Over the summer, a
Yavneh parent and a counselor to mostly Yavneh students (coincidentally all in
the same bunk), approached me worried about a new app which had become
the “obsession” (and I am not using the word lightly) of even the younger
students- as young as 3rd/4th grade. I have been thinking about this app all
year, and have even incorporated a discussion about it into Advisory. Many of
you parents can probably guess- TikTok. TikTok is a free social media app
that allows you to create and share videos, often to music, and can be easily
done from one’s phone. Some of us might
remember musical.ly which merged with TikTok in August 2018. TikTok is
interactive and through it, you can connect with friends- with likes, comments,
and duets. TikTok can be a creative
outlet for kids and even a fun way to get together with friends.
While TikTok is rated
ages 12+ Safer Kid rating rates the app 18+ and says “sexting risk” is high,
“adult content” (photo or video) is high, “bullying risk” is high, “meet
strangers risk” is high. (Common Sense Media recommends 16+) As Safer Kid
continues:
First of all, the app
allows users to search for users (often pre-teen and early teen girls) nearby.
You can watch them dance around in their bedrooms and then "follow
them" and get notifications when they come online. We've seen an enormous
amount of direct posts from young teens interested in and willing to exchange
naked photos/videos as well as adults explicitly saying that they want to do
the same and that "age doesn't matter." We've seen such adults
following the accounts of young girls on Musical.ly. There have also been a lot
of bullying incidents on this app. It's very easy to find adult content on the
app, starting with profile photos of genitals. For these reasons, no child
should use this app.
While Safer Kid clearly
has taken a stance on this app, if a parent chooses to allow his/her child to
have TikTok they need to set the privacy settings to limit how much information
their children make public. Online predators have been known to use the
app to target children and send sexually explicit messages to kids. Early in the year, TikTok settled for
millions as federal regulators charged they violated children’s privacy
laws. Read this article from Common Sense Media https://amp.commonsense.org/blog/b6355546-ace0-453b-a04a-8a9c1c5eaa15 on how to set your child’s TikTok account private. (Note, these
limits often frustrate kids as there is an enticement to become “famous” on
TikTok as others have done- which can lead to riskier or more suggestive
behaviors).
Then there is the choice
of songs kids are exposed to. Many of the songs have sexual lyrics and
swearing. Children are watching
suggestive videos, violence, and profanity. When ABC News scrolled
through TikTok’s content they found videos of teens talking about “buying
condoms, lying to their parents, sex with teachers, alcohol, and drugs,” as
noted in the article, “Young Kids Could Be Seeing Mature Content On TikTok,” by
Becky Worley. Parents are surprised to see videos of dangerous pranks,
self-harm, R-rated language, and partial nudity. TikTok does offer features to limit the
time spent on the app and the content as well called restricted mode.
Restricted mode, however, is not foolproof, according to Common Sense Media,
and kids may still come across inappropriate content. Often creative spelling
can bypass the filters as well. Parents should share an account with their
children so they can more carefully monitor the use.
TikTok,
as noted above, can also be used for bullying. “What some people do is,
they take a video they deem ‘cringeworthy,’ and they make fun of it in a duet
or reaction. People can also create a compilation of cringeworthy TikTok
videos and post them on YouTube.”
Viewers can also post cruel comments.
Dr.
David Pelcovitz writes that one negative ramification of the social media is
“online disinhibition effect.” It breeds insensitivity and callousness. When one is alone in a room and doesn’t see the other person to
whom he is speaking, he loses perspective. It also becomes easier to come
across as lacking empathy. It’s not uncommon for people who are really decent,
caring individuals to act insensitive and even cruel online. For example, a
couple of girls may be discussing online the way another girl looked at a
party. What would have been an isolated catty remark heard by one or two people
could, via social media, reach the girls in an entire grade and even beyond. A
one-on-one critical remark about someone’s appearance could literally become a
public event. That remark is no longer “just” lashon hara (gossip); it is
halbanas pnei chaveiro berabbim (humiliating someone in public).
When comments are posted on a screen with no moderators, social
exclusiveness, biting remarks and cutting attitudes can predominate. There’s
also no reflection time. Online, you write something, hit the send button and
it’s there forever.
Dr.
Pelcovitz’s insight on “halbanat pnei chaveiro berabbim” does not only relate
to TikTok, but to much of social media. We can never minimize the impact of
being humiliated in public, and we must discuss that with our children.
Most of our children are
savvy enough to get around the privacy settings, and other protections we put
into place. Therefore, frank conversations with our children about our
concerns are key. If our children are using TikTok, they must know what they
should and should not be posting, what they should report immediately, and how
to react to the postings of others- including cyberbullying.
As I often tell the kids
“I’m an old fogey” and to me, the word “tick tock” means the sound of a
clock. (They don’t even know how to tell time on a clock anymore!) The phrase “tick tock” to me represents the passage
of time that moves on without the ability to turn back. How ironic! The hours upon hours our children spend on
TikTok as-“tick tock” time passes. We need to relay the message to them to keep
track of that endless amount of time and that once they post there is no
turning back.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: They finished a unit on time management and prioritizing and began
a new unit on manners and appropriate behavior.
Seventh Grade: Students began a unit on the skills of empathy.
Eighth Graders; They considered what they are good at- their strengths and talents, and areas of interest.
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