Free At Last... From Cellphones!

Each year when the 7th graders come back from their  Frost Valley Leadership Retreat we “debrief” the experience with them in Advisory. (Frost Valley, for those who are new to middle school, is a three day retreat full of team building activities,  nature  and learning). We want them to focus on the purpose and the takeaways from the program. We also want them to provide feedback to us that we can use in future years to improve the program.  

This year, we did something different! All those with 7th graders know exactly what I am talking about as it was a source of discussion days before the trip.  We DID NOT ALLOW CELLPHONES ON THE TRIP. Period.  While they cannot get reception at Frost Valley itself, students used to take their phones with them and were allowed to use them on the bus. This year, NOTHING.   

As part of the “debrief” mentioned above, we also send them a survey to fill out about the trip.  We added a question this year:

What did you think about the experience of having no phone? Was it difficult for you? What were some of the negatives ofnot having a phone? The positives? How did it impact on the program?

I want to give you a sprinkling of their responses (in their exact words):

I think it’s good cuz we were outside and not staring at our phones. It was hard because we couldn’t take selfies with my friends. This impact on the program because we got to learn more about other people.

I thought the experience of having no phones was very enjoyable to be able to have a break. It wasn’t difficult for me because my camp has the same policy. The negatives of having no phone was I couldn’t take my own personal pictures of the beautiful scenery. There were many positives of having no phone such as I could take in everything and the views. It impacted the program because I was focusing on the programs and I had a very enjoyable time.

I think it was good but also a little bit annoying that we couldn't have our phones. It was difficult because I wanted to get a lot of pictures with my friends and that kind of stopped that from happening. The good part was that we weren’t staring at screens the whole time and we were actually enjoying ourselves. It made this program an experience to remember!

When I tell people that not having phones around is a good thing and that it really helps you become better friends with the people around you, they answer me by explaining why they should have their phones for watching videos and using social media, but I feel that even though we enjoy using our phones, experiences like these really aren’t the same with them.

I liked having no phone because it gave us time to bond with friends and get to know them better. It was a little difficult for me because I would have liked to call my parents once or twice. I liked having no phones because it made it feel more like camp and made sure everyone was included in all the activities.

Honestly, i kind of liked not having a phone. The negatives were is that with my phone, I feel more secure because I can call or text anyone if necessary. But, it was good to get out into the real world-not the internet. If the program included phones, nobody would speak with one and other.

It was not difficult to have a phone. It was a negative that I couldn’t play games on my phone, but I could be less distracted from my friends. It impacted the trip because instead of playing on our phones at night, we played games with each other.

The one negative thing is that’s I couldn’t check football scores. The positives were it felt like a fun Shabbos

I think that not having our phones gave us a good break from them. Surprisingly, I mostly forgot about my phone. There were definitely times that I wanted my phone to call my mom to let her know how my day went. I also really wanted my phone to take pictures. However, I also felt that I got to spend more time with my friends. I learned a lot about my friends that I didn’t know before.

While there were some students who complained, aside from two responses, all the students felt there was a positive to not having their phones. They were “less distracted,” “talked to each other more,” they weren’t “staring at their screens all the time,” and they “bonded more with each other.” Wow!  

No one pressured them to write these responses. They said it all on their own.  As you recall, at the beginning of the year I quoted an article by Rabbi Larry Rothwachs called  “Surviving And Thriving Without Screens” as he reported the results of the new technology policy in Camp Morasha over the summer,  where he is the camp rabbi.   Rabbi Rothwachs described how while they were worried about the “fallout” and reactions of the technology withdrawal and what the children would do to unwind at night, during a rainy day or even a fast day, they were ready to attempt the new policy.  And, then, as Rabbi Rothwachs noted, they interacted with each other, “in ways that, not all that long ago, were considered normal human behaviors. They sat around, at times for long periods at end, and looked up and forward, rather than down and away… But, most importantly, they looked at each other.  Not a passing glance here and there; they really looked at each other. They spoke with one another and interacted with nature and with the world around them, without the constant distraction of chirps, buzzes, beeps and the powerful allure of those glaring screens that so often hijack our attention.” (Here is a link to my previous column where I deal with this topic of cellphone addiction: https://docs.google.com/document/d/17cpScXHUDP5A2HdbiLXA_n0B2gBVZtpSvOQTIhZc5Cc/edit?usp=sharing). 

Rabbi Rothwachs called this new policy “a critical experiment that provided greater insight into our social and behavioral state of health.” The participants in this grand experiment seemed to display a genuine sense of freedom. Rather than rebel, they seemed noticeably at ease, as they were suddenly released from the digital shackles that often hold us captive.”  You might say that our  Frost Valley trip was another experiment where the subjects reacted the same, with similar data results, substantiating Rabbi Rothwachs’ and Morasha’s findings. 

As I sat at the community-wide screening of Screenagers last Monday evening, and joined 1000 other community members in the viewing and in hearing the words of Dr. Pelcovitz, I knew that as I parent I was not alone. While I had seen Screenagers before, seeing it with parents of so many other children I felt empowered to do more. As I quoted last year https://docs.google.com/document/d/1n3Ovqy94Z4rbei_NTNDZA5VomYhf5aFF2Ewl7LrnCUs/edit?usp=sharing)  from an article “Our Children Are Begging Us To Stop”- I think the comments that our Yavneh 7th grade students made on their surveys qualify as their “begging us to help them stop.”  As Screenagers noted all the negative side effects of the constant technology- they need to stop and cannot do it on their own.  As one of our insightful 7th graders said in his/her survey, “It might make people less happy to have a phone, but it was a good move.”  We actually do know that they may think they are less happy, but in the long run: Reasearch shows that eighth-graders who spend 10 or more hours a week on social media are 56 percent more likely to say they’re unhappy than those who devote less time to social media.

So, it bears repeating, let us help our children be happier and disconnect. They will thank us in the long-run. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Sixth graders are knee- deep in their time management unit. Some students this week learned to effectively use their planners, while others learned the importance of prioritizing. 

Seventh Grade: Students began a new unit in Advisory called “Operation Respect” where they focus on the skills of empathy. They had a speaker from the homeless shelter in Hackensack to launch this unit which culminates in a visit to the shelter. 

Eighth Grade: Students focused on the importance of each person finding his/her own strengths in life. They also filled out their “extra-curricular” forms that highlight what they have done in and out of school.