When
I find the time to make it down to my basement to exercise, there’s a channel I
like to watch called JBS- Jewish Broadcasting Service. Formerly known as
Shalom TV, it is a Jewish television station, probably only watched by me.
It has Israel news each day in English and various programs for those of
us who are avid watchers of the Israel and the Jewish scene. A few weeks
ago, I turned on a program called L’Chayim, which is a one hour interview show.
I had planned to change the channel and noticed it was an interview of someone
I actually knew, Rabbi Dani Cohen. Rabbi Cohen is the rabbi at Congregation
Agudath Sholom in Stamford, Connecticut. I know him more because my father,
a”h, was director of Rabbinic Services at Yeshiva University and he
mentored, as he called them, “his semicha boys.” Rabbi Cohen was one of
his boys.
Rabbi
Cohen was being interviewed because he just came out with a book called What
Will They Say About You When You Are Gone? Creating A Life Of Legacy.
On the front page are also the words “Live Your Best Life
Now.” (The book is written for the general public, and not necessarily
for the Jewish community, although he does quote a plethora of Judaic sources).
After watching the interview, since the book could not be found on the
BCCLS website, I ordered in on Amazon, curious to read it. When the book
arrived, my husband opened the envelope, surprised at its contents. Sounds like
quite a morbid title. I explained why I ordered it and cracked the pages
open.
When
I began to read the book, Mrs. Brueckheimer, a”h, was still with us.
Throughout this shiva week I have continued reading, as I focused on the
lessons Mrs. Brueckheimer’s life taught us about living the best life.
The author begins explaining the rationale
behind the book. Rabbi Cohen quotes the famous pasuk from Shlomo HaMelech
in Kohelet (a pasuk that Rabbi Knapp also quoted when addressing our middle
schoolers the day we returned to school after Mrs. Brueckheimer’s passing):
בט֞וֹב לָלֶ֣כֶת אֶל־בֵּֽית־אֵ֗בֶל מִלֶּ֨כֶת֙ אֶל־בֵּ֣ית מִשְׁתֶּ֔ה
It is better to go to a house of mourning than to
go to a house of feasting.
"How is that
possible? We’d all rather be at a wedding. Here’s the difference: The
morning after a wedding we might say, ‘It was fun. I had a good time. I ate too
much,’ and so on. However, following a funeral, there’s a chance your
life might be changed. You confront mortality and a life well lived...and
you may be stirred to reevaluate your own...Who are you? Who do you want to be?
How do you want to be remembered?”
Rabbi
Cohen then quotes Rabbi Menanchem Mendel of Kotzk, “My job
in life is not to resurrect the dead; my job in life to resurrect the living.”
How can we resurrect the lives we live every day to make them more meaningful?
He speaks of the life of Alfred Nobel, who actually invented dynamite.
When his brother died, a newspaper mistakenly thought he had died and the
obituary was entitled “The Merchant of Death.” He was taken aback as he
then saw that that was how was going to be remembered. It was then he endowed
the Nobel Prize as he asked himself after reading his “obituary” “Is this the
way I want to be remembered? Is this my legacy?” Today, Nobel is remembered for
his prize and his contributions to society. Most of us do not get to see
the “preview” obituary that Alfred Nobel did. Rabbi Cohen encourages all of us
to contemplate each day how we will be remembered at 120. He
quotes a Gemara in Shabbat 153a, “Rabbi Eliezer would say, ‘Repent one day
before your death.’ He asked his disciples, ‘Does a man know on which day he
will die?’ He said to them, ‘So being the case, he should repent today, for
perhaps tomorrow he will die; hence all his days are passed in a state of
repentance.’” Man should live each day as if it is his last.
Each piece of the book
ends with a practical exercise. The first exercise is “Developing A Life Of
Legacy Prototype” where he asks the reader to make a list of how he would like
to remembered by his family, community and the world. He then even asks the
reader to, believe it or not, write his own eulogy by answering a list of
10 questions. Some of the questions are, “What is worth fighting for?”
“What are your dreams?” “Describe your best self.” As the book
continues, he speaks about some practical ways to make a difference each day
and live the best life.
One practical (more
upbeat) strategy he discusses relates to how we awaken each day and say “Modeh
Ani.” מוֹדֶה אֲנִי לְפָנֶיךָ מֶלֶךְ חַי וְקַיָּם, שֶׁהֶחֱזַרְתָּ
בִּי נִשְׁמָתִי בְּחֶמְלָה. רַבָּה אֱמוּנָתֶךָ.
I offer
thanks to You, living and eternal King, for You have mercifully restored my
soul within me; Your faithfulness is great.
“The way you begin your day
frames your attitude towards what lies ahead. Wow! I can talk, I can
walk, and I can hear the sounds outside and smell the fresh air. If God
infuses each of us with new life today, we in turn must relish the chance to
make the day a masterpiece!” It is not about a “morbid” preoccupation
of what will be said about us, but rather a positive outlook and conscious plan
for each day as we awaken to accomplish something significant and make the
world better. This is something we can discuss with our children, as
Hashem provides us with life each day to accomplish a mission.
As I absorbed the
lessons of Rabbi Cohen’s book, I realized that Mrs. Brueckheimer, a”h lived the
message of his book each day. When I took the students to pay a shiva call last
week to the Brueckheimer family, Rabbi Brueckheimer shared how his wife would pack
her bag the night before the next school day and even put it in her car.
Aside from expressing how organized she was, it also showed her love for
her teaching and her efficient use of her time. No moment was ever wasted.
Mrs. Brueckheimer could be counted on to be there bright and early for
minyan, and in her room during her lunch break helping students. The
students were cognizant of the fact that Mrs. Brueckheimer expected them to
also make the most of their time, as she did hers. Students knew she demanded
they show their best selves in class, while compassionately grading their
papers. More than teaching math concepts, she cared about their self-concepts.
One student, who never had her as a teacher, shared with me that from
Mrs. Brueckheimer she learned that davening was a serious endeavor. She
knew, from the moment she entered middle school, that when Mrs. Brueckheimer
was at minyan, she was expected to daven with attention, kavana and meaning.
That is the way Mrs. Brueckheimer taught in her classroom as well, with
attention, kavana and meaning. There was no wasting time for time was
precious.
For those of us who
loved Mrs. Brueckheimer, a”h, she indeed created a life of legacy. Not only did
she as a math teacher teach generations of students how to “count”, but she
also let her students know that they did count, and she made every moment
count as she lived her best life each day. We will miss her. May her
memory for a blessing.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade- Students
discussed getting their first report card, why they received the grades they
did and how to discuss it with their parents. They will work on setting goals
for this new trimester this week.
Seventh Grade-
Students discussed social exclusion and the harmful effects of the “grapevine”
and gossip.
Eighth Grade- As
the new Star Wars movie came out, students discussed the power of self- control
and its importance.
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