Last Sunday I attended the Nefesh
Conference for Jewish mental health professionals. I was privileged to be part
of a panel on the interface between schools, school guidance, and private
practitioners. The best part was that my husband (who’s in the business
as well!) moderated the panel. He showed
a short video in part of his presentation which struck me. Dr. Ned Hallowell is a psychiatrist, founder
of The Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health in Sudbury, Mass.,
and New York City, and author of numerous books on ADHD including Driven to
Distraction. Most importantly, he himself was diagnosed with ADHD and
clearly can relate to all the work he is doing first-hand. I had the
privilege of hearing him speak a number of years ago, and his dynamic
presentations are unforgettable.
This
short clip is called “Dr. Edward (Ned) Hallowell on ADHD: a Ferrari in Your
Brain” while I like to call it “Unwrapping Gifts.” In fact, Dr. Hallowell
does offer a course on ADHD he calls “Unwrapping Gifts.” Here
is a link to the clip to view it yourself
Dr.
Hallowell explains that when a child or adult is diagnosed with ADHD we need to
begin with education. He believes that ADHD is not a disability, but
rather a gift to be unwrapped. He tells his patients, “I do not treat
disabilities. I unwrap gifts.” Hallowell explains that these children
are born with “Ferrari” brains- such powerful engines. But, they have bicycle bakes. All they need
to do now is work on those brakes in order to unwrap the gift of their awesome,
incredible and powerful brains. They have amazing talents...gifts. Hallowell stresses that the goal of treatment
is to transform ADHD from a chronic liability to an asset in life. He calls this a strength-based approach. This engenders hope, a positive outlook and
perhaps even excitement.
Once
a child unwraps those gifts, distractibility becomes curiosity.
Impulsivity becomes creativity. Creativity,
Hallowell notes, relies on disinhibition. Hyperactivity becomes
energy. Hallowell says that in his 60s now, he is grateful for that energy! We all know those incredibly successful
adults who have that passion, enthusiasm, and creativity. Many of them
unwrapped those gifts. The sad part is
that they spent all those years as kids feeling unsuccessful or even
“bad.”
Hallowell
tells the story of David Neeleman who founded Jet Blue airlines who has ADHD.
The day Jet Blue went public he made millions of dollars. Dr. Hallowell says
that Neelemen called him that night, and said,“‘ Was I driving home to
celebrate? No. I felt like the same loser who couldn’t hack it in high school,’
We need to stop the punishing negative energy that so often surrounds
these kids and instead say, ‘Look! You
have amazing talents which may not always be measured in the classroom, but
boy, will they be measured in life!”
ADHD
is just one example. (While a challenge need not be a learning challenge, I did read an interesting article last year “The Gift of Dyslexia” also focusing on the positives of a challenge written by Rabbi Sheur Aisenstark https://mishpacha.com/the-gift-of-dyslexia/). I believe that all of our children (and we as
well) have gifts that we need to help them unwrap. We thereby help them see the “cup half full”
instead of “half empty.” This ability to change one’s perspective to notice the
gift in a situation that may seem challenging is life-changing. Life will
have some challenging and difficult times. If only we can help our children see
the good in all that is given to them and to find the positive energy in every
situation. In Advisory, in a 7th grade unit on “When Life Gives You
Lemons: Coping With Adversity In Life,” we teach the skills of upbeat
thinking, positive self- talk, seeing life through rose-colored glasses, and
avoiding negative thinking. All these
skills are needed to unwrap life’s gifts.
That
is the message of Chanukah.
מָסַרְתָּ גִּבּוֹרִים בְּיַד חַלָּשִׁים
וְרַבִּים בְּיַד מְעַטִּים וּטְמֵאִים בְּיַד טְהוֹרִים וּרְשָׁעִים בְּיַד
צַדִּיקִים וְזֵדִים בְּיַד עוֹסְקֵי תוֹרָתֶךָ
You delivered the mighty into the hands of the
week, the many into the hands of the few, the impure into the hands of the
pure, the wicked into the hands of the righteous, and the degenerates into the
hands of those who cling to your Torah
The Jewish people could have easily given up
and said, “There is no way we can defeat them. They are stronger. They are
many.” But, instead of focusing on their weaknesses, they focused on
their gifts- that they were pure, they were righteous and they kept the Torah.
They had other strengths that the Greeks did not. Only through unwrapping those gifts, instead
of focusing on their challenges, did they succeed.
But, what was the key to
their ability to “unwrap those gifts” and stay hopeful? מָסַרְתָּ- You
delivered. They realized that Hashem was behind it all. He was
the one that made them weaker and smaller. He is also the one who made
them pure, righteous and followers of Torah. He is the one who gave them the
gifts to unwrap. It was belief in God that helped them unwrap those gifts. I think that Emunah truly helps children focus on the
good, and as believing Jews raising our children to feel that no matter what,
Hashem loves us and will take care of us helps them find the gifts in their
lives.
On this Chanukah, while
for only 8 days our children will unwrap many gifts, let us help them unwrap
those more important gifts every single day of their lives.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Focused on bar/bat mitzvah etiquette and behavior.
Seventh Grade: As part of their unit on empathy they highlighted the
importance of not rushing to judgment.
Eighth Grade: Leading
up to Chanukah they focused on materialism and happiness.
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