A New School Year- Disconnect To Reconnect

  This past week I had the privilege to attend an event at Yeshiva University- Great Conversations with Dr. Jonathan Haidt and Rabbi Dr. Ari Berman. For those of you who have been reading my column or have been Yavneh parents for some time you probably know the essential role Dr. Haidt’s book The Anxious Generation has played in spurring various technology safety and education initiatives, including the Yavneh’s Parent Tech Steering Committee.  

Dr. Haidt referenced the Tikvah forum’s Jewish Schools & Technology Summit,- organized by Caroline Bryk. Some of Yavneh’s parent tech committee, guidance team, director of technology and administrators were fortunate to join that two day event.  The Summit brought  together over 50 Jewish schools to put our heads together to implement “collective action” (as Haidt calls it), and to unite to create communal norms with coordination among parents, schools, camps etc. Experts in medicine, psychology and education presented with the goal of beginning to reassess and formulate new tech policies in our schools.   As someone who was lucky to be a part of the summit,  I can attest that we were most definitely inspired to make some real changes. 

One item that Dr. Haidt discussed at YU last week, and discusses in his book, is the relative ease we can have as an Orthodox community to create communal norms and collective action- something with which communities in the rest of the world struggle. We actually have a “community.”  And, he even stated that as a non-observant Jew he still regrets not keeping Shabbat- a day where technology is not used. “… no structure to my week. If I had said ‘We’re doing Shabbat’ my  life and family life would have been better.” Additionally, he noted that the mental health crisis among teens rose tremendously in 2011- attributed to cellphone use -but in families who were religious there was and has been significantly less of a rise than in those who are not religious. 

He then summarized his four step plan (as outlined in his book) to find a solution to the mental health crisis:

1. No smartphone before high school. Never give a smartphone as a first phone!  

2. No social media before 16. We need a law in the United States to make it so! 

3. Phone free schools. (He referenced the over 35  states that have implemented policies- see below. And, the mothers went into action- spearheaded by Tikvah). 

4. Far more responsibility and free play in the real world.

(He also went on to discuss the world of AI and its effects on education- a topic we ourselves as administrators have been discussing with the faculty at Yavneh.  And… no, ChatGPT doesn’t write my columns!) 

So, as we returned to Yavneh this past week, we introduced our sixth graders to the landline phone to use when needed. We are proud of our no-phone policy and of the numerous parents who signed up for the pledges in past years, and of the bar/bat mitzvah and outside of school phone/social media use best practices- much of which were parent-led initiatives. 

Our students are onboard as well! We will meet with our Student Technology Advisory Committee and have made this topic an integral part of our Advisory curriculum, as our students need to be part of or even lead a piece of this initiative. 

And, we are so blessed. I had a doctor’s appointment this week and the nurse shared with me that her son was starting middle school. We began discussing that he just got a phone (primarily because he travels home on the bus),  and when I shared with her that there are non- smart phone options, she had no idea. No one in his school had sent out a list of potential non- smart phones like we did at our school. 

Interestingly enough, while outside the Jewish community they struggle to create community norms like we can, there are presently 35 states with laws or rules limiting phones and other electronic devices in schools (some only during instructional time and some for the day). You can see a map below. 

As we approached the start of the new school year, all the local schools reinvigorated their initiatives.  Just recently two articles in The Jewish Link highlighted why we need to focus on technology limits as we start the school year.  Rabbi Daniel Alter of Moriah wrote “Analysis: A Playbook for Tackling Smartphones”– describing a journey similar to ours at Yavneh. And, Rabbi Larry Rothwachs wrote “Six Years Later: The Camp Test We Keep Ignoring”  highlighting how much healthier teens are in camp without their phones, and considering what lessons from camp we can apply to the school year. 

 …Talk to camp directors and staff across the country and you will hear the same thing: take away the devices and kids do not just survive, they come alive.

Not surprisingly, these observations align perfectly with new research published in JAMA Psychiatry this summer. Researchers followed 4,200 children over four years and found that “addictive patterns of use, where devices interfere with sleep, school, and real-world relationships, most strongly correlate with poor mental health outcomes, including suicidal ideation and self-harm.”

