Officers from the
Ontario Provincial police responded to a 911 call from a teenage call on August
12. She was calling to report that her parents “forced” her to go on vacation
with them to a small town in Ontario, authorities said. The responding officers
determined that there was no real emergency and that it “appeared to be a
case of a teenager being a teenager. Although she perceived this as
a real issue, it was not an appropriate use of 911.” No kidding.
As we approach the
winter break, whether we are lucky enough to take the week off, or can take an
afternoon off to take our children bowling, there most likely will be some
family time. While the stereotypical view of the teen is that of the
Canadian girl above, in truth most of our children really do value and need the
family time with us...although they may not always admit it.
While the
stereotypical teenager seeks independence from his parents, research does
indicate that throughout their teenage years, teens do continue to spend time
with their parents This parent-teen time is essential for their well-being as
reported in “Time with parents is important for teens’ well-being.”
Research done by Professor Susan McHale at Penn State shows that, “The stereotype that teenagers spend all their
time holed up in their rooms or hanging out with friends is, indeed, just a
stereotype....Well into the adolescent years, teens continue to spend time with their
parents and that this shared time...has important implications for adolescents'
psychological and social adjustment.” Through home visits and phone interviews
they found that while parent-teen time while others were present decreased,
parent-teen time with just the parent and child increased. Teen need and
yearn for the one-on-one time with parents, while seeking independence at the
same time.
Anny Tyzeck, in her
article “Why teenagers need quality time with their parents more than toddlers
do” explores “teenage maternity leave.” While one might assume that the
quantity of time parents spend with their children is most important when they
are younger, in actuality it is the opposite. When children are younger, if the
quality of the time they spend together is good, then the quantity of time is
not that important. However, the only stage where the quantity of time parents
spend with their children does matter is during the teenage years. Hence,
the growing trend of “teen maternity leave.” (The same would stand true for
teen paternity leave). A study by the University of Toronto stressed the importance
of having parents physically and emotionally available for their teens during
those turbulent years. And, we all know the famous studies which indicate that
the more time teenagers spend with their parents, especially during family
dinners, the less likely they are to engage in substance abuse and other
illicit behaviors. A study in the Journal of Marriage and Family asserted
that spending as little as an average of six hours with a teen led to the
positive growth enumerated.
While many of us may
not have the time throughout the year for the one on one time with our teens,
these family vacations are an important piece of the teenager- parent
bond and shared experience. Family vacations are important for family
connections.
Remember the family
vacations of your youth when you played the license plate game in the car with
your siblings? Nowadays, the family vacations differ as everyone comes along
with his/her own technology. What is the impact of technology use on family vacations?
A Tech Timeout survey conducted by Harris Interactive highlighted that
“electronic devices are destroying family vacations.” 47% of North
American parents surveyed concur that technology use is ruining their
vacations. 51% of North American parents find their family’s use of
technology on vacation “annoying.” We cannot truly connect with our teens
when they are connected to their phones. In the past we have attempted a
Yavneh “disconnect to connect” during Chanukah. How about a tech timeout
during a vacation with family- even for an hour a day?
Common Sense Media
suggests some tips for a connected vacation. The first option is to
actually leave the phones at home. I actually had a conversation with a Yavneh
parent last week who parents three teens and stated that that is the rule on
their family vacations. But, if you do decide to have the children bring,
then set up some rules. For example, the inside/outside rule. Technology
is only available inside the hotel room. Or, if that’s too extreme, one can set
up rules like, “No phone when we are on a trip.” Or, “No connecting with
friends until after dinner.” It would also surprise you how much kids enjoy old
fashioned board games, if you bring them along. And, yes, they may even
like that license plate game...if you can remember how to play it.
Perhaps that Canadian teen’s parents should have thought about taking
away her phone...Maybe she would have enjoyed her vacation more.
Advisory Update
Sixth Grade- Students finished
their unit on Manners and Etiquette by discussing in-class behavior and
focusing on a video where the teacher and student switch places. Imagine
what it is like to be a teacher...hmmm.
Seventh Grade: Students discussed the
impact of “put-downs” on others and how that small actions can make a world of
difference.
Eighth Grade; Students discussed the day they get their acceptances and
reactions on that day.
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