Authentic Teens- Inside and Out

 Last year, March 7, 2019,  was the date I wrote a column on the topic of Purim. In fact the topic was “The Daily Masks We Wear” - referring to psychological masks our teens wear throughout the year. In the article I considered the benefits and drawbacks of those “masks” for our teens. Little did I know then that a week later we would be out of school and we would still be wearing very real masks a year later.  The word mask has taken on a whole other meaning. 

A group of 8th graders came to me over a month ago to speak to me about a problem they felt some of the students in their class had. They felt their peers about whom they were concerned weren’t able to be themselves and felt peer pressure to act like everyone else and to not stand out.  These young ladies felt strongly that it is important for people to stand up for what they believe in and be themselves.  What can we do to help teens feel that they can be their “authentic” selves? (My term, not theirs). 

It reminded me of a paragraph from my last year’s column:  But, then there are the “metaphorical masks.” Teens are searching for independence, while at the same time searching for their identities.  “Who am I?”, they wonder.  They also are desperate to belong. Some teens try on different identities while growing up, thus wearing different masks.  Some are so desperate to be accepted, they wear a mask to make themselves seem like everyone else.  And, of course, they are terrified of others thinking they are not good enough...The more uncertain a teen feels the more he may feel the need to wear the mask. The more respected and safer he feels, the more he is able to be his authentic self. It is our job as the adults in their lives to help them feel respected and safe so they can remove their masks. 

This year, I want to focus more on what we can do to help our children be authentic and proud to be who they truly are. 

In this past week’s parasha we learned about the Aron. In Shemot 25:11 it states: Shemot 25:11

יאוְצִפִּיתָ֤ אֹתוֹ֙ זָהָ֣ב טָה֔וֹר מִבַּ֥יִת וּמִח֖וּץ תְּצַפֶּ֑נּוּ וְעָשִׂ֧יתָ עָלָ֛יו זֵ֥ר זָהָ֖ב סָבִֽיב:

11And you shall overlay it with pure gold; from inside and from outside you shall overlay it, and you shall make upon it a golden crown all around.

The Ark was gold on the inside and on the outside. The Gemara Yoma 72b states:

מִבַּיִת וּמִחוּץ תְּצַפֶּנּוּ אָמַר רָבָא כׇּל תַּלְמִיד חָכָם שֶׁאֵין תּוֹכוֹ כְּבָרוֹ אֵינוֹ תַּלְמִיד חָכָם

The verse states concerning the Ark: “From within and from without you shall cover it” (Exodus 25:11). Rava said: This alludes to the idea that any Torah scholar whose inside is not like his outside, i.e., whose outward expression of righteousness is insincere, is not to be considered a Torah scholar.   And, in fact, in Gemara Berachot 28a noted that Rabban Gamliel would not let anyone into his Beit Midrash who was not תּוֹכוֹ כְּבָרוֹ.

So, how do we help our children find their inner selves so that they can be proud to share it with others?  

1. First, as the adults in their lives, we need to see who they really are.  Ruth Charney, in her book Teaching Children to Care describes how important it is for children to be seen.  She begins by saying that it is obvious why younger children need to be seen- so that we can make sure they are safe and don’t wander off.  “But I have also found that...thirteen year olds need to be seen...They need encouragement and validation that comes from our best attention to their efforts. They need the safety that comes from the belief that their teachers see them, knows them. Mutual trust grows from this security. When all children feel seen, they are released to work...what a profound gift it is to be seen.”   When teens do not feel seen, when they feel invisible, they feel like they do not matter.  When they feel that we are noticing who they really are, they feel like they count, and  they are more prone to show all who they really are.  

2. The aron symbolized the importance of being תּוֹכוֹ כְּבָרוֹ- sincerely outside what you truly are inside.  Authentic. Interestingly enough, it does not say a person should be perfect inside and out, says Rabbi Shaul Rosenblatt in his article “The Power of Imperfection.” “It just says that they should be the same - no pretending, no covering up. If there are imperfections on the inside, a Jewish sage will not pretend to others that they are not there. He will accept them and strive to improve them.”  And, it is quite impactful when a role model, like a parent or a teacher, admits when he/she makes a mistake and models for a child how it is okay to be imperfect.  We need not wear a mask and pretend that we are perfect. That relieves so much pressure from our children- the pressure to cover up who they really are. 