We have known this for years. Each summer we watch fractured attention, disconnection, and exhaustion fade almost as soon as the phone is gone.

But, as we start the school year, it is not only about making sure our children aren’t addicted to their technology. It is also about disconnecting them from technology so they can truly enjoy their learning. Isn’t that our goal for all of our children- that they should love their educational experience and love learning Torah? 

I recently came across an article on aish.com which hit home as a parent and educator:

Ever wonder what would happen if we treated the Torah as we treat our cell phone? 

What if we carried it around in our purse or pocket every day?  

What if we looked through it many times each day? 

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?

What if we always checked it for messages? 

What if we treated it as if we couldn't manage a day without it? 

What if we gave it to our children as a special gift? 

What if we always took it, and used it, when we traveled? 

What if we always thought to use it in case of an emergency? 

Oh, and one more thing... 

Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about Torah being disconnected, because its "Carrier" never fails.

This article struck home to me as it reminded me of the fact that even if we choose to delay giving a phone to our child, or set strict limits, we are role models for our children in our phone usage. Are we always on our phones? Are we constantly running to check our phones?  As Rabbi Rothwachs wrote: 

And here is the deeper truth: they are offering us adults a gift. They are reminding us that we, too, need breaks from the constant ping of notifications, the endless scroll, the fractured attention we have come to accept as normal. When we free them, we create space to free ourselves.

And, Rabbi Rothwach’s points to the fact that without their phones they can connect more to their learning and to their Judaism:

A staff member recently shared that a group of teenage boys spent an entire evening in deep conversation about God and free will, the kind of meandering discussion that simply does not happen when a screen is within arm’s reach, ready to interrupt or offer an easy escape.

These words and the article from aish.com encouraging us that Torah should be as exciting as beloved as our phones, also reminded me of a column I wrote years ago about the power we have as parents to excite our children about Torah and Judaism. Are we role models for our children in treating Torah as “a special gift” that we are eager to learn and to practice?  

Some years ago, we hosted a Positive Jewish Parenting conference for the community at Yavneh Academy.  Rabbi J.J. Schachter delivered the keynote address on the topic of “The Romance We Pass On To Our Children.”  

Children of all ages must feel romance- a romance that only their parents can show them. Not the romance of love, (which is not particularly applicable for a young child), but rather romance for Judaism, as he quoted from Rabbi J.B. Soloveitchik. Rav Soloveitchik discussed how his father passed on halachic Judaism to him, but his mother passed on the “soul”- the experience- of Judaism. As The Rav wrote: “She taught me that there is a flavor, a scent and warmth to mitzvot. I learned from her the most important thing in life—to feel the presence of the Almighty and the gentle pressure of His hand resting upon my frail shoulders… The Shabbat as a living entity, as a queen, was revealed to me by my mother… how to greet the Shabbat and how to enjoy her twenty-four hour presence.” For Judaism is not just halachot and exegesis, but it is a romance. One must become wrapped up with Judaism, as one would with a romantic partner (or as indicated above, as many are with one’s phone). It is the parent’s job to make sure that happens. 

Dr. Haidt discussed how children need to “grow up in a “moral universe.” Life online has shredded any chance of that happening. Since the rise of social media the amount of teens who say “my life has no meaning” has doubled. This generation is thirsting for moral instruction. He went on to share that in the non- Jewish world there was a tremendous decline in church attendance. But, the numbers are starting to go up again as there is a “spiritual hunger” in the world today. As Dr. Viktor Frankel, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor noted in his book Man’s Search for Meaning,  “Ever more people have the means to live, but no meaning to live for. “ And, Frankl writes in a sentence very accurately depicting us today:  “When a man can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.“  This raising our children with meaning begins with that “romance” for Judaism and Torah that we model ourselves as parents, and with technology/phone limits.

May this year be one as we focus on ridding our families of the “phone-based childhood”   as Dr. Haidt asserts, where our children will rather  “develop social skills, overcome anxiety, and become self-governing young adults” who are also engaged in and excited by their learning and Judaism. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students began their first session of Advisory with an introduction as to what Advisory is and how it can help their transition to middle school with the theme of “You Want To Succeed in Middle School? Here’s How!”  They jumped right in with first a  “Getting to Know You” activity. 

