Parents, Prevention and Body Image

This week, I began the Body Image unit with our sixth grade girls. Despite knowing how vulnerable middle schoolers are to the “body image blues” (as we called them in our workshop), I am always surprised by their insightful comments. We discussed that one's body image is influenced by media, friends and family. That was just enough to hear them begin sharing their personal stories. “My sister is always on a diet- should I be?” “I know what it's like to be worried about how other people think you look. When I was little, I was supposed to wear a patch to school and I refused to!” Believe it or not, there were even comments like “I am happy with the way I look.” At the same time, two young ladies went back and forth arguing whether they were “fat.” While that argument distressed me, it was perfect fodder for what body image is all about.

I recently purchased a book for teen girls published by Girls Inc. called You're Amazing- A No Pressure Guide to Being Your Best Self, by Claire Musko. (Yes, most of the reading material around my house are books for teens!) Each chapter begins with quotes from real- life teens and some results of surveys they have done. “Even today, society values beauty in girls over intelligence.” - 9^th grade girl. “I feel that we are expected to be grown up now. We are supposed to dress like older girls.” - 6^th grade girl. “84% of girl said that girls are under a lot of pressure to dress the right way. 74% of girls said that the most popular girls in school are thin. 69% of girls worry about their appearance. 52% of girls worry about their weight.” She then continues to demonstrate the three influences we mentioned above through quotes. The Media- “Commercials show that guys are only interested in women that are gorgeous and skinny. It makes one think that I must look like that to be accepted or loved.” - Meghan, 16. Friends- “A lot of girls at my school are really skinny and they're the most popular girls. I'm glad I'm not skinny, but I feel jealous a lot of the time because they're so popular and well-liked.” - Melinda, 14. Family- “Some girls go from hearing about their friends' diets at school to hearing about their moms' diets at home.”

Musko states that often we hear that we need to teach girls to “love their body.” This love begins when they are toddlers. Often, girls will respond when they hear that, “Yeah, right!” There are days that they aren't happy with their bodies. So, Musko says, “I am not asking you to always love your body. I am asking you to make peace with it.” That is where the magazine Seventeen came up with “The Seventeen Body Peace Treaty,” (which we are showing our girls in school).

• Remember that the sun will rise tomorrow even if I had one too many slices of pizza or an extra scoop of ice cream tonight.-Never blame my body for the bad day I'm having- Stop joining in when my friends compare and trash their own bodies- Never allow a dirty look from someone else influence how I feel about my appearance- Quit judging a person solely by how his or her body looks- even if it seems harmless- because I'd never want anyone to do that to me- Notice all the amazing things my body is doing for me every moment I walk, talk, think, breathe...- Quiet that negative voice in my head when it starts to say mean things about my body that I'd never tolerate anyone else saying about me- Remind myself that what you see isn't always what you get on TV and in ads- it takes a lot of airbrushing, dieting, money and work to look like that- Remember that even the girl who I'd swap bodies with in a minute has something about her looks that she hates- Respect my body by feeding it well, working up a sweat when it needs, and knowing when to take a break.- Realize that the mirror can reflect only what's on the surface of me,not who I am inside.- Know that I'm already beautiful the way I am.

This topic has further been on my mind as last week I attended a meeting at the Eating Disorders Program at the Adolescent/ Young Adult Centre for Health at Overlook Hospital. While thankfully, most of our children, (they service boys and girls!), will not need their services, it strengthened my resolve to take a proactive preventative approach with our girls, before problems develop. We are trying to do our part in our Advisory programming here at Yavneh.

But, we know that this is an area where partnership between school and home is imperative.

Parents play a crucial role in the development of children’s attitudes towards their bodies and food as they build the foundation from a young age. We need to evaluate, what messages are we sending to them about our attitudes towards food, exercise, and our own bodies, and of course, the messages regarding their bodies. We know that these attitudes begin at a young age, and that these body image issues can be found in boys as well, (as I have previously written in a Parenting Pointers). We therefore invite all parents of boys and girls- grades pre-k- 8- to a Parent Workshop on Monday May 7th on the topic of: How to Raise Our Children With HEALTHY BODY IMAGES AND ATTITUDES TOWARDS FOOD. We will explore practical strategies : What we can do as parents to reinforce those healthy attitudes from a young age? What should we be doing to combat some of the negative messages our children are receiving about their bodies from the world around them? What are some “red flags” that should concern us about our children in these areas? We are proud to present Dr. Sarah Roer, a clincal psychologist, who is an expert in the field of disordered body image and eating and has lectured extensively on the how to raise children with positive body images to parents. (More details to follow within the next few days). Please partner with us and make every effort to be there.