3. Our children need self-esteem to reveal who they really are.  We know that the lower a person’s self-esteem the more susceptible he/she is to peer pressure and not being able to stand up for what he/she truly believes. When a person’s self-esteem is low the need for validation from others increases- especially validation from peers.  

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, z”tl, great scholar and psychiatrist who passed away a few weeks ago was famous for his works on self-esteem.  In his book Ten Steps To Being Your Best  he speaks about raising children with self- esteem.  He tells a story which presents one tip  to raising a child with self-esteem:

Parents took their six-year-old son to a restaurant. After taking the parents' orders, the waitress turned to the child, "And what will you have?"

The child responded, "Two hot dogs with lots of mustard and a coke."

The mother smiled to the waitress and said, "You can bring him roast beef with mashed potatoes and vegetables."

The waitress returned with the parents' orders, and in front of the child she set two hot dogs and a coke. The mother was horrified, but the child grinned from ear to ear and said, "Look, Mommy! She thinks I'm real."

Parents must give their children an opportunity to feel that they are real, and that they are people, very much a part of the family, but distinct entities in their own right. Children should be permitted to make age-appropriate decisions. Their feelings should be respected...Respecting a child's feelings means realizing that a child has the right to have feelings. There are some feelings that we consider objectionable, and it is only if we recognize that the child has these feelings that we can help him cope with them and redirect them, wherever possible, to constructive channels.

One way Twerski suggests to raise children with self-esteem is raising them to make decisions. But, he adds...

Parenting for self-esteem is somewhat like walking a tightrope. There is not too much room for deviation in either direction. If children are not allowed to exercise their decision-making skills because the parents do everything for them, they may never develop self-confidence. If children receive no guidance and teaching, they may grow up without a sense of responsibility and dignity.

Queen Esther typified a woman who masked her true identity. She was unable to share who she truly was inside. She hid her assertiveness and strength until she had no choice. Rav Aharon Lichtenstein, ztl,  in his article “If you Remain Silent At This Time: Concern For The Jewish People” writes of two Esthers. Esther 1 was “powerless and completely lacking in independence of thought or action.”  She was like Mordechai’s daughter and did whatever he said. Esther 1 is hidden, “But what is her identity? What is her character? What philosophy drives her?” We know nothing.  

Esther 2, at the 2nd half of the megilla, on the other hand, is assertive, and takes on Achashveirosh and Haman. “Those latent character traits which until now have lain dormant burst to the surface. Deeply hidden resources that have been concealed in the recesses of the soul reveal themselves when the will prevails, and prove themselves capable of overturning worlds, annulling decrees and changing the fate of an entire nation.” Esther reveals who she truly is inside.  Esther connects with her self-esteem and is no longer passive.  

Rav Lichtenstein asserts, ‘“We are all, to some degree, Esther. Each of us, for whatever reason, has doubts as to his or her abilities. We, too, are hesitant: ‘What, I’m going to achieve all that? I’m going to save Am Yisrael? I’m going to put a stop to assimilation? I’m just a youngster; I can achieve only a little: a little bit in my neighborhood, a little bit in a youth group, a little bit in the family. But to start a revolution? To determine the future of a nation? To avert an evil decree? Little me?’” 

Only when Esther realized her true abilities, was she able to be תּוֹכה כְּבָרה- truly authentic and stand up for what she believed in despite what others around her thought. 

May we celebrate together without masks (literally and figuratively) as we raise our children to unmask and show their authentic selves. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade:  Students did a lesson on netiquette and discussed the social impact of group costumes.

Seventh Grade:  Students learned about mindful self-compassion and discussed the impact of group costumes.

Eighth Grade: Students continued a unit on cheating.

Happiness During Adar And All Year Long

         This past week I was again privileged to be invited to Rabbi Segal’s Mishna and Gemara classes as a “guest speaker.” This time, Rabbi Segal had been learning with his students the words of Gemara Taanit 29a  מִשֶּׁנִּכְנַס אֲדָר מַרְבִּין בְּשִׂמְחָה  “When the month of Adar begins, one increases rejoicing.”  He then invited me to share with them some practical strategies for increasing simcha, based on sources in Torah and psychology so that they could begin working on their simcha as Rosh Chodesh Adar approached..  (Please note that the strategies we discussed are bolded in red). 

We first began discussing that Simcha is a Jewish imperative all year long. 

