This past week I was again privileged to be invited to Rabbi Segal’s Mishna and Gemara classes as a “guest speaker.” This time, Rabbi Segal had been learning with his students the words of Gemara Taanit 29a מִשֶּׁנִּכְנַס אֲדָר מַרְבִּין בְּשִׂמְחָה “When the month of Adar begins, one increases rejoicing.” He then invited me to share with them some practical strategies for increasing simcha, based on sources in Torah and psychology so that they could begin working on their simcha as Rosh Chodesh Adar approached.. (Please note that the strategies we discussed are bolded in red).
We first began discussing that Simcha is a Jewish imperative all year long.
עִבְד֣וּ אֶת־ה' בְּשִׂמְחָ֑ה Serve the Hashem with happiness, as it says in Tehillim 100:2. And, the mitzvah to be happy exists not only in Adar, but additionally during the Shalosh Regalim- Pesach, Shavuot and Sukkot. Why would Hashem command us to be happy at certain times if one should be happy every day? The Sefer HaChinuch explains in mitzvah 488 that just like it is essential for a person to eat and sleep a person must be happy. And, we talked about the research about how one’s physical health is actually dependent on one’s happiness. As Lyubomirsky argues in her book, The How of Happiness, nearly every aspect of health seems to be affected by happiness (or lack thereof): physical and mental well-being, energy levels, immune function, relationships with others, and even our life-spans. Indeed, a growing body of evidence suggests that being happier can actually make you live longer: a study revealed that joyful nuns tend to live longer than their gloomy counterparts. Two-thirds of somber-minded sisters in the study died before their 85th birthday, while on average the happy ones lived 9 years longer.
And, therefore, Hashem commands us certain times of year to especially work on our happiness which hopefully will last throughout the year. Happiness, as we explained, takes work. One doesn’t just win the lottery and become happy. Doing something fun doesn’t make one happy. Happiness is more than that and takes work, and the psychological research substantiates that truth. In the last few years, social scientists Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ed Diener, and Martin Seligman, among others, have explored ways to quantify happiness and chart its components. Based on his research, Seligman has even developed a “happiness formula”—Happiness = Set Point + Conditions in Life + Voluntary Action—which indicates that happiness is partly genetic, partly a result of circumstance, and partly an outcome of conscious decision-making. Indeed, by Seligman’s reckoning, the external conditions of one’s life, like having more money or a larger house, only account for 7–10 percent of actual happiness, while genetics (40 percent) and voluntary actions (50 percent) matter far more. We discussed with the students how actually one’s actions and “work” on happiness actually determines how happy one is more than life’s circumstances.
So, what can we actively do to be happier? We began with selections from Dr. Tal Ben Shahar’s book, Happier. Dr. Ben Shahar was a professor at Harvard famous for his course on on Happiness based on scientific research and practical strategies to achieve happiness. Dr. Ben Shahar states, “Happy people live secure in the knowledge that the activities that bring them enjoyment in the present will also lead to a fulfilling future.” Happiness= Pleasure (Present Benefit) + Meaning (Future Benefit). That is it not enough to have fun, but there also has to be meaning.
This led us to the discussion of the research that indicated that studies indicate that religious people tend to be happier than non-religious people? Why? One aspect is the belief in G-d. That no matter what happens to them there is always hope. “Religion serves as a resource for coping with negative life experiences and existential fear, ” states Dr. Clay Routledge. And, there is a plethora of research indicating that those who believe in G-d may actually heal quicker when ill. Religion also provides a sense of community and ability to connect with others, essential for happiness. Connecting with others and not self-isolating is one way to increase happiness.
One way to achieve happiness is through sharing our worries with a friend- simply venting even if he/she cannot help. The Chazon Ish in his letters writes of the wondrous ability that a person has to share his worries with Hashem, כאשר הוא משיח לרעהו- like he converses with a friend. This is either through structured tefillah or just sharing our worries with Hashem when you need a friend. The Chazon Ish says this actually משמחת לב- gladdens the heart.
Likewise, religion also provides that “meaning” noted by Dr. Ben Shahar- working towards a goal and purpose. One way we achieve that meaning and happiness is through helping others. As it states in The Week, “A Genetic guide to true happiness” “Human beings appear to be genetically engineered to be happiest and healthiest when we spend a lot of time selflessly helping others—and unhealthy when we’re mostly devoted to self-gratification.” And, in fact, they found that in drawing blood from subjects who helped others versus buying themselves something they found that those whose lives had “lots of pleasure but little meaning, were priming cells to express high levels of inflammation, which is linked to cancer, diabetes etc.” Helping others is another strategy to achieve happiness. We discussed how in some ways it is counterintuitive. One might think that when one helps another, it is the other who becomes happier. But, the giver does as well!
Giving to others actually activates the pleasure centers in the brain and even increases endorphins, feel- good chemicals. (We then spoke about how exercise also increases those chemicals and is another good way to increase happiness). It therefore makes sense that two mitzvot of Purim involve giving to others- Mishloach Manot and Matanot L’evyonim. As the students pointed out Mishloach Manot is not about the receiving in return- it is about giving.
Dr. Ben Shahar also speaks about an assignment he gave his graduate students- keeping a gratitude journal. In research conducted by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough writing down at least five things for which one is grateful each day will increase happiness levels. Gratitude is one key to happiness. In Hebrew gratitude is הכרת הטוב which in essence means “recognizing the good.” The first step to achieving happiness is recognizing the good that we have. We focus on the cup half full, which logically leads to unhappiness. We often don’t even notice all the good in our lives.
One reason we don’t notice the good we have is that we are so busy comparing ourselves to others. Jealousy is often a reason we are unhappy. And, we are always seeking more honor for ourselves. We need to work more on being שמח בחלקו - happy with our lot in life and combat that jealousy. And, the research indicates that the happier we are for those around us when they are successful (i.e. not jealous) the happier we are. In essence, one might note, as Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz in Sichot Mussar does, that Haman’s downfall was his need to constantly have more honor, that he couldn’t tolerate that one man wouldn’t bow to him, which eventually led to his death.
Rabbi Segal had requested that I end this class of practical strategies to achieving happiness with a discussion of what students should do if they are having a hard time being happy- struggling with feelings of sadness and feeling down? And/or what should they do if they have a friend about whom they are worried that has seemed sad or unhappy for some time? Most important, I stressed, they need to find an adult they trust to consult with and find help. It is not considered tattling when getting help for a friend. We discussed how therapy can often assist them learn the strategies to working on that happiness when needed, and an adult can be the one to facilitate that intervention when needed.
It was quite a privilege to be a guest presenter in Rabbi Segal’s class this past week. Most importantly, it inspired me to renew my own efforts in the pursuit of happiness.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade; Students focused on the way we treat others online and discussed how respect for others is also an issue in group costumes for Purim.
Seventh Grade: Students discussed psychological and spiritual strategies to managing disappointment in life.
Eighth Grade: Students began a unit on cheating.
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