Seventh Grade:  Students were introduced to the theme of their Advisory curriculum this year “Prepare Yourself To Change The World.” 

Eighth Grade: As our 8th graders began their last year of Yavneh Advisory, they were introduced to the practical theme this year of “Preparing for Life After Yavneh.” 

Reading Is Fundamental ...For You With Your Child

 

Happy Father’s Day! I don’t know what your children get you for Father’s Day, but this year, in my family, we chose Jewish books that we think the father/grandfathers in our lives would enjoy. Now, I don’t know if the fathers reading this would appreciate a book.  But, there are a number of reasons why a book purchase is a good gift (aside from the fact that the recipients in our family enjoy reading!) 

Coincidentally, I came across an article this weekend “Johnny Hates To Read” by Yonoson Rosenblum.  He begins with a story: 

I recently watched a clip of a group of American college students frolicking on a Florida beach during spring break. They were asked a number of questions, and their answers could easily make one despair of America’s future. First question: Who was the Revolutionary War fought against? No clue. Second question: Who were the two sides in the Civil War? Here at least one of the college students ventured an answer: “Let’s see. It’s called the Civil War. So, it must have been the civilians against whomever was in power.” Where could such comical ignorance have come from? One explanation is that the current generation of high school and college students do not read, and many are functionally illiterate in terms of being able to understand the content of a simple paragraph. 

Rosenblum goes on to quote some statistics.  In 1976, 40% of 12th graders read at least six books for pleasure in the course of a year.  In 2021-22, the number was 13% (even during covid).  Over ⅖ of 12th graders today have not read a book for pleasure the entire year. He continues to quote an article from The Atlantic indicating that college students are overwhelmed by reading. College professors complain that students cannot comprehend basic paragraphs. A professor who used to assign 30 pages of reading, now if he assigns more than ten pages students say they are overwhelmed. 

Rosenblum then shares his thoughts as to the root of this problem…which you can probably guess. “The main culprit behind the lack of interest in books and magazines is the explosion of handheld devices programmed to provide neural rewards with little effort. Frederick Hess of the American Enterprise Institute reports that in the 1960s, full-time students at four-year colleges spent 24 hours a week studying. In 2022, 70% of such students were devoting less than ten hours a week to studying, even though they are much less likely to hold down jobs than were students in previous generations. So what do they do with their time? Two researchers estimated in 2023 that college students spend an average of seven hours a day on their smartphones, and that they pick them up 113 times a day. That is addiction.” (Rosenblum goes on to discuss a second factor- declining standards and expectations).

 And, aside from the lack of knowledge our non-readers are growing up with, the research shows that there are a plethora of benefits of reading that non- readers are not gaining.  I will only mention some here. Reading is essential for vocabulary development, improving focus and concentration, enhancing imagination, stress reduction, critical thinking, improving writing skills, improves neuroplasticity, enhances brain connectivity and on and on. 

So, what does father’s day have anything to do with this issue? Yes, both mothers and fathers need to be joining our Yavneh Parent Tech Committee, sign the pledge and enforce limits and expectations so our children will read more and be on their devices less. (Shout out for our Parent Tech Committee!) 

 But, additionally, there is actually research on the impact of fathers on reading practices of children.  Dr. Paul Schwanenflugel and Dr. Nancy Knapp (a relation?), in their article “ A Father’s Role in Reading” writes that we all know how important it is for parents to read to their children, (see a column I once wrote sharing that this applies to middle school students too!).  But, research indicates that often the parents who read are mothers. Only 19% of young fathers said they enjoyed reading with their children.  The fathers who do read tend “to pose more abstract questions that challenge children to use their imaginations or connect what they are reading to outside experiences.”  And, reading to their children helps fathers feel more emotionally attached to their children. 

Fathers are also important reading role models, particularly for boys. They continue, that if boys only see their mothers reading “boys often begin to see reading as an essentially feminine activity.” And, even as children grow into their teenage years this impact of their fathers on their reading behaviors continues.  Fathers who “recommend and discuss books with their teenagers have a positive impact on whether or what they read.” 