 עִבְד֣וּ אֶת־ה' בְּשִׂמְחָ֑ה  Serve the Hashem with happiness, as it says in Tehillim 100:2. And, the mitzvah to be happy exists not only in Adar, but additionally during the Shalosh Regalim- Pesach, Shavuot and Sukkot. Why would Hashem command us to be happy at certain times if one should be happy every day?  The Sefer HaChinuch explains in mitzvah 488 that just like it is essential for a person to eat and sleep a person must be happy.  And, we talked about the research about how one’s physical health is actually dependent on one’s happiness.  As Lyubomirsky argues in her book, The How of Happiness, nearly every aspect of health seems to be affected by happiness (or lack thereof): physical and mental well-being, energy levels, immune function, relationships with others, and even our life-spans. Indeed, a growing body of evidence suggests that being happier can actually make you live longer: a study revealed that joyful nuns tend to live longer than their gloomy counterparts. Two-thirds of somber-minded sisters in the study died before their 85th birthday, while on average the happy ones lived 9 years longer.

And, therefore, Hashem commands us certain times of year to especially work on our happiness which hopefully will last throughout the year.  Happiness, as we explained, takes work. One doesn’t just win the lottery and become happy.  Doing something fun doesn’t make one happy.  Happiness is more than that and takes work, and the psychological research substantiates that truth. In the last few years, social scientists Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ed Diener, and Martin Seligman, among others, have explored ways to quantify happiness and chart its components. Based on his research, Seligman has even developed a “happiness formula”—Happiness = Set Point + Conditions in Life + Voluntary Action—which indicates that happiness is partly genetic, partly a result of circumstance, and partly an outcome of conscious decision-making. Indeed, by Seligman’s reckoning, the external conditions of one’s life, like having more money or a larger house, only account for 7–10 percent of actual happiness, while genetics (40 percent) and voluntary actions (50 percent) matter far more.  We discussed with the students how actually one’s actions and “work” on happiness actually determines how happy one is more than life’s circumstances. 

So,  what can we actively do to be happier? We began with selections from Dr. Tal Ben Shahar’s book, Happier.  Dr. Ben Shahar was a professor at Harvard famous for his course on on Happiness based on scientific research and practical strategies to achieve happiness.  Dr. Ben Shahar states, “Happy people live secure in the knowledge that the activities that bring them enjoyment in the present will also lead to a fulfilling future.” Happiness= Pleasure (Present Benefit) + Meaning (Future Benefit).  That is it not enough to have fun, but there also has to be meaning. 

This led us to the discussion of the research that indicated that studies indicate that religious people tend to be happier than non-religious people? Why? One aspect is the belief in G-d. That no matter what happens to them there is always hope. “Religion serves as a resource for coping with negative life experiences and existential fear, ”   states Dr. Clay Routledge.  And, there is a plethora of research indicating that those who believe in G-d may actually heal quicker when ill.  Religion also provides a sense of community and ability to connect with others, essential for happiness. Connecting with others and not self-isolating is one way to increase happiness. 

One way to achieve happiness is through sharing our worries with a friend- simply venting even if he/she cannot help.  The Chazon Ish in his letters writes of the wondrous ability that a person has to share his worries with Hashem,  כאשר הוא משיח לרעהו- like he converses with a friend.   This is either through structured tefillah or just sharing our worries with Hashem when you need a friend.  The Chazon Ish says this actually משמחת לב- gladdens the heart. 

Likewise, religion also provides that “meaning” noted by Dr. Ben Shahar- working towards a goal and purpose.  One way we achieve that meaning and happiness is through helping others.  As it states in The Week, “A Genetic guide to true happiness”  “Human beings appear to be genetically engineered to be happiest and healthiest when we spend a lot of time selflessly helping others—and unhealthy when we’re mostly devoted to self-gratification.” And, in fact, they found that in drawing blood from subjects who helped others versus buying themselves something they found that those whose lives had “lots of pleasure but little meaning, were priming cells to express high levels of inflammation, which is linked to cancer, diabetes etc.”  Helping others is another strategy to achieve happiness. We discussed how in some ways it is counterintuitive. One might think that when one helps another, it is the other who becomes happier. But, the giver does as well!

