every single prayer on every single page of the service.”  

And, when Rabbi Feldman’s mother would gently remind her that she need not say all those pages on a regular Shabbat she would respond,“Nu, so what is terrible if I say it? These are holy words, and I’m talking to G-d in His holy language, so what could be bad?”

As pre-teens, Rabbi Feldman and his brothers growing up in their father’s shul found Mrs. Cooperman to be humorous. Then one year Rosh Chodesh Tevet was Shabbat Chanukah!  Yaale V’Yavo, Al HaNisim, Hallel-everything was said from beginning to end. And, the same with bentching! The one time that Mrs. Cooperman was correct- “Today is her day!” And, from that point on Shabbat, Rosh Chodesh, Chanukah became known as Mrs. Cooperman’s Shabbat. 

Rabbi Feldman notes that while they used to laugh about her, she possessed something that most of us lack,

 “She didn’t know the translations of those words, but in a much deeper sense she understood their meaning. She brought to her praying a total submission of the self before the Presence of G-d, a love for her Creator so consuming that she could not bear to pass over a single word of His holy siddur. 

She worshiped G-d not from knowledge or intellect, but from an inner spirit that transcends the mind…She praised Him for the Chanukah miracle every Shabbos of the year, she ushered in the New Moon every week of the year, her davening was a seamless web that did not distinguish one kind of holiness from another. G-d was her Divine friend, and, as the very embodiment of the Talmud’s “Rachamana liba ba’i — G-d desires the heart”(Sanhedrin 106b), her deepest when she said Baruch ata, she knew she was talking to her personal Creator, and that He was listening…her greatest joy was to engage in conversation with Him…Bizarre as her davening was, she brought to it a total submission before her Creator, a love so consuming that she could not pass over a single word of His holy siddur.”

Rabbi Feldman points out that we are missing this quality today. A shul’s worth is often measured by how quickly the services end. People are annoyed if the baal tefilla keeps them in shul for a few extra moments. Our prayers are robotic, “mechanical service of the lips” not the heart.  If only we could emulate Mrs. Cooperman by “caressing the words”, and genuinely surrendering ourselves before our maker. 

I often think about Mrs. Cooperman as we try to excite our students about Tefillah. My office is in the Beit Midrash so I have had the privilege of watching every single siddur play practice for the past 20 years I have been at Yavneh. The pure joy and excitement I see on the students’ faces is priceless. 

And, then I have the privilege, in the same Beit Midrash, to daven each day with our middle school students. Some of them still have that excitement, and some have lost it already. So, as Jewish educators we are constantly thinking of ways to make davening joyful for our students and to make them feel as if they are talking to Hashem. 

Through our Beur Tefillah classes- of which I am again privileged to teach for the 8th grade girls, we try to help the students see how their tefillah can express what is in their hearts. For example, we just learned about Modeh Ani, which they probably have not learned about since they first got their siddurim at that siddur play years ago. What does Modeh Ani really mean? Why do we awaken with that? What are the things that we are grateful for? The goal is to connect their own personal lives to all that they are davening.  In this way, they feel as if they are conversing with their Creator like Mrs. Cooperman did. And, to remember that when we awaken each day with our souls returned to us- every day we can praise Him for Chanukah miracles, like Mrs. Cooperman. 

And, of course as parents, we play a significant role in helping our children feel that connection to Tefillah. As Rabbi Daniel Alter wrote in his 2016 article, “Teaching Meaningful Tefillah: Directions and Guidelines” 

How can we instill the sense of value and importance of tefillah in our children: The home environment has the lead role in achieving this goal. Your child’s day school is your partner…

As a child, my connection to Tefillah clearly stemmed from my parents. I proudly stood next to my mother in shul- watching her daven with kavanah, and still can hear my father’s voice as I heard him daven from the bima. They both truly loved and cherished the opportunity to speak to Hashem, and I caught on. The school, while important, is merely a partner. 

Rabbi Moshe Hauer, z”l, of the Orthodox Union who recently passed away, referenced a research study on attrition and connection to the Jewish community, completed in March 2025, in his article, “How Will We Face Our Father?” 

He shared,  “...the strength and staying power of their bond to Orthodoxy will be built significantly on the power of the authentic connection to Judaism they observe in their parents and role models. … bringing their child along to shul and paying far less attention to what the child was doing while there; the child would then see the parent and the other congregants engaged in their davening and learning”   That is what fosters a connection to Tefillah- seeing their parents having that connection in their own Tefillah, and observing their parents as conversing with G-d. 

Rabbi Moshe Weinberger, in his article “Lights” in Jewish Action points out that “Hannukah was the first “oral miracle.” It is celebrated with songs and praise as opposed to the physical festivities of Purim. The lights of Hannukah are the lights of Torah which illuminate our lives, which fill our hearts and soar above the parchment and words.” Isn’t that what Tefillah is meant to be? 

 As we celebrate the last day of Chanukah let us remember the importance of our children seeing us  להודות ולהלל not only on Chanukah, but on every day of our lives.

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students continued a deep dive into Bar/Bat Mitzvah etiquette and proper behavior.

Seventh Grade:  Students visited the Hackensack Homeless shelter and performed for the residents, and delivered gifts, as they put into effect the skills of empathy they focused upon during this unit.

Eighth Grade-  Students discussed materialism and how it impacts American society- especially during this season.