I am so proud of Yavneh Academy’s focus on chesed. One particular source of this nachat is our Chesed Team with over 150 members! Just this week I got two emails from students asking if it was too late to join. (It is never too late to join the Chesed Team!). And, with pride this past week I read to the 7th graders a thank you note from the Hackensack homeless shelter for the beautiful presentation they performed and the donations of hats, gloves and scarves they organized. And, not to be outdone, I read the beautiful thank you note I received from the organization Water for South Sudan to the sixth graders. After reading the book A Long Walk to Water the sixth graders came up with the idea to raise money for water in the Sudan and single-handedly designed a fund-raising plan. In addition to the mitzvot being fulfilled by the children when they engage with these activities it also has a positive impact on their self-esteem, and reminds them of what is important in life- focusing on others.
As I spend much of my week planning these activities with the students, I cannot help but think that it is the daily “chesed” that we put into place in our homes, classrooms, lunchrooms and recess that is just as important as these chesed projects. It is easy and more glamorous to join friends in a chesed project to help those who are obviously in need. The more difficult job is to show kindness on a daily basis to the child who feels left out during recess, or has no one to work with on a project, or has no invites on Shabbat. It is harder to show kindness to a substitute teacher who is trying to get the class quiet or the coordinator of the lunchroom who is attempting to get everyone’s attention for benching. It is more challenging to show chesed at home by cleaning up without being asked, or clearing the table after dinner. Ironically, we can have children who attend chesed team events, but who struggle in showing chesed to others in their daily lives.
This past Thursday was my father’s, Rabbi Steven Dworken, HaRav Yisrael Mordechai ben Avraham Dovid, z”l, 20th yahrzeit. With each year I miss his presence in my life even more. This year we reached out to his rabbinic colleagues to send in Divrei Torah for happy life cycle events which we compiled into a book. We felt that this was quite fitting as a rabbi he spent many of his days at smachot of his congregants. But, he did not just attend or officiate at both their smachot and their sad occasions. As we noted in the dedication of the book:
As children we would often see our father z”l leaving the house on a Sunday with his “Madrich” (his RCA rabbinic handbook) in his hand on the way to join a family at their life cycle event. Whether a funeral or a wedding our father was not simply going to the event or even to officiate at the event, he was going to join the event with the family. As Moshe is described in Shemot 2:11
וַיֵּצֵ֣א אֶל־אֶחָ֔יו וַיַּ֖רְא בְּסִבְלֹתָ֑ם
(Moshe) went out to his brothers and looked in their burdens
What does it mean that וַיַּ֖רְא בְּסִבְלֹתָ֑ם he looked in their burdens? Rashi famously answers, based on Shemot Rabbah 1:27
נתן עיניו ולבו להיות מיצר עליהם
He directed his eyes and his heart to be distressed over them.
When Moshe went out to his brother and saw their enslavement and suffering, he did not only sympathize with them, he empathized with them. He actually felt their pain in his own heart.
As we publish these Divrei Torah to be used at Smachot in our father’s memory, we memorialize that when our father was וַיֵּצֵ֣א אֶל־אֶחָ֔יו- he left the house to join his congregants at a simcha - he saw every one of them as his brother. Then נתן עיניו- he would look, focus and listen, and have his congregants confide in him so that he could truly understand what they were going through. And, then, וַיַּ֖רְא בְּ - he was able to see clearly what they were going through and actively felt their emotions in his own heart. We would often tease our father that he cried at every wedding, every funeral, every bris, and every bar mitzvah as if they were his own family.
I believe that is the reason why so many of his colleagues and friends noted that everyone felt as if he was our father’s “best friend.” He had that quality of truly joining with you and caring about you in his heart, (as he said “heart” in his Boston accent). What was unique about him was that he made great Jewish leaders and Roshei Yeshiva feel that way when he spoke with them, and also teenagers in his shul, as those who contributed to this divrei Torah book attested. His being involved in a leadership role in the rabbinate did not stop him from caring about each individual.
And, this connection he made with others was not reserved only for those outside our family. He practiced the same genuine empathy and care in our own home as well. From making lunches in the morning or even running errands for us after we married, our father was as devoted to his family as he was to the Klal. We knew we could always count on him. His ability to spend endless hours on his communal role and yet spend an equal amount of time if not more time on his familial role was remarkable. He was a model for not only doing chesed for others, but also doing chesed at home as well.
That is my hope for our students here at Yavneh. That not only should they become experts at chesed for the klal, but more so experts at chesed “at home”- with their classmates, teachers and family members.
I read an article this weekend called “Can I Polish Your Crown” by Zipora Schuck. She shared that we are all familiar with the questions that the gemara says will be asked of a person after 120 when he goes up to Shamayim. “Were you honest in business?” “Did you set aside a time for learning Torah?” etc. But, one not so well-known question, as noted in the book Reishit Chochma, was stated by R’ Yosi who added “המלכת את חברך בנחת רוח” ? “Did you crown your friend with pleasure (ease of spirit)”? When we interact with others do we make them feel like kings and raise them up with honor and respect? Do we compliment others, genuinely listen to them, thinking about their needs before our own, and include those who are feeling sad or left out? Do we consider whether the way we are about to act might cause pleasure or pain to another?
This too is chesed. Yes, we do not often think about the chesed we need to implement in our day to day personal interactions. As the famous saying states “Charity begins at home,” we need to teach our children “chesed begins at home.” Home is our school, our shul, our camp and of course our families.
As we celebrate Tu Bishevat this evening may we recall, as it says in Devarim 20:19:
כִּ֤י הָֽאָדָם֙ עֵ֣ץ הַשָּׂדֶ֔ה- while this phrase is a question in it's original pasuk, many commentaries see it as a statement "Man is like the tree of the field." Just as a tree needs tending and caring to grow, so too do the people in our lives- through kindness and care. This Tu'Bishvat let us focus on not only the actual trees in our environment, but the people in our daily environment. Are we treating them with care?
We are having our next official Chesed Team event on February 14th as we prepare for Sharsheret Pink Day on the 15th- a day full of chesed for others. On that day our entire middle school will be engaged in a Hoopathon for Sharsheret. I am so proud! But, as I write this article, an idea came to mind. Perhaps at the end of these activities I will ask the students, “Now that we have had the privilege of doing chesed for others, and we are inspired, let us take that spirit and each of us pick one chesed we will do for someone in our homes or school with whom we interact in our daily lives.” After all, chesed begins at home.
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Students watched real-life scenarios of sixth grade challenges acted by our teachers and discussed how they have been meeting these challenges this year. They alo set goals for 2nd semester.
Seventh Grade: Students began a new unit called “When Life Gives You Lemons Make Lemonade- Facing Adversity in Life.” After Rabbi Yitzy Haber shared his life story of facing difficulty with resilience, students discussed why some people are able to be resilient, while others are unable.
Eighth Grade: Students discussed cheating in school and some of the pressures students face.
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