Giving to others actually activates the pleasure centers in the brain and even increases endorphins, feel- good chemicals.   (We then spoke about how exercise also increases those chemicals and is another good way to increase happiness).  It therefore makes sense that two mitzvot of Purim involve giving to others- Mishloach Manot and Matanot L’evyonim.  As the students pointed out Mishloach Manot is not about the receiving in return- it is about giving. 

Dr. Ben Shahar also speaks about an assignment he gave his graduate students- keeping a gratitude journal.  In research conducted by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough writing down at least five things for which one is grateful each day will increase happiness levels. Gratitude is one key to happiness.  In Hebrew gratitude is הכרת הטוב which in essence means “recognizing the good.”  The first step to achieving happiness is recognizing the good that we have. We focus on the cup half full, which logically leads to unhappiness.  We often don’t even notice all the good in our lives.  

One reason we don’t notice the good we have is that we are so busy comparing ourselves to others.  Jealousy is often a reason we are unhappy.  And, we are always seeking more honor for ourselves.  We need to work more on being שמח בחלקו   - happy with our lot in life and combat that jealousy.  And, the research indicates that the happier we are for those around us when they are successful (i.e. not jealous) the happier we are.  In essence, one might note, as Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz in Sichot Mussar does, that Haman’s downfall was his need to constantly have more honor, that he couldn’t tolerate that one man wouldn’t bow to him, which eventually led to his death. 

Rabbi Segal had requested that I end this class of practical strategies to achieving happiness with a discussion of what students should do if they are having a hard time being happy- struggling with feelings of sadness and feeling down? And/or what should they do if they have a friend about whom they are worried that has seemed sad or unhappy for some time?  Most important, I stressed,  they need to find an adult they trust to consult with and find help.  It is not considered tattling when getting help for a friend.  We discussed how therapy can often assist them learn the strategies to working on that happiness when needed, and an adult can be the one to facilitate that intervention when needed. 

It was quite a privilege to be a guest presenter in Rabbi Segal’s class this past week. Most importantly, it inspired me to renew my own efforts in the pursuit of happiness. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade;  Students focused on the way we treat others online and discussed how respect for others is also an issue in group costumes for Purim.

Seventh Grade:  Students discussed psychological and spiritual strategies to managing disappointment in life. 

Eighth Grade:  Students began a unit on cheating.  

Raising "Includers"

 

Our sixth graders are ending off a unit in Advisory that we affectionately call “Hey Dude, That’s Rude!”  where we cover topics of respectful interactions and etiquette when it comes to interactions with peers, behavior at bar/bat mitzvahs and teacher- student interactions. The last lesson in this unit confronts netiquette.  As I often spend time in my office speaking to students about situations where they have been victimized by rudeness or meanness online, I felt it was important to incorporate real-life scenarios so students can feel heard and so that situations that need to be addressed can be.  I, therefore, sent out a survey to our middle schoolers before break asking them for real-life examples of a situation when they know someone used their device to hurt someone else. 

These were the instructions: 

As you know, we work in both Advisory and tech class to talk about avoiding behavior that hurts others when it comes to using our technology whether through texting, whatsapp, snapchat, e-mails etc. 

I want to have some real-life situations to use in sixth grade Advisory when we talk about these things to use as examples of things NOT to do and how hurtful it was to another person when someone did that. 

I have lots of examples of my own that students have shared with me, but I would love more.  

Please do respond here with some real situations when someone was hurt by someone else using their device. DO NOT USE NAMES OF THE PEOPLE INVOLVED!!   

If I get a lot of responses, I probably won't be able to use all of them, but I will try to use as many as I can.

And, I will probably change the situations somewhat so no one will guess who the situations are about. 

Thank you! 

And, the google form had a fill in the blank for them to do:

Here is a story of a situation when someone used a device in a way that was hurtful to someone else. 

These are some of the scenarios that the students submitted:

1. A girl in my grade posted photos of herself with all the girls in my class...except for me and one other girl. I felt really left out. 

2. People got together, hung out, and posted a picture of themselves on social media. A close friend saw the picture and was devastated that they weren't included. This teaches us to always be careful with what you post. . 

3. One time I was playing a game and there was someone in the game who called me a noob (someone bad at the game) because I didn't have a skin or a customized character. They also called me poor because to get the items to customize my character, you needed to pay money. This got me really upset and I didn’t play the game for a while after that.  