As we approach the summer, this message of “reading with one’s children” is essential, all year, of course, but especially when school is out, and if they are not in sleepaway camp they are home with us. And, this relates, of course, to “reading”/learning Torah with them as well.   The Gemara Bava Batra 21a shares:

דְּאָמַר רַב יְהוּדָה אָמַר רַב: בְּרַם, זָכוּר אוֹתוֹ הָאִישׁ לַטּוֹב – וִיהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן גַּמְלָא שְׁמוֹ, שֶׁאִלְמָלֵא הוּא, נִשְׁתַּכַּח תּוֹרָה מִיִּשְׂרָאֵל. שֶׁבִּתְחִלָּה, מִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ אָב – מְלַמְּדוֹ תּוֹרָה, מִי שֶׁאֵין לוֹ אָב – לֹא הָיָה לָמֵד תּוֹרָה..

As Rav Yehuda says that Rav says: Truly, that man is remembered for the good, and his name is Yehoshua ben Gamla. If not for him the Torah would have been forgotten from the Jewish people. Initially, whoever had a father would have his father teach him Torah, and whoever did not have a father would not learn Torah at all. 

The Jewish educational system used to be that parents taught their children at home. But, Yehoshua Ben Gamla saw that not all had someone to teach them, and so he started the school system. That system developed to the point that parents outsourced learning with their children to schools. 

But, during the summer, we have them back!  Interestingly enough, I came across an article by Rabbi Yaakov Feitman, “Summer- The Time For Parents To Do Their Homework.” He quotes an article from The New York Times, July 24, 2016 that  “experts” are recommending that instead of bribing children to read during the summer, “they don’t necessarily have to be money, treats or toys. It could be that it’s a special thing to go to the library with Dad and that alone time is part of what’s rewarding about it… Such nonmaterial rewards may be the most effective.”

This is our chance! Our chance to engage our children with a love of reading and learning, and to form those connections and bonds with them. So, on this Father’s Day, read a book… in front of and with your child,  and as the summer approaches cherish this time with your child and learn together! 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: These last weeks of school our sixth graders are engaged in lessons on summer safety- particularly when away at sleepaway camp, gratitude to teachers and creating a success guide with tips for middle school success for next year’s incoming sixth graders. 

Seventh Grade:  These last week of school students are creating an end of the year time capsule to remember all they accomplished this year and are spending time sharing gratitude with their teachers. 

Graduation Parenting

 

I think I may have mentioned this before, but my family knows that I am a huge Rabbi David Fohrman fan. I listen to his Aleph Beta videos every Friday while cooking and when I run out of time I print out the transcript or read his book to share whether on Shabbat, Pesach, Shavuot- you name it! 

This week’s video hit home as we approach graduation this week, and we “send our 8th graders into the world.”  For those of you who have older children, you may not feel the significance of this event, but as someone who interacts with middle school students daily, I view this event as if we are sending them into adulthood. The parenting strategies you, as parents, have established during their years at Yavneh pretty much set the tone for your relationship with them until 120. So, I wonder, what is our role as parents as we send them off? 

Rabbi Fohrman clearly knew what I was thinking as he shared, “One of the problems with having children is that they do not come with instruction manuals. The Torah is a great instruction manual for life. So we might ask, is there an instruction manual within it for parenting? I want to suggest that in this week's Parsha, there is a parenting manual. It's only three verses long and in those three verses is just about everything that you need to know, to parent your child, or at least the seeds of everything you need to know.”

The three pesukim he refers to are in Bamidbar 6:24-26 are known as Birkat Kohanim.

כדיְבָֽרֶכְךָ֥ ה וְיִשְׁמְרֶֽךָ:היָאֵ֨ר ה | פָּנָ֛יו אֵלֶ֖יךָ וִֽיחֻנֶּֽךָּ:כויִשָּׂ֨א ה | פָּנָיו֙ אֵלֶ֔יךָ וְיָשֵׂ֥ם לְךָ֖ שָׁלֽוֹם:

May Hashem bless you and watch over you. May Hashem cause His countenance to shine to you and favor you. May Hashem raise His countenance toward you and grant you peace.

