When I started working with adolescents in schools 28 years ago I was surprised that many books for teens, and at times books read in school, were mostly not “upbeat.” (A shout- out to our fabulous English teachers here at Yavneh under the leadership of Mrs. Rubin who carefully assess every book before introducing them to the students! And, of course, if a particular book covers an area that is particularly sensitive to a child due to family circumstances, they are always the first to consult with the family and me before having the child read the book). As an individual, I always prefer reading books that take me to “never never land” and are positive. And, I prefer to watch comedies and shy away from movies with tragedy. But, it seems that the average teen enjoys reading (or watching movies) that present life’s struggles. Barbara Feinberg, in the Time Magazine Learning Network, calls those books “problem novels.”
Jillie Eisenberg in her Open Book Blog says that as an English teacher of middle and high school students she purposefully chooses such books. When teens read in their free time they generally choose books that “make them laugh.” (Although we all know that dystopian novels for teens have become quite popular). But, she says that the books she prefers are books that students would not choose for themselves and that those books
provide an opener into difficult conversations and topics
offer complex themes, characters, and motivations worthy of multiple readings
give young readers words to express what they are feeling or experiencing
model how we act and talk about tough situations,
reinforce the development of the whole child: we want children to explore the whole human condition and develop empathy
prepare young readers for the world they belong in and will someday lead
prepare them for profound, challenging books to come in middle school and high school
(Of course, I would add here that each book needs to be assessed individually for its appropriateness and I am a big believer in allowing children to read books that make them laugh in school as well).
Some weeks ago, I began reading the book The Emotional Lives of Teenagers- Raising Connected, Capable and Compassionate Adolescents by Dr. Lisa Damour. She begins her book with certain “myths” about adolescence. Myth #2 “Difficult Emotions Are Bad for Teens.” She begins that segment with a conversation with a teacher trying to choose a book for her class and doubting the appropriateness of a possible choice. Damour echoes Eisenberg above
“From there I explained that several psychological studies have confirmed that reading helps to foster empathy. Far from being harmful to teenagers, reading compelling narratives of lived experiences builds compassion and the ability to take another person’s perspective. Perhaps the most interesting, research shows that this effect is only achieved when young people become emotionally engaged with what they are reading….But I know in the long run it’s good for young people to experience powerful emotions, even ones that knock them off balance…There is, without question, developmental value in reading evocative accounts of other people’s lives, even when their stories trouble us greatly. Parents tend to have good instincts about what their kids can and can’t handle and I’d be open to their questions about what’s being assigned. That said, as long as the books are age-appropriate, are read with the help of a thoughtful teacher, and are accompanied by meaningful class discussions, I would say that engaging with stories that inspire uncomfortable emotions is not too much to ask of most kids. In fact it plays a critical role in helping young people grow. “
Exposure to some emotional pain does lead to maturation- whether when exposed to literature or to a real-life circumstance. But Damour says there is a difference between an event that is “disquieting” versus one that crosses the line to “traumatic.” (We can talk more about that another week). Bottom- line- “We don’t want to shield our teenagers from intense, growth-promoting emotions, but we don't want them to encounter situations that can cause trauma.” And, when that line is crossed often depends on the teenager. “While adolescents benefit from learning how to swim through choppy emotional waters, they should never be allowed to feel as if they are drowning.” And, parents should also feel comfortable reaching out when they feel something might overpower their child’s coping skills. But, our goal as educators is that every novel chosen should be an opportunity for growth for our students. (And, I still vividly recall the group of sixth graders who knocked on my door after reading A Long Walk to Water, eager to do a tzedakah campaign to raise money for the people in Africa to get clean and healthy water. Wow!)
I have been thinking about this “myth #2: Difficult emotions are bad for teens” of Dr. Damour since the war in Israel had begun. The moment Yom Tov was over we, the Yavneh administration, had a zoom meeting to discuss our plan over the next days for different ages in the school. We have been trying to strike the balance between protecting our students from exposures that can be traumatic to them, while at the same time providing for them experiences of inspiration and the feeling that they can do something to help. Last week, I highlighted two particular areas of growth that our children have focused on in the past days. (And, I am sure you have read the many emails going out and have attended some zooms regarding how to manage the situation with your teens from Ohel, Chai Lifeline and other such organizations. And, of course access to social media and to disturbing images can be particularly damaging, as we have shared).
While we have been protecting our children from being exposed to trauma, their knowing that there is a terrible situation happening in Israel and exposure to difficult emotions can provide some growth. I have read recently about “post-traumatic growth” highlighting five areas of psychological and emotional change/growth that exposure to difficult situations can provide, based on psychological research studies. The five areas are: (as noted by Aharon Zev Moshel in his article “Chassidic Lessons on Growing Through Trauma”)
Personal Strength- realization of inner strength that was not realized before. A feeling of self-reliance and knowing that one can handle difficulties.
New Possibilities- taking on a new way of life or doing something he/she would otherwise not have done before.
Appreciation of life- the overall enhancement of the way everyday life is perceived. Different priorities for what is important
Relating to others- enhanced relationships with others. Helping others taking a forefront position in their lives. Knowing that they can rely on others as well.
Spiritual change- spirituality becoming a new focus in their lives.
When deciding on what we plan on doing at Yavneh Academy middle school to connect to Israel and our brothers and sisters there we are trying to choose experiences that will provide opportunities for personal strength, new possibilities, appreciation of life, enhanced relating to others and spiritual change. Our goal again, as educators, is that every project, initiative, or program chosen should be an opportunity for growth for our students.
My daughter is in seminary in Israel and she and her fellow classmates had the privilege of hearing Rabbi Leo Dee speak this past week. Rabbi Dee was inspirational and practical with the girls. He shared a message that I had heard him share closer to the death of his wife and daughters. He began by noting that Noach was a person who faced tragedy in his life. How was Noach able to go on and start anew after the flood? He quoted Rav Soloveitchik who said that when tragedy strikes, we should not ask לָמָה -why- but rather to ask לְמַה -for what? What will we do now? Only G-d can answer לָמָה, but only we can answer לְמַה. What do we do now and what is our role? The post- traumatic growth.
Rabbi David Fohrman notes that before the flood, וַיִּסְגֹּ֥ר ה’ בַּֽעֲדֽו- “And, G-d shut him in” (into the ark). Hashem closed the door before the flood. But, when the flood was over, who opened the door? וַיָּ֤סַר נֹ֨חַ֙ אֶת־מִכְסֵ֣ה הַתֵּבָ֔ה - “And Noach removed the covering of the ark”. “G-d had given man a new lease on life; now it would be up to man to make the most of it.”
After such a tragic time in Israel, we think about that post- traumatic growth- the לְמַה- for what? What personal strength can we uncover? What new possibilities are before us? How do we appreciate life more than ever? How can we relate to others through reaching out to them? And, how can I enhance my spirituality? And, how can we help our children experience uncomfortable emotions to uncover the “ לְמַה”- compassion and personal growth?
Advisory Update:
Sixth Grade: Students learned the P.A.C.K. method to organization in Advisory. They also began Homeroom which focuses on time management.
Seventh Grade: Students focused on the skills of empathy.
Eighth Grade: Students began investigating the high school application process.
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