4. Kathleen impersonated someone else online by changing the name on her contacts,  and claimed she was Cheryl.  (When she really wasn’t). She reached out to Cheryl’s friend Charlene and told her,  “I hate you.”  Charlene thought it was really Cheryl writing that, but it wasn’t.  Kathleen thought it was just a prank and it almost broke up a friendship. 

5. A kid named Simeon Chuwawa was in a groupchat with other six graders and they were sending texts saying that he was ugly,  not cool, has no friends and it hurt his feelings

6. A bunch of girls I thought I was friends with did a group costume for Purim and left me out. That wouldn’t have been so bad, but then they posted it everywhere - which made me feel terrible!

7. Someone took a picture of me and made me look weird and sent it around.

8. A lot of times in our grade whatsapp chat, there are a lot of hurtful comments regarding what people look like.

9. A group of girls hung out and posted tiktoks, and made people feel bad.  

10. Chelsea was making a slideshow for Navi and Carol saw it. Carol thought it was a terrible slideshow. She took pictures of it and sent it to Errill, Hope, and Geraldine. But she accidentally also included Chelsea in the text group chat! Carol and the other girls were all making fun of it and Chelsea felt extremely bad.

11. A class chat was created with everyone in the class except for one person in the class. The chat name was in mockery of the student who was left out. Ultimately the student left out heard about the chat and was very hurt.

12. A group of kids in my grade had a chat. My friend Carlos kept on trying to include me,  but one boy kept on kicking me off. 

13. My friend (or someone I thought was my friend) made up a rumor about me and spread it online.  

14. I told my good friend a secret which I trusted her with and she sent it to a friend who sent it to lots of people. It was mortifying!

15. During Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah season, many times there would be kids who had more private parties with few kids. With Yavneh’s restrictions, many kids who would have expected to be invited weren’t. This is okay, as long as no one knows about it. But with Snapchat, Instagram and Tik Tok, these apps included posts from these parties, which led to people getting mad at each other and possibly ruining friendships because of a little Snapchat story.

The Advisors had some guiding questions to discuss each scenario and help the students think about some questions like: (in addition to the general discussions)

1. Do you find that people are often rude on these large group chats? What do you do when you see someone posting something mean- do you stand up for that person? Do you leave the chat?

2. Maybe if you are going to do something exclusive- does publicizing make it worse?

3. What kind of tiktoks do kids make that make others feel bad?

4. Do you sometimes do something rude online without even realizing?  

5. Why are rumors so much more damaging online?

6. Why is it considered rude to reveal something someone told you in confidence? Why is it worse online?

7. Does it matter if someone posts and you weren’t the only one not there? 

 

While we are still in the middle of this lesson, and I can share more when we are done, the discussion has truly hit home. 

I think about this lesson specifically today, on Super bowl Sunday- a day that I typically worry about students feeling left out. I guess one positive result from not being able to have super bowl parties with those outside of our families, is that no one is feeling left out, unincluded and not invited. Those of you who have been reading my columns for years know that I have discussed (and I quote) the social pressure it places on children to feel included.  How terrible it feels for a child to have nowhere to go when it appears that all his/her friends have been invited...  Every year there is someone not invited to a super bowl party.  Every year there is someone worried that he will not be invited. Every year there is someone embarrassed to admit he hasn’t been invited. Every year someone is excluded and sitting on the sidelines. 

This feeling of exclusion is exacerbated by social media and all the postings.  And, this is a topic I have written about many times and we cover in Advisory as well. 

I want to focus on scenario #6 that was submitted in the survey- A bunch of girls I thought I was friends with did a group costume for Purim and left me out. That wouldn’t have been so bad, but then they posted it everywhere - which made me feel terrible!

Group costumes- another source of feeling left out.  While it is not even  Rosh Chodesh Adar yet, I have already come across girls worried about who they will dress up with, knowing that there are groups forming and they are feeling left out.  That is why I felt the urge to write this column this week. 

As parents we know that at times our children will face disappointment and will feel left out. We will listen, empathize, and hug them. We may share similar situations that we have experienced and normalize it for them. We might even discuss other friendship options- if they are ready to hear those.  We might explore solutions with them.  We might even reach out to the school for help. And, we know that raising resilient children who can handle feeling left out is important. 