It has become a custom to bless our children weekly on Friday night with these same pesukim. And, so, Rabbi Fohrman says, “I would like to suggest that those three verses, the three verses that we parents say weekly to our children, is not just a blessing as to how God should treat them but by extension, a kind of manual as to how we should treat our children.”

These pesukim seem repetitive, but in essence they are saying three different things. Rabbi Fohrman quotes the Nefesh HaChaim, Reb Chaim of Volozhin, who says that “Blessing” means to multiply the strength- to build someone up. So when we bless our children we are building up their physical, emotional, intellectual, and moral strengths. That is a fundamental job as  a parent. That is “יְבָֽרֶכְךָ֥ “.

But, the second role of parents is “ וְיִשְׁמְרֶֽךָ” - to watch over them and protect the from harm. Sometimes harm comes from the inside and sometimes from the outside. As Rabbi Fohrman notes:’Sometimes that harm can come from the outside. You give your kid rules, only cross at the crosswalks. Look both ways. Sometimes the harm can come from the inside, children can veer off in irresponsible directions and there the need to discipline the child emerges, to protect them, sometimes from themselves. But discipline is always a function of keeping the child safe in some way or another. It is really the only rationale for discipline, you don't discipline a child for your needs as a parent, you don't discipline them because they make you look funny in front of them all or what will the neighbors say if junior acts out like this? That is not for the kid, that's for you. The rationale for discipline is to watch over them, so that they can grow. Yevarechecha v'yishmerecha, 'Bless and watch over'.”

These obligations to watch over our children and build them up, maintains Rabbi Fohrman, begin in the womb even before they are born. The word for womb in Hebrew is רחם the same root as the word רחמים- compassion. To have compassion on someone means to help him/her grow and keep him/her safe. 

The parenting skills found in יָאֵ֨ר ה | פָּנָ֛יו אֵלֶ֖יךָ וִֽיחֻנֶּֽךָּ:כויִשָּׂ֨א יְה | פָּנָיו֙ אֵלֶ֔יךָ וְיָשֵׂ֥ם לְךָ֖ שָׁלֽוֹם are, according to Rabbi Fohrman, “May G-d light his face towards you”, meaning, like Hashem towards the Jewish people, as a parent, that your face should literally light up when you see your child. 

And, וִֽיחֻנֶּֽךָּ is from חן. As Rabbi Fohrman shares: “…let Him grant you grace. What does grace mean? The Hebrew word chein comes from the word lechanein, also related to chinam, for free; to give for free. It's completely undeserved love. It's what we might call unconditional love. It's different from rachamim, compassion. Compassion is the love that I bestow in order to attain something. It is conditional. I'm trying to build you up. I have a goal… but chein, grace, that is unconditional. It's love that has no goal. It's love for its own sake. It's love because you are my child, and I can't help but smile when I look at you. It's the kind of love that every father and mother knows, when their eyes meet the eyes of their child, and they can't help but smile.”

The third kind of love is: יִשָּׂ֨א ה | פָּנָיו֙ אֵלֶ֔יךָ וְיָשֵׂ֥ם לְךָ֖ שָׁלֽוֹם.  First compassion, then unconditional love and then the third kind where, like Hashem does with Bnai Yisrael- He raises his gaze to meet the gaze of Bnai Yisrael, so too as parents meet the gaze of our children. “Love between “equals”” This is when they are at an age where they are face to face with us and can make their own choices. At times our children make choices different from ours. And, at that time we need to look them in the eye and “grant them peace.” “It's a much more difficult love for a parent to give, but to truly be a parent, it means to be able to let go. It means being able to accept your child, even in moments when they disappoint us. It is one thing to look down at a child and to meet his gaze; that is chein. It is a much harder thing to look across at a child and meet his gaze and give him shalom, give him peace.”

Where does that ability come from? It comes from all the years we spent building rachamim and chein with our children. 

Rabbi Fohrman ends with recommending that if you aren’t blessing your children each Friday night you should start doing so. “And, As your child comes over to you, use those few moments to think about these three kinds of parental love and ask yourself, at this stage in my child's life, which one of those kinds does this child use? Do they need to be built up? Do they need to be guarded? Maybe they need the smile that says I'm just so delighted with them. Maybe they need to see more chein. Or maybe they need peace. Maybe they need me to pick up their chin, to look them in the eye and to tell them that I can go forward with them in love, even when they've chosen differently than I have.”

