Parent-CHILD Conferences Next Week

            As we approach Parent Teacher Conferences next Sunday we know that the feedback we receive will be helpful to our children as we can then sit with them, go over the feedback and plan for the future. How can I first share the wonderful feedback so I can reinforce all the hard work and wonderful student skills my child is exhibiting? What areas can he/she work on? How can I as a parent help more?   And, then the action plan must be put into place. Maybe no cellphones until homework is done. Perhaps, having to sit down with a parent with parent locker to plan the evening. Or, needing to show the homework to a parent each night. Or doing homework at the dining room table so a parent can oversee it. Or, maybe even a homework helper coming to the house. 

            Years ago, Morah Nitza Harpaz, who was an Ivrit teacher at Yavneh, shared with me this poem about parent teacher conferences written in Hebrew. I include it for you here as I translated it  into English, but here is a link to the Hebrew version http://cafe.themarker.com/post/318712/ for those who would like to see it in the original. 

 While the honest conversation and planning session post- conferences is essential, often we leave conferences frustrated and ready to angrily ask our child why she is not doing what is asked of her?!?! How could she behave like that?!? What was she thinking?!?  This poem reminds us that while consequences often need to be put into place, our children always have to remember that we love them and are there for them no matter how they do in school.  Those words need to be said outright to our children before sharing any feedback and action plans with them.   I find that this poem is a good reminder of that for both parents and teachers. The message truly hits home, and I need not elaborate much further. (While the author writes from the viewpoint of a mother, clearly this poem is for all parents). 

To Be A Mother 

We sat, you and I 

On the small chairs at the entrance to your classroom

And we waited for our turn at the closed door

You hear fragments of murmurs from the teacher's conversation with the girl's parents before you

I reached out and picked you up in my embrace

Just like that, and suddenly I felt like it wasn't like it usually is

Something was different

You, my child, who always cuddle up in my embrace in a melting surrender, always in exactly the same place, your place between my arms,

 You didn't really hug

You didn't really give yourself up

Hi sweetie, I asked casually, is everything okay

And you said yes, but it didn't sound like it

And I gathered your face between my palms, and looked at you

Suddenly I saw that you were a little pale

What happened, I asked

Then I saw that your gaze is different too

That it doesn't have that spark

The happy spark you always have

 And you said you were a little worried

Hey  little boy, I hugged you, don't worry so much

 And you said you were afraid of what the teacher would say

It doesn't matter what she says, I told you

I know who you are

You are my magical boy

Then you asked if I remember last time

And I said yes, and I lowered my gaze

And you lowered your gaze too

And you asked me if I remember how I was angry with you

And I said I remember. And it tore my heart out

Because I remembered

 I remembered how we walked home, after that parent meeting

And how, after being angry with you, I didn't talk to you

And how the tears ran down your face

And how you did promise to try harder

And how I kept quiet

And you told me that because of that time, you worry

And I told you it would never happen again

I won't be mad at you like that ever again because of school

Never

And the girl in front of us came out, and we went in

And when we left the teacher you asked me if I was angry

And I told you I promised I wouldn't be angry

 And that I always keep promises

And you asked me if I was disappointed

And I said yes, but I told you not in you but in myself

And you asked what I mean

And I told you I was the one who failed

That if you're so scared of how I'll react

So I failed

And I hugged you tight, and told you I know exactly who you are

And I don't need any report card, and no teacher will tell me who you are

You are my magical boy

And you hugged me back

You hugged me like you always hug

 With warmth. With all your heart

 And the truth is, you're already big, boy, so you hugged so hard it was a little painful. But I didn't say anything

Because it hurt so much more to know that  I was wrong that time

That on that day, after that parent teacher conference

You needed me to be by your side, and I wasn't

 And I didn't hug you when you needed it so much

 And if someone has failed, it's not you. It's me

I failed at the most important thing in my life, being your mother

To have  your back, and being the one who believes in you

And the one who always remembers not just what a wonderful boy you are

 But also tell it to you

And this time, unlike that time

I stopped halfway home, and sat down on a stone fence

And I sat you by my side, and told you I was wrong

Listen, I told you, you are my first child

And I'm not really that experienced at being a mom

So I'm wrong sometimes. And I apologize

But I'm learning. And only one thing in the world is important to me, that you know my child, that I can't be disappointed with you

You are my magical boy, after all. And there is none like you in the whole world

And luckily you were buried deep in my embrace

And you didn't see how tears streamed down my face when you told me you loved me

And that's fine, and everyone's wrong sometimes

Five things about being a mom/parent

. To be a mother is to try to be right, and to know that sometimes you will be wrong

. To be a mother is to think that you will always know better, but to know that sometimes you will not understand anything

. Being a mother is worrying, but to know that sometimes you are suffocating

. Being a mother is sometimes nagging, and sometimes knowing to turn a blind eye

. But being a mother is mostly to love as they can never understand

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: 7th Grade mentors came into our Tuesday’s advisory to share practical strategies to succeed in middle school.  Students also began a Time Management unit.

Seventh Grade:  Students debriefed their Frost Valley trip and discussed what they learned. They particularly focused on what it was like to not have their phones. Boys then continued a unit on Foul Language and anger management and girls on the pain of not posting when you have a get-together where not everyone is invited. Both boys and girls did a “Quality Circle” where they discussed how we are treating each other here at Yavneh and what we can do to make it better.

Eighth Grade: Students learned interview skills.