But, it is also important to raise children who are “includers.”  An includer is someone who has an awareness of those who feel left out and makes an effort to include them.  Includers

• Reach out to the “outsider”

• Are accepting of others

• Want others to feel a part of things

• Are nonjudgmental 

• Believe everyone is equally important and valued

Includers have a great talent and their “specialty in relationship building is with the“invisible people” and people who others ignore. You instinctively know what to say and how to include those who others ignore and leave out.” An includer even at times has the ability to see the person who might be physically in the middle of the group but is still feeling left out.  An includer always makes the circle wider so all can be included. 

  Dr. Donald Clifton, states that an includer “stretches the circle wider.”You want to include people and make them feel part of the group. In direct contrast to those who are drawn only to exclusive groups, you actively avoid those groups that exclude others. You want to expand the group so that as many people as possible can benefit from its support. You hate the sight of someone on the outside looking in. You want to draw them in so that they can feel the warmth of the group. You are an instinctively accepting person....We are all equally important. Thus, no one should be ignored. Each of us should be included. It is the least we all deserve.

So, when our children  leave the house to bar/ bat mitzvah, while it might seem hokey, we should say, “Have fun. Look for someone to include.” (Be an includer!). 

It is not enough to raise our children not to be bullies or to not exclude others purposefully. We need to raise includers.  We can do this by actively asking them, “Are there any kids in your class who are left out? Anyone you think we should invite to join?”  Thus the first step to being an includer is to be a “noticer.” Usually children are not leaving out others because they are being mean. Usually it is because no one notices.  Notice the one who is standing alone at recess. Notice the one who doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends. 

 Nicole on the website coffeandcarpool.com notes the difference between being kind and being an includer.  Being kind is simple. It is “It’s a smile, helping someone without being asked and it’s a general lack of meanness.”  But, being an includer is more than kindness.  It’s pausing what you’re doing and actively looking around for someone who is alone. It’s preemptively searching for someone who is silently asking for help. And then it’s going out of your way, and sometimes out of your comfort zone, to include them in what you’re doing. Being an includer is bringing people together. Includers pause what they are doing and invite others to join.   

This anonymous Nicole says that each day when she drops her children off at school she reminds them to be “includers.”  I may not be able to change the whole world by making it a kinder place.  But I improve my small corner of the world by teaching our kids to change one other kid’s world.

I know that covid has exacerbated some of the feelings of being left out that some of our students feel.  With the cold weather, it isn’t possible to invite “just one more” to a backyard distanced get-together.  And, those who often feel excluded feel even more excluded, and they cannot just easily invite someone over. 

Speaking of “just one more,” let’s get back to our Purim inclusiveness. Last year we started our “just one more” Mishloach Manot campaign.

As a reminder...As children we learned that the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 128:1 states that Elul is an acronym for “Ani l'dodi v'dodi li” - I am to my beloved as my beloved is to me-  depicting our relationship with Hashem which we work on in Elul. (Yes, I know we begin Adar at the end of this week!) But, the Shulchan Aruch also states that it stands for “u'mishloach manot ish l'reaehu u’matanot l’evyonim”-Sending gifts from a person to his friend and presents to the poor”(Esther 9:22). What does Purim have to do with Elul? It is not about Purim, but rather sharing that the way to work on our relationship with Hashem is through working on our relationships with others.  I imagine that the people of Shushan did not only give Mishloach Manot to their particular friends.  What would it be like if we delivered a package this Purim to someone who could use a friend?  What if we were to encourage our children to do so as well? What if we were to focus on the skill of empathy and encourage our children to imagine what it feels like to receive no packages on Purim day?  Let’s be includers. 

And, then there are the costumes. What is the purpose of the costumes to begin with? There are a number of explanations, but Rabbi Epharim Greenblatt says that based on a halacha in Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 694:3,  on Purim we mask our identity so that the poor who need to go around collecting money should not be embarrassed.  Costumes are one way we show concern for others and help them maintain their dignity.  Can we be includers when it comes to costumes as well? 

The theme of Purim is unity.  “There is a certain people who are scattered and separate..” says Haman. When they were disunited Haman had power over them. And, to combat the evil plan of Haman Esther urges Mordechai to “Go , assemble and gather the Jews.”  Only through unity and through being includers will the salvation come. 

Advisory Update:

Sixth Grade: Students focused on netiquette. 

Seventh Grade: Students uncovered the power of self-talk in combatting stress.

Eighth Grade:  Students discussed preparing for the admissions news this coming Tuesday and how to cope with both good and disappointing news.