So, as we approach graduation this week, I hope that we at Yavneh have done a good job in partnering with you to support your children with רחמים, חן and שלום.  Hopefully we have provided them with a feeling of safety as we protected them with compassion. We trust that they know we will always unconditionally love them and our faces will light up when we see them. (Tell them to come back and visit!)  And, that we will always wish them well, wherever life takes them. 

Yom Yerushalayim is Memorial Day

 It is no coincidence that Yom Yerushalayim and Memorial Day fall out on the same day. As it says in Tehillim 137:5-6

אִם־אֶשְׁכָּחֵ֥ךְ יְ֜רֽוּשָׁלִָ֗ם תִּשְׁכַּ֥ח יְמִינִֽי : תִּדְבַּ֚ק לְשׁוֹנִ֨י | לְחִכִּי֘ אִם־לֹ֪א אֶ֫זְכְּרֵ֥כִי אִם־לֹ֣א אַֽ֖עֲלֶה אֶת־יְרֽוּשָׁלִַ֑ם עַ֜֗ל רֹ֣אשׁ שִׂמְחָתִֽי:

If I forget you, O Jerusalem, may my right hand forget [its skill]. May my tongue cling to my palate, if I do not remember you, if I do not bring up Jerusalem at the beginning of my joy.

There is an inherent connection between Yerushalayim and memory. Rabbi Shraga Simmons in his article “Why Jerusalem Matters” notes the importance of memory:

We need to begin by understanding the importance of memory. Memory isn't history or dead memorabilia. By defining the past, memory creates the present. Repression of memory creates mental disease. Health comes from memory's recovery. Dictators consolidate power by altering memory. Stalin airbrushed Trotsky and Bukharin out of photographs. Revisionists deny the Holocaust ever happened. 

He continues to note that the word for “man” is זָכָר and the same root as the word for memory- זֶכֶר. As humans, memory provides us with meaning and our essence.  It also provides hope. And, as Elie Wiesel famously said, Without memory, there is no culture. Without memory, there would be no civilization, no society, no future.

 For centuries as Jews, even in the darkest times, we have proclaimed  לשנה הבאה בירושלים  at the end of the seder and the end of Yom Kippur. We daven towards Yerushalayim- thereby remembering her three times a day. At every wedding we break the glass- thinking of the still unbuilt Yerushalayim at the height of our happiest times. We mention Yerushalayim in our daily Tefillah. And, we mourn for her yearly during the three weeks and Tisha B’av. 

This constant remembering of Yerushalayim makes me think of a quote by Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks, ztl. There has never been a love story like it in all of history. The love of our people for our city. Yes, just like when someone loves another he/she is constantly on one’s mind- that typifies our relationship with Yerushalayim . Yerushalayim is mentioned 660 times in Tanach.  And, the city is still our beloved after 20 centuries of exile.  As Yehuda Amichai wrote in his poem “Songs of Zion the Beautiful” “Jerusalem’s a place where everyone remembers he’s forgotten something.” 

Mendel Kalmenson, in his article “History or Memory?” interestingly points out that in Hebrew there is no word for “history.” It is הסטוריה- merely a hebraicized version of the English word history, originally from the Greek. But, there is a word for memory זכרון. There is no such thing as history in Judaism. “History is objective facts and memory is a subjective experience.” (History is - his- story - the story of another. Memory- starts with “me”- more personal).  That explains perfectly why we re-enact the leaving Egypt at the seder with the matzah, marror etc. Or we sit in sukkahs. And,  the mitzvah of hakhel re-enacts Matan Torah. And,  we stay up all night learning on Shavuot awaiting the giving of the Torah. 

 And, even more so in Shemot Rabba 28:6 it states:

כִּי אֶת אֲשֶׁר יֶשְׁנוֹ פֹּה עִמָּנוּ עֹמֵד הַיּוֹם וְאֵת אֲשֶׁר אֵינֶנּוּ פֹּה עִמָּנוּ הַיּוֹם, עִמָּנוּ עוֹמֵד הַיּוֹם, אֵין כְּתִיב כָּאן, אֶלָּא עִמָּנוּ הַיּוֹם, אֵלּוּ הַנְּשָׁמוֹת הָעֲתִידוֹת לְהִבָּרְאוֹת שֶׁאֵין בָּהֶם מַמָּשׁ,

… as Moses says to Israel: “Rather, with him who is here with us standing today [before the Lord our God], and with him who is not here with us today” (Deuteronomy 29:14). It is not written here, “standing with us today,” but rather, “with us today.” These are the souls [of people] who are destined to be created

According to the midrash the souls of all Jews were at Har Sinai to get the Torah, even those not yet born. So, it is not the history of our forefathers, but rather a memory for us all. Our own personal story. A similar idea is found in the midrash quoted in Niddah 30b that in when in utero a fetus learns all of the Torah and before it is born: 

וכיון שבא לאויר העולם בא מלאך וסטרו על פיו ומשכחו כל התורה כולה

And once the fetus emerges into the airspace of the world, an angel comes and slaps it on its mouth, causing it to forget the entire Torah

Torah is then a living memory that can be uncovered. 

Judaism is meant to be a religion that is one of memory- experiencing it, not history. As Rabbi Sacks said: “To be a Jew is to know that over and above history is the task of memory. As Jacob Neusner eloquently wrote: “Civilisation hangs suspended, from generation to generation, by the gossamer strand of memory. If only one cohort of mothers and fathers fails to convey to its children what it has learnt from its parents, then the great chain of learning and wisdom snaps. If the guardians of human knowledge stumble only one time, in their fall collapses the whole edifice of knowledge and understanding”… More than any other faith, Judaism made this a matter of religious obligation.” 

On this Yom Yerushalayim we are not merely rehashing the history of our beloved city. We are reliving the memories of our forefathers starting from the times of the Tanach, going all the way to 1967 proclaiming “Har HaBayit B’Yadeinu!”. And, because of that day, more importantly, we are transmitting our own personal memories of the Yerushalayim which we are privileged to be able to visit in person- whether during our year in Israel, or just this year on a visit. 

And, this is why I never miss the Israel Day parade and schlepped my kids when they were too little to march in their double stroller to be spectators. And, why even today, when there is no school, my family wears blue and white on Yom Yerushalayim. (When my children as infants went to a non-Jewish daycare I made sure to dress them up in blue and white on Yom Haatzmaut and Yom Yerushalayim!) And, why, as I explained last week, I took my son with NORPAC to Washington to advocate for Israel. And, why we listen to Israeli music in my car constantly. And, why I insist on speaking Hebrew to the Israeli teachers in our school (even though they try to speak English to me)- especially in front of my own children.  And, why a sign in Jerusalem stone is hanging in my living room with the words אִם־אֶשְׁכָּחֵ֥ךְ יְ֜רֽוּשָׁלִָ֗ם תִּשְׁכַּ֥ח יְמִינִֽי And, why I watched the entire Yom HaZikaron ceremony on youtube with my children while we cooked for Shabbos. And, why my favorite days in school are Yom Haatzmaut and Yom Yerushalayim. And, why I created an Israel Advocacy unit in Advisory.  And, why we will be having a Buy Israeli Goods campaign at Yavneh. 

Whether it is my own personal children or “my children” at Yavneh their connection to Yerushalayim and to Israel cannot be history- it must be a living memory.  It needs to be a part of their psyche and they need to live the knowledge that Israel is the Jewish land. 

So, as we commemorate Memorial Day and celebrate Yom Yerushalayim today let us make a commitment to raise our children with a living memory of Israel and Yerushalayim. ! לשנה הזאת בירושלים

Advisory Update

Sixth Grade: Students began preparing for how to manage finals (to minimize stress!)  and some key strategies were shared. 

Seventh Grade:  Students focused on the difference between “tattling” and “telling” and practical ways they can be upstanders.

Eighth Grade: As one of their last Advisory lessons students contemplated saying good-bye to Yavneh and  filled out an exit survey to share with us at Yavneh how they felt about their years here.